Revelations (Jared Talks to Gina)
Title: Revelations
Characters: Jared Phillips, Elena Munez, Carlos Munez, Gina Case
Universe: Disenchanted
Rating: T (for language and themes. TW: mentions of rape)
Notes: Almost exactly 4 years later, these characters make a reappearance :) This is for vegawriters <3
"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Elena had asked him that morning over coffee.
“No, I’ll be okay… I think.” Every time she had asked him had resulted in a less-than-convincing reply so far.
“Are you sure? I can tell Papi that we’ll have to reschedule for next Saturday.“ Elena was supposed to go with Carlos in the afternoon to run some errands. It was actually something they’d been planning for weeks. With tours and general life craziness, it had been difficult to make their schedules line up so they could just spend time together.
The thought made Jared’s already nervous stomach turn. He’d never let Elena sacrifice alone time with her father because he was being a pussy. “No, E, really, I’ll be fine. I think… I think I need to do this by myself, if that… if that makes sense. It’s not that I don’t want you there, I just…”
“I get it, baby.” Elena had leaned over the table and gave him a kiss. “Just remember to breathe and take your time… I promise Mami doesn’t bite.”
“What if I want her to?” Jared couldn’t resist shooting Elena a shit-eating grin, laughing when she leaned over the table again, but instead of kissing him, it was to swat at him.
“No! Eres un malo chico pervertido! No hay bromas inapropiadas sobe mi madre!”
This was far from the first time Elena had gotten on him for making comments about her mother, so Jared had a pretty good idea of what she was saying to him in Spanish, but he still couldn’t help but giggle.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I promise, I’m on my best behavior.” Jared held his hands up in mock surrender. When Elena sat back down, he took a deep breath and let it out shakily. “…I’m really nervous about this, E.”
“I know you are, baby, but I promise it’ll be okay. You don’t have to do this yet if you’re not ready.”
“No, I think I should… I’ve been putting it off for a long time. Are you sure that your mom won’t… I mean… I don’t want to offend her or make her feel uncomfortable… I know this is a sensitive topic.”
“It’ll be okay.” Elena finally stood up and walked over to his side of the table so she could just sit beside him rather than having to keep leaning over the table. She placed a hand on his. “She’ll understand, and I think she’ll be able to help you. But if you change your mind, or if you feel like you need to leave, it’s okay. Just text me and I’ll come to you, okay?”
Jared let out another shaky breath, and nodded.
-------
Carlos and Elena had dropped him off at the vegan bakery up the street from the house before they took off to run their errands. It had been Jared’s idea to bring some sort of gift-a “peace offering”, Carlos had teasingly called it-and because Jared had never been good at picking out bottles of wine or whatever it was that real adults gave each other, he naturally gravitated toward junk food.
He’d neglected to ask Elena what her mother’s preferences were before they’d driven off, so Jared bought a very random, very expensive assortment of vegan pastries. As he was walking out of the shop and headed down the sidewalk, it occurred to him that there was really no reason at all for why he bought a dozen of the damn things, but he shrugged and reached inside the box for one to snack on. Vegan cream puffs or whatever the hell they were weren’t that bad, he decided.
He walked up to the house, the way he’d done dozens of times before, and stopped in front of the door. As he brought his hand up to knock at the door, it froze. He suddenly remembered that he wasn’t here to pick Elena up, but was here to see her mother, Gina. Gina Case. Yes, that Gina Case. The famous one. The one he’d actually had a crush on for a very long time. The one he still got a little flustered around even though he and Elena had been together for what felt like forever now and Gina and Carlos had long-since gotten used to having him around. He was practically family now.
Don’t. Fucking. Do. This. Jared angrily told himself. Don’t fucking freeze. Just… fucking DO it.
He knocked on the door, and sucked in a gulp of air. He listened for movement in the house, half-hoping that Gina just wasn’t home, even though he knew she would be because Carlos and Elena had just left her. Jared heard a dog bark and a soft voice hushing the animal, followed by soft footsteps on hard floor. The deadbolt clicked and the door swung gently open.
“Jared - this is a nice surprise.” Gina was smiling that warm, soft smile at him, and Jared had to blink because for a split second he could’ve sworn she was Elena. She was wearing a faded black Falling Starlight sweatshirt and yoga pants, a well-worn paperback clutched at her side, and her brown hair was tied up in a messy bun behind her head, a few loose strands falling to frame her face perfectly. She was, Jared thought, more beautiful than most people could ever hope to be. It’s almost like it should be fucking illegal.
