Happy Birthday thisissirius!
I hope you had a wonderful day and that the next year is full of all good things (like Merlin/Arthur and Colin and Bradley).
Anyway, have a Merlin ficlet as a present. No beta, and it doesn't really go anywhere but the idea kept hanging around so I wrote it down. Spoilers for The Labyrinth of Gedref.
Passing the Test
A deserted, windy beach where Arthur had nearly died wasn't Merlin's idea of a nice spot for a rest, but as usual he wasn't left with much option. Anhora had vanished after his explanation - or possibly he'd never really been there, Merlin wasn't entirely sure - and Merlin was left with only the crying gulls and an unconscious Arthur for company. He made himself comfortable on a smooth bit of rock and tugged Arthur over so his head was pillowed on Merlin's thigh.
Arthur would wake up soon; Anhora had promised he would. Now that Merlin wasn't panicking and convinced that Arthur was dead, he could see that Arthur was breathing easily but he still found he needed to rest his fingers on Arthur's neck and feel his pulse for reassurance. That had been way too close. If the poison hadn't been a trick, Arthur would be dead and Merlin would be…
Lost. And totally alone in the cold.
He pulled his jacket more tightly closed and shivered, listening to the waves crashing on the shore. The table and goblets had disappeared when Anhora did, but Merlin could still see them. He suspected he would be seeing them for a long time.
Merlin stared down at Arthur and willed him to wake up so they could leave this place. Arthur being Arthur, though, his will had little effect and it was five minutes more before Arthur stirred and Merlin pulled his hand back from his throat hurriedly and held his breath.
Arthur made a soft noise and his eyes blinked open and Merlin sighed in relief. Arthur stared up at him but instead of a pleased or cocky grin like Merlin was expecting, Arthur's face was bleak and his eyes were sadder than Merlin had ever seen.
"I failed, then," Arthur said very quietly, his eyes closing again, and Merlin gaped at him.
"No! You passed, you idiot," he said, "The curse has been lifted."
"Oh," Arthur said, opening his eyes. "Really?"
"Really," Merlin promised, half laughing, and Arthur smiled finally. It lit up his face, but with gratitude and relief still rather than pride and Merlin couldn't look away. "I knew you would," Merlin added softly and for a moment it seemed like Arthur's smile was just for him, but then it faded and Arthur broke their eye-contact and looked out to sea with a sigh.
Merlin thought Arthur would have been anxious to get up and leave, but he seemed content to lie there with his head in Merlin's lap and watch the waves and after all they'd been through that was fine by Merlin.
"So," Arthur said after a while, clearing his throat and then going on in a mostly steady voice, "did he say how long this poison was going to take?" and Merlin was shocked nearly speechless.
"Arthur, you aren't dying," he said urgently. "It was just a trick; it wasn't poison at all."
Arthur blinked up at him in disbelief before he apparently realised Merlin was sincere and his lips started to curl up in a smile again. It only got halfway and then Arthur suddenly frowned in annoyance. "Now that is just cheating," he complained and Merlin couldn't help laughing. "It's not funny," Arthur added and Merlin stopped abruptly because the test really, really hadn't been, but at this point it was either laugh or cry and if he cried Arthur would never let him hear the end of it.
"Sorry."
"And if it wasn't poison, why do I feel like shit?" Arthur said, glaring and Merlin shrugged.
"It was a sleeping draught. Anhora said it would take a while to wear off completely and that you could use the time to consider what you have learned from the tests," he quoted and Arthur's mouth settled into an irritated line.
"Bugger that," he said, sitting up. He got almost upright but his face turned green and he sank back down again and Merlin put a prudent hand on his chest just in case Arthur got any more bright ideas.
"Did you miss the part where I said it took a while to wear off?"
"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur said and Merlin glared as Arthur turned his head away pointedly. It looked like Arthur had gone back to being difficult instead of noble and sombre now that he knew he would live. Though sometimes Arthur was difficult and noble both at once, like when he drank supposed poison instead of letting Merlin do it or when he managed to look the happiest Merlin had ever seen him while believing he was dying. Merlin wasn't sure he was ever going to understand Arthur.
