A Better Tomorrow
Title: A Better Tomorrow
Pairing: JaeMin
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: With possibly only six months left to live, Changmin enlists the aid of his best friend Jaejoong to help him complete the one thing he wants to do before he dies- fall in love
A/N: this is a birthday fic for my lovely museelo I hope you enjoy this and have a great day ^^
Changmin felt like he was rather lucky.
Growing up, the boy knew that there was too much uncertainty in life. He didn't know when he was going to have his first kiss, go on his first date, get his first book published, or even what he would have for dinner most nights.
He did, however, know when he was going to die.
Most people would see a terminal illness as a curse, spending their days moaning about their fate and cursing to God, asking Him why they had been chosen out of the billions of people on the planet. Surely there was someone worse than them out there that deserved to die-a murderer or a rapist. Someone who would make the world a better place with their death.
Changmin never thought like that, though. In fact, as soon his doctor had told him the news with that sad, sad look on his face, the teenage boy didn't even show any emotion. Instead he went to his silent house, sat as his silent desk, and decided to make a list.
~~~***~~~
“A list? Of things you want to do before you die?”
Changmin had called over his best friend, Jaejoong, to help him. The two of them had known each other since they were diapers and now, at seventeen years old, they were still as close as ever despite the distinct differences in their personalities and appearances.
Jaejoong was the typical bad boy with a gold heart secretly hidden from the public. He had bleached hair, piercings and tattoos, and smoked like a chimney. However he also helped his mother cook dinner for their expansive family every night and always listened to any problems his eight sisters had.
Changmin, on the other hand, was the model boy in every way. Though he was always snarky with his best friend, with everyone else he was shy and studious. He had never been a cause of problem or concern to his family. Well...at least until he became ill.
“I wrote it yesterday. I want to finish it before my surgery. It's in six months so I think I have enough time.” Changmin stated calmly.
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes, leaping off his best friend's bed and choosing to sit on the floor in front of the desk chair that Changmin was currently seated in.
“I thought you said that this was a list of things you wanted to do before you died.”
“It is.”
“Then why are we doing it now? We have our whole lives to finish this stupid list.”
Changmin sighed. It had been this way since the first time he had fell ill. It wasn't as though Jaejoong didn't support him. It's just that the other boy didn't like to accept the fact that his best friend was dying before his eyes.
“Jaejoong...about the surgery...”
“What?” the other boy said, maybe a bit too quickly. “You told me that you had a 50 percent chance of surviving. That's actually pretty high when you think about it. The doctor's told my great aunt Son Yin that she had a fifty percent chance of living 10 years ago when she caught pneumonia and she's still here...though some days I'm not that happy for it. She's a devil, you know! She....”
“Jae,” Changmin said softly, cutting his friend off. The other boy looked up at him reluctantly. “My doctor talked to us yesterday. He said because the cancer is so aggressive and because this is my second relapse the odds are only around twenty percent now.”
Jaejoong stared hard at his friend, then stared at the ground. He ran his hands over the patterns in the worn carpet.
“Twenty percent is still a good chance too, Min” he said finally. “It's better than a lot of people's chances.”
Changmin just sighed and took the list from his desk, handing it over to Jaejoong. “Just look at the list, won't you? I need your help to finish it.”
“I'll take this, but I won't look at it,” Jaejoong sniffed, stuffing the paper carelessly in his pocket. “We still have so much time to do this list. I'll call you when we're sixty so we can start on whatever weird ideas you have.”
“Actually there is only one thing on that list.” Changmin said with a wave of his hand. “I figured we wouldn't really have time for...”
“Whatever,” Jaejoong said, getting up suddenly. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his fingers brushing over Changmin's list, causing him to frown. It was too soon, and too much and...
“I'll call you later.”
Changmin just watched as his friend rushed out of the room. He turned back to his computer and let out a sigh. It didn't seem like he was going to get any help from his friend, and he really didn't know how to finish the list for himself. Even though there was only one thing on there, it was something that Changmin wanted above all else.
To fall in love.
~~~***~~~
That night, Changmin lay in bed. His parents forced him go to sleep every night at eight, his mother coming in to tuck him in herself. (It was the most effort she had ever put in him). The boy wondered why they even bothered. He stayed in his room, sleeping, the whole day anyways.
He stared at his ceiling. It was covered with little glow in the dark stars that his father had put up before he was even born. He was his parent's first child and his father had thought that looking at the stars everyday would make their kid smart-- interested in the universe, maybe even become a scientist.
Instead it had made Changmin a dreamer. A kid that loved to lie on the floor of his room and pretend like he was outside, completely safe and surrounded by the stars twinkling down at him. It made him poetic. A writer.
Changmin thought that it was probably for the best that he didn't become science-minded. Maybe if he was, this whole death thing would be a lot scarier to him. The prospect of going to sleep and never waking up again would be terrifying. But as it was, his creative mind saw death as just another adventure along the way.
His phone vibrated from his bedside table. Frowning he reached over and looked at it. He had one new text from Jaejoong.
I've set you up for a blind date Wednesday at lunch. Wear something nice. Also, how did you expect to fall in love in six months? You need at least a couple of years for that.
Changmin reread the message and smiled.
~~~***~~~
“This is a kid that's in that badminton club my mother forced me to join” Jaejoong said as he whisked Changmin from his home on Wednesday afternoon. “I have to spend an hour every Friday whacking things with her so don't do anything that will make her mad at me, okay?”
“What can I do to make her mad at you?' Changmin asked.
“I don't know. Something like tell her that I think her hair looks like Vick's poo or that she has a nose like a hook or something....”
Changmin stared at his other friend with mouth wide open. “You set me up with a gril who has a hook nose and hair that looks like your dog's crap?”
“She's a nice girl!” Jaejoong said with a pout. “And her hair doesn't really look like Vick's poo....”
Changmin sat silently in the passengers seat.
“....It's only the same color. It's styled more like a bird's nest....”
Silence again. Jaejoong stopped at a red light.
“....at least she's nice?”
The corners of Changmin's mouth curled into a smile. It only took a second for the giggles to escape his lips. Soon both boys were howling in laughter in the tiny car, so lost in their mirth, only stopping when the car horns behind them warned them that the light had turned green once more.
