Suddenly interested in people
I feel that I'd currently really like to have a girlfriend. But I have some major problems with the implementation of the idea >.>
The biggest problem is the effort it'd take. I don't like going out of my way to do things : | I mean, if I want or need something enough, I will go through any trouble to achieve it, but most of the smaller wants are left unattended because I just can't be assed to do it. This isn't a necessity, and will most likely pass if I wait a few more days, so I probably don't have enough time to work up the motivation.
There's also the problem of not really knowing where to get a girlfriend. We don't have gay bars here in my home city, so that'll mean having no way of knowing whether someone would be receptive to advances in the first place, and that makes it difficult to approach people. And even if that is ignored, there's still the part of "where??" left. The traditional place is a pub, but I don't like pubs and I judge people who go to pubs (even though I don't say it out loud anymore for the sake of peace). So honestly, do I want someone I would judge for being there in the first place? Though honestly, pretty much everyone goes to pubs, so it's not like I could easily find someone like me anyway. And I quite simply don't know any other place where hitting on someone is socially acceptable enough for me to have the nerve to try it. So I suppose I would just need to endure the pub.
But lastly, there's a really big issue left. I'm asexual. So even though I want a girlfriend, I want someone who doesn't want to get in my pants >.> And unfortunately for non-Ace people sex is a really big deal in relationships, so finding someone who tolerates the idea of just kissing and cuddling is extremely challenging at my age (as teens that would have been perfectly okay).
So I'd need to get the patience to tolerate being in a pub. Then I'd need to find a woman who is a lesbian/bi/otherwise okay with having a relationship with another woman. And that woman would also need to either be an ace as well, or at least not mind a sex-free relationship. ... doesn't sound like a very likely combination. Plus of course this person would need to be otherwise tolerable as well, for example not be an asshole, preferably like some of the same things as I do so that we would have something to talk about, and not mind me being an anti-social little geek, who still lives with her parents, and is unemployed. Ouch.
Despite all the problems, I kinda have this half-serious idea of what I could do, if I got the actual motivation to make the effort. Here's the plan: I would indeed go to one of the local pubs, alone (because I don't want anyone witnessing the awkwardness, I wouldn't need to play social during my wait, and I could also leave any moment I want to). I would dress up nicely, but I would also paint an ace pride flag, and a bi-heart on my cheek(s). With any luck, my intended target would recognize them, because she would also be some kind of queer person, and as such might have done some research on it. That way, ideally, I would just have to sit there and look pretty and someone suitable would approach me!
Of course, the cons of that plan:
-Allllll the middle aged drunken men in the pub would approach me to ask me about the facepaint, and inquire if I was attending a bachelorette party. And then I would need to explain it to them. And they wouldn't get it. And they would hit on me. And that would be awful.
-Bars are awful and boring and needlessly awkward. I wouldn't know what to do with myself there. I mean, I wouldn't want to just sit there and do nothing for hours. But if I brought a book or my 3DS, I would seem damn weird, and possibly scare away the person I went there to meet, because they wouldn't want to disturb me when I'm obviously occupied. And if I brought drawing equipment, it would be the same, except I would also be constantly bothered by people, because people like to bother artists when they see them.
-I don't drink unless I have to. So I would sit there all sober and be annoyed by the drunks within 15 minutes.
-I wouldn't want to sit in a bar and not drink anything at all, so I would want to drink something alcohol-free. But damnit, the pubs in my home city really suck at making alcohol-free drinks! They're usually all "Durrrr, we have soda?? Or juice? ...milk?" like some idiots : | Dude, you can just mix some freaking soda with a couple of different syrups, and maybe go wild and add in some orange juice too, and that's it! An alcohol-free drink! It's not that freaking hard, you just don't know what to do without written instructions. But you don't trust me either if I tell you what to do. Geez!
-The bars almost never serve anything to eat, much less anything I would /want/ to eat, so I would soon be starving and that'd suck. Bringing my own snacks would just make me even weirder, and possibly invite unwanted people who would want to share them, and think with their drunken minds that it's perfectly okay an idea.
-... yeah, I honestly really fail at pubs.
...so yeah, I'm kinda still just thinking about this >.> Not sure if I'll actually implement it, or if I'll just wait for this urge to pass. Most likely the latter, because I wouldn't be able to do this anytime soon anyway, as I will be actually working the next two Saturdays, and logically this would need to be done on the weekend. Though I suppose I could just go on the Saturday/Sunday night, instead of the more popular Friday/Saturday. Eh, we'll see.