“Uh.” Jared cleared his throat awkwardly when he realized that he had probably been gawking there in silence like a complete moron. “Yeah,” his awkwardness gave way to a grin that probably made him look like a serial killer. “Um, I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” As he stood in front of the door, a very nosy pit bull pushed past its owner’s legs to greet him.
“Not at all,” Gina answered. If she thought he was being awkward, she was doing a hell of a job not showing it, Jared thought. Then again, she was an award-winning actress. “Were you looking for Elena? She actually just left with Carlos about twenty minutes ago, but they should be back in a couple of hours.”
“Uh.” Jared swallowed hard, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, actually no. I… was actually hoping to talk to you about something. I mean, if that’s okay. I can come back later.”
“Of course,” Gina replied, her eyebrows quirking a bit in curiosity. “I have time now, if you’d like to come in?”
“Okay. I mean, sure, yeah, that’d be great, if you don’t mind.” Jared felt like the vegan pastries he had eaten during the walk to the house might be making a reappearance as Gina stepped aside so he could enter the house. He tried to ignore the fact that she smelled like lilies and lavender. “Um… I brought some pastries,” he said, holding up the pink box. “Elena said you liked the pastries from the vegan place up the street, so I thought I’d bring some.”
“That’s so sweet, Jared, thank you,” Gina said, taking the box from him as she pushed the front door closed. She pulled the lid open to inspect the pastries as Jared was busy petting the dog.
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Jared’s cheeks practically burned red. “I… may have had a couple, or four, on the way here.”
Gina laughed, closing the box as she walked toward the kitchen. “No problem. Follow me to the kitchen. I just put on some coffee. We can sit and talk there, if my dog will let you walk.”
“Oh, no worries,” Jared grinned, scratching the pit bull behind its ears as he slowly made his way to the kitchen behind her. “I love dogs. We’re just best buddies, aren’t we, pal?” The pit bull’s tail was wagging against Jared’s leg so hard, it actually kind of hurt, but he just laughed. Dogs always had an instant calming effect on him.
“I’m glad,” Gina said, reaching for some coffee mugs after setting the pink pastry box on the kitchen table. “If my dog didn’t like you, I never would have let you date my daughter. You know that, right?”
“Uh, yeah, actually,” Jared again cleared his throat. “Mr. Munez… I mean, Carlos kind of told me the same thing the first time he met me.”
“Did he really?” Gina chuckled both at that and the fact that Jared still called her husband “Mr. Munez” from time to time, pouring hot coffee into both of the mugs. “Figures. The only difference is, I’m sort of joking, and my husband definitely wasn’t. Go ahead and sit down, Jared, and I’ll bring the coffee.”
“Uh, okay,” Jared said, sitting down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table in the most unnatural way possible. Gina had been able to tell from the moment that she’d answered the door that Jared was uncomfortable, but he would have to take a breath eventually, wouldn’t he? “Can I help you with anything?”
“No need, but thank you.” Gina placed a steaming mug of coffee on the table in front of Jared, along with some spoons, a sugar bowl, a small container for cream, and her own mug before taking a seat in the chair across from him. “While I take a closer look at this pastry situation, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”
Elena had been right, Gina didn’t beat around the bush. “Mami gets bored of pleasantries after a while. She’s always said she dealt with enough cryptic bullshit in Hollywood. She’ll probably try to get you to cut to the chase pretty early on.”
“Um.” Jared was back to one-syllable responses, and with it came the nervous ticks. He was suddenly unable to quit wringing his hands together. “I… well…” For fuck’s sake, why did he think this was a good idea? That he could just show up at her door with snacks and ask her about something like this? His throat suddenly felt very dry. “Uh, actually, could I get a glass of water first?” he asked, getting to his feet. “If I remember, I think Elena said the glasses are in the cabinet on the right?”
“Hold on just a second.” Gina held up a hand to stop him, and he froze. She walked to the refrigerator and removed a cold bottle of water, handing it to him as she retook her place at the table. “We’re needing to replace the filter, so bottled will be better right now.”
