Where Do We Go From Here?
So I had my appointment with the surgeon yesterday.
I've been battling the ever increasing pain for over a year now. I've seen countless doctors, put through numerous tests and subjected to multiples attempts at "conservative" methods to "fix" me. The surgeon brought down the "final word" regarding surgery yesterday. The ultimate answer to my problem? Get off the narcotics, lose weight and exercise.
::screeching record sound effect::
What?
This is, most seriously, the first time anyone has suggested that could even remotely fix the pain. Isn't this something I should have been told a year ago? I mean, sheesh! I've had a year of all this, and no one ever recommended I even try it. I've been babying myself for fear of hurting myself more! Now I come to find out that the very thing I've cut out of my life intentionally could be the only thing in the end that I can do?! What the... ARG!
And don't get me wrong, I'm all on board with the get me off narcotics bit, but hello? I'm still in pain. A lot of it. And I'm not going to suddenly be in shape and slimmer by tomorrow. I'm gonna be suffering for a while with this.
I am so frustrated you can't fathom it. And honestly, I feel brushed off. I've had surgery as this thing constantly being presented to me and *I* have been the one to continually say "What other conservative methods can we try?" over and over, but it's always been there as the ultimate "worse case scenario". Now I'm told that it's not even worse case. It's just not on the table. And the one thing that I could have been doing all this time, that has never been suggested to me, is the thing that's thrown my way after having been told that I need to "get off the narcotics".
I think I was just brushed off as a drug seeker.
I'm not looking for more or bigger or better drugs. My life has come to a near complete halt over all this! I can't go anywhere without making the decision to be in extreme pain because I can't take the drugs if I want to drive anywhere. I suffer through misery during the day because I don't feel comfortable being on the pills while I'm home alone with Mia. These aren't the actions of a drug seeker. They are the actions of someone in so much pain that only the narcotics will relieve it, but who cares more about the safety of others to put them at risk so I can have relief.
They kept saying "We need to reduce you down to a non-narcotic analgesic." And I keep thinking, "Don't you think that if they worked, I would have already been put on them?"
So what's next?
Well, I suppose my next steps will be three fold. First of all, I'm back to Weight Watchers on Monday. Second, we are pulling out the treadmill and I'm starting a local yoga class. Third of all, I'm going to try for a second opinion. I've tried this once before without luck, but I've since learned of another doctor in the area, so hopefully I can get in to see him. I probably wouldn't normally continue the medical route, but I do honestly feel that I was being brushed off and not nearly taken care of. If the next doc says the same thing, then I will feel confident that it's the answer, but until I hear it from someone else, I'm going to push the issue.
On top of all this, I've been battling these insane twitches. I've mentioned it to everyone, but again, have been brushed off. So I put some more effort in self diagnosis and discovered that the twitching is a big side effect of corticosteroids. You know, like those things they've been injecting into my back for the last several months. Those things that I've had SIX doses of? Eight if you count the fact that two sessions had two injections each. It's no wonder I'm twitching! ::sigh::
I've been battling the ever increasing pain for over a year now. I've seen countless doctors, put through numerous tests and subjected to multiples attempts at "conservative" methods to "fix" me. The surgeon brought down the "final word" regarding surgery yesterday. The ultimate answer to my problem? Get off the narcotics, lose weight and exercise.
::screeching record sound effect::
What?
This is, most seriously, the first time anyone has suggested that could even remotely fix the pain. Isn't this something I should have been told a year ago? I mean, sheesh! I've had a year of all this, and no one ever recommended I even try it. I've been babying myself for fear of hurting myself more! Now I come to find out that the very thing I've cut out of my life intentionally could be the only thing in the end that I can do?! What the... ARG!
And don't get me wrong, I'm all on board with the get me off narcotics bit, but hello? I'm still in pain. A lot of it. And I'm not going to suddenly be in shape and slimmer by tomorrow. I'm gonna be suffering for a while with this.
I am so frustrated you can't fathom it. And honestly, I feel brushed off. I've had surgery as this thing constantly being presented to me and *I* have been the one to continually say "What other conservative methods can we try?" over and over, but it's always been there as the ultimate "worse case scenario". Now I'm told that it's not even worse case. It's just not on the table. And the one thing that I could have been doing all this time, that has never been suggested to me, is the thing that's thrown my way after having been told that I need to "get off the narcotics".
I think I was just brushed off as a drug seeker.
I'm not looking for more or bigger or better drugs. My life has come to a near complete halt over all this! I can't go anywhere without making the decision to be in extreme pain because I can't take the drugs if I want to drive anywhere. I suffer through misery during the day because I don't feel comfortable being on the pills while I'm home alone with Mia. These aren't the actions of a drug seeker. They are the actions of someone in so much pain that only the narcotics will relieve it, but who cares more about the safety of others to put them at risk so I can have relief.
They kept saying "We need to reduce you down to a non-narcotic analgesic." And I keep thinking, "Don't you think that if they worked, I would have already been put on them?"
So what's next?
Well, I suppose my next steps will be three fold. First of all, I'm back to Weight Watchers on Monday. Second, we are pulling out the treadmill and I'm starting a local yoga class. Third of all, I'm going to try for a second opinion. I've tried this once before without luck, but I've since learned of another doctor in the area, so hopefully I can get in to see him. I probably wouldn't normally continue the medical route, but I do honestly feel that I was being brushed off and not nearly taken care of. If the next doc says the same thing, then I will feel confident that it's the answer, but until I hear it from someone else, I'm going to push the issue.
On top of all this, I've been battling these insane twitches. I've mentioned it to everyone, but again, have been brushed off. So I put some more effort in self diagnosis and discovered that the twitching is a big side effect of corticosteroids. You know, like those things they've been injecting into my back for the last several months. Those things that I've had SIX doses of? Eight if you count the fact that two sessions had two injections each. It's no wonder I'm twitching! ::sigh::