The shifting winds of an empath

[jamellalee]

Im sitting here on my bed looking out the window. the sky is grey. that kind of grey that says snow is on its way. other than the people on second floor stomping around and the cars driving past all is quiet. lately i havent been able to deal with such silence. but as i am writing this i feel as though a calming wave is washing over me. i can

Comments

im doing it.

[08_04_05]

im joining the army. was going to the coast guard but i woulda had to wait a year to ship out, and seeing how there is no one on the east coast waiting for me anymore, there is no need anyways. so im joinin the army with my friend sam. we have pretraining every thursday, so tonights gonna be our first one. im kinda nervous but so so excited. i miss you and wish you were here, but i think your gonna go with me when i leave, i feel you alot and i know you wanted me to go. the only bad thing i guess is the sgt. told us its not a matter of IF we deploy to iraq or somewhere, its WHEN. so im gonna be shipped over there lol. i just dont know when. and you know what, i feel safe. because of you. i think you will keep me safe, and if you cant...looks like ill be comin home to ya huh? anyway, just wanted to let you know. love you kate.

ohh i miss you =)

[08_04_05]

things are going really well. i was thinking about you the other night at work.all the things we talked about doing, me coming there to see you. well, im full time now and get vacation soon. just like i said i would. i got my own place you would love. its so, me haha. the only difference is, your not here.things really are almost perfect for once. work is good. the army, well is pending and exam and tests and what nots but the place im at there is no penalty for breaking the lease so whenever i get the ok i can just up and leave.i think ud be proud of me. say something bout how im growing up so fast. i asked tessa about our pictures you had, said she never found them. kinda makes me wonder, have they just not gone through enough of your things, or did you really get rid of all of them instead of just some of them. i wish i had them now. the few i have just arent enough. your still posted right by my bed though. and i think about you every day. i always find myself sitting here wanting to call you. your journals gonna have a million

makes me sick...

[08_04_05]

i miss you so much. its just not fair. i thought that after almost 4 1/2 months it wouldnt be this fucking bad. idk how to deal with this cause i still try to call you. you made everything beter for me. dammit. i miss you so much today that im really sick to my stomach...i wanna feel you. i need to know your here, somewhere. please, before i go insane?

love you.

[08_04_05]

lifes crazy. theres nothing else to say but its just crazy. and i miss you. every day i miss you. i still hate how unfair it is. how i miss you calling me all the time. miss the random texts, pictures and whatnots. sucks hardcore. love you tiger. see you sometime.

ive avoided this.

[08_04_05]

i havent come to post anything for awhile now. months. because i just...idk wish you would reply. still keep waiting for you to run out and say suprise! I WAS KIDDING! i didnt go away! but, nope, nothing. 6 months and a few days later, im still waiting. not sure why, i know better. i still find myself needing you. i havent felt you in awhile, please come to me? let me know your still here....and hey, i love you. wish i woulda told you last time you asked. you knew i loved you, just, not that i was ready again. i hate that. cause i tried to tell you, and i tried to damn late. UGH. i miss you.