It's too late
Title : It's too late
Pairing : JaeMin
Genre : Angst
Warning : Un-beta.
It's okay. It's not a big deal. Don't worry about it okay? - That's what Jaejoong wants to tell Changmin. But he is scared. What if it's too late? Part of him knows that he is late but the other part wants to deny everything. He doesn't know how he is feeling now. He wants everything to be a nightmare and if it's a nightmare he wants to wake up right now and see Changmin's smiling face. The smiling face that he last saw this morning before leaving for office. It's been what? Only 4 hours... Why? - he wants to ask Changmin. But as I said before... It's too late for anything... and everything.
...............................................................................................................................................................................................
"Hyung!"
"Yes Minnie? Is there anything you need?"
"Ummm.. Well..."
"You don't have to hesitate Minnie. Just ask for it."
"I needed some money."
"For what?"
"Well... You see... There's this music school I really want to join. I want to learn to play the piano and may be the guitar too. I would have joined the school myself. But the money I earn from my part time job is not enough. So I was wondering if yiu can lend me some. I'll return it to you oneday."
"Shut up Changmin! Don't say such things. Whom do you think Hyung is earning for? For you okay? It's all yours okay? Take whatever you want."
"Thank you Hyung. You're the best. I love you."
"I love you too."
........................................................................................................................................................................................................
Now everything is clear to him. Why Changmin never played the guitar when he asked for it. "I am still learning Hyung. The day I learn to play it perfectly I'll compose my own music and you'll be the first one to listen to it." - This is what he said to Jaejoong. Now he can see why Changmin always played only one tune on the piano whenever he asked him to. "No Hyung. I don't want to play any other tune. For you I'll only play the ones I compose. I know it's short but I am still learning. Just give me some more time ok?" How come the idea never came to Jaejoong's mind that his sweet dongseng might be lying to him. Is he really that stupid? He laughs bitterly when he finds the answer. Yes. He is and Changmin knew it.
............................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Changmin-ah you need to stop. Tell him the truth."
"I can't Junsu. I can't."
"Oh yes! You can. Stop being so stubborn and tell him the truth. It's been two years already. How much longer are you planning to do this?"
"I can't. You don't understand. He won't be able to take it. He'll leave me Junsu. We only have each other. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM JUNSU. I LOVE HIM."
"He is your brother Changmin."
"Step brother to be exact. So it's nothing wrong. I love him okay? I love him more than a brother and I can do anything to keep him by my side and if the means I have to lie to him for the rest of my life I will."
"You're drunk Changmin. You don't know what you're saying. You're going to regret this some day."
"So now you feel disgusted to be my friend?"
"No. I am not talking about that. The lying part."
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Exactly. They are not brothers. Well they were... but things changed. Jaejoong and Changmin are more than brothers. They are best friends - lovers - everything to each other. When Changmin needed a parent Jaejoong acted like one. When his dongseng needed a friend he was there. When it comes to love Jaejoong is sure his love story can beat any other love stories - be it Italian lovers Romeo and Juliet or Indian lovers Laila and Majnu. Because they could do so much more for each other than all these lovers did. At least that's what Jaejoong thought. He doesn't know what went wrong in between. Did he acted more like a parents than a friend to Changmin? May be that is exactly what his little brother thought. It's funny how he can see everything from Changmin's prospective NOW. Why not earlier?
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Hyung about last night..."
"Changmin, I don't want to talk about it."
"Hyung. I am sorry. I was drunk. I am sorry Hyung."
"Go to your room Changmin. Didn't I tell you I don't want to talk about it?"
"I am sorry Hyung. Please don't leave me. I am sorry. Really really sorry Hyung. Can't you forget about last night? Please Hyung. I am begging you. Don't abandon me."
"Minnie... Stop crying. I am not angry ok? Please stop crying. I can't see you like that. What made you think I'll leave you? I won't so stop crying ok? I love you."
"I know... but..."
