i leave for new york tomorrow. i havent seen my family in a couple of years. i think its time i pay them a visit. plus i really need to get the hell out of BF. at least for a little bit. she finally called me today. it was really good to hear her voice. yet at the same time reality slapped me in the face and i realized how lonely i really feel. ( Read more... )

i dont know if you still read this.part of me hopes you dont. part of me hopes you do. if you do atleast i know you still think about me from time to time. i think about you from time to time as well. ok maybe more than i should. i shouldnt care anymore but i do. three years and counting. not that it matters to anyone but me. we have been over it ( Read more... )

its been awhile since i have left my mark here. things have been.. well like a roller coaster. its been a year since i first found out that i had cancer. here i am now cancer free. the best part is i beat it without their poison. though it threatens to show its ugly face from time to time over all i am well. i started my CRASH class this month. how ( Read more... )

I keep telling myself to just breathe. sometimes i feel like it would be easier to just not breathe at all. im so sick and tired of everything right now. everything to " OMG she's got AIDS" to this cancer bullshit. i am use to the Aids thing , kinda. its something i've been dealing with my whole life. this cancer shit however is way past me. i ( Read more... )

i often find myself feeling like im not good enough for anyone, i cant do anything right, im nothing but a worthless screw up. i think the reality of it all is, its me im not good enough for. im the one that cant seem to face myself in the mirror. but why? why do i feel so ugly inside, and outside? why cant i get past the shit from my past that ( Read more... )

where do i start? first off let me just say that im sorry i dont write as much anymore. i still dont have internet at my place yet. hopefully soon. on a good note, the docs say that i am cancer free as of this past thursday. yup thats right i beat it.( with out chemo might i add) although im missing some lymph glands and part of my lung but hey ( Read more... )

its been what 3 weeks since the last time i was here. so whats going on?... umm lets see, im back on my meds after taking a subconscious break. i think i might have been off my lithium at the same time. holy fucking roller coaster. my manic faze is dying down which is good. now if it would just level out instead of going too low that would great. ( Read more... )

the past few weeks have been hell. starting with the night i decided that i was gonna try to drive home after i had been drinking. yup got busted on that one. a few days after that i ended up in the hospital.i think it was tuesday morning i spiked a fever of 103. so i went to dartmouth. i told them about the mva so they had to do all these tests to ( Read more... )

"kate- im sorry that things never worked. i know we tried. its just that we tried at different times. i tried to fix us, to keep us together for so long after we broke up. and when i quit trying, you tried. and i was gone. im sorry for that. but, i did try to hang on..you gotta understand that it was just way to much in the end. we always said we ( Read more... )

for years i have been being treated for depression, between meds and councelors. as far back as i can remember i have always had " issues" with my behavior. as a child i would lash out a lot, mostly with adults. even more so with woman. i also had a bad habit of stealing and lying. i guess it just all got brushed off as a faze i was going through. ( Read more... )