Happy Holidays taigrin! Exchange fic: "Dreams of Flight" (Part 1)
Title: Dreams of Flight
Rating: PG13 - NC-17 (only in the second part)
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Summary: It is through love that Yunho finds his reason to keep fighting, to keep dreaming, and to keep living.
Author’s Note: A lot of thanks to M.
To taigrin, I hope you enjoy this (I feel like it may have gotten a bit too action-y than you may like, but I hope you like it nonetheless) and have a happy New Year! ♥
“So…is it true?”
Yunho lifted his eyes off his hands and turned his head to look at the man beside him. He was probably more than five years younger than he was, and based off the way he’d been rustling nervously the entire evening, Yunho knew he was inexperienced with a gun.
“Is what true?” Yunho asked gruffly as he turned away from the younger man to keep his eyes out on the empty road ahead.
“That you killed ten men in the city with just a knife?” the skittish boy asked slowly, in a weak attempt to sound less curious than he actually was. He nudged Yunho with the butt of his rifle on accident, and the latter shoved him away.
“Watch your gun, kid.”
“I’m sorry.”
An awkward silence lapsed between them, and when Yunho turned his head, he caught sight of the younger man watching him timidly again. He shook his head irritably and edged away, too tired to deal with anymore questions. They’d been out on watch for the past six hours, and his young companion hadn’t even been able to keep awake for the entirety of that time.
If anything, Yunho wondered if he still had a bedtime to follow.
Bored out of his mind, and with sleep starting to wear at the edges of his tired mind, Yunho thought up of a quick move to keep himself awake and entertained.
“Mind if I ask you something?” Yunho questioned as he turned his head to look at the younger man. He propped his elbow on his knee and rested his chin upon the palm of his hand.
“…uhm, sure.” The younger man stuttered before he cleared his throat. He kept his eyes away and spoke once more after he’d gathered his confidence, “Go ahead.”
“How old are you?”
“…does that matter?”
Yunho laughed. The kid was bound to be younger than eighteen then. He shook his head in amusement as he readjusted himself. He set both hands on the grass and slowly closed them, the blades of grass slipping between his fingers.
“Old enough to have been with a girl by now?”
The young man choked and spluttered, and Yunho could only laugh loudly, much to the expense of his companion. Despite the young man’s protests for Yunho to be quiet, he continued to laugh, his low and husky laughter ringing in the night and disrupting the silence of the witching hour.
“I’m seventeen okay.” The boy grumbled. “But age doesn’t matter. I’m still a man.”
“I see,” Yunho replied, his tone mocking. As he turned his eyes away, he noticed a car begin to pull up on the road. He picked up his pistol off the grass and glanced at the boy, whose eyes were transfixed on the vehicle.
“Got somewhere else to be?” Yunho asked.
“…do you think they have guns?”
Yunho glanced at the gun in his hand then turned to look at the boy who was still seated on the ground. “If someone came at you with a gun, what would you want so that you could protect yourself?”
“A gun?”
“Then of course they have guns too you idiot,” Yunho muttered as he whacked the young boy’s head with the back of his free hand. “Get up. We have a job to do.”
~~~
In the end, it all amounted to nothing.
The groups of men who’d been lurking around had just been a usual group of hotshots, and after a couple of threats, they’d become nothing more than docile puppies ready to roll over at his command. Despite that though, Taewoong had insisted that Yunho remain on stake out, so him and his younger companion had ended up staying at the area for almost two weeks with just each other for company.
Yunho let out a sigh and rubbed his neck, eager to get back to his home so that he could get away from everything. He was sick of eating terrible food, and even more sick of sleeping on a makeshift bed.
“Hey, you want to go out for a drink?”
Yunho turned around, and his young companion was staring at him in the darkness, eyes bright with excitement and energy.
“At this hour?” Yunho questioned. “Don’t you have a bedtime -“
The young boy laughed, “Don’t be like that.” He grinned brightly, mismatched eyes still shining dazzlingly in the dark. “The guys told me that you usually go back home, but come on. I owe you a drink.”
Yunho chuckled, “For what? Saving your skin and making sure you can get back home to your mother?”
“Well, that, and for being patient,” the boy replied. He lifted up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal an ugly bruise on his skin. Despite the darkness of the hour, the poor amount of light provided by the streetlights and the moonlight was enough for Yunho to see the sickly and unnatural color on the young boy’s skin.
“The last guy I was with on stake out, he beat me when I messed up.” he explained before he rolled his sleeve back down. “I’m glad he’s dead. He was a sick fucker.”
Yunho said nothing for a few seconds before he spoke up. “How long have you been in this business?”
“Two years.”
“That’s an awfully long time for a boy like you.”
The teenager rolled his eyes and stepped forward. “I’m not here to share sob stories, alright?” He crossed his arms over his chest, the gesture making him look older than he actually was. “A man’s got to make a living for his family, and that’s what I’m doing.”
“So shouldn’t you be using your earnings tonight for your family, rather than spending it on some stranger?” Yunho questioned as he took out one of the bills that had been given to him and handed it to the boy. “Take it -“
The younger man took hold of the bill then reached out and grabbed Yunho’s wrist with his free hand. “Why don’t you use this money to treat me to a drink instead?” He questioned, his voice tinged with amusement.
“I thought you were -“
“Well, seeing as you’ve already got your money out…” The boy continued as he laughed at having swindled Yunho. “Come on. Won’t you treat this sorry boy to a shot of whiskey or two?”
Yunho glowered. “If I have to take your sorry ass home because you can’t handle your liquor, don’t expect your mother to see you in the morning. I’ll be dumping your ass in the closest river.”
~~~
Yunho watched as the teenager rapped on a door, and based off the way he was behaving, it was obvious that he’d been to the bar several times already. Yunho had seen it himself several times, but he’d never bothered stepping before. He preferred drinking on his own, and he never wanted to surround himself with drunks armed with guns.
If there was one clear sign of idiocy, it would be to sit around with trigger happy drunks and expect to get home in one piece.
“Jaejoong! Open up!”
The bar door swung open and nearly slammed into the lanky teenager who only managed to dodge it at the last second. The man who opened the door glowered, and he shoved the young boy roughly, knocking him into Yunho.
“What the fuck do you want Changmin? Do you know what fucking time it is -“
“This guy’s treating me to a whiskey.” Changmin said cheerfully, ignoring the other man’s irritation completely. He grabbed Yunho and presented him to the irate bar keeper, “Maybe he’ll treat you too Jaejoong.”
Yunho blinked, and when the bar keeper turned his head to look at him, a smile instantly lighted his features. The man was more charming and intriguing than Yunho had expected, and the smile caught him off guard. The bar keeper had a certain kind of delicate handsomeness to his face, and Yunho had to wonder what a man like him was doing in the rough place they were living in.
If anything, he looked more like a singer than a bar keeper, and Yunho found himself to be rather smitten with the other man’s face.
“Are you rich?”
“Not really.” Yunho answered bluntly as he elbowed Changmin. “If I were rich, I wouldn’t be forced to spend my evenings with this brat.” He shook his head as Changmin protested and continued to speak, “Just give us a bottle of whiskey, then we’ll be on our way.”
Jaejoong took a step back, and he looked at Yunho suspiciously. “Will you be paying now, or will you be paying later?”
“I’ll pay now.”
“Alright then -“
“He’s a rich guy Jaejoong -“
Yunho turned his head and glared at Changmin, “Would you shut up?” he rolled his eyes at the teenager and turned his attention back to Jaejoong. “We’re sorry to be bothering you this…early, but -“
“Don’t bully my baby,” Jaejoong said as he reached out to pinch Changmin’s cheek, only for the latter to slap his hand away. “I know he tries to look like a man, but we all know he really isn’t.”
“Can you just get the whiskey already?”
The bar keeper laughed, and he winked at Yunho. “Look at him, trying to be assertive.” He chuckled to himself then turned away, “I’ll be back in a few.”
As soon as he was gone, Yunho turned to look at the teenager beside him. “Friend of yours?” he asked.
“You don’t know him?” Changmin questioned as he ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it slightly. “He’s pretty popular -“
Yunho rolled his eyes. “Please forgive me for not being a social butterfly.” He shook his head and crossed his arms, “I have more important things to do than flirt around or get drunk off my ass.”
“So what do you do then?”
“That’s none of your business.” Yunho replied just as Jaejoong came out, a bottle of whiskey in hand. He took the bottle as soon as Jaejoong held it out and then promptly handed him a couple of bills.
Jaejoong counted them then looked up, “This is a bit more than…” he pursed his lips then tilted his head. “Are you sure you’re not some kind of rich man in disguise?” he questioned before he turned to look at Changmin. “How did you meet this man again?”
“He works for Taewoong too.”
“Oh.”
Yunho watched the bar keeper’s thoughtful face, and after a few seconds, he decided that it was best for him and Changmin to get going before the bar keeper asked anymore questions. “Anyway, we should go. It’ll be dawn soon.”
“Right,” Changmin agreed easily as he took the bottle of whiskey out of Yunho’s hands. He smiled at Jaejoong, “We’ll see you later, bye.” He began to walk away, and Yunho didn’t move to follow him.
Jaejoong’s lips curved into a smile of amusement. “He’s taking your drink you know, and he’s not even legal yet.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back against the wall behind him. “Go get him before he gets drunk and falls into a river.”
Yunho chuckled as he remembered the words he’d spoken earlier that night. “If he gets drunk with me, I’m probably going to end up throwing him into one.”
The bar keeper laughed, and Yunho noticed the way he placed his hand over his mouth as he did so. He shook his head at Yunho, and his eyes crinkled as he smiled brightly at him.
“He’s a good kid.”
“I can tell.”
Silence fell between them, but before Yunho could excuse himself so that he could hunt down the boy who’d run off with his liquor, Jaejoong spoke up.
“Are you new in town?” the bar keeper asked curiously. “I like to take pride in the fact that I know everyone in town - even Taewoong’s men…but I don’t know you. When did you come here?”
“I’ve been here a while.” Yunho answered as he lifted his head so that he could meet the other man’s eyes. He knew his answer was vague, but he was setting up bait in order to test the other man.
“And how long is a while?”
