Yesterday was a fairly typical day in the Holschen house. The kids are all up early, complaining of various injuries and illnesses (because it's a school day). Our brief kitchen triage clears all five grumpy kids to go to school, terrible tropical diseases withstanding. Acute hypochondria is a very real affliction in our house ( Read more... )

I celebrated Earth Day by glaring angrily out the window. It snowed off and on all day today. As far as I'm concerned as long as the earth is sending such nonsense my way I have no obligation to save it. I've decided based on the earth's antics today to fully support global warming ( Read more... )

I'm back from a long period with no internet. If someone life-shattering happened in your life and I didn't respond, that's why. Sorry. I'm back now.

Tam's making cookies for her cookie exchange tomorrow. This entail about 60% effort put into making cookies and about 40% effort defending said cookies against the rest of the thieving family ( Read more... )

Off and on throughout the years some of you people have suggested I write a book.

So I did.

Being inordinately lazy (if I knew how to work I wouldn't have had to become a cop) I mainly mined my old LJ for funny stories about the kids and polar bears and stuff and put it all together.

So...those of you with E-books of some sort can download it ( Read more... )

God's mercies are new every morning.

Too bad it was the afternoon that found me stomping around, kicking stuff and grumbling.

As all families of cops know, cops kids get away with nothing. We were told at the academy that we're not allowed to use interview/interrogation tricks on our spouses, but our kids are fair game. I utilize these tools often when investigating various crimes around the house (crayon on the wall, missing cookie, mysterious sharpie drawings in the ( Read more... )

The right to bear arms finally makes sense to me:

Bear takes gun away from hunter. Then leaves him alone.

Apparently the bear just liked the gun.

Tam is in Anchorage today with our 6 year old (Ruby). This leaves getting the remainder of the kids ready for school to me ( Read more... )

Recently I've tried my hand at actual comedy writing, not just smart-alec sarcasm like normal. With hopes high I submitted my first article to Cracked. Their response was ( Read more... )