~~~***~~~
The girl that Jaejoong had tried to set Changmin up really didn't have a hook nose and bad hair. And she was rather nice. However, she was dull as a board and seemed more interested in badminton than actually having a relationship.
“You need to be more open minded,” Jaejoong said as the two of them sat on a table in front of the ice scream parlor that the blonde boy had dragged his best friend to after his date.
“I wasn't the problem,” Changmin drolled as he watched Jaejoong lean over and lick at some of his strawberry ice cream. “I could have been Hyun Bin and the only way she would have looked at me is if my name were shuttlecock and she could whack me with a racket.”
“Kinky~” Jaejoong replied, earning him a light smack in the head. The boy tried to hold back a smile. He had missed this violent, snarky Changmin. The other boy had taken to being silent and completive lately.
“You still need to find me a new person, then,” Changmin said.
“Hmph, it's not as easy as you make it seem, okay,” Jaejoong said with a mouthful of ice cream, “It's not like there's just a catalog of girls for me to choose from. Our school is an all boy's one and badminton is the only club I'm in. Plus my sisters' friends are all too weird or too old.”
Changmin shrugged. “Okay then, just look for a guy.”
Jaejoong choked on his ice cream. “You're gay?” he whispered so that passerby's would not hear.
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Jae, I'm dying and I have six months to fall in love. My skin is this gross gray color and I barely have any hair. I can't really be picky here.”
“I still think you're handsome,” Jaejoong mumbled. “And you have plenty of time to meet someone and fall in love, Min. Years. If you like girls then date girls.”
Changmin gave his best friend a wistful look, a sad smile playing across his face.
“Guys are okay too.”
~~~***~~~
The next date was the next week. Changmin had been feeling faint that morning, stomach churning more than usual. He sneaked into the bathroom to throw up twice that morning alone, careful to keep the water running so his parents wouldn't hear. He didn't want to wake them up so early just to upset them further.
He knew his illness was taking a tole on his mother and father. Before they had lived an almost perfect life. They were both school teachers, lived in a comfortable apartment, had a smart son and two bright daughters.
Now they had the strain of hospital bills and looking after a son who was going to die anyways. The illness spreading through his body was too much for him to take, so he knew that it had to be too much for his parents as well. Sure, he knew his illness afforded him the right to be selfish. After all, he only had six more months on the earth, surely he should do whatever the hell he wanted to. But on the other hand, he didn't want to trouble anybody since his time was so limited. Why have people waste their time and effort on something that wouldn't even be around in half a year?
He rest his head against the toilet bowl for a few seconds, regaining his strength so that he could walk back to his room. He had to meet Jaejoong in a few hours, after all, and he didn't want to look like a mess and cause his friend to worry as well.
He hoisted himself back up to his feet and went back to his room. Sitting at his desk, he took out a piece of paper and his pen, scribing down another list. After he finished, he looked down and sighed. Carefully, he folded the paper and stowed it away in his desk dresser.
This list was personal.
~~~***~~~
“He was horrendous”
It was the first thing that Changmin said as he walked out of the restaurant after his date and faced an eager-eyed Jaejoong. His best friend's face fell slightly.
“Horrendous? Isn't that a little strong?” the boy asked.
“It's true.” Changmin said.
“But Yunho is class president. Everyone thinks he's lovely!” Jaejoong cried.
“He wore a bow tie and talked about puppies, Bambi, and charity the whole time.”
“So? You don't like that?” Jaejoong asked. Changmin turned to him with both eyebrows raised.
“Jae, if I wanted to fall in love with something that vomited out sunshine and happiness all the time I would have dated a rainbow.”
Jaejoong tried his best to stifle a laugh. “Your parents told me that you needed some positive reinforcement in your life right now. I thought Yunho could be a good influence.”
Changmin shook his head. “I'm not looking for good influences right now, Jaejoong. I have six months. I want a world wind romance with a person that will knock me off my feet, take my virginity, and marry me under the stars.”
Jaejoong gaped at his best friend, shocked into silence. Changmin cringed....had he said too much? Was he pushing it with the whole marriage thing? He hadn't really ever told anyone about that dream before...
“Jae....say something....” Changmin said, meekly poking the other boy. He didn't want to scare Jaejoong. That was the last thing he wanted. He couldn't imagine trying to get through the next few months without the other boy by his side.
“You've never had sex before?”
Changmin grinned. He knew his friendship was still okay.
~~~***~~~
It was a bad week for Changmin. His stomach was hurting more than usual and he just stayed in bed mostly, staring out the window, writing wishes down on little scraps of paper, and eating whenever a concerned family member would come into his room with soups or other light meals.
“Oppa?”
Changmin looked over and saw his sister Min Young standing at the door carrying a bowl. Just like parents weren't supposed to have a favorite child, siblings weren't supposed to pick favorites among each other.
However it was common knowledge that parents knew that they did favor one child the most, and just like that-Changmin knew his favorite sister was Min Young. At fifteen years old, the girl was the perfect combination of innocent and spunky and best of all, she cared for Changmin with all her heart. Not saying that his other sister, Sun Min, didn't, but she was just ten years old and still in the mindset where she thought the world revolved around her.
“Come in Min Young”
“Are you feeling a little better today?” she asked as she set the soup down on the bedside table. She knew her brother well enough to not try to feed him anything such as that.
“I only threw up twice, so that's an improvement.”
Min Young didn't smile. Changmin didn't expect her to. Only Jaejoong understood his dark humor.
“Mother and Father left for work already. They said they could pick you up something on their way back if you wanted. Maybe you're getting sick of just eating soup all day...” Min Young said.
Changmin cocked his head to the side. “Ice cream would be nice. Strawberry. And aren't you supposed to be in school now?”
“We decided to take turns staying at home to be with you,” Min Young said with a smile.
“You don't have to do that.”
“I know. But we want to.” she said, reaching over and grabbing her brother's hand. It was too thin and boney. He had lost a lot of weight in the past year.
Changmin squeezed the girl's hand.
“What are you working on?” Min Young asked, suddenly spotting the small pile of papers that her brother had put aside. She grabbed them before Changmin could stop her.
Mortified by what he had written down over the past few hours, Changmin buried himself into the covers, face enflamed. He heard Min Young gasp and his cheeks got even warmer.
“Oppa....oppa, why are you hiding under the covers like that?”