Yunho grinned, pleased to note that the bar keeper seemed rather intrigued by him. He chuckled, “A while.” He teased as he dipped his head, “I’ve got to go. I have a boy to catch. Excuse me.”
As soon as he’d taken a couple of steps, the bar keeper shouted. “Hey!”
Yunho turned, “Yes?”
“If you come over tonight, I’ll give you something a little better than that whiskey.” He spoke, his voice ringing loudly. “So you better show up, alright? It’s time for you and I to get to know each other a little better.”
“And why would I want that?” Yunho asked as he tilted his head to the side. “What, are you this town’s welcoming committee?”
Jaejoong laughed, “No, but like I said, I like knowing everyone in town, and I want to know you. Just come tonight, please?”
“I’ll see.” Yunho replied before he turned around to leave, and as he walked away, he
could feel the bar keeper’s eyes lingering on him in the dark.
~~~
Yunho watched as the men cleared away the thieves’ body, and when he turned his eyes to look at Changmin, the boy’s eyes were focused on the ground. He got up from his spot on the crate he’d been sitting on and walked over to catch Changmin’s attention by pulling at the collar of his shirt.
“Get up.”
The boy quickly scrambled to his feet, and Yunho led him out of the dark storeroom. As soon as they were outside, Yunho pushed Changmin in the direction of a bush.
“Throw up, I know you want to.”
Changmin looked back at him hesitantly, and Yunho shot him a leveled look.
“You’re not going to be any less of a man.”
As soon as the teenager began to walk up to the dark area, Yunho turned and walked a short distance away. He looked out at the sprawling fields, practically a dark sea in the night, and not a single light could be seen for miles. Taewoong was a smart man to hide his illegal liquor so far from everywhere, and with the connections he had, most souls didn’t dare to trespass into his property.
However, not everyone was smart enough to obey the unspoken rule.
Yunho sighed softly and stared at his feet. Although he’d been in town for months, everything still felt foreign to him. He missed the congestion of the city life, he missed the smoke, he missed the noise, and most of all, he missed the anonymity. It seemed like everyone knew everyone in this small town, and he found it stifling.
No matter how much he tried to distance himself, people could still recognize him. They knew who he was when he walked past - one of Taewoong’s men, a hired killer with no morals. Yunho chuckled to himself and shook his head.
From one hell to another, it was all the same. The men in charge still lusted for power while everyone else scrambled to make a living.
Unfortunately for him, he’d built his life on killing.
His train of thought was interrupted as soon as unsteady, clumsy footsteps resounded loudly, and Yunho turned his head just as Changmin had stepped onto a fallen branch. The boy wiped at his mouth, and Yunho pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket to hand it to him.
Changmin accepted it mutely, and Yunho shook his head when the boy tried to hand it back to him.
“First time for you to see a dead body?”
“No…” Changmin lied, and before Yunho could press him, the boy quickly admitted the truth. “Yes, I’ve never…I’ve never seen anyone get…”
Yunho reached out and awkwardly patted the boy’s shoulder. “It could be worse, much worse, trust me.” He crossed his arms and observed the way the boy kept his eyes on the ground. “Did you know any of them?”
“One of them,” Changmin said silently, his voice barely above a whisper. “He used to go to school with me…back when I used to go to school.”
The older man kept quiet for a few seconds then replied. “People make choices, and sometimes, their choices don’t lead them in the right direction. When those choices become mistakes, we have to pay for them.”
“Are we making the right decision then?” the teenager asked, his eyes still on the ground looking at it as if it held some kind of answer for him. “Is this the right path?”
Yunho thought back to his years spent in the city - the violence, the chaos, and the death. When he’d fled his past and headed for any town, he thought he would escape it all and finally find an end to the life he’d once lived. Instead, he’d initially found himself trapped into the same vicious cycle, playing the same games with the same players.
Yet despite all that, things were starting to become different now, and he could feel it deep inside him. The numerous things that were part of his present were beginning to change into something else, and he too was moving quickly into territory he’d never chartered in before.
But was all this the right path? Would it be the one to lead him to happiness and to contentment? He had no definite answers, no solid facts or reassurances that he could offer the teenager - only time would tell.
“I really don’t know.” Yunho answered as he began to walk away. After a few steps, he turned around and beckoned for Changmin to follow. “Now come on, let me bring you back to your friend, the bar keeper. You can’t face your mother like this.”
~~~
"So, is this your idea of a date?”
Yunho looked up, and he raised an eyebrow at the bar keeper. He sat up and looked at Jaejoong, “I wasn’t aware that we were on one.”
“Good, because if your idea of a date was bringing Changmin over and making me take care of him while you drank beer, then I don’t think we’d work out.” Jaejoong replied smoothly as he took the seat across Yunho. He leaned across the table and fluttered his eyelashes, “So, when will we be going on our actual date?”
“Never sounds like a good time,” Yunho replied before he took a sip of his beer. He eyed Jaejoong carefully and changed topic, “How’s the boy doing?”
“He’ll live.” Jaejoong said with a dismal wave of his hand. He glanced back in the direction of the room where Changmin was staying then turned his head to look at Yunho. “Just so you know, you’re always welcome here.”
Yunho frowned.
“Why is that?”
Jaejoong shrugged and smiled flirtatiously, “Because I like you?” he offered, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I like the fact you seem like a man with a chip on your shoulder, and the fact you act like some kind of mother bear towards Changmin.”
“…mother bear?”
“You’ve only known him what…two weeks? Three? Yet here you are, watching over him and making sure he’s alright. You could’ve left hours ago you know.” Jaejoong continued, taking hold of the conversation entirely. “You like him. Admit it.”
Yunho fell silent, so Jaejoong continued to talk.
“Of course, I wouldn’t like it if you liked him more than me though.”
“Stop with the jokes.”
“Stop with the silence.”
Both men stared at each other, a battle of wills that was being fought for an unknown reason. Before either of them could say anything, a door creaked open and Changmin stepped out of Jaejoong’s bedroom.
“Jaejoong, did you bring mom some food?”
The barkeeper turned his head and smiled at Changmin, “Of course I did. I made her and Heejin some stew and brought it over before the sun had set -“
“I should pay you back for the ingredients -“
“No, you shouldn’t,” Jaejoong replied smoothly as he got out of his seat and placed his hands on Changmin’s shoulders. Yunho watched as Jaejoong squeezed the young boy’s shoulder reassuringly and beamed at him. “You know I’d do anything for you.”
“But -“
“No buts!” Jaejoong turned the teenager around and pushed him back into the bedroom before he could protest any further. “Rest up, and sleep the bad images away. I’ll wake you up in an hour.”
As soon as the door was shut, Yunho spoke up.
“Seems like you have a crush on the boy,” he commented idly. “The way you mother hen over him is quite…”
Jaejoong chuckled and sauntered back to his seat. He leaned forward and rested his chin upon the palm of his hand. “Are you jealous?” he laughed, his eyes crinkling in amusement. “He’s my cousin.”
“Oh.”
“Our mothers were sisters.” Jaejoong continued quietly as he reached across the table to hold Yunho’s beer. “A few years ago, I went looking around for my dad for answers, and instead, I found Changmin and his family.”
Yunho was silent, and he stared at the other man, unsure of what to say. He watched as Jaejoong took his beer to his lips and sipped, and when the other man had set it back down, Jaejoong spoke.
“Only Changmin, his mother and I know, so I’d prefer if you kept our relation a secret.”
“Why tell me in the first place?” Yunho questioned, as he narrowed his eyebrows slightly in suspicion. “I didn’t need to know -“
Jaejoong shot Yunho another one of his beautifully mysterious smiles, “Because I needed you to know that you had nothing to be jealous of.”
“That isn’t -“
“And because, I know you won’t tell anyone.” Jaejoong added, “You’re one of those mysterious, broody types, so I trust our secret will be safe with you.”
“I think you’re ridiculous.”
The other man laughed and ran a hand through his hair, “So…about our date -“
“Persistent, aren’t you?” Yunho questioned. “Why are you bothering with me anyway? For all you know, I could hate -“
Jaejoong shot him a small smile, “You don’t get anything in life if you don’t take risks.” He said confidently. “You should know - you take risks every day, in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you thrived on them. Aren’t you worried about getting caught by the police? About getting shot? About dying?”
“I have a life to live -“
“Correct, and you’re living it by taking risks every day.” Jaejoong interrupted, his voice filled with conviction. “So, I’m living my life and risking something right now.” His face was serious for a few seconds, and then he flashed a beautiful smile. “I like the thrill that you give me.”
“Do you flirt with everybody?” Yunho questioned gruffly as he reached forward to take his beer back. He eyed Jaejoong curiously, “Or am I supposed to be special and flattered right now?”
“Well, no one’s caught my eye in a while,” Jaejoong murmured as he looked away from Yunho for a few seconds. After a while, he then leaned back into his seat and pouted at Yunho. “Except for you, and you’re being awfully difficult with me. Everyone loves me.”
“Everyone likes pretty things.”
“So you find me pretty?”
“When you shut up, I can appreciate your face for what it is.” Yunho replied lightly with a teasing smile as he slowly got out of his chair. He grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and put it on. Jaejoong was smiling at him, and for some reason, it both irritated and pleased him at the same time.
He began to make his way out of the bar, and Yunho could hear Jaejoong trailing after him. As soon as he reached the door, he turned around and stopped.
“Don’t let Changmin leave,” he spoke softly, his tone more serious than it had been moments prior. “Keep him here. Taewoong’s having some of us hunt down a small gang that’s been messing around near one of his storehouses. I don’t want Changmin around. He’s young, and he’s inexperienced - an easy target.”
Jaejoong nodded and wrapped his jacket closer around his thin frame, “I understand, but won’t they notice that Changmin’s not around? He could get in trouble or end up looking like a coward -”
“I’m in charge of him, so as long as I don’t have any complaints about him, no one’s going to care about whether he’s around or not.” Yunho replied. “Well, good evening Jaejoong.”
“Good evening Yunho,” Jaejoong said softly. The charming front he’d put on earlier dwindling slightly in favor of something else, something more subdued, cautious and unusually serious. “Stay safe, alright? Changmin needs someone to watch over him.”
“I’ll do my best.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Yunho ultimately decided that it was time for him to go. He shot Jaejoong a small, reassuring smile - a show of appreciation for the other man’s kind hearted nature and annoying yet charming ways.