He had time to try though, and that took the annoyance away. It didn't even come back when Arthur kept shifting his head about on Merlin's leg and shooting him glares like it was Merlin's fault he'd only brought himself and his legs on the quest and not thought to bring a feather pillow.
"You are way too skinny for this to be comfortable," Arthur finally muttered.
"I could put you on the nice cold, hard rocks if you'd rather," Merlin retorted. Arthur didn't bother answering, he just knocked away Merlin's hand and tried sitting up again. The result was the same as before except Arthur dropped back down at a different angle and banged his head against Merlin's kneecap.
"Ow," Merlin complained and dragged Arthur's head higher up, ignoring his yelp. "Can't you just wait until you feel better?" he asked, rubbing his knee and incidentally shoving his elbow in Arthur's face until Arthur reached up and yanked his arm down, pinning Merlin's hand to his chest again.
"I want to get out of here," Arthur said angrily. "I hate waiting."
"Tell me something I don't know. Anyone would think you're annoyed to still be alive the way you're going on, and you're not the only person who wants to leave. At least you didn't have to watch someone, you, d-die here," Merlin said in a rush and turned his head up to blink furiously at the empty sky. There was a pause and Arthur squeezed the hand Merlin had on his chest, thumb stroking over his wrist once, and Merlin shivered again.
"I think I can sit up now," Arthur said in a matter-of-fact voice after a moment and Merlin felt his weight shift away and by the time he'd sniffed and looked down again Arthur was sitting by his side, shoulder nudging Merlin's. "I'm not sorry to be alive. Not at all."
"Good," Merlin said fiercely, staring at the water. "Because you don't… you can't… you're not allowed to do that, all right?"
"All right," Arthur agreed in a careful tone and Merlin wanted to curl into that reassurance and try to hide how shaken he was all at once. "Come on, I feel better and if we leave now we can get back before dark," Arthur added and Merlin nodded and let Arthur pull him up.
They were both quiet on the walk back through the labyrinth. Merlin actually quite wanted to talk and trade insults like usual, but Arthur was looking serious and for once he decided it was better not to interrupt his thoughts.
It wasn't until they were riding back through fields of crops that were back to being lush and full that Arthur's mood seemed to lighten again and it wasn't until they were back in sight of Camelot that Merlin got the courage to ask. "Why were you so annoyed on the beach? Because Anhora tricked us?"
"No, I… it seems like lately my whole life is about being tested," Arthur said eventually, sounding tired. "And if I pass my father's, I fail someone else's."
"Who else? Anhora?" Merlin asked, not wanting to comment on Uther, who really did seem to spend a lot of time testing Arthur.
"For one. My father would have let you drink it," Arthur said, turning to look at Merlin. "Let, hell, he would have ordered it. For the exact reason that you gave me on the beach, oddly," he added and Merlin ducked his head. "My father would have failed."
Merlin really didn't know what to say to that. It was true and they both knew it.
"So. Another day, another test. And whose scale do I use to measure my success?" Arthur said quietly, looking towards Camelot's walls
"I… the one that you think is right," Merlin offered and Arthur sighed. "Not everything about your life is a test, you know," he went on, casting about for something else to say. "I mean there's… um," not tournaments, or hunting or feasts because they were all things where Uther had expectations, "well, there's me. I'm not a test," he finally said.
"Merlin," Arthur said, shaking his head, and his mouth twisted up into a half-smile. "You test me all the time," and he spurred his horse on and through the gates before Merlin could respond.
The words could have been an insult, but Merlin could tell from Arthur's voice that he meant it differently. He trotted through the gates after Arthur, watching his back thoughtfully.
Maybe one day, Merlin would understand everything about Arthur and he would make sense and stop surprising Merlin with unexpected twists. And maybe he never would. Either way, Merlin knew deep down that he was never going to let Arthur fail, no matter what the test was. Anything else was unthinkable.