"No... Not as brothers. I love you the way you love me. If I didn't then I wouldn't let that happen what happened last night."
"Then why are you ignoring me Hyung?"
"Don't get me wrong. I am not regretting it. But it was not the right time. You're underage and I am feeling guilty for that. Nothing else."
"Don't worry about it Hyung. No one will know. I'll be 20 in less than 2 years anyway."
"That is a very long time. Evev though we know each others' feeling now I can't let that happen again. You do understand that right?"
"I do Hyung. Don't worry about it. I'll wait. But I won't hold myself any longer as soon as I am 20. I want you as my birthday gift."
"Oh my God! Minnie stoppp..."
"Are you blushing Hyung?"
"NO.I.AM.NOT."
"Haha... You're so cute Hyung."
"No.. Stop saying those things."
"Ok ok... Can I at least kiss you?"
"I guess..."
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Kiss. Jaejoong should have realized something is wrong when Changmin didn't return his kisses. Now he can see it. How Changmin hardly kissed him. He thought may be his dongseng didn't want him anymore. Either that or he was trying to keep himself away to keep the promise of 2 years wait. But never did he realize there could be more to it.
.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Tell him Changmin. For God sake. TELL HIM."
"I CAN'T JUNSU. Things are more complicated now. He loves me."
"This is why I told you to tell him the truth before."
"SHUT UP OK? Just shut the hell up. You don't understand. It's not that easy."
"What is so difficult about telling him the truth? I don't get it. Yes he'll get angry and won't talk to you for years but it will be forgiven and forgotten with time."
"What do you want me to tell him huh? That his lovely brother who is his lover now slept with a slut when he was 16? And then started gambling to earn money to keep her mouth shut? And then what? Do you have any idea what will happen next? He won't be able to take it. He'll die. I don't want to be the reason of his death ok? Not as long as I am alive. NO."
"How are you so sure?"
"I know him. No one knows him better than me. Not even Hyung himself."
" Don’t you think it’s better to tell him the truth and get it over with instead of continuing the mistake? All these have to stop."
"I don't know how to stop it Junsu. I don't. All I know is I can’t tell him.”
..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
Now Jaejoong knows Changmin did know him better than he does. Because whatever the younger one said to his best friend Junsu that night he said those exact words to his lover last night.
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Minnie."
"Hmm?"
"It's ok if you don't love me anymore. But please don't ignore me?"
"Hyung?! What are you talking about?"
"You don't kiss me anymore. Don't talk to me properly. You won't even look at me. I am not a kid ok? You can tell me. We don't have to be anything more than you wish us to be."
"it's not that Hyung. I love you. I love you sooo much."
"Then why? Why are you doing this?"
"It's just... I want to keep my promise to wait till my 20th birthday. Whenever I am near you I feel like I won't be able to control myself. Sorry Hyung. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I love you. You can't even imagine how much I love you."
"I am sorry Minnie.... for doubting you."
"Hey... Hyung... Are you crying? Shouldn't you be smiling after knowing that I still love you?"
"I am happy. It's just... I thought you've found someone else... You don't love me anymore. The thought of losing you was killing me inside.... every day... every moment... I am sorry Minnie. I love you way too much. I can't share you with anyone. I'll die if I ever come to know that I have to share you with anyone else. You can't leave me ok? You can't do this to me..."
"Ssshhh Hyung. Don't cry. I will always love you. There will be always you in my heart ok?Let's make a new start from tomorrow ok? Starting tomorrow I'll be always loyal to you. If I break my promise you can kill me ir I'll kill myself. How does that sound?"
"DON'T SAY THAT."
"Ouch Hyung! That hurts. You didn't have to hit me so hard."
"Minnie?"
"Hmm?"
"I know it's hard for you. But can't you hold me tonight? I am sorry for being so insecure. I just want to feel safe."
"I'll hold you tonight Hyung. But only tonight okay?"
"Thank you. Tomorrow will be a new day for both of us."