“Before you go, if you’re not blown through with holes by tomorrow evening and if you’re still alive and kicking, will we finally be going on a date yet?”
Yunho chuckled and turned, “I’ll see.”
~~~
All men like Taewoong were the same. They were all driven by lust - for power, for money, for flesh, and Yunho couldn’t be bothered to try differentiating the different men he’d worked for. In his mind, they were practically one entity, the shadows that held sway over his life and determined many of his actions.
It was hard to feel like a free man when so much of his life wasn’t really in his hands anymore, and when his actions were decided for him just like a pawn in any chess game.
But he had no complaints really. The years had hardened him, and he did what he did in order to go get by. He still knew what he wanted, and he could still feel the same desire that had driven him into the kind of lifestyle he led today.
One day, he’d break free.
Yunho looked around at the other men who were seated in the poorly decorated living room. Most of them were hardly real threats at all. They practically reeked of the poverty and desperation that had led those men to this kind of business. He sighed and licked his lips in impatience, desperate to just go home.
The door opened, and Taewoong stepped out. He raked his eyes over all of them, and when his eyes settled upon Yunho, his lips quirked into an amused smile.
“I take it that everything went well?” he asked, his question directed at Yunho.
Yunho raised his head and met the other man’s eyes. “They’ve been taking care of, and we burned the bodies.” He relaxed slightly and continued to speak, “The only trouble we encountered was the sound of police sirens in the distance.”
Taewoong frowned, “Are you sure that everything’s been taken care of?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I handled it myself.”
The older man laughed, his chilling voice sending shivers down Yunho’s spine. As soon as he was done, his grin widened and he turned his eyes away from him to look at all the men who were in the room.
“That my friends, is how things get done.” Taewoong spoke. “But, it’s also how you can get yourselves killed.” His eyes turned back to Yunho, “If anyone finds out we had anything to do with the murders, you’re getting turned in. Understand?”
Unflinching, Yunho held the other man’s gaze and replied. “I understand.”
~~~
“Where’d you get this Jaejoong?”
Yunho looked up from his coffee, and he glanced at Jaejoong. The smile that had been on the other man’s lips faltered for a second, before he quickly placed it back a playful frown on his lips.
“And what are you doing snooping around with my alcohol brat?” Jaejoong snapped at Changmin, who was holding up an imported bottle of scotch in his hands. “Put it back where you found it!”
The teenager refused to listen to Jaejoong, and he wandered out with the bottle of scotch in his hands. “But this is the good stuff! It’s the kind of scotch I can only -”
“No, you can’t.” Jaejoong said crossly as he got up off his chair and promptly grabbed the bottle of scotch out of the younger man’s hands. He walked off with the bottle of scotch and promptly placed it away. “It’s not for anyone to drink.”
Changmin moved away from Jaejoong to something else that had caught his eye on the bar counter. But before Yunho could comment for the younger man to not touch anything, Changmin had already picked up something else.
“Where did you get this?”
The glittery gold watch that was in Changmin’s eye caught Yunho’s attention immediately. It was an accessory he’d never seen before, and Yunho tilted his head as he studied it from afar. However, in a quick flash, the watch was snatched out of Changmin’s grasp.
“Stop going around my things, you’re like some overactive child. Didn’t your mother tell you not to go through -“
“I was just asking a question!” Changmin shot back, his voice raised. The irritation on his face was obvious, and he glared at Jaejoong, “What’s so bad about asking you where you got it? It’s not like I said you -“
“Let’s just drop this.” Jaejoong said finally as he shook his head at Changmin, “It’s none of your concern, and -“
Changmin took a step forward. “None of my concern? What are you doing with a watch like that when I know you have things to pay and -“
“It’s none of your business, so leave it alone!”
All of them paused, surprised by Jaejoong’s outburst. Changmin was visibly the most affected, but Jaejoong said nothing and walked over to a cabinet to put the watch away. Yunho watched Jaejoong carefully, the other man still facing away from both him and Changmin. There was something about the way Jaejoong was standing - his body tense yet slightly slumped at the same time that alerted Yunho that something was amiss. But he kept his silence and waited for Jaejoong to act.
One thing he’d learned was that people had a tendency to give away their feelings even without being prompted. It was a natural thing - and Yunho knew he did it as well. People weren’t born natural actors, or immediately capable of hiding what they felt. Considering how lively and emotional Jaejoong tended to be, Yunho knew the other man would easily slip and release something.
However, before he could get some kind of revelation from the other man, Jaejoong quickly composed himself and turned around, a tired smile on his face. “I’m sorry, I’ve just had a hard day today.”
“It’s…it’s okay.” Changmin spoke, his voice soft.
As if nothing had happened, Jaejoong nodded and his smile instantly brightened. “How about I give you something to drink, as an apology?”
Yunho frowned slightly, and he glanced at Changmin, who’d been easily distracted by Jaejoong’s words.
“What, really?” the teenager asked in shock, “You’ll really give me something? Like what?”
Jaejoong took a bottle of beer out and tossed it at Changmin, who caught it before it could fall to the ground. He then turned his eyes to Yunho, his smile still plastered onto his face.
“What about you sweetheart, what do you want?”
When Yunho failed to answer, his head still busy thinking about Jaejoong’s sudden change in character, Jaejoong laughed and pulled him out of his thoughts.
“I know I’m beautiful, but you really don’t have to stare.” Jaejoong said softly, his eyes lingering on Yunho. “And well…if you’re thinking about something else that you want, don’t think about it while Changmin’s around -“
Before Yunho could retort, Changmin snorted. “I doubt Yunho thinks about you in that way Jaejoong. He knows you too well. You’re about as appealing as Taewoong, and I don’t think Yunho’s jumping into bed with him anytime soon.”
“What? Are you saying that just because he knows me, he doesn’t like me?” Jaejoong asked with a playful pout, his previous demeanor gone entirely. He turned his eyes to Yunho, and Yunho met his gaze. “I’m still seductive, aren’t I Yunho? I’m still a mystery?”
Yunho thought for a few seconds and then replied, his eyes holding Jaejoong’s gaze as he spoke. “Yes, yes you are.” And as he took a sip of his drink, Yunho noticed how Jaejoong’s smile faltered.
~~~
“Is something wrong?”
Jaejoong looked up from the book he’d been reading, and he eyed Yunho curiously. He shifted and placed his book down onto the counter, “What do you mean?”
Yunho shrugged and finished the last of his vodka. There were honestly several things he could comment on which struck him as weird. Firstly, he’d noticed how Jaejoong’s collection of imported alcohol had grown over the past weeks, and secondly, he’d also seen how Jaejoong’s behavior was changing as well. The fake smiles had become all the more pronounced lately, and Yunho stared into his empty shot glass, contemplating the last time he’d seen Jaejoong smile at him with the kind of honesty and meaningfulness that that he’d possessed before.
“Nothing,” Yunho said softly, as he chose not to press the issue any further. He could feel the way Jaejoong’s eyes were assessing him, and he knew that the other man wouldn’t being divulging anything to him that night.
Jaejoong’s secrets were kept and locked far away, and even he was not privy to them, no matter how much they’d become closer over the past months.
The bar keeper shut his book and left the counter so that he could sit beside Yunho. He looked at the other man, and Yunho turned his head to meet Jaejoong’s gaze. “What is it?” Yunho asked.
“I heard that the police have started cracking down on people who are associated with Taewoong,” Jaejoong said slowly, his eyes never leaving Yunho’s. “I heard it from one of my patrons, and it worries me…”
“I’ll take care of Changmin -“
“But who’ll take care of you?”
All the thoughts in Yunho’s head evaporated at that second, and he stared at Jaejoong, unsure of what to reply next. He’d been thrown off by the sincerity in which the other man had asked his question, and Yunho was at a loss as to what to say next.
“I’ve always been able to take care of myself,” he said finally as he averted his gaze and turned to run one of his fingers along the rim of his shot glass. “Besides, I trust that Taewoong -“
“You shouldn’t be so trusting of such people.”
The dark tone in which Jaejoong had uttered his words caught Yunho’s attention, and his eyes immediately turned to the other man.
“And why not?” Yunho asked, not because he meant his question, but because he’d use it as bait to lure out whatever it was that Jaejoong was hiding from him.
Unfortunately, Jaejoong failed to take the bait and quickly diverted the topic in which they had been heading towards. “You’re so cute,” Jaejoong said teasingly as he pinched Yunho’s cheek, a bright smile once again plastered onto his face. “Sometimes I just want to kiss you.”
~~~
“Jaejoong likes you,” Changmin said quietly as he and Yunho walked on the dirt path that led out of a farm and back to the town square. Yunho turned his eyes to look at the teenager whose eyes were still glued onto the ground. “I know he does.”
Yunho fell silent, unsure of what to say. They walked in silence for a few minutes, with only the sound of the crickets and the crunching sounds of their shoes on the ground beneath them filling in the gap left behind by a non-existent conversation.
While he and Jaejoong had been toying with one another endlessly the past months, there was still something between them that held them back. Perhaps he was too afraid to step forward and admit what he’d been feeling for the past weeks, while Jaejoong on the other hand continued to be an enigma to him. Like a Rubik’s cube that fought back and refused to be solved, Jaejoong now constantly seemed to change in front of Yunho.
Gone were the days of him believing that Jaejoong was nothing more than a good humored, light hearted, charmer. There was something else lurking beneath his surface, and it was something that intrigued Yunho immensely. It only made his eyes linger on the other man longer, and somehow, Jaejoong had begun to take up most of his thoughts.
He spent so many hours in his days contemplating the mystery that was Jaejoong, but because he was too hesitant to take any further steps, he would never know anything more than what he already knew.
“Yunho?”
At the sound of Changmin’s voice, Yunho quickly straightened up. He glanced at the teenager beside him, who was looking at him with a worried frown on his face.
“You haven’t said anything at all.” The young boy said slowly, worried that he was treading on thin ice by continuing to speak about Jaejoong. “I just…I hope I didn’t scare you off in some -“
“Changmin!”
The sound of Jaejoong’s voice quickly caused an abrupt halt to their conversation, and both of them turned around. The barkeeper shot them a brilliant smile before he turned to his companion and bid her farewell. He quickly caught up to them, and he caught his breath before he spoke.