The biggest problem is the effort it'd take. I don't like going out of my way to do things : | I mean, if I want or need something enough, I will go through any trouble to achieve it, but most of the smaller wants are left unattended because I just can't be assed to do it. This isn't a necessity, and will most likely pass if I wait a few more days, so I probably don't have enough time to work up the motivation.
There's also the problem of not really knowing where to get a girlfriend. We don't have gay bars here in my home city, so that'll mean having no way of knowing whether someone would be receptive to advances in the first place, and that makes it difficult to approach people. And even if that is ignored, there's still the part of "where??" left. The traditional place is a pub, but I don't like pubs and I judge people who go to pubs (even though I don't say it out loud anymore for the sake of peace). So honestly, do I want someone I would judge for being there in the first place? Though honestly, pretty much everyone goes to pubs, so it's not like I could easily find someone like me anyway. And I quite simply don't know any other place where hitting on someone is socially acceptable enough for me to have the nerve to try it. So I suppose I would just need to endure the pub.
But lastly, there's a really big issue left. I'm asexual. So even though I want a girlfriend, I want someone who doesn't want to get in my pants >.> And unfortunately for non-Ace people sex is a really big deal in relationships, so finding someone who tolerates the idea of just kissing and cuddling is extremely challenging at my age (as teens that would have been perfectly okay).
So I'd need to get the patience to tolerate being in a pub. Then I'd need to find a woman who is a lesbian/bi/otherwise okay with having a relationship with another woman. And that woman would also need to either be an ace as well, or at least not mind a sex-free relationship. ... doesn't sound like a very likely combination. Plus of course this person would need to be otherwise tolerable as well, for example not be an asshole, preferably like some of the same things as I do so that we would have something to talk about, and not mind me being an anti-social little geek, who still lives with her parents, and is unemployed. Ouch.
Despite all the problems, I kinda have this half-serious idea of what I could do, if I got the actual motivation to make the effort. Here's the plan: I would indeed go to one of the local pubs, alone (because I don't want anyone witnessing the awkwardness, I wouldn't need to play social during my wait, and I could also leave any moment I want to). I would dress up nicely, but I would also paint an ace pride flag, and a bi-heart on my cheek(s). With any luck, my intended target would recognize them, because she would also be some kind of queer person, and as such might have done some research on it. That way, ideally, I would just have to sit there and look pretty and someone suitable would approach me!
Of course, the cons of that plan:
-Allllll the middle aged drunken men in the pub would approach me to ask me about the facepaint, and inquire if I was attending a bachelorette party. And then I would need to explain it to them. And they wouldn't get it. And they would hit on me. And that would be awful.
-Bars are awful and boring and needlessly awkward. I wouldn't know what to do with myself there. I mean, I wouldn't want to just sit there and do nothing for hours. But if I brought a book or my 3DS, I would seem damn weird, and possibly scare away the person I went there to meet, because they wouldn't want to disturb me when I'm obviously occupied. And if I brought drawing equipment, it would be the same, except I would also be constantly bothered by people, because people like to bother artists when they see them.
-I don't drink unless I have to. So I would sit there all sober and be annoyed by the drunks within 15 minutes.
-I wouldn't want to sit in a bar and not drink anything at all, so I would want to drink something alcohol-free. But damnit, the pubs in my home city really suck at making alcohol-free drinks! They're usually all "Durrrr, we have soda?? Or juice? ...milk?" like some idiots : | Dude, you can just mix some freaking soda with a couple of different syrups, and maybe go wild and add in some orange juice too, and that's it! An alcohol-free drink! It's not that freaking hard, you just don't know what to do without written instructions. But you don't trust me either if I tell you what to do. Geez!
-The bars almost never serve anything to eat, much less anything I would /want/ to eat, so I would soon be starving and that'd suck. Bringing my own snacks would just make me even weirder, and possibly invite unwanted people who would want to share them, and think with their drunken minds that it's perfectly okay an idea.
-... yeah, I honestly really fail at pubs.
...so yeah, I'm kinda still just thinking about this >.> Not sure if I'll actually implement it, or if I'll just wait for this urge to pass. Most likely the latter, because I wouldn't be able to do this anytime soon anyway, as I will be actually working the next two Saturdays, and logically this would need to be done on the weekend. Though I suppose I could just go on the Saturday/Sunday night, instead of the more popular Friday/Saturday. Eh, we'll see.