“Oh. Um, thanks.” Gina watched Jared in fascination as he sat back down and opened the bottle to take a big gulp. His quirks and eccentricities were one of the things that her daughter had fallen in love with, she knew. It was one of the qualities that made him charming, and it was one of many things he had in common with her daughter. He had humor in spades, was a gifted guitarist and songwriter, and a genuinely nice kid. Like her daughter, though, Gina knew that such nervousness and insecurity probably came from a place of pain. That was another thing she knew that Elena had fallen in love with - how they shared the same pain. Gina had never pressed for details about Jared’s pain, but knew it was there all the same. It was a fact that had made her feel, on more than one occasion, fiercely protective of him the same way she would be of Elena. Like her love was enough to save both of them from their darkness.
Jared gulped down the water, draining half the bottle in a matter of seconds. His eyes were suddenly fixated on the half-empty bottle, fixed there instead of making eye contact with Gina. Gina remained silent as she reached into the pink box for a pastry, and Jared silently thanked her for not losing patience with him.
“I… I wanted to ask you about something that I know is an extremely personal topic for you, and… I know it’s really none of my business.” Jared was talking to the water bottle rather than Gina. It was the only way he was going to be able to get the words out. His throat would close up if he was staring into those piercing brown eyes. “I really shouldn’t probably even say anything, so please, feel free to tell me to fuck off at any time. I’ll leave if you want me to, and I’ll never bring it up again, I promise. I told Elena that I was thinking about doing this, and she said it was okay, but I would never want to, you know, like, disrespect you or your privacy, or anything, so please-“
“Jared.” Gina took a small sip from her coffee mug before carefully setting it back down on the table. “Jared, I can assure you that whatever it is, unless you’ve done something to hurt my baby, I would never tell you to fuck off. And seeing how my daughter is still in love with you, I know that’s not the case, so please, stop worrying about that. As far as for what you want to ask me… I’m really an open book, and Elena probably told you that already. So please, go ahead.”
She knew what it was he wanted to ask her about, Jared suddenly realized, he knew that she knew, and when he raised his eyes to meet hers, it was clear that she knew that he had also figured out that she knew.
Jared licked his lips, wrung his hands, and looked at her. His eyes looked haunted. “I… I wanted to ask you about… what happened. I mean, what happened back when… with that actor… that actor who… who assaulted you…”
Gina knew it was coming, and even though she knew it was coming, it still took her a bit by surprise. She maintained eye contact with Jared as she brought her coffee mug back up to her lips. Her heart was actually pounding. She was so practiced at discussing this now after years of therapy and Carlos and nightmares and criminal trials, lawsuits, and paparazzi, that she could talk about it almost as casually as if she were ordering food from a menu, but there was never a moment when it didn’t make her heart start racing.
“When Doug Nelson raped me, you mean,” Gina replied. “You’re talking about when Doug Nelson drugged and raped me.”
“Y-Yes.” Jared’s voice, and his hands, actually shook. He set the half-empty water bottle down on the table so he didn’t have to hold onto it. He was terrified that he had offended Gina and that she was mad at him. Jared had never been one to care too much about what people thought about him, except for those closest to him and those he admired. If he were to ever be shunned by one of those people, it would feel like a knife through his heart.
“What about it?” Gina asked. She realized her voice was probably coming off a bit cold and distant now, and she was trying to keep that from happening. It was her automatic defense mechanism coming out. If she spoke about it in clinical, technical terms, it helped her to maintain emotional distance from the trauma. It was a method of dissociation, her therapist had reminded her numerous times, and it was a slippery slope. At the beginning, it had been the only way she’d been able to survive, but it prevented her from actually processing the ordeal. Years later, it was an effective means of living her life without being riddled by PTSD every waking moment, but too much of it meant avoiding and suppressing emotions, which also wasn’t healthy.
Jared had a reason for asking about this. She knew that. It wasn’t something that anyone would bring up in a casual conversation over coffee and pastry unless there was a reason for it. And as Gina slowly began to put the pieces together, she felt a pit of despair growing in her stomach.
“Um… well…” Jared was wringing his hands again, to the point where he’d be lucky if he didn’t have trouble picking out chords later during practice with the guys. He was already on the road to carpal tunnel, he’d been told by a doctor, and he fussed with his hands, popped joints in his fingers, and cracked his knuckles so much, it only exacerbated things. “I was just wondering… I mean, you know, I just wanted to ask, uh, how…” Jared’s bravery had met its limit, and his eyes were suddenly fixed on his dirty Converse sneakers rather than Gina’s face. “How did you… you know, cope with it? How did you… get through it?”
There. He had said it. He let out a breath, not even having realized that he’d been holding it in.