“It’s late, both of you should be home.” Jaejoong chided as he even reached forward to pinch Changmin’s cheek. The teenager protested loudly, but Yunho watched as Jaejoong continued and did it anyway.
“Haven’t you two heard? The police are trying to implement some laws around here, and are insisting that everyone stay home.” Jaejoong laughed breathlessly, “Something like a curfew I suppose.”
“That sounds ridiculous -“
Yunho interrupted Changmin and cut in, “Seeing as you are a kid in need of a curfew, you should get home now. Your mother’s waiting.”
Changmin quickly turned his head and stared at Yunho with an aghast expression on his young face. “Are you serious? No way -“
“Actually, I think Yunho’s right,” Jaejoong chimed in. “You should go home now Changmin. I’m sure your mother’s worried as usual. You’re young and you wouldn’t want to get in trouble with the police. Go home.”
Soon realizing that there was no way he’d win the argument, Changmin huffed and sent an irritated glare at both of them. “Whatever, fine,” he said finally before he turned away and began to make his way home. As soon as he was a few feet away, Yunho took his eyes off the teenager and placed them on the man in front of him.
Jaejoong’s eyes eventually met his, and they stared at each other in the moonlight without saying a word. Silently judging, mutely assessing, Yunho almost felt like he was standing in front of a potential enemy rather than a friend. He could feel Jaejoong scrutinizing him, tearing away at his walls and persistently knocking down at whatever it was that he’d tried to put up in the long years that had passed.
“Can I get a drink?” Yunho asked softly, breaking their silence. He eyed Jaejoong carefully, “Or is it too late? Perhaps I should start coming earlier to the bar…”
“No, it’s fine - it’s not like you’re missing anything.” Jaejoong murmured as he cast his attention away from Yunho and sought answers to his secret thoughts elsewhere. After a few seconds, Jaejoong looked at Yunho once again and spoke, “Is this our date?”
“If you don’t mind me smelling of smoke and Changmin, then it could be,” Yunho answered as he placed his hands into the pockets of his coat. He kept his eyes away from Jaejoong’s and continued to speak. “But if you were happy with all this, then I suppose I’d have to say that you have low standards.”
Jaejoong laughed, and the sound instantly caught Yunho’s attention. He turned to loko at the younger man, who smiled brightly at him then replied, “Well fine then, I’ll have to hold out until next time.”
“I guess so.”
They talked about menial things as they walked, and Yunho let Jaejoong dominate the conversation as he usually did. Due to spending so many hours with the other man, Yunho was familiar enough with Jaejoong’s behavior around him. He knew he set Jaejoong on edge. It was the reason behind Jaejoong’s tendency to act like a chatterbox in order to put up a front that he was more relaxed than he actually was.
Yunho didn’t mind the silence between them, but he knew Jaejoong did. He preferred their quiet moments together - the moments they spent basking in the simple pleasures of being in one another’s presence, but he never voiced that out to the other man. It was something that remained hidden, a thought he didn’t feel confident enough to speak to someone other than himself.
As for why, he didn’t quite know just yet.
~~~
Yunho watched as Jaejoong made his way around the bar, looking for a bottle of whiskey that they could share. The barkeeper moved fluidly around the room, and when he was able to produce a bottle, he shot Yunho another one of his beautiful and unrestrained smiles.
“Have you always been so quiet?” Jaejoong asked after he’d returned to his seat and had begun to pour another glass of whiskey for Yunho.
Once again, Changmin had long been sent home - this time under the pretense that his mother was upset with him for some reason, and it was now just the two of them in the bar.
He inched closer to Yunho, and Yunho accepted the glass when Jaejoong pushed it towards him.
Yunho shrugged. “I’m not used to being asked anything.”
“Well…” Jaejoong trailed off and set his chin onto the palm of his hand. “What if I asked you a question right now, would you answer?”
“You asked me a question just -“
The younger man frowned and quickly stole Yunho’s glass. He downed the whiskey in one gulp then set the empty glass onto the table. “That doesn’t count, I want to ask you something else.”
“What is this, some drinking game?”
The barkeeper shook his head and kept his eyes fixed on Yunho, “No, I just want to ask you something important…”
“And what would that be?”
“Why are you always watching me?” Jaejoong asked softly as his other hand moved across the table and stopped only a few centimeters away from Yunho’s. “I feel…I don’t know what to think of you. I can’t…I don’t understand why you do it.”
Perhaps it was the numerous glasses of whiskey that caused his tongue to be loose, but Yunho’s words slipped before he could hold himself back.
“I want to understand you.”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened slightly, and as soon as Yunho had heard himself speak, he immediately straightened up. He stared at Jaejoong, all thoughts and words evaporating as he waited for the other man to say something - to say anything. The way Jaejoong was looking at him made him feel uneasy, more uneasy than he’d felt in years. His stomach churned his throat tightened, and his head felt light.
“There’s nothing to understand,” Jaejoong whispered softly, and Yunho watched as the other man’s hand intertwined with his. Puzzle pieces fitted for one another, Yunho observed the natural feeling of his hand against Jaejoong’s.
They continued to hold one another’s gazes, and Jaejoong continued to speak, his voice airy light and fragile. Yunho wanted nothing more than to kiss him at that moment, but his body was anchored to his chair by a fear of uncertainty and rejection that refused to let go of him.
“What I am, here, in front of you right now…is the person I want to be,” Jaejoong murmured as he lowered his eyes and kept his attention on their intertwined hands. “I’ve been dealt with enough bad luck in the world to know something good when I see it, and...”
With a sigh, Jaejoong looked up and met Yunho’s gaze. The other man had never looked so fragile before, the weariness of a man who’d lived through so much finally marring his usually perfect features. Yet despite its imperfection, the age it placed upon Jaejoong and the darkness it shrouded upon his usual glow, Yunho had never thought of him to be more perfect than he was at that moment.
No walls, no pretenses, no lies - in their precious, stolen seconds of time, they felt free of the weigh that the world had unfairly cast upon their shoulders.
“You know where this is going, right?” Jaejoong whispered as he leaned in, his lips only centimeters away from Yunho’s. “Do you understand what I’m…what I’m trying to tell you?”
“I do.”
“Are you scared?”
Yunho shook his head and felt the last of his fear and denial finally slip away. His heart was pounding in his chest, and as his hand ran along the smoothness of Jaejoong’s cheek in order to close the gap between them, Yunho could sense the other man’s anxiety. He whispered a quiet assurance then finally pressed his lips against Jaejoong’s, sealing a quiet deal between them in the sanctuary provided by the dimly lit bar.
~~~
He was restless, and after an hour or so of waiting, Yunho was sick of it all. He could still feel the tiredness that lingered in his body despite all his sleep, and all he really wanted was to leave despite Taewoong’s insistence that they had to see each other again.
If anything, all he really wanted to do was see Jaejoong again.
As soon as he’d taken that step for them, the other man was quickly stealing more and more of him. He took advantage of Yunho’s weakness for him, and Yunho was too powerless to stop him. He’d allowed himself to be enslaved to his personal greed because never before had anyone tried so hard to win his heart, and never before had anyone cared so much for him.
He selfishly wanted it all. He wanted Jaejoong to love him, and only him.
Yunho exhaled, gave up, and crushed his cigarette underneath the heel of his boot before he began to make the uphill climb to the storehouse. As soon as he pushed the doors open, expecting to find someone capable of answering his question, he found five useless drunks instead.
“Where’s Taewoong?” Yunho asked as he entered, his disgust with the men visible on his face as he approached him. He’d heard that the men who looked after the storehouse were hardly anything much, but these men were even lower on the chain of command then he expected.
They were useless brutes - all muscle and no mind.
One of the men who was sitting on the ground looked up, and he shrugged. “They said he wasn’t coming. He’s got other things to do.”
Yunho frowned, “And what’s that?”
“Being busy with his object of interest,” one of the other men muttered as he wiped off the beer that had trickled down his chin. He burped loudly then continued, “The pretty barkeeper.”
~~~
Yunho couldn’t bring himself to ask Jaejoong about what he had heard. At the mere thought of asking the other man, he felt like retching. The mere thought that Taewoong lusted after and hungered for one of the few things that he considered as his made him feel a repulsion that he’d never known before.
His emotions were taking control. Yunho didn’t know what he was doing exactly, whether he was driven by jealousy or by his disgust of Taewoong - but what he did know was the he had to see everything for himself.
He came into the bar early, finally allowing himself to be roped into spending time with the other men that worked for Taewoong. They were a loud bunch, and as soon as they were inside, Yunho knew that they would catch some kind of attention. But luckily enough, they weren’t kicked out and one of the girls that worked in the bar came over to take their orders.
Yunho wasn’t there to talk to any of the guys, but he gave them responses whenever they were required. His eyes and mind were elsewhere, focused on the only actual reason why he’d bothered to go to the bar rather than going straight home.
He wanted to see for himself. He wanted to know.
After a few minutes, he finally got the answer he wanted. The bar’s front door opened, and Yunho’s eyes quickly darted over to the entrance. Taewoong and Jaejoong came in together, with the latter cradling what looked like an expensive bottle of wine in his hands. They headed over to one of the tables in a distant corner of the bar, and as soon as Jaejoong sat down, Taewoong beckoned for one of the girls to bring them wine glasses with his usual boisterous voice.
Yunho watched them, his companions’ conversation falling on deaf ears as he observed the two men together. He watched as Jaejoong entertained Taewoong through conversation, his eyes constantly downcast or focused elsewhere. The longer Yunho gazed at the two men, the more nauseous he felt. He could practically feel his stomach knot in disgust.
Sick of the charade Jaejoong was playing, and disgusted by Taewoong’s blatant flirting, Yunho got up, slapped down a couple of bills onto the bar table, and began to make his way out of the bar. But just before he could leave and try to pretend like he’d seen nothing at all, something in his gut told him to look back, so he did.
And when he turned, his eyes instantly found Jaejoong’s.
