[Vix] Sweet Dreams are Made of This
Sweet Dreams are Made of This
NC17; Pin
Warning for rape fantasy. For crystallekil, who prompted me after I complained that there were no decent prompts on the anony-kink-meme XD First of all, she said 'you probably won't write it...' so how could I say no? I do love a challenge XD
-
Yamapi isn't sure when it started. It might have been when Yuu emailed him that video with a 'This is so fucked up,' or it might have been when he was watching Ryo manhandle Masami around, grip tight and unforgiving as he pinned her. It might even have been as far back as when he'd seen Koki slam Nakamaru face-first up against the wall, growling angrily in his ear, and Yamapi had made himself scarce before he witnessed anything they might not appreciate him seeing. He'd noticed the twitch in his pants then, but had resolutely ignored it, more than a little worried about the connotations it could have if he concentrated on it for too long.
Now, however, he can't ignore it any longer. This is the third week in a row he's shocked himself awake, a cold sweat on the back of his neck and a hot ache between his thighs. He can still feel the phantom hand on his hip, the pain in his shoulders from where the stranger in his dream had been yanking his arms back, gripping hard enough that their nails dug into his flesh and his bones shifted beneath their hands.
Night after night, it's the same dream. He can never remember much of the beginning past the never ending darkness and the need to run, the undiluted fear pressing him to move faster, faster, but it never matters how fast he runs, they always catch him. He never sees their face, just feels their hands all over him, in too many places at once, tearing off his shirt and ripping the button off his jeans, dragging nails, blunt and sharp over his skin, teeth biting into his neck as saliva-coated fingers force their way inside of him. Every time, Yamapi fights, struggles and kicks and bucks to try and fight them off, but every time he fails, and all he gets is harder and harder, the soft, dark laughter in his ear slithering down his spine and making him so aroused it hurts.
Sometimes he screams, yelling for help from whoever will hear, and often those times are his favourite. His stranger would wrap one large hand around his face, covering his mouth, and wouldn't take it away until he was done. As he fucked Yamapi rough and fast, he'd ram him forwards, the hand slipping up to cover his nose and stealing the last of his breath. Those times, Yamapi would get right to the edge in record time, and when he awoke he'd barely get as far as wrapping a hand around himself before he erupted like a volcano, muffling his cries into his pillow.
Tonight was one of those nights, and after taking a few moments to come back to himself and, with a grimace, clean up and change his boxers, Yamapi heads to the kitchen for a glass of water.
He can hear Jin's voice coming from the main bulk of their apartment a little way down the hall, the English far too quick for Yamapi's sleep- and orgasm- muddled brain to keep up with, and he pads into the kitchen, gulping down a full pint of water before even pausing for breath. After a moment, Jin joins him, tucking his phone into his pocket.
"Sorry, did I wake you?"
Yamapi shakes his head, "Couldn't sleep."
Jin purses his lips, "You've not been able to sleep most nights, Pi. Are you okay?"
Yamapi raises an eyebrow and takes a sip of his water. Jin was never that observant, and slept like the dead.
"Ryo told you to talk to me, didn't he?"
Jin looks suitably taken aback, and screeches (quietly), "He did not! I notice these things too!" But after a moment of Yamapi's knowing stare, he crumbles, "He's just worried, he said you looked like you'd not been sleeping properly."
A beat.
"Okay, so he said the bags under your eyes were taking too long for the make-up girls to cover up, and you were wasting his time, and I should do something about it unless I want him to tell Kame what really happened to his hair straighteners, but I read between the lines some."
Yamapi can't help grinning, and finishes off the last of his water, turning away from Jin to rinse the glass, "I'm fine."
"You only say that when you're not."
Yamapi turns back to face him and sticks out his lips, scrunching up his nose and pulling a face, "I'm fi~ne!" he sing-songs, pitching his voice several octaves higher and hopes that playing the fool will get Jin off his back.
It doesn't. Jin just gets that look in his eyes, like a puppy who's been refused his treat, and Yamapi feels it hit him right in the chest. He's never been able to keep anything from Jin, never wanted to, and Jin must know it or he wouldn't turn that look on him every single time Yamapi said no.
"I've just been having.. really, really weird dreams, that's all."
"Like?"
"Like nothing, it doesn't matter."
"Why won't you talk to me, Pi?"