All it took was a yank for Changmin's fortress to crumble down. He was too tired and too consumed in his mortification to try to get the covers back.
“Min Young....those things I wrote....I was tired and had a headache and wasn't really thinking properly and...”
“Are you ever going to tell him, oppa?” the girl asked. She looked at her brother with a mix of pity and hopelessness. Changmin decided it was his new least favorite expression.
“There's no point, Min Young. It's too late for that.” He closed his eyes. It was the end of the conversation.
~~~***~~~
“Trust me, Min. This guy is amazing.” Jaejoong said as he brushed off lint on his friend's coat. It wasn't even that cold outside yet there was a fair breeze and Jaejoong had forced his best friend to cover up just in case. The two boys were huddled together outside of a small cafe.
“He's going to think I'm insane for wearing a winter jacket when it's 26 C outside...”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Minho doesn't care about fashion. He's a bit younger than us and he's really smart. Plus he's part of all the clubs that you were part of back when you were in school. And, get this, he totally has a crush on you.”
“He has a crush...on me?”
“Yep. You were his favorite sunbae but you never noticed him apparently” Jaejoong answered with sparkling eyes. Changmin frowned.
“He hasn't seen me lately, though...”
This time it was Jaejoong's turn to frown. “I already told you that you still look handsome! Just a little thinner and with shorter hair. But you're still the heartbreaker Min I've always known.”
“I was hardly a heartbreaker,” Changmin droned, “does he know I'm dying?”
“He knows you're sick,” Jaejoong sniffed. “Now get in there and fall in love!”
~~~***~~~
An hour later Changmin walked out of the cafe. Jaejoong, who had been sitting by the outdoor fountain and trying to dare kids to jump into it for a won, immediately got up and rushed to him.
“Min, why are you out so early? Did Minho do something to you? Did he say something? Did he try to...touch you? I swear I'm going to go and punch his face in if he did!”
“Touch me? Jae, do you think I'm six years old or something? Seriously...”
“What happened then, Min?” Jaejoong asked.
“Minho was great. The date was....great...I just got a really bad stomachache and he offered to take me home, but I told him you were waiting.”
Jaejoong's eyed doubled in size. “Stomachache? Do you still have it? Are you okay? Do you need to take your medications?”
“I'm fine, Jae. I just want to go home.”
“Okay,” Jaejoong said, nodding right away, “Okay, let's get you home.”
Both boys walked away from the cafe, completely forgetting about Minho and the list and love.
~~~***~~~
Both boys sat in silence for a while in Changmin's room. Jaejoong had tucked his best friend into his bed and made sure he had taken all of his medicine. (as well as called Minho and apologized for Changmin's sudden departure)
Jaejoong claimed Changmin's usual favorite seat-his computer chair-and watched over his friend as he silently lay in bed. He wondered if things like this would become normal over the next few months. Changmin would only get weaker and weaker until his surgery and the boy often forgot to take his medications.
“You know...” Changmin said finally. “I don't think I want to do my list anymore.”
“You can't really call it a list if it's only one thing,” Jaejoong mumbled. “But what happened to the loosing your virginity and the marriage under the stars?” Changmin cracked a weak grin.
“I don't think I really have the energy to fall in love right now, Jae.”
Jaejoong stiffened a little. “It's okay, Min. We don't have to do your list then. You know....I made one myself. We can do that instead.”
“Made one what?”
“A list, idiot. Of things that I want to do with you before you die.”
Changmin raised both eyebrows. Jaejoong? Kim Jaejoong...the boy who never wanted to believe that Changmin was dying made a list like that? It was almost inconceivable. “What's on your list?”
Jaejoong reached into his pocket and took out a neatly folded piece of paper. “My list of things to do with my insufferable best friend before he dies.”
“Great so you insult me even in writing.”
Jaejoong ignored his friend's words and continued on. “Graduate from high school; teach Min Young and Sun Min how to drive a car; go to university and go wild; get piss drunk and walk along the Han singing girl group songs; find love and tease each other about it; plan and execute the best wedding under the stars that anybody has ever seen; celebrate each birthday together until we turn 80 and are too old to smash each other's faces into cakes...”
Jaejoong stopped reading as soon as he heard the soft sniffles. They were so silent that had the room not been so quiet, the blonde boy would have missed them all together. He immediately looked up and saw tear streaks going down Changmin's cheeks.
In a matter of seconds the computer desk chair was empty and Jaejoong was curled on Changmin's bed, holding his best friend as the quiet sniffles turned into fill blown sobs.
“Min....Min....please....”
Changmin clung to Jaejoong, crying harder, letting everything out for the first time. All the pain and suffering and fallen hopes he had endured by himself coming out in mass. He couldn't do it anymore. Not with Jaejoong so close and caring...
“I'm afraid Jae, I'm so afraid.”
And with that, Jaejoong felt his own eyes water. He closed them shut tightly in hopes of keeping the tears in, but they still managed to seep through little slits.
“I am too, Min.”
“I want to be able to do all those things with you. I want to see my sisters get married, to go to university, to grow old and cranky and push your face into cake even when we're 90”
Jaejoogn sobbed harder and clutched onto Changmin. “You can, Min. Don't talk like you're going to die.”
“But I am, Jae. I am. My body is fading away every single day and I can feel it. It'll be a miracle if I even make it to the surgery date.”
Jaejoong's eyes widened. “No, Min. We have to take you to the hospital, then! Maybe they can move your date forward.”
“Don't you see it, Jae? Why are you wasting your energy on someone who is going to die anyways? Why do you care?”
Jaejoong wanted to slap the boy in front of him, but instead he just held him closer, buried his face into the sunken juncture between his neck and shoulder.
“Because I refuse to believe that the person I love the most in the world is going to be taken away from me.” he whispered. “You can't die, Min. You...can't...”
“I don't want to die.”
It was barely a whisper, but it was said nonetheless-the first time that Changmin was saying it aloud. For all the thoughts he had about great adventures and the peacefulness of death, in reality, he didn't want to die. There was so much more that he wanted to do in life.
“Then don't.”
“It hurts too much, though,” Changmin answered, sounding groggy. His doctor had warned him about becoming too emotional or excited. “Everything...hurts too much.”
“Go to sleep then, Min,” Jaejoogn whispered to him. “Ease the pain for a little. I'll be here when you wake up.”
