(no subject)
yesterday started as any other day at work. I get in at around 8.45, and I turn on my computer, make a cup of tea and spend about 15-20 minutes reading any emails I'd been sent throughout the night.
It got to about 10 am (i'd well and truly started doing my work by this point), and Angel had started her normall habits of emailing me, which breaks down my usually boring day. Her emails were normal at first, but she gets cheeky and flirty, which confuses me. Of course I like it when girls flirt with me, cos normally when I flirt with someone I have no intention of ever taking it any further. With Angel, well.... I don't hide the fact I find her attractive. Because she is. Without getting into too much detail, cos it's been mentioned on here before- she loves me. It's a strange feeling. For the majority of my life I'd never had anyone love me like that, and now I have two.
Well to cut a long and pointelss story short, Angel was flirty yesterday, and it got progressivly worse. I got to the point where I was getting pissed off with being confused, and having someone that was swaying my mind away from Ellie. I told Angel we had to talk about this, and that she should get a flight up to Edinburgh after work so we can finally sort this out face to face. She agreed to this, and booked her flight. I then thought about the affect this would have on my relationship with Ellie. Jealousy would be a major factor here, and i dont think she would forgive the both of us- even if it were totally innocent. Angel said she wouldnt hold herself back about wanting to kiss me. I cant believe that she would even want to do that when she has a bf of her own. This is madness. She wants me still, and has put her cards on the table a few times by saying she will give up everything to be with me. That's pressure on me right there! I can't deal with that. I cant deal with someone like her telling me this, cos Im tempted, and thats what makes me really hate myself cos im committed to ellie and I really do love this chick, but it isnt easy with angel telling me sweet things in my ear.
The sensible and mature thing to do would be to leave Angel well alone, even if that hurts her, cos i cant let ellie be less of a priority. she's everything at the moment, and i dont want angel trying to change my mind.
I told angel not to come last night, by the way. i told her it wouldnt be a good idea, and i felt bad for changing my mind like that- even though all i wanted to do was talk to her to sort it out good and proper.
Its fireworks in my head, and ellie is always asking why angel seems to be pissed off with her- and i know the reason, she's jealous cos me and ellie are getting more and more closer all the time and is looking likely we'll be together for a long time. she needs to make an effort to get over me, and she cant do that when im talking to her everyday at work.
i think ive just answered my own questions about what i need to do this week.....