Yamapi stares resolutely at his feet, but he can hear the expression in Jin's voice, can hear the hurt lacing his tone, and it doesn't take him long to cave.
"It's just... embarrassing. And weird."
"Weird how?"
Yamapi shuffles nervously, twisting his fingers together, "I don't... it's... I can't just..."
"I've heard you a couple of times, are they... sex dreams?"
"S-sort of..."
"What do you mean, sort of?"
"Like... I don't know, it's..." No matter how Yamapi tries, he can't find the words - and even if he could, he's not sure if he'd be able to say them.
He only notices Jin's been moving closer when he can see the other man's feet almost touching his own. It makes Yamapi jump, and he looks up to find Jin mere inches away.
"Are they like, kinky?"
Yamapi flushes and looks back down at his hands, trying to ignore the way his skin tingles at their proximity. His feelings for Jin have never been a secret, and he's pretty sure everyone knows about them - everyone except Jin, that is. Oblivious doesn't even begin to cover it.
"Why does it matter..." He's quiet, speaking in almost a whisper, and Jin leans closer to hear him better, "And don't say it's because you don't want Kame to give you another black eye, we both know what a bullshitter Ryo can be."
"Ryo's not the only one who worries about you, you know."
The sudden sincerity in Jin's voice shocks him more than a little, and Yamapi's meeting his eyes again, soon finding himself unable to look away.
"It's... it's weird, Jin..."
"Please talk to me? I don't care what you dream about, but it's keeping you awake and you're going to get sick. I promise I won't think any differently of you. You're Yamapi, and no matter what you'll always be my Pi."
Yamapi has to swallow around the lump in his throat that forms when he hears my Pi from Jin's lips like that, and if the words didn't convince him, the devoted look in on Jin's face would have. He tries to tear his eyes away but something inside stops him, and he ends up looking straight into Jin's eyes as he spills everything.
"It's... it's dark, and someone's chasing me, and w-when they catch me they... they..."
When he doesn't continue, Jin leans closer and closer until Yamapi can feel his breath on his cheek, and Jin's arms envelope him in an awkward hug, his voice soft in Yamapi's ear.
"I don't care what happens, Pi, I just want to help."
Without Jin's eyes boring into him - or maybe it's Jin's arms around him that help - talking comes far easier, and Yamapi can continue.
"He... He grabs me a-and shoves me up against the wall and... and he's so rough, it hurts so much but he never stops and I-I..."
"Pi... Does he rape you?"
Yamapi nods slowly, cheek rubbing against Jin's, and he hears - and feels - Jin inhale sharply.
"But I... Jin, I..."
"You like it?"
He nods again, but this time Jin only tightens his hold, letting Yamapi bury his face in his neck and clutch onto the back of his shirt like a drowning man. Neither of them speak for a long time, and Yamapi lets Jin hold him, feeling the jump of Jin's pulse beneath his lips. When they do finally go to bed, sunlight is just beginning to creep in beneath the curtains, and when Jin takes his wrist and leads him back to his room, taking the spot on the bed next to him and holding out one arm in invitation, Yamapi curls up against him without complaint.
It's the soundest sleep he's had in weeks.
*
"I'll do it." Jin says one day as he's kicking off his boots at the door.
"Hello to you too," Yamapi replies with a frown, "Do what?"
"I'll help you with your... your... thing..."
Yamapi doesn't need to ask what Jin's talking about to know. They've not spoken of it since that night - when Yamapi had woken up the next day, Jin had already left for work and left him a note to say he'd bring dinner home with him, and that was the last of it. Jin hadn't mentioned it again, so Yamapi hadn't brought it up, assuming Jin had realised how fucked up it was and didn't want to hear about it. He'd also barely slept since.
"You'll.. what?"
"I've been thinking." Jin says, and Yamapi's lips quirk up at the corners.
"Careful, don't want you hurting yourself."
"Oi, I'm trying to help here."
Yamapi smiles apologetically, and Jin continues.
"These... These dreams, you definitely enjoy it, right?"
Flushing, Yamapi averts his gaze and nods.
"But they're stopping you sleeping."
He nods again.
"So," Jin says, like he has the answer to the meaning of life tucked up his sleeve, "If you want to sleep, you need to stop having the dreams. Do you think... if you maybe... do you think they'd go away if you... if you lived one of them out?"
"Eh?"
