TOW The "Jump to Conclusions" Mat Guy
Some of you may remember from reading This Post, Here, that I had received a letter with a date/time for an interview at the Allentown Unemployment Compensation Service Center [UCSC], however, I didn't send in my paperwork because I had received the news about my "employment" with Knoll.
Following Monday's fiasco, I called them and asked if I could still come in for an interview, telling them that during the home rennovation, the paperwork was mislaid. I was pleased to hear that everything was copacetic, and I was good to go!
So, this morning, wearing the same black pant suit with ladybug pin on the lapel, this time with the lavender shell and pearls instead of diamonds, I arrived at the Allentown UCSC close to one hour after I left home [mapquest timed the journey at 33 minutes---liars]. I was pleased to see that I could park at a meter rather than fight for parking and be forced to walk a million miles. I rounded the corner to the appropriate entrance, walked through the rising cloud of smoke billowing about like a small atomic blast by those nicotine freaks on their breaks, and proceeded to wander through the building looking for Suite 500 for the next 10 minutes. I finally went into Suite 200 and asked for help. Someone in there, a woman in a tacky black and white print number, swore up and down that Suite 500 was not in this office building. An older gentleman, who looked like the genteel sort that habituates the higher-end brothels, pulled out a pipe with the purpose of going to join the nicotine freaks out on the ramp, kept saying, "Well, I'd hire you!" when I told him I was there for an interview. I laughed, only slightly repulsed, thanking him and telling him that I was gonna hold him to his promise.
I finally found the elusive Suite 500 [which they purposely do not label for reasons I'm not gonna elaborate on so as not to lose another job before I officially get hired; if you're curious, ask], and was immediately brought into the room for the interview [my interview was at 10:15; I arrived at the building a little before 10:00; till I found Suite 500, it was 10:12].
I was told by a rather nondescript lady to get out my paperwork and then have a seat facing the long line of chairs behind the table. The interviewer guy, who bore a striking resemblance to the guy from Office Space---Tom, I think his name was in the movie---who had the brilliant idea of a "Jump to Conclusions" Mat, entered the room. It was tough to keep from laughing and also asking him to explain what his job was within the company. Another lady, a heavy smoker with frazzled blonde hair, but very nice and funny in that exasperated sort of way, joined him a moment later.
These inquisition-style interviews are not my cup of tea. I feel more like I'm in trouble than being asked to talk about my strengths. They each had a form with pre-picked questions, and as they asked them, they each wrote down what I said, plus their interpretations. It was OK, none of that "If you were an animal, what kind of an animal would you be?" BS. Then it was my turn to ask questions to them, and I gave them the standards, "What are the benefits? Tell me more about the job, etc..." As I was sitting there listening to Jump-to-Conclusions-Mat Guy tell me the vacation schedule, I thought that if I didn't get this job, I should really turn the tables on my next interview, just for shits and giggles.
INTERVIEWER: Do you have any questions for me?
ME: Yes. If you could describe your company's work environment as a fruit would you choose, A) Apple, wholesome and basic---what you'd expect from an office, B) Grapes, lots of little people, but everyone contributing to the greatness of the group in their own special, innovative way, C) Pineapple, a bit of a hard shell on the outside, a bit exotic and sweet, yet with an afterbite of pure tang, D) Strawberry, pretty and sweet at first, but with a possible conflict involving the pesky little over-ambitious seeds, or E) Kiwi, kind of boring and fuzzy on the surface, but with a pleasant and unexpected party inside, and black seeds in a star formation?
We wrapped up the interview and I was ushered out of there at 10:39. This goes down as one of the quickest job interviews I have ever had. As I left, I passed by the black-and-white-dress lady and Mr. Dapper-Brothel;they were pleasant and asked me how I'd done. I told them what I'll tell you in the next paragraph, and the man then asked me, "When are you starting?" while puffing on his little pipe. I smiled, thanked them for their help, and went on my way.
I was told during the interview that the duo was to be interviewing for most of the morning for three Clerk Typist 2 positions. So there are multiple chances there, however, I am skeptical.
