(no subject)
It started out with me, Johnny, Farmer, and a drunk Leah playing X-Men Legends on my new (slightly used) PS2. It ended with me in Columbia with a few cool people I barely knew. I finally got a degree in something, which makes me and my dad the only two people in my immediate family college graduates. In the middle on June 29th, one day after my 18 month anniversary, my relationship with Johnny ended. The first 6 months were mainly a lot of blur and hardwork, but the last 6 months of this year were full of new things and a lot of emotional pain. I remember crying in the bath tub, in training, on Leah's shoulder, in front of Johnny, and in front of a lot of other people. I spent 2 weeks barely, eating, or sleeping. Then the next 6 months were full of emotional blunders. I slept with Johnny for about 2 months past our relationship's expiration date. I slept with and dated this guy I had absolutely nothing in common. Eventually, I realized what I was doing and towards the end of the year sort of woke up. It's funny how you are alone for a substantial amount of time and you are able to land on your own two feet. Then, you meet someone and you fall in love and it's the greatest thing in the world. Somehow the two of you become a little dependent on one another and when you lose them everything just falls apart. The two people walk away from each other and they live there lives completely seperate. You wonder if it's ever possible to meet anyone as great as that person again. You do and you realize that there is always that option again, but you are completely unsure if you want to take that jump. Things just start picking up in your life and most of the pieces of your heart are glued back together. It makes me wonder constantly if I will always end up getting left over and over again. I guess I am just so scared to do it over again. I sort of want to, but I am just very skeptical and cautious. It bothers me, because I have learned that you should be open to any opportunities that life presents you. So the options are risk my heart again or guard my heart. I am sort of torn between both. I have been burned either way. Is there a third option? I don't know. I will keep it open for discussion...