Jin swallows visibly and meets Yamapi's gaze resolutely, "Do you think they'd stop if I helped you... relive one of them? Pretended to, you know... force you... and stuff."
Yamapi is more than a little stunned by the offer, and can only blink owlishly at Jin for a moment before it really sinks in. It's not that he's opposed to the idea as such, and his body is already telling him it's interested, but there's so much that could go wrong, so many things this could ruin - not least of which their friendship. He can't deny the thrill that runs through him at the thought though, Jin's big, warm hands holding him down, his mouth leaving marks all over him, claiming him as his own...
"Jin, do you... Have you..." Yamapi wants to tell Jin no, wants to keep everything just as it is - despite his burning need to be closer to his friend, he wouldn't risk what they did have for anything - but he can't, not when Jin is looking at him like he's the most precious thing in the world, especially not when he's offering him something like that along with it. "Are you sure?"
"Do you really think I'd be here if I wasn't?" Yamapi feels a witty retort hovering on the tip of his tongue, but he bites it back as Jin continues, "I've been thinking about it a lot." Here he pauses, jaw working awkwardly for a moment, "More than a lot. I haven't really been able to stop thinking about it. I think I could really do it, you know, and I was thinking that you'd go to someone else, like a stranger and have them do it to you or something. You don't know what they'd do to you, and if you decided you didn't want it, what if they didn't stop? So then I thought maybe someone you knew might do it for you," Jin's babbling now, but he doesn't seem able to stop or even pause for breath, and Yamapi doesn't want to stop him, wants to wrap the affection in Jin's voice around him like a blanket and forget about the rest of the world.
"I thought you might ask Ryo or Toma or, I don't know, someone like that and just... just the thought of them touching you like that made me want to punch something. I-I wanted it to be me."
Yamapi can see Jin's cheeks colouring slightly, but to his credit the other man holds his gaze steadfastedly. He's so focused on Jin's eyes that he doesn't even notice the other man moving until he's right up in his face, and he can feel every word as a breath across his skin.
"Will you let me?"
Yamapi nods before he really thinks about it. He trusts Jin more than anyone else in his life, trusts him with his life and more, and really, if it was going to be anyone, it had to be Jin. Jin had shared everything with him from day one, the tears when they were yelled at by tired choreographers, the laughter afterwards when things had begun to look up. Jin had given Yamapi all the gory details of his conquests in the bedroom, and teased Yamapi mercilessly when he didn't have any stories of his own to counter with. He'd been unflinchingly devoted when Yamapi needed him, brushing off everything and everyone else, no matter whose toes he stepped on in the process, and had taken the fall for it graciously when it came - however hard that was to believe.
If he was going to trust anyone with something so intimate, Jin was the only one his mind could comprehend it being.
"Okay."
-
That night, Jin just lets Yamapi curl up in his arms again, his fingers a soft touch running through Yamapi's hair as the puffs of breath against Jin's chest even out. He dreams again, but this time it's Jin's voice, Jin's hands, Jin's body, and Yamapi wakes feeling far more rested than he ever has.
He's eager, desperate to find out what it's really like, if it's really as good as it feels in his dreams. But one thing they agreed was that it would be a surprise, that it wouldn't be planned, and Jin would just corner him when he felt the time was right. For days, he's constantly looking over his shoulder, jumping at every shadow or footstep, and it makes his pulse race. But it's never Jin, and every time Yamapi finds himself feeling disheartened, thinking maybe Jin had changed his mind.
It's not until Yamapi stops expecting it that it comes. He's leaving work late after a meeting, and the building is quiet except for the odd member of staff milling around. Outside, the parking lot is brightly lit, but the sky above is a neverending black, the city smog preventing even the brightest of stars from shining through.
He's just reaching for his keys when someone grabs hold of him, yanking him out from beneath the cover of the parking lot and into a side alley that he'd failed to notice. The lights don't even attempt to penetrate the darkness, stopping almost dead at the entrance, and Yamapi stumbles forwards, trying to get his wrist free. The grip is tight though, too tight, painful even, and no matter how hard he struggles, the other person is stronger. In his panic, he forgets completely about Jin, and when he's slammed up against the unforgiving brick wall, barely avoiding tearing up his face, it's pure fear that grips him.
Before he can shout out, a hand is clamped over his mouth, and when he tries to kick out, his legs are trapped by larger, stronger ones.
"Fight all you want, you're not getting away," a familiar voice, soft in his ear.