It was the best sleep Changmin had in months.
~~~***~~~
But of course good things never lasted forever, and Changmin awoke to find Jaejoong's enraged face hovering above his.
He quickly wondered if he said anything in his sleep, knowing that there were quite a number of things that he could have uttered that would make the boy so upset.
“Shim Changmin!”
“Uh...hi Jae...”
“When were you going to tell me?”
Changmin felt his whole body freeze. “About what?”
“Your mother asked me to put your sketchbook away because you had left it in the living room,” Jaejoong said, “and while I was putting it in your desk drawer I found these.”
Jaejoong dumped a pile of papers onto Changmin's bedspread. The other boy didn't look at them. He didn't need to. He knew exactly what they were-letters he had written to himself, wishes about the person he loved and how much he hoped and prayed that he would able to express his love one day....one day that he knew would never come...
“Jae...I. I couldn't tell you.”
“Couldn't tell me what, Min?” Jaejoong asked, eyes narrowed.
“You know,” Changmin said lamely, hand waving towards the mass of papers on his bed.
“Say it aloud.”
“I don't want to start anything that...”
“Say it aloud, Changmin.”
Changmin exhaled deeply, looking up and locking his eyes with Jaejoong's. “I love you. I've loved you for years. I figured it out when we were fourteen and I wanted to tell you then but then I got sick and I kept getting worse and worse...”
“Do you think it matters?” Jaejoong asked.
“Of course it matters. I didn't want to confess to you and force you to be in a relationship with a dying man! It's not fair to you and I love you too much for that!”
“Then what was your list about? Why did you ask me to help you find a person to love?”
Changmin looked down at his sheets. “I thought that maybe I could find a person and pretend to love them. That if you thought that I had someone to love and look over me you wouldn't be so worried all the time.”
“You self sacrificing little twit,” Jaejoong breathed, sounding exasperated. He leaned over and grabbed Changmin's hands “I love you, okay? I have forever.”
Changmin looked up with wide eyes. “What? But what about my illness?”
“I loved you before your illness and I loved you through it. Why do you think I always got so emotional about you talking about dying all the time?”
“You...you helped me try to find dates, though. You set me up with a bunch of people.”
Jaejoong smiled wanly. “I thought that's what you wanted. I was right here in front of you and then you told me you wanted to find someone else to love. I didn't think you were interested in me.”
“Why wouldn't someone be interested in you?' Changmin mumbled. Jaejoong grinned widely.
“Why wouldn't they, indeed.” He leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to the other boy's mouth. It was short little peck, sweet and innocent, but it spoke of a lifetime of love and tenderness.
“I am going to be right here, Min,” Jaejoong whispered, “to the very end-whether that be in six months or thirty years. My love and I are not going anywhere. You can count on that.”
Changmin just nodded, afraid to say anything. This moment was perfect and he knew that if he were to die right then and there, he would die happily.
~~~***~~~
Under Jaejoong's constant care and endless love, Changmin lasted the six months until he was able to try for surgery. The two boys had been inseparable from the day that Jaejoong had discovered the notes in Changmin's desk-trying desperately to make up for all the time they had lost.
They didn't know which day would be Changmin's last, so they lived each day to the fullest. Whenever Changmin was having a good day they would go down to the Han or to a park and eat copious amounts of ice cream. When he was having a bad they, they would camp in Changmin's room-talking to each other nonstop as Jaejoong made sure that the boy took his medicines and ate a lite soup every hour.
The day before Changmin's operation the two boys lay on the floor of the boy's bedroom with the lights off, staring up at the glow in the dark stars that were tacked to the ceiling.
“Hey Min,” Jaejoong whispered into the dark. The other boy looked over, making out the blonde's pale features even in the dim light.
“Yeah?”
“Give me your hand. Your left one.”
Changmin frowned but did what his boyfriend asked him to do nonetheless. He raised his thin arm, extending it over his body so that Jaejoong had access to his hand.
He heard Jaejoong clear his throat before he started talking in a very deep voice. “Do you Kim Jaejoong take Shim Changmin to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to cherish in sickness and in health until death do you part?”
“I do,” Jaejoong said, answering himself. Changmin leaned up on his elbow and stared at the other male in utter confusion. Jaejoong slipped something cold and heavy onto his ring finger.
Immediately Changmin brought his hand up to his eyes, looking carefully in the dark at the new silver band that encased his finger.
“Jae...is this...” his question was cut short by Jaejoong placing a similar ring into his hand.
“Do you Shim Changmin take Kim Jaejoong to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to cherish in sickness and in health until death do you part?”
Jaejoong stuck his hand out, expectantly, grinning widely. Changmin stared down at the ring in his hand, absolutely in shock.
“I...I do,” he said finally, slipping the ring onto Jaejoong's finger.
“Good. Now with the power invested in my by God I now pronounce us husband and husband....and I say that we can kiss.”
Before Changmin even had a chance to react, he found himself with an armful of teasing, gorgeous blonde. The two boys sat completely still for moments, letting their lips glide against each other in a soft, slow kiss.
Jaejoong was the first to pull back. “There you go,” he said “your wedding under the stars.”
Changmin felt his eyes water up, tears slowly leaking down his face. Jaejoong tenderly wiped them away, though his own tears were coming out steadily.
“Jae...” there were no words that Changmin could say to describe his feelings right now. His thankfulness for having this amazing being in his life. His gratitude towards Jaejoong for staying with him. The depth of his emotions for the other boy that he had known his whole life. There was no way to say any of that so he settled for a simple “I love you.”
Jaejoong smiled gently, caressing the side of his new husband's face. “Silly Min, I love you too.”
Both boys lay in silence, grasping onto each other and letting their love weave around them. Changmin's surgery was tomorrow. He still only had a twenty percent chance of survival. And even then, there was always the possibility that the cancer might come back.
But despite all of that Changmin knew that right then, lying on the floor with his husband that he loved more than the world itself, for once in the course of his whole life...his tomorrow looked bright.
