one more for the public .
due to a lot of internet childish quarrel i've taken part in lately i've been in a not so good mood . and last night put the cherry on the top . an anonymous person had been replying to mine as well as my comments in other journals . saying things that were crude and very not necessary . i'm not saying i did not take part in the quarrel/arguements . but i did not personally try to offend others or make their lives miserable . the one thing that must piss me off the most is the indecency that others have on here . and just because they post anonymously, doesn't mean nobody knows who they are . i found out who it was tonight but in doing so i realized i'm not completely innocent . i taunted and teased but never tried to destroy any self esteem, life style, or being . i never personally chewed them out to degrade them in any behavior . i smart alleced, i gave attitude, i replied with sarcasm, but never once did i dig into their personal life in any such way . and if i seemed to have by any one person, i apologize sincerely . because that's not who i am . but when people do that to me, i snap and i leave my mind behind . and my demeanor changes .
greg, i never meant for you to discard any friends you had . i told you before i even asked you for anything that those were not my intentions . i told you that a certain being was personally threatening me and i wanted to know who . you helped me and i told you not to comment to them, and i hope you didn't . i don't plan on going to their journal and harassing them like they did to me . i don't want the guilt of ruining friendships . so please don't break one, for me . i thank you for trying to protect me and cheer me up . you're always there to do so . i don't want you losing someone you've known probably longer than me, because of me . please rethink the option you've chosen .
to whom may remain anonymous, the demeanor and attitude you had towards me came out of pure disgust i'm sure . for any reason i may have given you . the arguments that occurred were childish . in my view, more so in yours . there was no reason at all no matter what was said for you to dig into my personal life and shred it . no reason at all for you to try to bash me for my interests . in simple stupid things like toe socks and the bands i may listen to . i realize my music may be different than a lot of peoples and i realize i may have some in common, but i NEVER hav ever stated that if you do not like MY music, you obviously have no taste . there is music i dislike but i'm not saying it's bad . i HATE the la lakers . most likely because their rival is my favorite team . but the players on that team are great . as much as some aspects ot them annoy me, so does my team, the kings . i can't stand webber . i can't stand kobe or o'neal . but no doubt are they amazing players . just because i don't like them, doesn't mean they're any good . i look at music the same . i'm sorry if i did offend you in any way . when i argue i go numb and my mind leaves my head . arguing is the last thing i'd rather do, but i'm so good at it and do it so much, it's a habit . a bad one . so hopefully you'll leave me be from now on and continue on in your own life . and stop continuing on in mine . i'm sure deep down you're a good person, let that person show more .
so any others i may have hurt . i apologize . my journal is going to be friends only from now on and i may decide to do a small cut from that list . things in my life for the past 3 months have been hell . and i'm not about to sit here and take more shiat that i don't need, from those who don't really care for me . i've suffered enough in my life . i may suffer more in the future . but as for right now i choose to be as happy as possible before i get hurt again . this is sincere, i hope you all take it that way .
[ heidi ]