Jaejoong looked surprised to see him, and Yunho watched as the surprise slowly trickled away and got replaced by a somber look. Unable to handle seeing Jaejoong in such a position, Yunho quickly averted his eyes and walked out of the bar.
continue →
Rating: PG13 - NC-17 (only in the second part)
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Summary: It is through love that Yunho finds his reason to keep fighting, to keep dreaming, and to keep living.
Author’s Note: A lot of thanks to M.
To taigrin, I hope you enjoy this (I feel like it may have gotten a bit too action-y than you may like, but I hope you like it nonetheless) and have a happy New Year! ♥
“So…is it true?”
Yunho lifted his eyes off his hands and turned his head to look at the man beside him. He was probably more than five years younger than he was, and based off the way he’d been rustling nervously the entire evening, Yunho knew he was inexperienced with a gun.
“Is what true?” Yunho asked gruffly as he turned away from the younger man to keep his eyes out on the empty road ahead.
“That you killed ten men in the city with just a knife?” the skittish boy asked slowly, in a weak attempt to sound less curious than he actually was. He nudged Yunho with the butt of his rifle on accident, and the latter shoved him away.
“Watch your gun, kid.”
“I’m sorry.”
An awkward silence lapsed between them, and when Yunho turned his head, he caught sight of the younger man watching him timidly again. He shook his head irritably and edged away, too tired to deal with anymore questions. They’d been out on watch for the past six hours, and his young companion hadn’t even been able to keep awake for the entirety of that time.
If anything, Yunho wondered if he still had a bedtime to follow.
Bored out of his mind, and with sleep starting to wear at the edges of his tired mind, Yunho thought up of a quick move to keep himself awake and entertained.
“Mind if I ask you something?” Yunho questioned as he turned his head to look at the younger man. He propped his elbow on his knee and rested his chin upon the palm of his hand.
“…uhm, sure.” The younger man stuttered before he cleared his throat. He kept his eyes away and spoke once more after he’d gathered his confidence, “Go ahead.”
“How old are you?”
“…does that matter?”
Yunho laughed. The kid was bound to be younger than eighteen then. He shook his head in amusement as he readjusted himself. He set both hands on the grass and slowly closed them, the blades of grass slipping between his fingers.
“Old enough to have been with a girl by now?”
The young man choked and spluttered, and Yunho could only laugh loudly, much to the expense of his companion. Despite the young man’s protests for Yunho to be quiet, he continued to laugh, his low and husky laughter ringing in the night and disrupting the silence of the witching hour.
“I’m seventeen okay.” The boy grumbled. “But age doesn’t matter. I’m still a man.”
“I see,” Yunho replied, his tone mocking. As he turned his eyes away, he noticed a car begin to pull up on the road. He picked up his pistol off the grass and glanced at the boy, whose eyes were transfixed on the vehicle.
“Got somewhere else to be?” Yunho asked.
“…do you think they have guns?”
Yunho glanced at the gun in his hand then turned to look at the boy who was still seated on the ground. “If someone came at you with a gun, what would you want so that you could protect yourself?”
“A gun?”
“Then of course they have guns too you idiot,” Yunho muttered as he whacked the young boy’s head with the back of his free hand. “Get up. We have a job to do.”
~~~
In the end, it all amounted to nothing.
The groups of men who’d been lurking around had just been a usual group of hotshots, and after a couple of threats, they’d become nothing more than docile puppies ready to roll over at his command. Despite that though, Taewoong had insisted that Yunho remain on stake out, so him and his younger companion had ended up staying at the area for almost two weeks with just each other for company.
Yunho let out a sigh and rubbed his neck, eager to get back to his home so that he could get away from everything. He was sick of eating terrible food, and even more sick of sleeping on a makeshift bed.
“Hey, you want to go out for a drink?”
Yunho turned around, and his young companion was staring at him in the darkness, eyes bright with excitement and energy.
“At this hour?” Yunho questioned. “Don’t you have a bedtime -“
The young boy laughed, “Don’t be like that.” He grinned brightly, mismatched eyes still shining dazzlingly in the dark. “The guys told me that you usually go back home, but come on. I owe you a drink.”
Yunho chuckled, “For what? Saving your skin and making sure you can get back home to your mother?”
“Well, that, and for being patient,” the boy replied. He lifted up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal an ugly bruise on his skin. Despite the darkness of the hour, the poor amount of light provided by the streetlights and the moonlight was enough for Yunho to see the sickly and unnatural color on the young boy’s skin.
“The last guy I was with on stake out, he beat me when I messed up.” he explained before he rolled his sleeve back down. “I’m glad he’s dead. He was a sick fucker.”
Yunho said nothing for a few seconds before he spoke up. “How long have you been in this business?”
“Two years.”
“That’s an awfully long time for a boy like you.”
The teenager rolled his eyes and stepped forward. “I’m not here to share sob stories, alright?” He crossed his arms over his chest, the gesture making him look older than he actually was. “A man’s got to make a living for his family, and that’s what I’m doing.”
“So shouldn’t you be using your earnings tonight for your family, rather than spending it on some stranger?” Yunho questioned as he took out one of the bills that had been given to him and handed it to the boy. “Take it -“
The younger man took hold of the bill then reached out and grabbed Yunho’s wrist with his free hand. “Why don’t you use this money to treat me to a drink instead?” He questioned, his voice tinged with amusement.
“I thought you were -“
“Well, seeing as you’ve already got your money out…” The boy continued as he laughed at having swindled Yunho. “Come on. Won’t you treat this sorry boy to a shot of whiskey or two?”
Yunho glowered. “If I have to take your sorry ass home because you can’t handle your liquor, don’t expect your mother to see you in the morning. I’ll be dumping your ass in the closest river.”
~~~
Yunho watched as the teenager rapped on a door, and based off the way he was behaving, it was obvious that he’d been to the bar several times already. Yunho had seen it himself several times, but he’d never bothered stepping before. He preferred drinking on his own, and he never wanted to surround himself with drunks armed with guns.
If there was one clear sign of idiocy, it would be to sit around with trigger happy drunks and expect to get home in one piece.
“Jaejoong! Open up!”
The bar door swung open and nearly slammed into the lanky teenager who only managed to dodge it at the last second. The man who opened the door glowered, and he shoved the young boy roughly, knocking him into Yunho.
“What the fuck do you want Changmin? Do you know what fucking time it is -“
“This guy’s treating me to a whiskey.” Changmin said cheerfully, ignoring the other man’s irritation completely. He grabbed Yunho and presented him to the irate bar keeper, “Maybe he’ll treat you too Jaejoong.”
Yunho blinked, and when the bar keeper turned his head to look at him, a smile instantly lighted his features. The man was more charming and intriguing than Yunho had expected, and the smile caught him off guard. The bar keeper had a certain kind of delicate handsomeness to his face, and Yunho had to wonder what a man like him was doing in the rough place they were living in.
If anything, he looked more like a singer than a bar keeper, and Yunho found himself to be rather smitten with the other man’s face.
“Are you rich?”
“Not really.” Yunho answered bluntly as he elbowed Changmin. “If I were rich, I wouldn’t be forced to spend my evenings with this brat.” He shook his head as Changmin protested and continued to speak, “Just give us a bottle of whiskey, then we’ll be on our way.”
Jaejoong took a step back, and he looked at Yunho suspiciously. “Will you be paying now, or will you be paying later?”
“I’ll pay now.”
“Alright then -“
“He’s a rich guy Jaejoong -“
Yunho turned his head and glared at Changmin, “Would you shut up?” he rolled his eyes at the teenager and turned his attention back to Jaejoong. “We’re sorry to be bothering you this…early, but -“
“Don’t bully my baby,” Jaejoong said as he reached out to pinch Changmin’s cheek, only for the latter to slap his hand away. “I know he tries to look like a man, but we all know he really isn’t.”
“Can you just get the whiskey already?”
The bar keeper laughed, and he winked at Yunho. “Look at him, trying to be assertive.” He chuckled to himself then turned away, “I’ll be back in a few.”
As soon as he was gone, Yunho turned to look at the teenager beside him. “Friend of yours?” he asked.
“You don’t know him?” Changmin questioned as he ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it slightly. “He’s pretty popular -“
Yunho rolled his eyes. “Please forgive me for not being a social butterfly.” He shook his head and crossed his arms, “I have more important things to do than flirt around or get drunk off my ass.”
“So what do you do then?”
“That’s none of your business.” Yunho replied just as Jaejoong came out, a bottle of whiskey in hand. He took the bottle as soon as Jaejoong held it out and then promptly handed him a couple of bills.
Jaejoong counted them then looked up, “This is a bit more than…” he pursed his lips then tilted his head. “Are you sure you’re not some kind of rich man in disguise?” he questioned before he turned to look at Changmin. “How did you meet this man again?”
“He works for Taewoong too.”
“Oh.”
Yunho watched the bar keeper’s thoughtful face, and after a few seconds, he decided that it was best for him and Changmin to get going before the bar keeper asked anymore questions. “Anyway, we should go. It’ll be dawn soon.”
“Right,” Changmin agreed easily as he took the bottle of whiskey out of Yunho’s hands. He smiled at Jaejoong, “We’ll see you later, bye.” He began to walk away, and Yunho didn’t move to follow him.
Jaejoong’s lips curved into a smile of amusement. “He’s taking your drink you know, and he’s not even legal yet.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back against the wall behind him. “Go get him before he gets drunk and falls into a river.”
Yunho chuckled as he remembered the words he’d spoken earlier that night. “If he gets drunk with me, I’m probably going to end up throwing him into one.”
The bar keeper laughed, and Yunho noticed the way he placed his hand over his mouth as he did so. He shook his head at Yunho, and his eyes crinkled as he smiled brightly at him.
“He’s a good kid.”
“I can tell.”
Silence fell between them, but before Yunho could excuse himself so that he could hunt down the boy who’d run off with his liquor, Jaejoong spoke up.
“Are you new in town?” the bar keeper asked curiously. “I like to take pride in the fact that I know everyone in town - even Taewoong’s men…but I don’t know you. When did you come here?”
“I’ve been here a while.” Yunho answered as he lifted his head so that he could meet the other man’s eyes. He knew his answer was vague, but he was setting up bait in order to test the other man.
“And how long is a while?”
Yunho grinned, pleased to note that the bar keeper seemed rather intrigued by him. He chuckled, “A while.” He teased as he dipped his head, “I’ve got to go. I have a boy to catch. Excuse me.”