A/N: Okay, there is it. Hope you guys liked it. I know I did not go into much detail about the dates but I wanted to make the main focus on Changmin and Jajoong here. Also I kept the ending open so jthat you can decide whether Min lives or not. I guess it just depends on whether you like angst or fluff. haha
Once again happy bithday to museelo Have a great one bb~
Pairing: JaeMin
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: With possibly only six months left to live, Changmin enlists the aid of his best friend Jaejoong to help him complete the one thing he wants to do before he dies- fall in love
A/N: this is a birthday fic for my lovely museelo I hope you enjoy this and have a great day ^^
Changmin felt like he was rather lucky.
Growing up, the boy knew that there was too much uncertainty in life. He didn't know when he was going to have his first kiss, go on his first date, get his first book published, or even what he would have for dinner most nights.
He did, however, know when he was going to die.
Most people would see a terminal illness as a curse, spending their days moaning about their fate and cursing to God, asking Him why they had been chosen out of the billions of people on the planet. Surely there was someone worse than them out there that deserved to die-a murderer or a rapist. Someone who would make the world a better place with their death.
Changmin never thought like that, though. In fact, as soon his doctor had told him the news with that sad, sad look on his face, the teenage boy didn't even show any emotion. Instead he went to his silent house, sat as his silent desk, and decided to make a list.
~~~***~~~
“A list? Of things you want to do before you die?”
Changmin had called over his best friend, Jaejoong, to help him. The two of them had known each other since they were diapers and now, at seventeen years old, they were still as close as ever despite the distinct differences in their personalities and appearances.
Jaejoong was the typical bad boy with a gold heart secretly hidden from the public. He had bleached hair, piercings and tattoos, and smoked like a chimney. However he also helped his mother cook dinner for their expansive family every night and always listened to any problems his eight sisters had.
Changmin, on the other hand, was the model boy in every way. Though he was always snarky with his best friend, with everyone else he was shy and studious. He had never been a cause of problem or concern to his family. Well...at least until he became ill.
“I wrote it yesterday. I want to finish it before my surgery. It's in six months so I think I have enough time.” Changmin stated calmly.
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes, leaping off his best friend's bed and choosing to sit on the floor in front of the desk chair that Changmin was currently seated in.
“I thought you said that this was a list of things you wanted to do before you died.”
“It is.”
“Then why are we doing it now? We have our whole lives to finish this stupid list.”
Changmin sighed. It had been this way since the first time he had fell ill. It wasn't as though Jaejoong didn't support him. It's just that the other boy didn't like to accept the fact that his best friend was dying before his eyes.
“Jaejoong...about the surgery...”
“What?” the other boy said, maybe a bit too quickly. “You told me that you had a 50 percent chance of surviving. That's actually pretty high when you think about it. The doctor's told my great aunt Son Yin that she had a fifty percent chance of living 10 years ago when she caught pneumonia and she's still here...though some days I'm not that happy for it. She's a devil, you know! She....”
“Jae,” Changmin said softly, cutting his friend off. The other boy looked up at him reluctantly. “My doctor talked to us yesterday. He said because the cancer is so aggressive and because this is my second relapse the odds are only around twenty percent now.”
Jaejoong stared hard at his friend, then stared at the ground. He ran his hands over the patterns in the worn carpet.
“Twenty percent is still a good chance too, Min” he said finally. “It's better than a lot of people's chances.”
Changmin just sighed and took the list from his desk, handing it over to Jaejoong. “Just look at the list, won't you? I need your help to finish it.”
“I'll take this, but I won't look at it,” Jaejoong sniffed, stuffing the paper carelessly in his pocket. “We still have so much time to do this list. I'll call you when we're sixty so we can start on whatever weird ideas you have.”
“Actually there is only one thing on that list.” Changmin said with a wave of his hand. “I figured we wouldn't really have time for...”
“Whatever,” Jaejoong said, getting up suddenly. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his fingers brushing over Changmin's list, causing him to frown. It was too soon, and too much and...
“I'll call you later.”
Changmin just watched as his friend rushed out of the room. He turned back to his computer and let out a sigh. It didn't seem like he was going to get any help from his friend, and he really didn't know how to finish the list for himself. Even though there was only one thing on there, it was something that Changmin wanted above all else.
To fall in love.
~~~***~~~
That night, Changmin lay in bed. His parents forced him go to sleep every night at eight, his mother coming in to tuck him in herself. (It was the most effort she had ever put in him). The boy wondered why they even bothered. He stayed in his room, sleeping, the whole day anyways.
He stared at his ceiling. It was covered with little glow in the dark stars that his father had put up before he was even born. He was his parent's first child and his father had thought that looking at the stars everyday would make their kid smart-- interested in the universe, maybe even become a scientist.
Instead it had made Changmin a dreamer. A kid that loved to lie on the floor of his room and pretend like he was outside, completely safe and surrounded by the stars twinkling down at him. It made him poetic. A writer.
Changmin thought that it was probably for the best that he didn't become science-minded. Maybe if he was, this whole death thing would be a lot scarier to him. The prospect of going to sleep and never waking up again would be terrifying. But as it was, his creative mind saw death as just another adventure along the way.
His phone vibrated from his bedside table. Frowning he reached over and looked at it. He had one new text from Jaejoong.
I've set you up for a blind date Wednesday at lunch. Wear something nice. Also, how did you expect to fall in love in six months? You need at least a couple of years for that.
Changmin reread the message and smiled.
~~~***~~~
“This is a kid that's in that badminton club my mother forced me to join” Jaejoong said as he whisked Changmin from his home on Wednesday afternoon. “I have to spend an hour every Friday whacking things with her so don't do anything that will make her mad at me, okay?”
“What can I do to make her mad at you?' Changmin asked.
“I don't know. Something like tell her that I think her hair looks like Vick's poo or that she has a nose like a hook or something....”
Changmin stared at his other friend with mouth wide open. “You set me up with a gril who has a hook nose and hair that looks like your dog's crap?”
“She's a nice girl!” Jaejoong said with a pout. “And her hair doesn't really look like Vick's poo....”
Changmin sat silently in the passengers seat.
“....It's only the same color. It's styled more like a bird's nest....”
Silence again. Jaejoong stopped at a red light.
“....at least she's nice?”
The corners of Changmin's mouth curled into a smile. It only took a second for the giggles to escape his lips. Soon both boys were howling in laughter in the tiny car, so lost in their mirth, only stopping when the car horns behind them warned them that the light had turned green once more.