"Jin," he sighs, relief flooding his veins, but it quickly fades when Jin shoves him, hard, and Yamapi can feel his cheek scraping painfully up against the brick, shirt riding up at the waist.
"Shut your mouth." He tugs Yamapi's arms down behind his back, pulling hard enough that they threaten to pop out of their sockets. Yamapi bucks a little, trying to ease the pain, but Jin is firm and unyielding, and it has Yamapi's blood heading straight to his crotch.
"Let me go," he tries, sounding pitiful, but Jin only laughs darkly and pulls harder as he unbuckles Yamapi's belt and pushes his jeans down with his free hand.
Yamapi's already hard when Jin gets a hand around him, and barely stops himself thrusting forwards into the touch. Instead, he fights, ignoring the ache between his shoulder blades as he throws himself backwards, putting his entire body weight behind it. Jin stumbles, but catches himself quickly, and before Yamapi has much of a chance to do anything, he's pressed right back up against the wall again and Jin's hand is back on him.
"Stop! Get off me!" His cries echo down the alley, and Jin releases his length to press a forearm against the back of Yamapi's neck, pushing his face further into the brick.
"I said shut your mouth," he drawls, then chuckles, "It's not like it matters, no-one can hear you. It doesn't matter how loud I make you scream for me."
Yamapi shudders at the terrible promise in Jin's tone, and although they both know Jin's lying, that if he screamed loud enough someone would come looking, the words are enough to make his blood boil.
When Jin's arm releases his neck, Yamapi jerks when he feels fingers at his entrance, dry and rough. Jin traces around the opening once, twice, and Yamapi bucks in his hold, still fighting to get his arms free, half-hearted stops and don'ts falling from his lips. Every touch has Yamapi's heart beating faster and faster, fear-induced-adrenaline flooding his veins and taking up the space his blood has left behind when it rushed south.
He hears Jin spit audibly, and it's far hotter than it should be, especially when those fingers are pressing inside him, toomuchtoosoonsogood all at once, and the excruciating burn has tears forming beneath his eyelids.
"Stop, please, it hurts!" But his protests only seem to make Jin angry, and he forces the digits inside even faster, ignoring Yamapi's soft cries of pain.
After a few moments, the fingers are gone, and Yamapi heaves in a breath, slumping forwards. A swift yank on his wrists brings him back to attention, and he's struggling again, doubling his efforts when he hears the clank of a belt buckle. He gets a hand free, gets as far as elbowing Jin in the stomach before he's caught up again by strong hands, and the belt is being wound around his wrists, pulled tight and wrapped around the middle between his wrists before it's tied off.
"Fiesty little fucker, aren't you?" Jin growls, and the sound sends a shiver down Yamapi's spine. Jin's arm is around his neck now, holding him firm against the front of his body, and Yamapi daren't move as he feels Jin shoving his own jeans down, the bones of his wrist pressing down against Yamapi's windpipe.
In a sudden uncharacteristic movement, Jin buries his face in Yamapi's neck, and Yamapi can feel him fisting himself in long, slow strokes, breath heavy against his skin. He'd never really worried about Jin's part in this before, about how hard Jin would find it to slip into the role, but as soon as he feels Jin's hardness pressing up against him Yamapi realises he didn't have to.
"Please," Yamapi tries in a last-ditch attempt that he really hopes won't deter Jin in the slightest, turning wet eyes back to look at his friend, "Please, don't do this, please stop."
Something flashes in Jin's eyes for a split second, but it's too fast for Yamapi to be able to tell whether it's anger or doubt. It isn't important though, because now Jin's glaring ferociously and pressing forwards, forcing himself past the tight ring of muscle and muffling Yamapi's pained yelps with his fingers down the other man's throat.
Yamapi coughs around Jin's fingers, but does nothing to get rid of them, the feel of them pressing down on his tongue more erotic than any kiss he'd ever received before. He cries out around them as Jin finally bottoms out, hips flush against his back, and scrunches his eyes shut. He tries once more to buck Jin off of him, but that only serves to make Jin grind awkwardly against his prostate and has Yamapi moaning.
Jin's voice is low and heavy with arousal, coiling around his length like a hundred tiny fingers, "You're that desperate for me that you can't wait, huh? You're such a fucking whore."