As soon as he’d taken a couple of steps, the bar keeper shouted. “Hey!”
Yunho turned, “Yes?”
“If you come over tonight, I’ll give you something a little better than that whiskey.” He spoke, his voice ringing loudly. “So you better show up, alright? It’s time for you and I to get to know each other a little better.”
“And why would I want that?” Yunho asked as he tilted his head to the side. “What, are you this town’s welcoming committee?”
Jaejoong laughed, “No, but like I said, I like knowing everyone in town, and I want to know you. Just come tonight, please?”
“I’ll see.” Yunho replied before he turned around to leave, and as he walked away, he
could feel the bar keeper’s eyes lingering on him in the dark.
~~~
Yunho watched as the men cleared away the thieves’ body, and when he turned his eyes to look at Changmin, the boy’s eyes were focused on the ground. He got up from his spot on the crate he’d been sitting on and walked over to catch Changmin’s attention by pulling at the collar of his shirt.
“Get up.”
The boy quickly scrambled to his feet, and Yunho led him out of the dark storeroom. As soon as they were outside, Yunho pushed Changmin in the direction of a bush.
“Throw up, I know you want to.”
Changmin looked back at him hesitantly, and Yunho shot him a leveled look.
“You’re not going to be any less of a man.”
As soon as the teenager began to walk up to the dark area, Yunho turned and walked a short distance away. He looked out at the sprawling fields, practically a dark sea in the night, and not a single light could be seen for miles. Taewoong was a smart man to hide his illegal liquor so far from everywhere, and with the connections he had, most souls didn’t dare to trespass into his property.
However, not everyone was smart enough to obey the unspoken rule.
Yunho sighed softly and stared at his feet. Although he’d been in town for months, everything still felt foreign to him. He missed the congestion of the city life, he missed the smoke, he missed the noise, and most of all, he missed the anonymity. It seemed like everyone knew everyone in this small town, and he found it stifling.
No matter how much he tried to distance himself, people could still recognize him. They knew who he was when he walked past - one of Taewoong’s men, a hired killer with no morals. Yunho chuckled to himself and shook his head.
From one hell to another, it was all the same. The men in charge still lusted for power while everyone else scrambled to make a living.
Unfortunately for him, he’d built his life on killing.
His train of thought was interrupted as soon as unsteady, clumsy footsteps resounded loudly, and Yunho turned his head just as Changmin had stepped onto a fallen branch. The boy wiped at his mouth, and Yunho pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket to hand it to him.
Changmin accepted it mutely, and Yunho shook his head when the boy tried to hand it back to him.
“First time for you to see a dead body?”
“No…” Changmin lied, and before Yunho could press him, the boy quickly admitted the truth. “Yes, I’ve never…I’ve never seen anyone get…”
Yunho reached out and awkwardly patted the boy’s shoulder. “It could be worse, much worse, trust me.” He crossed his arms and observed the way the boy kept his eyes on the ground. “Did you know any of them?”
“One of them,” Changmin said silently, his voice barely above a whisper. “He used to go to school with me…back when I used to go to school.”
The older man kept quiet for a few seconds then replied. “People make choices, and sometimes, their choices don’t lead them in the right direction. When those choices become mistakes, we have to pay for them.”
“Are we making the right decision then?” the teenager asked, his eyes still on the ground looking at it as if it held some kind of answer for him. “Is this the right path?”
Yunho thought back to his years spent in the city - the violence, the chaos, and the death. When he’d fled his past and headed for any town, he thought he would escape it all and finally find an end to the life he’d once lived. Instead, he’d initially found himself trapped into the same vicious cycle, playing the same games with the same players.
Yet despite all that, things were starting to become different now, and he could feel it deep inside him. The numerous things that were part of his present were beginning to change into something else, and he too was moving quickly into territory he’d never chartered in before.
But was all this the right path? Would it be the one to lead him to happiness and to contentment? He had no definite answers, no solid facts or reassurances that he could offer the teenager - only time would tell.
“I really don’t know.” Yunho answered as he began to walk away. After a few steps, he turned around and beckoned for Changmin to follow. “Now come on, let me bring you back to your friend, the bar keeper. You can’t face your mother like this.”
~~~
"So, is this your idea of a date?”
Yunho looked up, and he raised an eyebrow at the bar keeper. He sat up and looked at Jaejoong, “I wasn’t aware that we were on one.”
“Good, because if your idea of a date was bringing Changmin over and making me take care of him while you drank beer, then I don’t think we’d work out.” Jaejoong replied smoothly as he took the seat across Yunho. He leaned across the table and fluttered his eyelashes, “So, when will we be going on our actual date?”
“Never sounds like a good time,” Yunho replied before he took a sip of his beer. He eyed Jaejoong carefully and changed topic, “How’s the boy doing?”
“He’ll live.” Jaejoong said with a dismal wave of his hand. He glanced back in the direction of the room where Changmin was staying then turned his head to look at Yunho. “Just so you know, you’re always welcome here.”
Yunho frowned.
“Why is that?”
Jaejoong shrugged and smiled flirtatiously, “Because I like you?” he offered, a hint of amusement in his voice. “I like the fact you seem like a man with a chip on your shoulder, and the fact you act like some kind of mother bear towards Changmin.”
“…mother bear?”
“You’ve only known him what…two weeks? Three? Yet here you are, watching over him and making sure he’s alright. You could’ve left hours ago you know.” Jaejoong continued, taking hold of the conversation entirely. “You like him. Admit it.”
Yunho fell silent, so Jaejoong continued to talk.
“Of course, I wouldn’t like it if you liked him more than me though.”
“Stop with the jokes.”
“Stop with the silence.”
Both men stared at each other, a battle of wills that was being fought for an unknown reason. Before either of them could say anything, a door creaked open and Changmin stepped out of Jaejoong’s bedroom.
“Jaejoong, did you bring mom some food?”
The barkeeper turned his head and smiled at Changmin, “Of course I did. I made her and Heejin some stew and brought it over before the sun had set -“
“I should pay you back for the ingredients -“
“No, you shouldn’t,” Jaejoong replied smoothly as he got out of his seat and placed his hands on Changmin’s shoulders. Yunho watched as Jaejoong squeezed the young boy’s shoulder reassuringly and beamed at him. “You know I’d do anything for you.”
“But -“
“No buts!” Jaejoong turned the teenager around and pushed him back into the bedroom before he could protest any further. “Rest up, and sleep the bad images away. I’ll wake you up in an hour.”
As soon as the door was shut, Yunho spoke up.
“Seems like you have a crush on the boy,” he commented idly. “The way you mother hen over him is quite…”
Jaejoong chuckled and sauntered back to his seat. He leaned forward and rested his chin upon the palm of his hand. “Are you jealous?” he laughed, his eyes crinkling in amusement. “He’s my cousin.”
“Oh.”
“Our mothers were sisters.” Jaejoong continued quietly as he reached across the table to hold Yunho’s beer. “A few years ago, I went looking around for my dad for answers, and instead, I found Changmin and his family.”
Yunho was silent, and he stared at the other man, unsure of what to say. He watched as Jaejoong took his beer to his lips and sipped, and when the other man had set it back down, Jaejoong spoke.
“Only Changmin, his mother and I know, so I’d prefer if you kept our relation a secret.”
“Why tell me in the first place?” Yunho questioned, as he narrowed his eyebrows slightly in suspicion. “I didn’t need to know -“
Jaejoong shot Yunho another one of his beautifully mysterious smiles, “Because I needed you to know that you had nothing to be jealous of.”
“That isn’t -“
“And because, I know you won’t tell anyone.” Jaejoong added, “You’re one of those mysterious, broody types, so I trust our secret will be safe with you.”
“I think you’re ridiculous.”
The other man laughed and ran a hand through his hair, “So…about our date -“
“Persistent, aren’t you?” Yunho questioned. “Why are you bothering with me anyway? For all you know, I could hate -“
Jaejoong shot him a small smile, “You don’t get anything in life if you don’t take risks.” He said confidently. “You should know - you take risks every day, in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if you thrived on them. Aren’t you worried about getting caught by the police? About getting shot? About dying?”
“I have a life to live -“
“Correct, and you’re living it by taking risks every day.” Jaejoong interrupted, his voice filled with conviction. “So, I’m living my life and risking something right now.” His face was serious for a few seconds, and then he flashed a beautiful smile. “I like the thrill that you give me.”
“Do you flirt with everybody?” Yunho questioned gruffly as he reached forward to take his beer back. He eyed Jaejoong curiously, “Or am I supposed to be special and flattered right now?”
“Well, no one’s caught my eye in a while,” Jaejoong murmured as he looked away from Yunho for a few seconds. After a while, he then leaned back into his seat and pouted at Yunho. “Except for you, and you’re being awfully difficult with me. Everyone loves me.”
“Everyone likes pretty things.”
“So you find me pretty?”
“When you shut up, I can appreciate your face for what it is.” Yunho replied lightly with a teasing smile as he slowly got out of his chair. He grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and put it on. Jaejoong was smiling at him, and for some reason, it both irritated and pleased him at the same time.
He began to make his way out of the bar, and Yunho could hear Jaejoong trailing after him. As soon as he reached the door, he turned around and stopped.
“Don’t let Changmin leave,” he spoke softly, his tone more serious than it had been moments prior. “Keep him here. Taewoong’s having some of us hunt down a small gang that’s been messing around near one of his storehouses. I don’t want Changmin around. He’s young, and he’s inexperienced - an easy target.”
Jaejoong nodded and wrapped his jacket closer around his thin frame, “I understand, but won’t they notice that Changmin’s not around? He could get in trouble or end up looking like a coward -”
“I’m in charge of him, so as long as I don’t have any complaints about him, no one’s going to care about whether he’s around or not.” Yunho replied. “Well, good evening Jaejoong.”
“Good evening Yunho,” Jaejoong said softly. The charming front he’d put on earlier dwindling slightly in favor of something else, something more subdued, cautious and unusually serious. “Stay safe, alright? Changmin needs someone to watch over him.”
“I’ll do my best.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Yunho ultimately decided that it was time for him to go. He shot Jaejoong a small, reassuring smile - a show of appreciation for the other man’s kind hearted nature and annoying yet charming ways.