I was told they'd contact me tomorrow or the beginning of next week. But, like I said, I'm not holding out much hope. Maybe it's me not thinking I interviewed up to the standard that I did at Knoll, or maybe it's just because of that bad experience that I'm apathetic about ever getting a job now, but either way, I'm not gonna hold my breath for this one.
Well...I myself am not having a very good Halloween Party season, not showing up to Trish's, going as people from TV shows I don't watch from others'. Sighs. Here is my party [people showed up---how uncharacteristic!].
jamesracheld's Halloween party:
_hostages dressed as the main character of "The Best Years of Our Lives".
_rockgoddess_ dressed as the Moral Power Ranger.
bronwenstx dressed as the Cardinal of Midinocit.
broodman dressed as Gwen Stefani riding a cow.
castlecelt dressed as a Level 14 bard.
chev947 dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Cheeseball Chickenbrain".
chicken_karma dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Candle of the Ground.
eidolana dressed as a new superhero: Crimson Warrior.
erinmevans dressed as a junior bastard operator from hell.
eva_c dressed as the love child of Robin Williams and Janet Reno.
fairegirl69 dressed as Michael Jackson.
fiera_316 dressed as Madonna's grandfather, though it looked more like the Cardinal of Osbusdale.
hc_godess dressed as something igneous, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
hockeygurl97 dressed as Optimus Prime, though it looked more like a Open-source Synergies, Inc. employee.
kissmekayte dressed as a spoon.
lizardlaugh dressed as the King of Burkina Faso, and it suited them disturbingly well.
michaelulrich dressed as a origin.
nytcrie dressed as a rainbow fish.
ode_to_poverty dressed as a rat.
peachysakura24 dressed as a llama.
plaball dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Mighty Commander.
ppyajunebug dressed as a neat vampire.
ragnarok5 dressed as Nicole Kidman.
shaniquashan dressed as Millard Fillmore.
slayerjenn dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley, and it suited them all too well.
stephiesspecial dressed as your grandmother.
sunfirejade dressed as Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.
the_gentleman dressed as Captain Kirk from "Star Trek".
theatresm dressed as a vampire.
will_catastasis dressed as the Governor of Tennessee.
Oh there are so many I want to see! I'd have to say my top three are John Broody's eventful choice, Dolores as Michael Jackson, and Val's mystery costume.
Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense
Following Monday's fiasco, I called them and asked if I could still come in for an interview, telling them that during the home rennovation, the paperwork was mislaid. I was pleased to hear that everything was copacetic, and I was good to go!
So, this morning, wearing the same black pant suit with ladybug pin on the lapel, this time with the lavender shell and pearls instead of diamonds, I arrived at the Allentown UCSC close to one hour after I left home [mapquest timed the journey at 33 minutes---liars]. I was pleased to see that I could park at a meter rather than fight for parking and be forced to walk a million miles. I rounded the corner to the appropriate entrance, walked through the rising cloud of smoke billowing about like a small atomic blast by those nicotine freaks on their breaks, and proceeded to wander through the building looking for Suite 500 for the next 10 minutes. I finally went into Suite 200 and asked for help. Someone in there, a woman in a tacky black and white print number, swore up and down that Suite 500 was not in this office building. An older gentleman, who looked like the genteel sort that habituates the higher-end brothels, pulled out a pipe with the purpose of going to join the nicotine freaks out on the ramp, kept saying, "Well, I'd hire you!" when I told him I was there for an interview. I laughed, only slightly repulsed, thanking him and telling him that I was gonna hold him to his promise.
I finally found the elusive Suite 500 [which they purposely do not label for reasons I'm not gonna elaborate on so as not to lose another job before I officially get hired; if you're curious, ask], and was immediately brought into the room for the interview [my interview was at 10:15; I arrived at the building a little before 10:00; till I found Suite 500, it was 10:12].
I was told by a rather nondescript lady to get out my paperwork and then have a seat facing the long line of chairs behind the table. The interviewer guy, who bore a striking resemblance to the guy from Office Space---Tom, I think his name was in the movie---who had the brilliant idea of a "Jump to Conclusions" Mat, entered the room. It was tough to keep from laughing and also asking him to explain what his job was within the company. Another lady, a heavy smoker with frazzled blonde hair, but very nice and funny in that exasperated sort of way, joined him a moment later.