Anyway, have a Merlin ficlet as a present. No beta, and it doesn't really go anywhere but the idea kept hanging around so I wrote it down. Spoilers for The Labyrinth of Gedref.
Passing the Test
A deserted, windy beach where Arthur had nearly died wasn't Merlin's idea of a nice spot for a rest, but as usual he wasn't left with much option. Anhora had vanished after his explanation - or possibly he'd never really been there, Merlin wasn't entirely sure - and Merlin was left with only the crying gulls and an unconscious Arthur for company. He made himself comfortable on a smooth bit of rock and tugged Arthur over so his head was pillowed on Merlin's thigh.
Arthur would wake up soon; Anhora had promised he would. Now that Merlin wasn't panicking and convinced that Arthur was dead, he could see that Arthur was breathing easily but he still found he needed to rest his fingers on Arthur's neck and feel his pulse for reassurance. That had been way too close. If the poison hadn't been a trick, Arthur would be dead and Merlin would be…
Lost. And totally alone in the cold.
He pulled his jacket more tightly closed and shivered, listening to the waves crashing on the shore. The table and goblets had disappeared when Anhora did, but Merlin could still see them. He suspected he would be seeing them for a long time.
Merlin stared down at Arthur and willed him to wake up so they could leave this place. Arthur being Arthur, though, his will had little effect and it was five minutes more before Arthur stirred and Merlin pulled his hand back from his throat hurriedly and held his breath.
Arthur made a soft noise and his eyes blinked open and Merlin sighed in relief. Arthur stared up at him but instead of a pleased or cocky grin like Merlin was expecting, Arthur's face was bleak and his eyes were sadder than Merlin had ever seen.
"I failed, then," Arthur said very quietly, his eyes closing again, and Merlin gaped at him.
"No! You passed, you idiot," he said, "The curse has been lifted."
"Oh," Arthur said, opening his eyes. "Really?"
"Really," Merlin promised, half laughing, and Arthur smiled finally. It lit up his face, but with gratitude and relief still rather than pride and Merlin couldn't look away. "I knew you would," Merlin added softly and for a moment it seemed like Arthur's smile was just for him, but then it faded and Arthur broke their eye-contact and looked out to sea with a sigh.
Merlin thought Arthur would have been anxious to get up and leave, but he seemed content to lie there with his head in Merlin's lap and watch the waves and after all they'd been through that was fine by Merlin.
"So," Arthur said after a while, clearing his throat and then going on in a mostly steady voice, "did he say how long this poison was going to take?" and Merlin was shocked nearly speechless.
"Arthur, you aren't dying," he said urgently. "It was just a trick; it wasn't poison at all."
Arthur blinked up at him in disbelief before he apparently realised Merlin was sincere and his lips started to curl up in a smile again. It only got halfway and then Arthur suddenly frowned in annoyance. "Now that is just cheating," he complained and Merlin couldn't help laughing. "It's not funny," Arthur added and Merlin stopped abruptly because the test really, really hadn't been, but at this point it was either laugh or cry and if he cried Arthur would never let him hear the end of it.
"Sorry."
"And if it wasn't poison, why do I feel like shit?" Arthur said, glaring and Merlin shrugged.
"It was a sleeping draught. Anhora said it would take a while to wear off completely and that you could use the time to consider what you have learned from the tests," he quoted and Arthur's mouth settled into an irritated line.
"Bugger that," he said, sitting up. He got almost upright but his face turned green and he sank back down again and Merlin put a prudent hand on his chest just in case Arthur got any more bright ideas.
"Did you miss the part where I said it took a while to wear off?"
"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur said and Merlin glared as Arthur turned his head away pointedly. It looked like Arthur had gone back to being difficult instead of noble and sombre now that he knew he would live. Though sometimes Arthur was difficult and noble both at once, like when he drank supposed poison instead of letting Merlin do it or when he managed to look the happiest Merlin had ever seen him while believing he was dying. Merlin wasn't sure he was ever going to understand Arthur.