~~~***~~~
The girl that Jaejoong had tried to set Changmin up really didn't have a hook nose and bad hair. And she was rather nice. However, she was dull as a board and seemed more interested in badminton than actually having a relationship.
“You need to be more open minded,” Jaejoong said as the two of them sat on a table in front of the ice scream parlor that the blonde boy had dragged his best friend to after his date.
“I wasn't the problem,” Changmin drolled as he watched Jaejoong lean over and lick at some of his strawberry ice cream. “I could have been Hyun Bin and the only way she would have looked at me is if my name were shuttlecock and she could whack me with a racket.”
“Kinky~” Jaejoong replied, earning him a light smack in the head. The boy tried to hold back a smile. He had missed this violent, snarky Changmin. The other boy had taken to being silent and completive lately.
“You still need to find me a new person, then,” Changmin said.
“Hmph, it's not as easy as you make it seem, okay,” Jaejoong said with a mouthful of ice cream, “It's not like there's just a catalog of girls for me to choose from. Our school is an all boy's one and badminton is the only club I'm in. Plus my sisters' friends are all too weird or too old.”
Changmin shrugged. “Okay then, just look for a guy.”
Jaejoong choked on his ice cream. “You're gay?” he whispered so that passerby's would not hear.
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Jae, I'm dying and I have six months to fall in love. My skin is this gross gray color and I barely have any hair. I can't really be picky here.”
“I still think you're handsome,” Jaejoong mumbled. “And you have plenty of time to meet someone and fall in love, Min. Years. If you like girls then date girls.”
Changmin gave his best friend a wistful look, a sad smile playing across his face.
“Guys are okay too.”
~~~***~~~
The next date was the next week. Changmin had been feeling faint that morning, stomach churning more than usual. He sneaked into the bathroom to throw up twice that morning alone, careful to keep the water running so his parents wouldn't hear. He didn't want to wake them up so early just to upset them further.
He knew his illness was taking a tole on his mother and father. Before they had lived an almost perfect life. They were both school teachers, lived in a comfortable apartment, had a smart son and two bright daughters.
Now they had the strain of hospital bills and looking after a son who was going to die anyways. The illness spreading through his body was too much for him to take, so he knew that it had to be too much for his parents as well. Sure, he knew his illness afforded him the right to be selfish. After all, he only had six more months on the earth, surely he should do whatever the hell he wanted to. But on the other hand, he didn't want to trouble anybody since his time was so limited. Why have people waste their time and effort on something that wouldn't even be around in half a year?
He rest his head against the toilet bowl for a few seconds, regaining his strength so that he could walk back to his room. He had to meet Jaejoong in a few hours, after all, and he didn't want to look like a mess and cause his friend to worry as well.
He hoisted himself back up to his feet and went back to his room. Sitting at his desk, he took out a piece of paper and his pen, scribing down another list. After he finished, he looked down and sighed. Carefully, he folded the paper and stowed it away in his desk dresser.
This list was personal.
~~~***~~~
“He was horrendous”
It was the first thing that Changmin said as he walked out of the restaurant after his date and faced an eager-eyed Jaejoong. His best friend's face fell slightly.
“Horrendous? Isn't that a little strong?” the boy asked.
“It's true.” Changmin said.
“But Yunho is class president. Everyone thinks he's lovely!” Jaejoong cried.
“He wore a bow tie and talked about puppies, Bambi, and charity the whole time.”
“So? You don't like that?” Jaejoong asked. Changmin turned to him with both eyebrows raised.
“Jae, if I wanted to fall in love with something that vomited out sunshine and happiness all the time I would have dated a rainbow.”
Jaejoong tried his best to stifle a laugh. “Your parents told me that you needed some positive reinforcement in your life right now. I thought Yunho could be a good influence.”
Changmin shook his head. “I'm not looking for good influences right now, Jaejoong. I have six months. I want a world wind romance with a person that will knock me off my feet, take my virginity, and marry me under the stars.”
Jaejoong gaped at his best friend, shocked into silence. Changmin cringed....had he said too much? Was he pushing it with the whole marriage thing? He hadn't really ever told anyone about that dream before...
“Jae....say something....” Changmin said, meekly poking the other boy. He didn't want to scare Jaejoong. That was the last thing he wanted. He couldn't imagine trying to get through the next few months without the other boy by his side.
“You've never had sex before?”
Changmin grinned. He knew his friendship was still okay.
~~~***~~~
It was a bad week for Changmin. His stomach was hurting more than usual and he just stayed in bed mostly, staring out the window, writing wishes down on little scraps of paper, and eating whenever a concerned family member would come into his room with soups or other light meals.
“Oppa?”
Changmin looked over and saw his sister Min Young standing at the door carrying a bowl. Just like parents weren't supposed to have a favorite child, siblings weren't supposed to pick favorites among each other.
However it was common knowledge that parents knew that they did favor one child the most, and just like that-Changmin knew his favorite sister was Min Young. At fifteen years old, the girl was the perfect combination of innocent and spunky and best of all, she cared for Changmin with all her heart. Not saying that his other sister, Sun Min, didn't, but she was just ten years old and still in the mindset where she thought the world revolved around her.
“Come in Min Young”
“Are you feeling a little better today?” she asked as she set the soup down on the bedside table. She knew her brother well enough to not try to feed him anything such as that.
“I only threw up twice, so that's an improvement.”
Min Young didn't smile. Changmin didn't expect her to. Only Jaejoong understood his dark humor.
“Mother and Father left for work already. They said they could pick you up something on their way back if you wanted. Maybe you're getting sick of just eating soup all day...” Min Young said.
Changmin cocked his head to the side. “Ice cream would be nice. Strawberry. And aren't you supposed to be in school now?”
“We decided to take turns staying at home to be with you,” Min Young said with a smile.
“You don't have to do that.”
“I know. But we want to.” she said, reaching over and grabbing her brother's hand. It was too thin and boney. He had lost a lot of weight in the past year.
Changmin squeezed the girl's hand.
“What are you working on?” Min Young asked, suddenly spotting the small pile of papers that her brother had put aside. She grabbed them before Changmin could stop her.
Mortified by what he had written down over the past few hours, Changmin buried himself into the covers, face enflamed. He heard Min Young gasp and his cheeks got even warmer.
“Oppa....oppa, why are you hiding under the covers like that?”