These inquisition-style interviews are not my cup of tea. I feel more like I'm in trouble than being asked to talk about my strengths. They each had a form with pre-picked questions, and as they asked them, they each wrote down what I said, plus their interpretations. It was OK, none of that "If you were an animal, what kind of an animal would you be?" BS. Then it was my turn to ask questions to them, and I gave them the standards, "What are the benefits? Tell me more about the job, etc..." As I was sitting there listening to Jump-to-Conclusions-Mat Guy tell me the vacation schedule, I thought that if I didn't get this job, I should really turn the tables on my next interview, just for shits and giggles.
INTERVIEWER: Do you have any questions for me?
ME: Yes. If you could describe your company's work environment as a fruit would you choose, A) Apple, wholesome and basic---what you'd expect from an office, B) Grapes, lots of little people, but everyone contributing to the greatness of the group in their own special, innovative way, C) Pineapple, a bit of a hard shell on the outside, a bit exotic and sweet, yet with an afterbite of pure tang, D) Strawberry, pretty and sweet at first, but with a possible conflict involving the pesky little over-ambitious seeds, or E) Kiwi, kind of boring and fuzzy on the surface, but with a pleasant and unexpected party inside, and black seeds in a star formation?
We wrapped up the interview and I was ushered out of there at 10:39. This goes down as one of the quickest job interviews I have ever had. As I left, I passed by the black-and-white-dress lady and Mr. Dapper-Brothel;they were pleasant and asked me how I'd done. I told them what I'll tell you in the next paragraph, and the man then asked me, "When are you starting?" while puffing on his little pipe. I smiled, thanked them for their help, and went on my way.
I was told during the interview that the duo was to be interviewing for most of the morning for three Clerk Typist 2 positions. So there are multiple chances there, however, I am skeptical.
I was told they'd contact me tomorrow or the beginning of next week. But, like I said, I'm not holding out much hope. Maybe it's me not thinking I interviewed up to the standard that I did at Knoll, or maybe it's just because of that bad experience that I'm apathetic about ever getting a job now, but either way, I'm not gonna hold my breath for this one.
Well...I myself am not having a very good Halloween Party season, not showing up to Trish's, going as people from TV shows I don't watch from others'. Sighs. Here is my party [people showed up---how uncharacteristic!].
jamesracheld's Halloween party:
_hostages dressed as the main character of "The Best Years of Our Lives".
_rockgoddess_ dressed as the Moral Power Ranger.
bronwenstx dressed as the Cardinal of Midinocit.
broodman dressed as Gwen Stefani riding a cow.
castlecelt dressed as a Level 14 bard.
chev947 dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Cheeseball Chickenbrain".
chicken_karma dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Candle of the Ground.
eidolana dressed as a new superhero: Crimson Warrior.
erinmevans dressed as a junior bastard operator from hell.
eva_c dressed as the love child of Robin Williams and Janet Reno.
fairegirl69 dressed as Michael Jackson.
fiera_316 dressed as Madonna's grandfather, though it looked more like the Cardinal of Osbusdale.
hc_godess dressed as something igneous, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
hockeygurl97 dressed as Optimus Prime, though it looked more like a Open-source Synergies, Inc. employee.
kissmekayte dressed as a spoon.
lizardlaugh dressed as the King of Burkina Faso, and it suited them disturbingly well.
michaelulrich dressed as a origin.
nytcrie dressed as a rainbow fish.
ode_to_poverty dressed as a rat.
peachysakura24 dressed as a llama.
plaball dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Mighty Commander.
ppyajunebug dressed as a neat vampire.
ragnarok5 dressed as Nicole Kidman.
shaniquashan dressed as Millard Fillmore.
slayerjenn dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley, and it suited them all too well.
stephiesspecial dressed as your grandmother.
sunfirejade dressed as Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.
the_gentleman dressed as Captain Kirk from "Star Trek".
theatresm dressed as a vampire.
will_catastasis dressed as the Governor of Tennessee.
Oh there are so many I want to see! I'd have to say my top three are John Broody's eventful choice, Dolores as Michael Jackson, and Val's mystery costume.
Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense