(no subject)
Blow Jobs.....opposing views
~*~ A Woman's Take on the Subject ~*~
1. First and foremost, we're not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to #1, so, if you DO get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video, it's NOT standard
practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to #3, no, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to #5, don't push on top of my head. Last I heard, deep
throat had been done. Besides, you REALLY want puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get. It's NEVER ok to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean it's "hummer week". Get it through
your head: I'm bloated and I feel like shit, so NO, I don't feel
particularly obligated to blow you. You just can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8, "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls.
If you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to stop to remove a public hair from my teeth, don't tell
me I've "wrecked" it for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately after is
HIGHLY inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the
future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about
the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment. Review #2 above about
gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't give a shit
about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow
jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It's not appropriate to
sympathize OR brag.
16. Just because it's "awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
"kiss it good morning".
A man's take on the subject
1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we'll
find someone younger and prettier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of
cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything
to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Be thankful I'm not pulling your
hair.
5. When you're on your period, putting something in your mouth is the
only way to stop your bitching and moaning.
6. Speaking of which, if you're bleeding for five straight days, you
need all of the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you we get the
shit end of stick in the "flavor" category.
8. At least there's no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. (Well,
unless you bite it really hard.)
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We LIKE that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines, hon. It's "wide awake" in the morning
now, but when you get old and ugly, and are looking for some action, I
guarantee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your face, now do you?