All it took was a yank for Changmin's fortress to crumble down. He was too tired and too consumed in his mortification to try to get the covers back.
“Min Young....those things I wrote....I was tired and had a headache and wasn't really thinking properly and...”
“Are you ever going to tell him, oppa?” the girl asked. She looked at her brother with a mix of pity and hopelessness. Changmin decided it was his new least favorite expression.
“There's no point, Min Young. It's too late for that.” He closed his eyes. It was the end of the conversation.
~~~***~~~
“Trust me, Min. This guy is amazing.” Jaejoong said as he brushed off lint on his friend's coat. It wasn't even that cold outside yet there was a fair breeze and Jaejoong had forced his best friend to cover up just in case. The two boys were huddled together outside of a small cafe.
“He's going to think I'm insane for wearing a winter jacket when it's 26 C outside...”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Minho doesn't care about fashion. He's a bit younger than us and he's really smart. Plus he's part of all the clubs that you were part of back when you were in school. And, get this, he totally has a crush on you.”
“He has a crush...on me?”
“Yep. You were his favorite sunbae but you never noticed him apparently” Jaejoong answered with sparkling eyes. Changmin frowned.
“He hasn't seen me lately, though...”
This time it was Jaejoong's turn to frown. “I already told you that you still look handsome! Just a little thinner and with shorter hair. But you're still the heartbreaker Min I've always known.”
“I was hardly a heartbreaker,” Changmin droned, “does he know I'm dying?”
“He knows you're sick,” Jaejoong sniffed. “Now get in there and fall in love!”
~~~***~~~
An hour later Changmin walked out of the cafe. Jaejoong, who had been sitting by the outdoor fountain and trying to dare kids to jump into it for a won, immediately got up and rushed to him.
“Min, why are you out so early? Did Minho do something to you? Did he say something? Did he try to...touch you? I swear I'm going to go and punch his face in if he did!”
“Touch me? Jae, do you think I'm six years old or something? Seriously...”
“What happened then, Min?” Jaejoong asked.
“Minho was great. The date was....great...I just got a really bad stomachache and he offered to take me home, but I told him you were waiting.”
Jaejoong's eyed doubled in size. “Stomachache? Do you still have it? Are you okay? Do you need to take your medications?”
“I'm fine, Jae. I just want to go home.”
“Okay,” Jaejoong said, nodding right away, “Okay, let's get you home.”
Both boys walked away from the cafe, completely forgetting about Minho and the list and love.
~~~***~~~
Both boys sat in silence for a while in Changmin's room. Jaejoong had tucked his best friend into his bed and made sure he had taken all of his medicine. (as well as called Minho and apologized for Changmin's sudden departure)
Jaejoong claimed Changmin's usual favorite seat-his computer chair-and watched over his friend as he silently lay in bed. He wondered if things like this would become normal over the next few months. Changmin would only get weaker and weaker until his surgery and the boy often forgot to take his medications.
“You know...” Changmin said finally. “I don't think I want to do my list anymore.”
“You can't really call it a list if it's only one thing,” Jaejoong mumbled. “But what happened to the loosing your virginity and the marriage under the stars?” Changmin cracked a weak grin.
“I don't think I really have the energy to fall in love right now, Jae.”
Jaejoong stiffened a little. “It's okay, Min. We don't have to do your list then. You know....I made one myself. We can do that instead.”
“Made one what?”
“A list, idiot. Of things that I want to do with you before you die.”
Changmin raised both eyebrows. Jaejoong? Kim Jaejoong...the boy who never wanted to believe that Changmin was dying made a list like that? It was almost inconceivable. “What's on your list?”
Jaejoong reached into his pocket and took out a neatly folded piece of paper. “My list of things to do with my insufferable best friend before he dies.”
“Great so you insult me even in writing.”
Jaejoong ignored his friend's words and continued on. “Graduate from high school; teach Min Young and Sun Min how to drive a car; go to university and go wild; get piss drunk and walk along the Han singing girl group songs; find love and tease each other about it; plan and execute the best wedding under the stars that anybody has ever seen; celebrate each birthday together until we turn 80 and are too old to smash each other's faces into cakes...”
Jaejoong stopped reading as soon as he heard the soft sniffles. They were so silent that had the room not been so quiet, the blonde boy would have missed them all together. He immediately looked up and saw tear streaks going down Changmin's cheeks.
In a matter of seconds the computer desk chair was empty and Jaejoong was curled on Changmin's bed, holding his best friend as the quiet sniffles turned into fill blown sobs.
“Min....Min....please....”
Changmin clung to Jaejoong, crying harder, letting everything out for the first time. All the pain and suffering and fallen hopes he had endured by himself coming out in mass. He couldn't do it anymore. Not with Jaejoong so close and caring...
“I'm afraid Jae, I'm so afraid.”
And with that, Jaejoong felt his own eyes water. He closed them shut tightly in hopes of keeping the tears in, but they still managed to seep through little slits.
“I am too, Min.”
“I want to be able to do all those things with you. I want to see my sisters get married, to go to university, to grow old and cranky and push your face into cake even when we're 90”
Jaejoogn sobbed harder and clutched onto Changmin. “You can, Min. Don't talk like you're going to die.”
“But I am, Jae. I am. My body is fading away every single day and I can feel it. It'll be a miracle if I even make it to the surgery date.”
Jaejoong's eyes widened. “No, Min. We have to take you to the hospital, then! Maybe they can move your date forward.”
“Don't you see it, Jae? Why are you wasting your energy on someone who is going to die anyways? Why do you care?”
Jaejoong wanted to slap the boy in front of him, but instead he just held him closer, buried his face into the sunken juncture between his neck and shoulder.
“Because I refuse to believe that the person I love the most in the world is going to be taken away from me.” he whispered. “You can't die, Min. You...can't...”
“I don't want to die.”
It was barely a whisper, but it was said nonetheless-the first time that Changmin was saying it aloud. For all the thoughts he had about great adventures and the peacefulness of death, in reality, he didn't want to die. There was so much more that he wanted to do in life.
“Then don't.”
“It hurts too much, though,” Changmin answered, sounding groggy. His doctor had warned him about becoming too emotional or excited. “Everything...hurts too much.”
“Go to sleep then, Min,” Jaejoogn whispered to him. “Ease the pain for a little. I'll be here when you wake up.”
