fic, Lost: On Two Different Sides (dead!Boone, the O6), PG13, for un_love_you
So, this isn't exactly what I had hoped to finish but hey, I did finish one. Maybe now I'll also finish the others.
Title: On Two Different Sides
Rating: PG13
Characters: dead!Boone, the Oceanic 6 (there's some kinda Jack/Boone thrown in the end)
Words: 700
Summary: He wishes Sun hadn’t been there; he wishes he could do something; he wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born; he wishes he understood her; he wishes he could resent Sayid; he wishes he had died when the beechcraft fell.
Spoilers: nothing beyond the S4 flashforwards.
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. Boone wouldn't be dead *rolls eyes*.
A/N: for un_love_you #17, wish I didn't love you. The first five sections are drabbles, the last is 200 words because I just couldn't be brief. I don't have an idea of where it came from but hey, it was cooperating, I went with it. Nothing of the happy sort.
He wishes Sun hadn’t been there; he could afford not to care.
He sees Sun grieving and getting angrier as the time passes (for her; not really for him) and ends up remembering her on his death bed. Charlie told him it was then that she had reconnected with Jin; Boone can't recall it but knowing that something good had come out of it had made him as happy as it gets when you’re dead. He wishes he could show up, tell Sun that Jin is alive, but there are rules. He can't.
He really wishes he could ignore it.
--
He wishes he could do something.
He likes Hurley. He really genuinely likes him and sure as hell Hurley doesn’t deserve what he got. Definitely not a mental institute, perpetual bad luck and everything else in between. Boone goes to Santa Rosa sometimes; they’ll talk, he tries not to be too negative, sometimes they’ll play some board game.
But really, Charlie is the only one who is any good at the cheering up business.
It doesn’t exactly hurt, not anymore, but still, he wishes he could do something. And he can’t, just like he never could when he was alive.
--
He wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born.
He's ashamed of feeling jealous when around the kid, especially if Charlie is there, too; but, could he explain how it feels? After all, Aaron’s rescue is what Charlie chose to die for. Boone never chose death, not until he could deny the inevitable; it’s coincidental, sure, but someone being born just as he died sounds too much like fate's last slap in his face. Like he couldn’t even get his death for himself but had to share.
Boone really wishes he could get past it, give a damn. He can't.
--
He wishes he understood her.
But Boone never really understood Kate, not when he was alive, not now that he’s dead. She’s a mystery to him, some unknown quantity in an equation; at times, before, he had envied her because she was everything he couldn’t ever be, but right now she envies her mostly the fact that she goes for a run every morning. If he was alive, he doubts that he could do the same thing.
He also envies her the fact that she's in the position to get Jack's phone calls; so much for trying to let go.
--
He wishes he could resent Sayid.
He’d have the reasons, but they are more Shannon’s than his own; their mess was hardly Sayid’s fault back then. Ana is the one around him and Boone figures it’s alright. She got lucky with her assignment. Shannon isn’t happy with it, but Boone can’t hate him. Not when thinking about Sayid makes him want to cry when he can’t physically do it.
He wishes Sayid's downward spiral felt like revenge; it just feels bleak and unfair and nothing he'd wish on his worst enemy; he can't deny that it never was Sayid's position.
--
He wishes he had died when the beechcraft fell.
Not because of his subsequent agony, but because then Jack would have just been someone he had crushed on once. He hadn’t died and Jack had become the only person who hadn’t given up on him, the one person who ever put him first for once and who ever gave a damn and the reason he hadn’t died alone.
If he had died before, his still heart wouldn’t break into a thousand pieces every time he sees Jack like this. Seeing Jack swallow Oxycodone pills like mints tears him apart and he can’t do anything for him because Jack is his dad’s business only. Boone had tried; bad luck, again.
He’s dead; he shouldn’t feel much. But as he sneaks in when Christian has to be back on the island and Jack isn’t home and throws away empty bottles, leaves a pillow on the couch, just keeps an eye and maybe leaves the windows a bit open before Jack gets back, he doesn’t fool himself.
