i really kind of hate him

[jane_lindenwood]

Just, for whatever reason, I can't bring myself to the full intensity of the emotion I should thoroughly have. I don't know what is wrong with me because I know I have every right to be angry but all I am is empty and sad. I'm not sure I've ever had someone that made me feel so bad about myself that I couldn't be honest with them. There's been

Comments

[bowiechaser]

Is the first paragraph an exerpt from the book? Or are YOU severely disliking someone? *is unsure*

If I always acted while remembering I will impact those around me in countless ways I will never even be aware of, how different would my life be?That is an awesome question! I was just talking about something VERY similar with my mom yesterday, over coffee. About how the little things you do affect others - I told her about the story in "Baristas" about the guy who got the free hot chocolate and then came back an hour later to tip them (quite a bit!) and tell them that they made his day, and I related how that sort of little thing that means nothing to us baristas can mean SO MUCH MORE to someone who is having a horrid day. That is what I like doing...giving someone exactly what they asked for, so that they're pleased with it and they go away happy. I used to have customers say "thank God YOU are here! You are always so nice!!" or "YOU always make my drink PERFECT" and that made me feel SO GOOD....knowing that I could make these

[jane_lindenwood]

That was just me ranting. I don't actually hate this guy, I'm just having a hard time. It's much better now, we've had a few conversations about the issue specifically and I feel a lot better. I just made some really bad decisions and I'm facing the aftermath. It's how it goes I guess... I knew I wasn't making wise decisions as I was making them and that's why I kind of hate myself. I'm smarter than how I was acting. And it seriously is way better now.

And about the barista-ing... I was amazed at the times I made someone tear up over offering them a free drink because they came in all the time or because they were having a rough day and I knew it could be a tiny thing to brighten the moment. I wish I knew I was doing that and knew how to do that in the rest of my life, y'know?