"Yes Hyung! Tomorrow will be a new day. I promise."
.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Changmin has always kept his promises. Jaejoong slept in Changmin's arms last night. He felt so safe. He ccouldn't feel any safer. But last night is gone. It's a new day today and Changmin had to keep his other promises. The 10 minutes journey to home felt like years to the young businessman. Now as he is here he rushes to his bedroom. There he is - his younger brother.. sweet lover... his world... Sleeping in peace. He wants to wake him up and tell him it's ok. Everything is ok. Changmin didn't betray him. His brother didn't know about his love when he made that mistake. So it's ok if he gave himself to someone else for a night. He didn't do it out of love. It was a mistake. Just a mistake. So it's ok. He didn't betray him. And didn't they promise last night that they will start a new life today? Whatever happened before last night shouldn't matter then right? It's ok. Jaejoong knows everything now. Is he trying to commit suicide? No. So Changmin doesn't have to worry. Everything will be fine. Jaejoong has forgiven him. He wants to wake him up. But he can't. He decides to let him sleep. He must have spent so many sleepless night thinking about how we'll say eveything to his lover on the phone. He should sleep for a while. It's just sleeping pills right? Changmin will wake up in a while and then he can say all those things he wants to say. But for now he lets him sleep. He sits on the floor of the bedroom leaning on the wall while waiting for his lover to wake up.
But one thing he doesn’t want to accept is - It's too late.
........................................................................................................................................................................................................
Hyung... I am sorry. I didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth. But please don't blame yourself for anything. It's all my fault. I love you.
Yours and only yours - Changmin
-The End-
A/N : Ok this is really lame I admit. A lot of people will get mad at me after reading the story. But the thing is that I have realized that it happens in real life. You love some people in your life so much that you don't want to hurt that person by telling them the truth. And then one day you come to realize you have to tell them someday and you just don't know how. As a result you get stupid ideas. Some may act on the ideas... Some may not... Depending on how strong the person is mentally. So yeah... I felt like writing something on this topic.
Pairing : JaeMin
Genre : Angst
Warning : Un-beta.
It's okay. It's not a big deal. Don't worry about it okay? - That's what Jaejoong wants to tell Changmin. But he is scared. What if it's too late? Part of him knows that he is late but the other part wants to deny everything. He doesn't know how he is feeling now. He wants everything to be a nightmare and if it's a nightmare he wants to wake up right now and see Changmin's smiling face. The smiling face that he last saw this morning before leaving for office. It's been what? Only 4 hours... Why? - he wants to ask Changmin. But as I said before... It's too late for anything... and everything.
...............................................................................................................................................................................................
"Hyung!"
"Yes Minnie? Is there anything you need?"
"Ummm.. Well..."
"You don't have to hesitate Minnie. Just ask for it."
"I needed some money."
"For what?"
"Well... You see... There's this music school I really want to join. I want to learn to play the piano and may be the guitar too. I would have joined the school myself. But the money I earn from my part time job is not enough. So I was wondering if yiu can lend me some. I'll return it to you oneday."
"Shut up Changmin! Don't say such things. Whom do you think Hyung is earning for? For you okay? It's all yours okay? Take whatever you want."
"Thank you Hyung. You're the best. I love you."
"I love you too."
........................................................................................................................................................................................................
Now everything is clear to him. Why Changmin never played the guitar when he asked for it. "I am still learning Hyung. The day I learn to play it perfectly I'll compose my own music and you'll be the first one to listen to it." - This is what he said to Jaejoong. Now he can see why Changmin always played only one tune on the piano whenever he asked him to. "No Hyung. I don't want to play any other tune. For you I'll only play the ones I compose. I know it's short but I am still learning. Just give me some more time ok?" How come the idea never came to Jaejoong's mind that his sweet dongseng might be lying to him. Is he really that stupid? He laughs bitterly when he finds the answer. Yes. He is and Changmin knew it.
............................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Changmin-ah you need to stop. Tell him the truth."