Loving a living person who behaves like a walking dead is so painful and so much of a cruel joke that he really wishes he didn’t.
End.
Title: On Two Different Sides
Rating: PG13
Characters: dead!Boone, the Oceanic 6 (there's some kinda Jack/Boone thrown in the end)
Words: 700
Summary: He wishes Sun hadn’t been there; he wishes he could do something; he wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born; he wishes he understood her; he wishes he could resent Sayid; he wishes he had died when the beechcraft fell.
Spoilers: nothing beyond the S4 flashforwards.
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. Boone wouldn't be dead *rolls eyes*.
A/N: for un_love_you #17, wish I didn't love you. The first five sections are drabbles, the last is 200 words because I just couldn't be brief. I don't have an idea of where it came from but hey, it was cooperating, I went with it. Nothing of the happy sort.
He wishes Sun hadn’t been there; he could afford not to care.
He sees Sun grieving and getting angrier as the time passes (for her; not really for him) and ends up remembering her on his death bed. Charlie told him it was then that she had reconnected with Jin; Boone can't recall it but knowing that something good had come out of it had made him as happy as it gets when you’re dead. He wishes he could show up, tell Sun that Jin is alive, but there are rules. He can't.
He really wishes he could ignore it.
--
He wishes he could do something.
He likes Hurley. He really genuinely likes him and sure as hell Hurley doesn’t deserve what he got. Definitely not a mental institute, perpetual bad luck and everything else in between. Boone goes to Santa Rosa sometimes; they’ll talk, he tries not to be too negative, sometimes they’ll play some board game.
But really, Charlie is the only one who is any good at the cheering up business.
It doesn’t exactly hurt, not anymore, but still, he wishes he could do something. And he can’t, just like he never could when he was alive.
--
He wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born.
He's ashamed of feeling jealous when around the kid, especially if Charlie is there, too; but, could he explain how it feels? After all, Aaron’s rescue is what Charlie chose to die for. Boone never chose death, not until he could deny the inevitable; it’s coincidental, sure, but someone being born just as he died sounds too much like fate's last slap in his face. Like he couldn’t even get his death for himself but had to share.
Boone really wishes he could get past it, give a damn. He can't.
--
He wishes he understood her.
But Boone never really understood Kate, not when he was alive, not now that he’s dead. She’s a mystery to him, some unknown quantity in an equation; at times, before, he had envied her because she was everything he couldn’t ever be, but right now she envies her mostly the fact that she goes for a run every morning. If he was alive, he doubts that he could do the same thing.
He also envies her the fact that she's in the position to get Jack's phone calls; so much for trying to let go.
--
He wishes he could resent Sayid.
He’d have the reasons, but they are more Shannon’s than his own; their mess was hardly Sayid’s fault back then. Ana is the one around him and Boone figures it’s alright. She got lucky with her assignment. Shannon isn’t happy with it, but Boone can’t hate him. Not when thinking about Sayid makes him want to cry when he can’t physically do it.
He wishes Sayid's downward spiral felt like revenge; it just feels bleak and unfair and nothing he'd wish on his worst enemy; he can't deny that it never was Sayid's position.
--
He wishes he had died when the beechcraft fell.
Not because of his subsequent agony, but because then Jack would have just been someone he had crushed on once. He hadn’t died and Jack had become the only person who hadn’t given up on him, the one person who ever put him first for once and who ever gave a damn and the reason he hadn’t died alone.
If he had died before, his still heart wouldn’t break into a thousand pieces every time he sees Jack like this. Seeing Jack swallow Oxycodone pills like mints tears him apart and he can’t do anything for him because Jack is his dad’s business only. Boone had tried; bad luck, again.
He’s dead; he shouldn’t feel much. But as he sneaks in when Christian has to be back on the island and Jack isn’t home and throws away empty bottles, leaves a pillow on the couch, just keeps an eye and maybe leaves the windows a bit open before Jack gets back, he doesn’t fool himself.
Loving a living person who behaves like a walking dead is so painful and so much of a cruel joke that he really wishes he didn’t.
End.