It was the best sleep Changmin had in months.
~~~***~~~
But of course good things never lasted forever, and Changmin awoke to find Jaejoong's enraged face hovering above his.
He quickly wondered if he said anything in his sleep, knowing that there were quite a number of things that he could have uttered that would make the boy so upset.
“Shim Changmin!”
“Uh...hi Jae...”
“When were you going to tell me?”
Changmin felt his whole body freeze. “About what?”
“Your mother asked me to put your sketchbook away because you had left it in the living room,” Jaejoong said, “and while I was putting it in your desk drawer I found these.”
Jaejoong dumped a pile of papers onto Changmin's bedspread. The other boy didn't look at them. He didn't need to. He knew exactly what they were-letters he had written to himself, wishes about the person he loved and how much he hoped and prayed that he would able to express his love one day....one day that he knew would never come...
“Jae...I. I couldn't tell you.”
“Couldn't tell me what, Min?” Jaejoong asked, eyes narrowed.
“You know,” Changmin said lamely, hand waving towards the mass of papers on his bed.
“Say it aloud.”
“I don't want to start anything that...”
“Say it aloud, Changmin.”
Changmin exhaled deeply, looking up and locking his eyes with Jaejoong's. “I love you. I've loved you for years. I figured it out when we were fourteen and I wanted to tell you then but then I got sick and I kept getting worse and worse...”
“Do you think it matters?” Jaejoong asked.
“Of course it matters. I didn't want to confess to you and force you to be in a relationship with a dying man! It's not fair to you and I love you too much for that!”
“Then what was your list about? Why did you ask me to help you find a person to love?”
Changmin looked down at his sheets. “I thought that maybe I could find a person and pretend to love them. That if you thought that I had someone to love and look over me you wouldn't be so worried all the time.”
“You self sacrificing little twit,” Jaejoong breathed, sounding exasperated. He leaned over and grabbed Changmin's hands “I love you, okay? I have forever.”
Changmin looked up with wide eyes. “What? But what about my illness?”
“I loved you before your illness and I loved you through it. Why do you think I always got so emotional about you talking about dying all the time?”
“You...you helped me try to find dates, though. You set me up with a bunch of people.”
Jaejoong smiled wanly. “I thought that's what you wanted. I was right here in front of you and then you told me you wanted to find someone else to love. I didn't think you were interested in me.”
“Why wouldn't someone be interested in you?' Changmin mumbled. Jaejoong grinned widely.
“Why wouldn't they, indeed.” He leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to the other boy's mouth. It was short little peck, sweet and innocent, but it spoke of a lifetime of love and tenderness.
“I am going to be right here, Min,” Jaejoong whispered, “to the very end-whether that be in six months or thirty years. My love and I are not going anywhere. You can count on that.”
Changmin just nodded, afraid to say anything. This moment was perfect and he knew that if he were to die right then and there, he would die happily.
~~~***~~~
Under Jaejoong's constant care and endless love, Changmin lasted the six months until he was able to try for surgery. The two boys had been inseparable from the day that Jaejoong had discovered the notes in Changmin's desk-trying desperately to make up for all the time they had lost.
They didn't know which day would be Changmin's last, so they lived each day to the fullest. Whenever Changmin was having a good day they would go down to the Han or to a park and eat copious amounts of ice cream. When he was having a bad they, they would camp in Changmin's room-talking to each other nonstop as Jaejoong made sure that the boy took his medicines and ate a lite soup every hour.
The day before Changmin's operation the two boys lay on the floor of the boy's bedroom with the lights off, staring up at the glow in the dark stars that were tacked to the ceiling.
“Hey Min,” Jaejoong whispered into the dark. The other boy looked over, making out the blonde's pale features even in the dim light.
“Yeah?”
“Give me your hand. Your left one.”
Changmin frowned but did what his boyfriend asked him to do nonetheless. He raised his thin arm, extending it over his body so that Jaejoong had access to his hand.
He heard Jaejoong clear his throat before he started talking in a very deep voice. “Do you Kim Jaejoong take Shim Changmin to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to cherish in sickness and in health until death do you part?”
“I do,” Jaejoong said, answering himself. Changmin leaned up on his elbow and stared at the other male in utter confusion. Jaejoong slipped something cold and heavy onto his ring finger.
Immediately Changmin brought his hand up to his eyes, looking carefully in the dark at the new silver band that encased his finger.
“Jae...is this...” his question was cut short by Jaejoong placing a similar ring into his hand.
“Do you Shim Changmin take Kim Jaejoong to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and to cherish in sickness and in health until death do you part?”
Jaejoong stuck his hand out, expectantly, grinning widely. Changmin stared down at the ring in his hand, absolutely in shock.
“I...I do,” he said finally, slipping the ring onto Jaejoong's finger.
“Good. Now with the power invested in my by God I now pronounce us husband and husband....and I say that we can kiss.”
Before Changmin even had a chance to react, he found himself with an armful of teasing, gorgeous blonde. The two boys sat completely still for moments, letting their lips glide against each other in a soft, slow kiss.
Jaejoong was the first to pull back. “There you go,” he said “your wedding under the stars.”
Changmin felt his eyes water up, tears slowly leaking down his face. Jaejoong tenderly wiped them away, though his own tears were coming out steadily.
“Jae...” there were no words that Changmin could say to describe his feelings right now. His thankfulness for having this amazing being in his life. His gratitude towards Jaejoong for staying with him. The depth of his emotions for the other boy that he had known his whole life. There was no way to say any of that so he settled for a simple “I love you.”
Jaejoong smiled gently, caressing the side of his new husband's face. “Silly Min, I love you too.”
Both boys lay in silence, grasping onto each other and letting their love weave around them. Changmin's surgery was tomorrow. He still only had a twenty percent chance of survival. And even then, there was always the possibility that the cancer might come back.
But despite all of that Changmin knew that right then, lying on the floor with his husband that he loved more than the world itself, for once in the course of his whole life...his tomorrow looked bright.
A/N: Okay, there is it. Hope you guys liked it. I know I did not go into much detail about the dates but I wanted to make the main focus on Changmin and Jajoong here. Also I kept the ending open so jthat you can decide whether Min lives or not. I guess it just depends on whether you like angst or fluff. haha
Once again happy bithday to museelo Have a great one bb~