“Before you go, if you’re not blown through with holes by tomorrow evening and if you’re still alive and kicking, will we finally be going on a date yet?”
Yunho chuckled and turned, “I’ll see.”
~~~
All men like Taewoong were the same. They were all driven by lust - for power, for money, for flesh, and Yunho couldn’t be bothered to try differentiating the different men he’d worked for. In his mind, they were practically one entity, the shadows that held sway over his life and determined many of his actions.
It was hard to feel like a free man when so much of his life wasn’t really in his hands anymore, and when his actions were decided for him just like a pawn in any chess game.
But he had no complaints really. The years had hardened him, and he did what he did in order to go get by. He still knew what he wanted, and he could still feel the same desire that had driven him into the kind of lifestyle he led today.
One day, he’d break free.
Yunho looked around at the other men who were seated in the poorly decorated living room. Most of them were hardly real threats at all. They practically reeked of the poverty and desperation that had led those men to this kind of business. He sighed and licked his lips in impatience, desperate to just go home.
The door opened, and Taewoong stepped out. He raked his eyes over all of them, and when his eyes settled upon Yunho, his lips quirked into an amused smile.
“I take it that everything went well?” he asked, his question directed at Yunho.
Yunho raised his head and met the other man’s eyes. “They’ve been taking care of, and we burned the bodies.” He relaxed slightly and continued to speak, “The only trouble we encountered was the sound of police sirens in the distance.”
Taewoong frowned, “Are you sure that everything’s been taken care of?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I handled it myself.”
The older man laughed, his chilling voice sending shivers down Yunho’s spine. As soon as he was done, his grin widened and he turned his eyes away from him to look at all the men who were in the room.
“That my friends, is how things get done.” Taewoong spoke. “But, it’s also how you can get yourselves killed.” His eyes turned back to Yunho, “If anyone finds out we had anything to do with the murders, you’re getting turned in. Understand?”
Unflinching, Yunho held the other man’s gaze and replied. “I understand.”
~~~
“Where’d you get this Jaejoong?”
Yunho looked up from his coffee, and he glanced at Jaejoong. The smile that had been on the other man’s lips faltered for a second, before he quickly placed it back a playful frown on his lips.
“And what are you doing snooping around with my alcohol brat?” Jaejoong snapped at Changmin, who was holding up an imported bottle of scotch in his hands. “Put it back where you found it!”
The teenager refused to listen to Jaejoong, and he wandered out with the bottle of scotch in his hands. “But this is the good stuff! It’s the kind of scotch I can only -”
“No, you can’t.” Jaejoong said crossly as he got up off his chair and promptly grabbed the bottle of scotch out of the younger man’s hands. He walked off with the bottle of scotch and promptly placed it away. “It’s not for anyone to drink.”
Changmin moved away from Jaejoong to something else that had caught his eye on the bar counter. But before Yunho could comment for the younger man to not touch anything, Changmin had already picked up something else.
“Where did you get this?”
The glittery gold watch that was in Changmin’s eye caught Yunho’s attention immediately. It was an accessory he’d never seen before, and Yunho tilted his head as he studied it from afar. However, in a quick flash, the watch was snatched out of Changmin’s grasp.
“Stop going around my things, you’re like some overactive child. Didn’t your mother tell you not to go through -“
“I was just asking a question!” Changmin shot back, his voice raised. The irritation on his face was obvious, and he glared at Jaejoong, “What’s so bad about asking you where you got it? It’s not like I said you -“
“Let’s just drop this.” Jaejoong said finally as he shook his head at Changmin, “It’s none of your concern, and -“
Changmin took a step forward. “None of my concern? What are you doing with a watch like that when I know you have things to pay and -“
“It’s none of your business, so leave it alone!”
All of them paused, surprised by Jaejoong’s outburst. Changmin was visibly the most affected, but Jaejoong said nothing and walked over to a cabinet to put the watch away. Yunho watched Jaejoong carefully, the other man still facing away from both him and Changmin. There was something about the way Jaejoong was standing - his body tense yet slightly slumped at the same time that alerted Yunho that something was amiss. But he kept his silence and waited for Jaejoong to act.
One thing he’d learned was that people had a tendency to give away their feelings even without being prompted. It was a natural thing - and Yunho knew he did it as well. People weren’t born natural actors, or immediately capable of hiding what they felt. Considering how lively and emotional Jaejoong tended to be, Yunho knew the other man would easily slip and release something.
However, before he could get some kind of revelation from the other man, Jaejoong quickly composed himself and turned around, a tired smile on his face. “I’m sorry, I’ve just had a hard day today.”
“It’s…it’s okay.” Changmin spoke, his voice soft.
As if nothing had happened, Jaejoong nodded and his smile instantly brightened. “How about I give you something to drink, as an apology?”
Yunho frowned slightly, and he glanced at Changmin, who’d been easily distracted by Jaejoong’s words.
“What, really?” the teenager asked in shock, “You’ll really give me something? Like what?”
Jaejoong took a bottle of beer out and tossed it at Changmin, who caught it before it could fall to the ground. He then turned his eyes to Yunho, his smile still plastered onto his face.
“What about you sweetheart, what do you want?”
When Yunho failed to answer, his head still busy thinking about Jaejoong’s sudden change in character, Jaejoong laughed and pulled him out of his thoughts.
“I know I’m beautiful, but you really don’t have to stare.” Jaejoong said softly, his eyes lingering on Yunho. “And well…if you’re thinking about something else that you want, don’t think about it while Changmin’s around -“
Before Yunho could retort, Changmin snorted. “I doubt Yunho thinks about you in that way Jaejoong. He knows you too well. You’re about as appealing as Taewoong, and I don’t think Yunho’s jumping into bed with him anytime soon.”
“What? Are you saying that just because he knows me, he doesn’t like me?” Jaejoong asked with a playful pout, his previous demeanor gone entirely. He turned his eyes to Yunho, and Yunho met his gaze. “I’m still seductive, aren’t I Yunho? I’m still a mystery?”
Yunho thought for a few seconds and then replied, his eyes holding Jaejoong’s gaze as he spoke. “Yes, yes you are.” And as he took a sip of his drink, Yunho noticed how Jaejoong’s smile faltered.
~~~
“Is something wrong?”
Jaejoong looked up from the book he’d been reading, and he eyed Yunho curiously. He shifted and placed his book down onto the counter, “What do you mean?”
Yunho shrugged and finished the last of his vodka. There were honestly several things he could comment on which struck him as weird. Firstly, he’d noticed how Jaejoong’s collection of imported alcohol had grown over the past weeks, and secondly, he’d also seen how Jaejoong’s behavior was changing as well. The fake smiles had become all the more pronounced lately, and Yunho stared into his empty shot glass, contemplating the last time he’d seen Jaejoong smile at him with the kind of honesty and meaningfulness that that he’d possessed before.
“Nothing,” Yunho said softly, as he chose not to press the issue any further. He could feel the way Jaejoong’s eyes were assessing him, and he knew that the other man wouldn’t being divulging anything to him that night.
Jaejoong’s secrets were kept and locked far away, and even he was not privy to them, no matter how much they’d become closer over the past months.
The bar keeper shut his book and left the counter so that he could sit beside Yunho. He looked at the other man, and Yunho turned his head to meet Jaejoong’s gaze. “What is it?” Yunho asked.
“I heard that the police have started cracking down on people who are associated with Taewoong,” Jaejoong said slowly, his eyes never leaving Yunho’s. “I heard it from one of my patrons, and it worries me…”
“I’ll take care of Changmin -“
“But who’ll take care of you?”
All the thoughts in Yunho’s head evaporated at that second, and he stared at Jaejoong, unsure of what to reply next. He’d been thrown off by the sincerity in which the other man had asked his question, and Yunho was at a loss as to what to say next.
“I’ve always been able to take care of myself,” he said finally as he averted his gaze and turned to run one of his fingers along the rim of his shot glass. “Besides, I trust that Taewoong -“
“You shouldn’t be so trusting of such people.”
The dark tone in which Jaejoong had uttered his words caught Yunho’s attention, and his eyes immediately turned to the other man.
“And why not?” Yunho asked, not because he meant his question, but because he’d use it as bait to lure out whatever it was that Jaejoong was hiding from him.
Unfortunately, Jaejoong failed to take the bait and quickly diverted the topic in which they had been heading towards. “You’re so cute,” Jaejoong said teasingly as he pinched Yunho’s cheek, a bright smile once again plastered onto his face. “Sometimes I just want to kiss you.”
~~~
“Jaejoong likes you,” Changmin said quietly as he and Yunho walked on the dirt path that led out of a farm and back to the town square. Yunho turned his eyes to look at the teenager whose eyes were still glued onto the ground. “I know he does.”
Yunho fell silent, unsure of what to say. They walked in silence for a few minutes, with only the sound of the crickets and the crunching sounds of their shoes on the ground beneath them filling in the gap left behind by a non-existent conversation.
While he and Jaejoong had been toying with one another endlessly the past months, there was still something between them that held them back. Perhaps he was too afraid to step forward and admit what he’d been feeling for the past weeks, while Jaejoong on the other hand continued to be an enigma to him. Like a Rubik’s cube that fought back and refused to be solved, Jaejoong now constantly seemed to change in front of Yunho.
Gone were the days of him believing that Jaejoong was nothing more than a good humored, light hearted, charmer. There was something else lurking beneath his surface, and it was something that intrigued Yunho immensely. It only made his eyes linger on the other man longer, and somehow, Jaejoong had begun to take up most of his thoughts.
He spent so many hours in his days contemplating the mystery that was Jaejoong, but because he was too hesitant to take any further steps, he would never know anything more than what he already knew.
“Yunho?”
At the sound of Changmin’s voice, Yunho quickly straightened up. He glanced at the teenager beside him, who was looking at him with a worried frown on his face.
“You haven’t said anything at all.” The young boy said slowly, worried that he was treading on thin ice by continuing to speak about Jaejoong. “I just…I hope I didn’t scare you off in some -“
“Changmin!”
The sound of Jaejoong’s voice quickly caused an abrupt halt to their conversation, and both of them turned around. The barkeeper shot them a brilliant smile before he turned to his companion and bid her farewell. He quickly caught up to them, and he caught his breath before he spoke.