Gina’s poker face was back, but Jared wasn’t even looking at her, his eyes still focused on the floor. Inside, though, she felt sick. She knew why he was asking. “…It was incredibly difficult,” she finally said. “I’m still coping with it, really, every day. Some people will tell you that eventually a person gets over it. That’s bullshit, honestly. I don’t think anyone ever really… gets over something like that.”
“Yeah.” Jared’s voice was so soft, it was almost a whisper. The sleepy pit bull, who had been contentedly lying by Gina’s feet, suddenly got up and walked over to Jared, looking for pets because the humans were looking awfully serious. “I don’t think so, either.”
“It was several months of denial at first,” Gina continued, “followed by some very intensive therapy, and a very, very public criminal proceeding which resulted in my career nearly coming to an end and his career skyrocketing, with no conviction. I went to a very dark place, and… I wasn’t sure if I would, or could, come back from it.” It had been a long time since she had spoken about it like this. She briefly wondered why she was being so open with Jared about it, but dismissed that thought. Deep down, she knew why. “Even now… there are moments where I’m not sure if I can stand it. I’ll have a nightmare, or I’ll see his name in a headline when I’m on my laptop, or something else will happen, and it’s like I’m right back in that place, that dark place. And it’s lonely there. It’s cold and friendless. But it’s different now,” she added. “I have Carlos and Elena. I have friends. I have a therapist who I trust. I’ve had years to process it and start to come to terms with it. It’s not as raw anymore. It was hard, and it’s still hard, but… somehow, it got easier over time.”
Gina grew silent and took another sip from her coffee mug. Jared had grown deathly silent and still… except for the very, very gentle shaking of his shoulders. It took Gina only a moment before she realized that he was crying. As much as she wanted to reach across the table and extend a hand to him, Gina decided to give him space, and instead sat still, said nothing, and pretended not to notice.
After a couple of minutes, Jared sniffled, wiped at his eyes, and slowly nodded his head. “Um… so… you said it took several years, but… how many, exactly? You know, before… it got easier for you?”
“It happened over ten years ago, Jared,” Gina softly said, “and at least three of those years were consumed by a criminal trial, a lawsuit, and the worst press anyone could receive. I didn’t start to really… heal, I suppose, until four years after it happened, and when I started therapy, it didn’t happen overnight. It took me almost a year to really trust my therapist, and even longer for me to stop blaming myself for what happened, but that also comes and goes, even now. It’s not a magic switch. Everyone works through stuff in their own time, you know?”
Jared slowly nodded, and fought back more tears that were threatening to come faster and harder this time. This was so stupid, he thought to himself. What had he expected her to tell him, that there was a magic number of years one was required to be in therapy before the trauma just went away? What had he been hoping to get from asking her to talk about something that had been so painful for her? He was a shitty person, he decided, he was just a shitty, selfish person.
“Jared.” Gina’s voice made Jared jump a bit in surprise, and he turned and looked at her, this time not bothering to hide the fact that he had obviously been crying. In fact, looking at her, the tears started to come harder and faster again when he saw the concern in her eyes. She knew, he realized. She knew, and he knew she knew, even though he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t needed to. It was written all over him, and he was vulnerable and exposed now, and Gina could see every inch of his pain.
“Jared,” Gina said his name again, softer this time, and reached a hand across the table. She wasn’t going to force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. She knew that Jared could shut down just as quickly as Elena could. “Go ahead and take a deep breath, okay?”
Jared took in a shaky breath, Elena’s reminder to remember to breathe echoing in his head. He took a tissue when Gina offered it, and he wiped at his face, which had become a teary mess. The dog gave his arm a worried swipe with his tongue. He had to pull himself together. This was ridiculous. How dare he come into her home, ask her about this, and then have the nerve to be the one who broke down in tears? She probably thought he was the worst kind of person.
“I’m sorry.” Jared sniffled, grabbed his half-empty water bottle and downed the rest of it. “I’m really, really sorry. I don’t know why… I didn’t mean to do that. That was so rude of me. I came and disturbed you and asked you about something so personal, and then I fall to pieces… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m really sorry.”
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Gina replied, and this time, she leaned forward enough that she could gently place her hand over his shaking ones. “You don’t have to apologize to me. In fact,” she added, “you never have to apologize for what happened to you… ever again.”
Jared’s eyes met Gina’s, his full of sudden fear, and hers full of sadness and understanding. For a moment, they just sat and stared at each other… and then Jared’s breath caught in his throat as tears spilled from his throat.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Gina’s voice was a whisper. “It’s okay now.”
And Jared began to sob.