Read it and the one before it. I like - the russian didn't break any flow, and the characters seem viable beings with dimensional possibilities. 'Heart of Darkness' tribes is an awesome ref.
I would like more, and I would also like to see the new/whole compilation at some point. These bits are interesting, but they do beg the question: What is the focus of this narrative/story/call it what ye will ? Is it about Jao's change, Jao's journey, or how she internalizes and externalizes her reactions and life? Pick a focus and make the others secondary, so the the reader's mind isn't constantly juggling three important quasi-foci. Otherwise? 'S lovely to read the old names again, and also your style. Write more, please.
I adore Katerina. As it goes on, you'll get a lot of character 'hints' about her, although she's never explained very much. She's more-or-less mad, and heartless as she says, but she also has an immense respect for Jao (partly due to her intense dislike for Jao's English family).
The focus is one of the many things I need to talk to you about. I have the ending partly set in my mind. It's about finding strength to go back and face the decisions you've made.
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I like - the russian didn't break any flow, and the characters seem viable beings with dimensional possibilities.
'Heart of Darkness' tribes is an awesome ref.
I would like more, and I would also like to see the new/whole compilation at some point.
These bits are interesting, but they do beg the question: What is the focus of this narrative/story/call it what ye will ? Is it about Jao's change, Jao's journey, or how she internalizes and externalizes her reactions and life? Pick a focus and make the others secondary, so the the reader's mind isn't constantly juggling three important quasi-foci.
Otherwise? 'S lovely to read the old names again, and also your style.
Write more, please.
Reply
The focus is one of the many things I need to talk to you about. I have the ending partly set in my mind. It's about finding strength to go back and face the decisions you've made.
Reply
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