So I don't know what to say...I'm sitting here shaking as I realize that this is perhaps the second worst day of my entire life. Making hard decisions is taking its toll on me and I'm not going to last much longer. This isn't melodrama this is my life and I hate it. All I want right now is to go to sleep and never wake up because that seems to ( Read more... )

In the hub...typing on a computer even though I have one that works in my room. Got a little tipsy tonight but balanced out now that I'm with the circle again. Amazing that they have that effect on me. Allen wrote the most amazing thing tonight. It was about his feelings towards all of us and why we all found each other. Made me feel more than ( Read more... )

Complete randomness seems to be ruling me today. I've been a roller coaster of emotions. I awoke at 5 am to the most excruiating pain I think I've ever experienced in my body. Got up and took three Tylenol, making it 11 in less than 24 hours. Is that safe? Whatever. It made the pain go away. But when I got up later I felt completely out of ( Read more... )

Weirdest thing ever today. I took a short nap after I got back from class...I fell asleep as soon as I layed down and I remember nothing until the alarm went off. I woke up completely full of emotion, so much so that I just started crying. Not a bad, unhealty crying. But not a happy crying either. More of a crying of realization. I think it ( Read more... )

If you think I don't realize it's there then you are crazy. Trust me I know it's there. It just gets covered up with all the other shit that's going on right now and that's right it's hard for me to understand how you can say what you say. What I feel is buried too deep to find most of the time. But I do realize that there will be a time when ( Read more... )

If ever I had doubted it before I cannot now. They were there for me in a way that now one has ever been there for me before. Without even knowing what was wrong they stood beside me and protected me from the one thing that I needed protection from the most. I wish that I could tell them what it is, but I can't yet. Only Seth knows, and I trust ( Read more... )

I say that a lot but today it's really the truth. I have this enormous sense of energy. I think it's left over from last night and the cemetary and hanging out with all those crazy people I love. I have this want to make out with someone so badly, but alas there is no one there. At least I don't think that there is. Hmmmm...Anyway, energy ( Read more... )

I've been in an extremely contemplative state since Monday. Thinking about things, but not worrying or being insecure. There is none of that. There's contentment with my situation, with my friends, and my school efforts. I feel like I'm finally back on track in many ways of my life. I can finally focus again, which is the most wonderful ( Read more... )

I want to stop being scared. More than anything I want to wkae up and see the sun outside my window. I want to put on music and dance around my room and be alone with my own thoughts. And NOT be afraid of what I'm thinking. I want concentration. The ability to sit and have a completely clear head to read or write or study. FOCUS. No anxiety ( Read more... )

Remember when I thought I was doing ok then that person comes back into my life and I still think "Oh, I can handle this." But then I realize that maybe I can't because too much happens too soon and now I'm stuck back where I started before. Well, not exactly right where I started but I'm definitely not feeling what I was feeling while he was ( Read more... )