“It’s late, both of you should be home.” Jaejoong chided as he even reached forward to pinch Changmin’s cheek. The teenager protested loudly, but Yunho watched as Jaejoong continued and did it anyway.
“Haven’t you two heard? The police are trying to implement some laws around here, and are insisting that everyone stay home.” Jaejoong laughed breathlessly, “Something like a curfew I suppose.”
“That sounds ridiculous -“
Yunho interrupted Changmin and cut in, “Seeing as you are a kid in need of a curfew, you should get home now. Your mother’s waiting.”
Changmin quickly turned his head and stared at Yunho with an aghast expression on his young face. “Are you serious? No way -“
“Actually, I think Yunho’s right,” Jaejoong chimed in. “You should go home now Changmin. I’m sure your mother’s worried as usual. You’re young and you wouldn’t want to get in trouble with the police. Go home.”
Soon realizing that there was no way he’d win the argument, Changmin huffed and sent an irritated glare at both of them. “Whatever, fine,” he said finally before he turned away and began to make his way home. As soon as he was a few feet away, Yunho took his eyes off the teenager and placed them on the man in front of him.
Jaejoong’s eyes eventually met his, and they stared at each other in the moonlight without saying a word. Silently judging, mutely assessing, Yunho almost felt like he was standing in front of a potential enemy rather than a friend. He could feel Jaejoong scrutinizing him, tearing away at his walls and persistently knocking down at whatever it was that he’d tried to put up in the long years that had passed.
“Can I get a drink?” Yunho asked softly, breaking their silence. He eyed Jaejoong carefully, “Or is it too late? Perhaps I should start coming earlier to the bar…”
“No, it’s fine - it’s not like you’re missing anything.” Jaejoong murmured as he cast his attention away from Yunho and sought answers to his secret thoughts elsewhere. After a few seconds, Jaejoong looked at Yunho once again and spoke, “Is this our date?”
“If you don’t mind me smelling of smoke and Changmin, then it could be,” Yunho answered as he placed his hands into the pockets of his coat. He kept his eyes away from Jaejoong’s and continued to speak. “But if you were happy with all this, then I suppose I’d have to say that you have low standards.”
Jaejoong laughed, and the sound instantly caught Yunho’s attention. He turned to loko at the younger man, who smiled brightly at him then replied, “Well fine then, I’ll have to hold out until next time.”
“I guess so.”
They talked about menial things as they walked, and Yunho let Jaejoong dominate the conversation as he usually did. Due to spending so many hours with the other man, Yunho was familiar enough with Jaejoong’s behavior around him. He knew he set Jaejoong on edge. It was the reason behind Jaejoong’s tendency to act like a chatterbox in order to put up a front that he was more relaxed than he actually was.
Yunho didn’t mind the silence between them, but he knew Jaejoong did. He preferred their quiet moments together - the moments they spent basking in the simple pleasures of being in one another’s presence, but he never voiced that out to the other man. It was something that remained hidden, a thought he didn’t feel confident enough to speak to someone other than himself.
As for why, he didn’t quite know just yet.
~~~
Yunho watched as Jaejoong made his way around the bar, looking for a bottle of whiskey that they could share. The barkeeper moved fluidly around the room, and when he was able to produce a bottle, he shot Yunho another one of his beautiful and unrestrained smiles.
“Have you always been so quiet?” Jaejoong asked after he’d returned to his seat and had begun to pour another glass of whiskey for Yunho.
Once again, Changmin had long been sent home - this time under the pretense that his mother was upset with him for some reason, and it was now just the two of them in the bar.
He inched closer to Yunho, and Yunho accepted the glass when Jaejoong pushed it towards him.
Yunho shrugged. “I’m not used to being asked anything.”
“Well…” Jaejoong trailed off and set his chin onto the palm of his hand. “What if I asked you a question right now, would you answer?”
“You asked me a question just -“
The younger man frowned and quickly stole Yunho’s glass. He downed the whiskey in one gulp then set the empty glass onto the table. “That doesn’t count, I want to ask you something else.”
“What is this, some drinking game?”
The barkeeper shook his head and kept his eyes fixed on Yunho, “No, I just want to ask you something important…”
“And what would that be?”
“Why are you always watching me?” Jaejoong asked softly as his other hand moved across the table and stopped only a few centimeters away from Yunho’s. “I feel…I don’t know what to think of you. I can’t…I don’t understand why you do it.”
Perhaps it was the numerous glasses of whiskey that caused his tongue to be loose, but Yunho’s words slipped before he could hold himself back.
“I want to understand you.”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened slightly, and as soon as Yunho had heard himself speak, he immediately straightened up. He stared at Jaejoong, all thoughts and words evaporating as he waited for the other man to say something - to say anything. The way Jaejoong was looking at him made him feel uneasy, more uneasy than he’d felt in years. His stomach churned his throat tightened, and his head felt light.
“There’s nothing to understand,” Jaejoong whispered softly, and Yunho watched as the other man’s hand intertwined with his. Puzzle pieces fitted for one another, Yunho observed the natural feeling of his hand against Jaejoong’s.
They continued to hold one another’s gazes, and Jaejoong continued to speak, his voice airy light and fragile. Yunho wanted nothing more than to kiss him at that moment, but his body was anchored to his chair by a fear of uncertainty and rejection that refused to let go of him.
“What I am, here, in front of you right now…is the person I want to be,” Jaejoong murmured as he lowered his eyes and kept his attention on their intertwined hands. “I’ve been dealt with enough bad luck in the world to know something good when I see it, and...”
With a sigh, Jaejoong looked up and met Yunho’s gaze. The other man had never looked so fragile before, the weariness of a man who’d lived through so much finally marring his usually perfect features. Yet despite its imperfection, the age it placed upon Jaejoong and the darkness it shrouded upon his usual glow, Yunho had never thought of him to be more perfect than he was at that moment.
No walls, no pretenses, no lies - in their precious, stolen seconds of time, they felt free of the weigh that the world had unfairly cast upon their shoulders.
“You know where this is going, right?” Jaejoong whispered as he leaned in, his lips only centimeters away from Yunho’s. “Do you understand what I’m…what I’m trying to tell you?”
“I do.”
“Are you scared?”
Yunho shook his head and felt the last of his fear and denial finally slip away. His heart was pounding in his chest, and as his hand ran along the smoothness of Jaejoong’s cheek in order to close the gap between them, Yunho could sense the other man’s anxiety. He whispered a quiet assurance then finally pressed his lips against Jaejoong’s, sealing a quiet deal between them in the sanctuary provided by the dimly lit bar.
~~~
He was restless, and after an hour or so of waiting, Yunho was sick of it all. He could still feel the tiredness that lingered in his body despite all his sleep, and all he really wanted was to leave despite Taewoong’s insistence that they had to see each other again.
If anything, all he really wanted to do was see Jaejoong again.
As soon as he’d taken that step for them, the other man was quickly stealing more and more of him. He took advantage of Yunho’s weakness for him, and Yunho was too powerless to stop him. He’d allowed himself to be enslaved to his personal greed because never before had anyone tried so hard to win his heart, and never before had anyone cared so much for him.
He selfishly wanted it all. He wanted Jaejoong to love him, and only him.
Yunho exhaled, gave up, and crushed his cigarette underneath the heel of his boot before he began to make the uphill climb to the storehouse. As soon as he pushed the doors open, expecting to find someone capable of answering his question, he found five useless drunks instead.
“Where’s Taewoong?” Yunho asked as he entered, his disgust with the men visible on his face as he approached him. He’d heard that the men who looked after the storehouse were hardly anything much, but these men were even lower on the chain of command then he expected.
They were useless brutes - all muscle and no mind.
One of the men who was sitting on the ground looked up, and he shrugged. “They said he wasn’t coming. He’s got other things to do.”
Yunho frowned, “And what’s that?”
“Being busy with his object of interest,” one of the other men muttered as he wiped off the beer that had trickled down his chin. He burped loudly then continued, “The pretty barkeeper.”
~~~
Yunho couldn’t bring himself to ask Jaejoong about what he had heard. At the mere thought of asking the other man, he felt like retching. The mere thought that Taewoong lusted after and hungered for one of the few things that he considered as his made him feel a repulsion that he’d never known before.
His emotions were taking control. Yunho didn’t know what he was doing exactly, whether he was driven by jealousy or by his disgust of Taewoong - but what he did know was the he had to see everything for himself.
He came into the bar early, finally allowing himself to be roped into spending time with the other men that worked for Taewoong. They were a loud bunch, and as soon as they were inside, Yunho knew that they would catch some kind of attention. But luckily enough, they weren’t kicked out and one of the girls that worked in the bar came over to take their orders.
Yunho wasn’t there to talk to any of the guys, but he gave them responses whenever they were required. His eyes and mind were elsewhere, focused on the only actual reason why he’d bothered to go to the bar rather than going straight home.
He wanted to see for himself. He wanted to know.
After a few minutes, he finally got the answer he wanted. The bar’s front door opened, and Yunho’s eyes quickly darted over to the entrance. Taewoong and Jaejoong came in together, with the latter cradling what looked like an expensive bottle of wine in his hands. They headed over to one of the tables in a distant corner of the bar, and as soon as Jaejoong sat down, Taewoong beckoned for one of the girls to bring them wine glasses with his usual boisterous voice.
Yunho watched them, his companions’ conversation falling on deaf ears as he observed the two men together. He watched as Jaejoong entertained Taewoong through conversation, his eyes constantly downcast or focused elsewhere. The longer Yunho gazed at the two men, the more nauseous he felt. He could practically feel his stomach knot in disgust.
Sick of the charade Jaejoong was playing, and disgusted by Taewoong’s blatant flirting, Yunho got up, slapped down a couple of bills onto the bar table, and began to make his way out of the bar. But just before he could leave and try to pretend like he’d seen nothing at all, something in his gut told him to look back, so he did.
And when he turned, his eyes instantly found Jaejoong’s.
Jaejoong looked surprised to see him, and Yunho watched as the surprise slowly trickled away and got replaced by a somber look. Unable to handle seeing Jaejoong in such a position, Yunho quickly averted his eyes and walked out of the bar.
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