"I can't Junsu. I can't."
"Oh yes! You can. Stop being so stubborn and tell him the truth. It's been two years already. How much longer are you planning to do this?"
"I can't. You don't understand. He won't be able to take it. He'll leave me Junsu. We only have each other. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM JUNSU. I LOVE HIM."
"He is your brother Changmin."
"Step brother to be exact. So it's nothing wrong. I love him okay? I love him more than a brother and I can do anything to keep him by my side and if the means I have to lie to him for the rest of my life I will."
"You're drunk Changmin. You don't know what you're saying. You're going to regret this some day."
"So now you feel disgusted to be my friend?"
"No. I am not talking about that. The lying part."
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Exactly. They are not brothers. Well they were... but things changed. Jaejoong and Changmin are more than brothers. They are best friends - lovers - everything to each other. When Changmin needed a parent Jaejoong acted like one. When his dongseng needed a friend he was there. When it comes to love Jaejoong is sure his love story can beat any other love stories - be it Italian lovers Romeo and Juliet or Indian lovers Laila and Majnu. Because they could do so much more for each other than all these lovers did. At least that's what Jaejoong thought. He doesn't know what went wrong in between. Did he acted more like a parents than a friend to Changmin? May be that is exactly what his little brother thought. It's funny how he can see everything from Changmin's prospective NOW. Why not earlier?
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Hyung about last night..."
"Changmin, I don't want to talk about it."
"Hyung. I am sorry. I was drunk. I am sorry Hyung."
"Go to your room Changmin. Didn't I tell you I don't want to talk about it?"
"I am sorry Hyung. Please don't leave me. I am sorry. Really really sorry Hyung. Can't you forget about last night? Please Hyung. I am begging you. Don't abandon me."
"Minnie... Stop crying. I am not angry ok? Please stop crying. I can't see you like that. What made you think I'll leave you? I won't so stop crying ok? I love you."
"I know... but..."
"No... Not as brothers. I love you the way you love me. If I didn't then I wouldn't let that happen what happened last night."
"Then why are you ignoring me Hyung?"
"Don't get me wrong. I am not regretting it. But it was not the right time. You're underage and I am feeling guilty for that. Nothing else."
"Don't worry about it Hyung. No one will know. I'll be 20 in less than 2 years anyway."
"That is a very long time. Evev though we know each others' feeling now I can't let that happen again. You do understand that right?"
"I do Hyung. Don't worry about it. I'll wait. But I won't hold myself any longer as soon as I am 20. I want you as my birthday gift."
"Oh my God! Minnie stoppp..."
"Are you blushing Hyung?"
"NO.I.AM.NOT."
"Haha... You're so cute Hyung."
"No.. Stop saying those things."
"Ok ok... Can I at least kiss you?"
"I guess..."
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Kiss. Jaejoong should have realized something is wrong when Changmin didn't return his kisses. Now he can see it. How Changmin hardly kissed him. He thought may be his dongseng didn't want him anymore. Either that or he was trying to keep himself away to keep the promise of 2 years wait. But never did he realize there could be more to it.
.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Tell him Changmin. For God sake. TELL HIM."
"I CAN'T JUNSU. Things are more complicated now. He loves me."
"This is why I told you to tell him the truth before."
"SHUT UP OK? Just shut the hell up. You don't understand. It's not that easy."
"What is so difficult about telling him the truth? I don't get it. Yes he'll get angry and won't talk to you for years but it will be forgiven and forgotten with time."
"What do you want me to tell him huh? That his lovely brother who is his lover now slept with a slut when he was 16? And then started gambling to earn money to keep her mouth shut? And then what? Do you have any idea what will happen next? He won't be able to take it. He'll die. I don't want to be the reason of his death ok? Not as long as I am alive. NO."
"How are you so sure?"
"I know him. No one knows him better than me. Not even Hyung himself."
" Don’t you think it’s better to tell him the truth and get it over with instead of continuing the mistake? All these have to stop."
