+JAI+ my novel thus far

[jailynxatticus]

                                              +ONE+

A million times I wondered what I had done to deserve this…

This enslavement, from the Drowic people of the Underdark that the people of my poor, small community in Xalious had feared reluctantly-- and even more reluctantly, admired, though none would admit it.

It is in the way that the Drow

Comments

[dark_bob_13]

It's good. It's a bit short to be a chapter, though... Maybe tell where he is in more detail? (Like the building/cell he's in,etc) There are some grammatical errors, and yes, the Tennessa Koirhin paragraph does seem pretty out of place... He could possibly (on the trail of family) describe what he misses of his childhood, or what he's lost - and in that paragraph, describe how he now looks, as opposed to what he used to be. (i.e. "The innocence of childhood was stripped from my face with the scars of battle I endured," etc) something like that. *shrugs* I'm just tossing this out there, of course. But I do like it, and I'm curious where it'll go. (if you want me to tell you the grammatical errors, let me know. But that's my critique, and I hope you don't take it harshly... Besides, I already know it's better than pretty much anything I've ever done. *nods*