He had time to try though, and that took the annoyance away. It didn't even come back when Arthur kept shifting his head about on Merlin's leg and shooting him glares like it was Merlin's fault he'd only brought himself and his legs on the quest and not thought to bring a feather pillow.
"You are way too skinny for this to be comfortable," Arthur finally muttered.
"I could put you on the nice cold, hard rocks if you'd rather," Merlin retorted. Arthur didn't bother answering, he just knocked away Merlin's hand and tried sitting up again. The result was the same as before except Arthur dropped back down at a different angle and banged his head against Merlin's kneecap.
"Ow," Merlin complained and dragged Arthur's head higher up, ignoring his yelp. "Can't you just wait until you feel better?" he asked, rubbing his knee and incidentally shoving his elbow in Arthur's face until Arthur reached up and yanked his arm down, pinning Merlin's hand to his chest again.
"I want to get out of here," Arthur said angrily. "I hate waiting."
"Tell me something I don't know. Anyone would think you're annoyed to still be alive the way you're going on, and you're not the only person who wants to leave. At least you didn't have to watch someone, you, d-die here," Merlin said in a rush and turned his head up to blink furiously at the empty sky. There was a pause and Arthur squeezed the hand Merlin had on his chest, thumb stroking over his wrist once, and Merlin shivered again.
"I think I can sit up now," Arthur said in a matter-of-fact voice after a moment and Merlin felt his weight shift away and by the time he'd sniffed and looked down again Arthur was sitting by his side, shoulder nudging Merlin's. "I'm not sorry to be alive. Not at all."
"Good," Merlin said fiercely, staring at the water. "Because you don't… you can't… you're not allowed to do that, all right?"
"All right," Arthur agreed in a careful tone and Merlin wanted to curl into that reassurance and try to hide how shaken he was all at once. "Come on, I feel better and if we leave now we can get back before dark," Arthur added and Merlin nodded and let Arthur pull him up.
They were both quiet on the walk back through the labyrinth. Merlin actually quite wanted to talk and trade insults like usual, but Arthur was looking serious and for once he decided it was better not to interrupt his thoughts.
It wasn't until they were riding back through fields of crops that were back to being lush and full that Arthur's mood seemed to lighten again and it wasn't until they were back in sight of Camelot that Merlin got the courage to ask. "Why were you so annoyed on the beach? Because Anhora tricked us?"
"No, I… it seems like lately my whole life is about being tested," Arthur said eventually, sounding tired. "And if I pass my father's, I fail someone else's."
"Who else? Anhora?" Merlin asked, not wanting to comment on Uther, who really did seem to spend a lot of time testing Arthur.
"For one. My father would have let you drink it," Arthur said, turning to look at Merlin. "Let, hell, he would have ordered it. For the exact reason that you gave me on the beach, oddly," he added and Merlin ducked his head. "My father would have failed."
Merlin really didn't know what to say to that. It was true and they both knew it.
"So. Another day, another test. And whose scale do I use to measure my success?" Arthur said quietly, looking towards Camelot's walls
"I… the one that you think is right," Merlin offered and Arthur sighed. "Not everything about your life is a test, you know," he went on, casting about for something else to say. "I mean there's… um," not tournaments, or hunting or feasts because they were all things where Uther had expectations, "well, there's me. I'm not a test," he finally said.
"Merlin," Arthur said, shaking his head, and his mouth twisted up into a half-smile. "You test me all the time," and he spurred his horse on and through the gates before Merlin could respond.
The words could have been an insult, but Merlin could tell from Arthur's voice that he meant it differently. He trotted through the gates after Arthur, watching his back thoughtfully.
Maybe one day, Merlin would understand everything about Arthur and he would make sense and stop surprising Merlin with unexpected twists. And maybe he never would. Either way, Merlin knew deep down that he was never going to let Arthur fail, no matter what the test was. Anything else was unthinkable.