30 days, day 3
Day 3 - Your parents, in great detail
Oh boy, this will take a while.
My mom:
She was always a very cool person growing up. We got along great, she was reasonably clued in to how to relate to a teenager, and we shared similar senses of humor. I never pushed boundaries, and I always made the right choice. Every once in awhile, we would butt heads on a rather mundane issue. When I came out, a lot of that changed. I went from being completely trusted to having a curfew, and new rules put on me.
The backstory is that my mom did a lot of work with ex-gay ministries (Exodus International), so the coming out did not go well. She actually said at one point that she would prefer that I were on drugs than gay, because at least she would have a support group for that. So it was through a lot of this process that I realized that my mom is/was a more selfish person than I had previously realized. Not really selfish, but it was the first time that I noticed that a lot of the inconveniences in my life were because my mom would do what was convenient for her, but then would sometimes play the victim role if I wouldn't drop everything to do what she needed me to do, saying how much she sacrificed for me, and how hard it's been for her, and what she's had to go through.
Oh, did I mention that I lived at home through all of college when this was happening? Because I did.
So the tight relationship between mom and myself drifted apart. She hated my first boyfriend. She hated the second one even more. She kinda liked the one I had just before I moved out when I got my first teaching job.
I realized at time passed that my mom is not a highly rational person. I never considered this an option because she is highly educated. My mom has a M.S. in Biochemistry. I would have thought logical reasoning, empirical data, and skepticism would dominate her world view. However, she is also a born-again evangelical-esque Christian, so faith in that which cannot be empirically measured also dominates her world view. As she has gotten older, she has become increasingly more fear-based and irrational, so it's been harder and harder to maintain a relationship with her. My time with her is not usually very enjoyable, although it has its moments of fun and laughs. She also doesn't like to drink.
My mom has gotten a lot better about the gay thing, although part of me wonders if that is just an attempt on her to one-up my dad. Which I guess is a nice segue.
My dad:
I was very embarrassed by my dad in elementary, middle, and high school. He didn't dress well, he was a little awkward to be around, and he had a horrible temper when I was in elementary and middle school (a major part of the reason that my parents divorced). He went through Emotions Anonymous, and he's much more stoic and even-headed now. As I went through college, I began to understand my dad more and more. I didn't understand him when I was younger, but when I became an adult, I understood him completely. My dad is a person of incredible integrity and character. If I ever need him for anything, he'll be there. No matter what. He runs his own veterinary housecall practice, so it can be easier for him to meet me at random times during the day. But even now that my mom is (partially) retired, I know that if I call my dad, he will answer and show up in an emergency.
A few days after I broke up with Todd, I had a run-in with the undercarriage of my car and a hidden half removed pipe in an unpaved lot. My car got stuck on it, and in my attempt to get it free, I broke the oil pan and punctured the gas tank. Leaking fuel and oil, I pulled the car to the side of the road, decided that my life was caving in on me, and I sobbed for about 20 minutes outside of Roma Cafe. Then after I pulled myself together a little bit, I called my mom to say that I probably wasn't going to be able to make the mother's day picnic that we had planned for that day (we were celebrating a week later), and I definitely wasn't going to be able to make all of the food that I was planning to make. I called her apartment and her cell phone. No answer. I called her boyfriend's cell phone. No answer. Called my sister's cell phone. No answer. Call my dad's pager. He calls back in 2 minutes. I explain briefly what happened, and was driving up within 15 minutes. He sat there with me while we waited for the fire truck, hazmat, and police to arrive. He drove me to the rental car place to get a rental. After dropping everything for a couple of hours, he had to head back to work, but he would only say that after he was sure that everything was taken care of on my end. This is just one of many examples. He's seen every halftime show I ever performed at in marching band (granted, he also likes watching football), he went to every band competition, 5 of my drum corps shows, every theatrical production I ever did, and he took pictures at every. single. one. Sometimes I wished he would just leave the camera at home. Granted, I love that I have pictures of all of this stuff, but I'd also love if it didn't require a tripod and 5 or 6 different exposures for him to be sure he got a good one. That's another story.
So regardless, I have very different opinions of my parents as a grown adult. In terms of raising children, both my sister and I turned out incredibly well. We were motivated to do well, but never pressured to do so. We were guided into becoming high-achieving adults, and we always chose the more ethical option. We both work in industries where we help others. We owe a lot of our values in life to what my parents held dear.
Were my parents perfect? Certainly not. Did they do their job well? Yes. Do I enjoy their company now that I'm an adult? Well, that's a 50/50 split. I'm lucky to have had parents that provided for me and cared about me. That's worth a lot.