One year

[jamesbhai]

Has it really been that long? It really only seems like last week that I was typing here because I wanted to say something without anyone saying something back. To have words I could reflect on later, but not deal with at the time

Comments

[augustdawn]

I've thought about contacting the man who donated half of my genetic makeup, especially after finding his daughter's facebook profile and pictures of the happy nuclear family. On one hand, I don't want anything to do with a man who abandoned my mother to raise me on her own; the other, that people should be forgiven for past mistakes. I'm not sure if I want to or what I expect from it. I never thought much about it until very recently, but the older I get the more it seems to want my attention. I guess it's because you get older and closer to starting a family of your own and start thinking about the family you had...complex stuff.

[jamesbhai]

Well said - I think you are exactly right.

He tracked down my sister in the past month after visiting the funeral home and spying her cell phone number. He calls her nearly every day and is frustrated that she won't give out my number, but only recites the agreed "he's fine, he will contact you if he wants to". What do you say? It's as if you have all your final exams the next day and you have yet to begin studying for any of them and you have no favorites. There's no logical place to start, there's no desire to start. Unlike academia, there's no real perceived benefit to starting (i.e. survival, tuition, future, etc.).

I wonder if my view would change if my mother were still around. I might be slightly more understanding. But to even consider allowing him to be in my life, even slightly, when she cannot, just does not seem right. Not today.

Maybe tomorrow.

But it will make us better parents when our time starts, right?