THIS IS WHY LIFE NEEDS A MUTE BUTTON
So, I'm feeling the need to set the record straight and get something off my chest, even though the people whom I am speaking to don't read my lj.
I do not want children. Ever. I don't plan on getting married, I don't plan on having kids. My man and I have been together almost five years. We don't feel the need for marriage. It's not that we don't like marriage; we just don't feel like it's for us. We feel this way for several reasons:
First, no kids. We don't want children, so there is no need to provide a "more stable home" as some would say. Secondly, our religious beliefs don't hold marriage to the same sacred level that others' beliefs do. In my religion it is a purely voluntary thing, and does not make a union more holy or spiritually santioned than one that isn't married. He is agnostic, and so doesn't have the belief that marriage is even a holy thing at all. Thirdly, we have no financial reason to get married. If we decide to buy a house or something in our future, then we may decide to get married. But until that happens, we neither need nor want marriage.
As to my childless future -
I wish people would stop feeling the need to comment on this. The moment you tell someone that you don't want children, they feel the need to say one of several things.
1. "But if you're going to have sex, you have to be willing to deal with the consequences".
People need to stop saying this to me, because 9 times out of 10, they are pro-life. Please don't ask me what I will do if I, by some accident, become pregnant. You won't like the answer. YES I will get an abortion. I am not afraid to say this; I do not find it to be a shameful subject. But if that is not the answer you are looking for, or if that answer will be upsetting, JUST DON'T ASK THE QUESTION. Also, don't mention adoption. Yes, it's wonderful. But guess what? I don't want to carry a baby to term. For me, it's not just about raising a child; I don't want to carry one either. I do not want to put my body through ten months of hell, especially if I'm not going to then keep the baby. Frankly, the idea of being pregnant sickens me. I love children; I really do. But only when they are other people's.
2. "You're too young to decide that now."
Fuck. That. Noise. Having a baby changes your life. FOREVER. If I can do that at 24, then I can sure as fuck make the decision NOT to have children at 24. If I can drink liquor and fight and die for my country at twenty-fucking-four, then I can decide not to have children.
3. "Oh, everybody says that."
Do I look like fucking everybody? I have NEVER wanted kids. While other little girls played "house", I was playing "single woman with a fabulous career". I never dreamed about my wedding, and I NEVER dreamed of being a mom. I am not saying this outloud because I have a non-commital boyfriend while secretly wishing for a "mistake". I DO NOT WANT IT.
4. "I just think life would be so boring if it was just me and my husband."
Lady, if your husband bores you, it's probably not the best environment to bring a kid into, is it? I have been with Shawn for nearly five years and not a day goes by that I am not intrigued with him. Never once. You know why? BECAUSE I'M NOT BORED WITH MYSELF. Shawn is the icing on the cake that is ME. I happen to like myself, and enjoy spending time with myself. I am a complete person all on my own. I love Shawn, but if he were to go away, I'd be devastated, and I'd cry, but eventually, I'd move on. I don't need him; I WANT him. And there's a difference.
5. "It's selfish."
Maybe it is. But guess what? It's my RIGHT to decide not to spend the next 18+ years dedicating myself to someone else. I'm ALLOWED to put myself first, and frankly, I think you're jealous that I can do that, and you can't. Live with your decision, don't force your guilt on me.
6. "You'll regret it someday."
That could be. Thank you, oh Lady-in-line-at-the-doctor's-office. Without you, I NEVER would have thought about that possible consequence of my decision.
Oh, wait...
7. And my favorite... "You're just not a woman til you've been a mother."
You're just not a sexist douche until you've said this. Have fun in Stepford.
Look, guys, I do love kids. I have an awesome 10-year-old brother, and an adorable 3-year-old goddaughter. I just don't want any of my own, and neither does my man. We don't feel the need to give you parenting advice. Why do you feel the need to give it to us?