"I don't know how to stop it Junsu. I don't. All I know is I can’t tell him.”
..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
Now Jaejoong knows Changmin did know him better than he does. Because whatever the younger one said to his best friend Junsu that night he said those exact words to his lover last night.
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Minnie."
"Hmm?"
"It's ok if you don't love me anymore. But please don't ignore me?"
"Hyung?! What are you talking about?"
"You don't kiss me anymore. Don't talk to me properly. You won't even look at me. I am not a kid ok? You can tell me. We don't have to be anything more than you wish us to be."
"it's not that Hyung. I love you. I love you sooo much."
"Then why? Why are you doing this?"
"It's just... I want to keep my promise to wait till my 20th birthday. Whenever I am near you I feel like I won't be able to control myself. Sorry Hyung. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I love you. You can't even imagine how much I love you."
"I am sorry Minnie.... for doubting you."
"Hey... Hyung... Are you crying? Shouldn't you be smiling after knowing that I still love you?"
"I am happy. It's just... I thought you've found someone else... You don't love me anymore. The thought of losing you was killing me inside.... every day... every moment... I am sorry Minnie. I love you way too much. I can't share you with anyone. I'll die if I ever come to know that I have to share you with anyone else. You can't leave me ok? You can't do this to me..."
"Ssshhh Hyung. Don't cry. I will always love you. There will be always you in my heart ok?Let's make a new start from tomorrow ok? Starting tomorrow I'll be always loyal to you. If I break my promise you can kill me ir I'll kill myself. How does that sound?"
"DON'T SAY THAT."
"Ouch Hyung! That hurts. You didn't have to hit me so hard."
"Minnie?"
"Hmm?"
"I know it's hard for you. But can't you hold me tonight? I am sorry for being so insecure. I just want to feel safe."
"I'll hold you tonight Hyung. But only tonight okay?"
"Thank you. Tomorrow will be a new day for both of us."
"Yes Hyung! Tomorrow will be a new day. I promise."
.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Changmin has always kept his promises. Jaejoong slept in Changmin's arms last night. He felt so safe. He ccouldn't feel any safer. But last night is gone. It's a new day today and Changmin had to keep his other promises. The 10 minutes journey to home felt like years to the young businessman. Now as he is here he rushes to his bedroom. There he is - his younger brother.. sweet lover... his world... Sleeping in peace. He wants to wake him up and tell him it's ok. Everything is ok. Changmin didn't betray him. His brother didn't know about his love when he made that mistake. So it's ok if he gave himself to someone else for a night. He didn't do it out of love. It was a mistake. Just a mistake. So it's ok. He didn't betray him. And didn't they promise last night that they will start a new life today? Whatever happened before last night shouldn't matter then right? It's ok. Jaejoong knows everything now. Is he trying to commit suicide? No. So Changmin doesn't have to worry. Everything will be fine. Jaejoong has forgiven him. He wants to wake him up. But he can't. He decides to let him sleep. He must have spent so many sleepless night thinking about how we'll say eveything to his lover on the phone. He should sleep for a while. It's just sleeping pills right? Changmin will wake up in a while and then he can say all those things he wants to say. But for now he lets him sleep. He sits on the floor of the bedroom leaning on the wall while waiting for his lover to wake up.
But one thing he doesn’t want to accept is - It's too late.
........................................................................................................................................................................................................
Hyung... I am sorry. I didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth. But please don't blame yourself for anything. It's all my fault. I love you.
Yours and only yours - Changmin
-The End-
A/N : Ok this is really lame I admit. A lot of people will get mad at me after reading the story. But the thing is that I have realized that it happens in real life. You love some people in your life so much that you don't want to hurt that person by telling them the truth. And then one day you come to realize you have to tell them someday and you just don't know how. As a result you get stupid ideas. Some may act on the ideas... Some may not... Depending on how strong the person is mentally. So yeah... I felt like writing something on this topic.