Yamapi bites down on Jin's fingers and Jin hisses, slapping his backside once, hard. The sharp sting and burn is nothing if not utterly delicious, and Yamapi finds himself grinding back again before he even realises what he's doing. Jin laughs quietly, and it's the scariest sound Yamapi's ever heard. It also arouses him like nothing else.
When Jin can move freely, he holds nothing back, fucking Yamapi with abandon. It hurts, it hurts so much, but the intensity of the whole situation makes Yamapi push back to meet him with every thrust, every time wanting more, more, wanting everything Jin can give and more.
"Such a little slut," Jin growls, "Look at you, I bet if I let you go now you'd ride me like the whore you are. But guess what, Yamashita, I'm not letting you go, not ever."
Yamapi's breath hitches at the last sentence, his senses honing in on the change in tone in Jin's voice, but then Jin's moving even harder, faster, fucking him right into the wall and the thought is gone, his skin too hot, too tight, mind taken over by brain-numbing whiteness as he is pushed right forwards, hardness scraping up against the brick in a way that should have been painful but just sends Yamapi tumbling over the edge, crying out his orgasm with a shrill Jin that gets lost in the night.
Jin groans softly as Yamapi tightens around him, and pulls out, unbinding Yamapi's hands with a deftness Yamapi's muddled brain can barely follow. Next, he's pushing the jeans off the rest of the way, tugging them over Yamapi's heavy boots, and lifting him up, using the wall for support. Yamapi wraps his legs around Jin's waist with a soft smile as Jin lowers him back down, wrapping his arms around Jin's neck and using what leverage he has to help with the work.
It doesn't take long, Jin muffling his groans into Yamapi's neck until he shudders and stills, legs shaking as he tries to keep them both up. They sink down to the floor, Yamapi's legs still tight around the other man as he sits in his lap, Jin using his jeans as a blanket as he slumps back against the wall with a heavy sigh, pressing his cheek against the coolness.
"Next time, come to me, okay?" He says breathlessly, cracking open one eye.
Yamapi smiles and nudges Jin's face with his nose until the other man turns his head to kiss him softly. He realises he was wrong before - nothing could ever be more erotic than Jin's kisses, all soft lips and probing tongue, gentle and firm and nothing short of perfect.
"I'd never have gone to anyone else."
NC17; Pin
Warning for rape fantasy. For crystallekil, who prompted me after I complained that there were no decent prompts on the anony-kink-meme XD First of all, she said 'you probably won't write it...' so how could I say no? I do love a challenge XD
-
Yamapi isn't sure when it started. It might have been when Yuu emailed him that video with a 'This is so fucked up,' or it might have been when he was watching Ryo manhandle Masami around, grip tight and unforgiving as he pinned her. It might even have been as far back as when he'd seen Koki slam Nakamaru face-first up against the wall, growling angrily in his ear, and Yamapi had made himself scarce before he witnessed anything they might not appreciate him seeing. He'd noticed the twitch in his pants then, but had resolutely ignored it, more than a little worried about the connotations it could have if he concentrated on it for too long.
Now, however, he can't ignore it any longer. This is the third week in a row he's shocked himself awake, a cold sweat on the back of his neck and a hot ache between his thighs. He can still feel the phantom hand on his hip, the pain in his shoulders from where the stranger in his dream had been yanking his arms back, gripping hard enough that their nails dug into his flesh and his bones shifted beneath their hands.
Night after night, it's the same dream. He can never remember much of the beginning past the never ending darkness and the need to run, the undiluted fear pressing him to move faster, faster, but it never matters how fast he runs, they always catch him. He never sees their face, just feels their hands all over him, in too many places at once, tearing off his shirt and ripping the button off his jeans, dragging nails, blunt and sharp over his skin, teeth biting into his neck as saliva-coated fingers force their way inside of him. Every time, Yamapi fights, struggles and kicks and bucks to try and fight them off, but every time he fails, and all he gets is harder and harder, the soft, dark laughter in his ear slithering down his spine and making him so aroused it hurts.
Sometimes he screams, yelling for help from whoever will hear, and often those times are his favourite. His stranger would wrap one large hand around his face, covering his mouth, and wouldn't take it away until he was done. As he fucked Yamapi rough and fast, he'd ram him forwards, the hand slipping up to cover his nose and stealing the last of his breath. Those times, Yamapi would get right to the edge in record time, and when he awoke he'd barely get as far as wrapping a hand around himself before he erupted like a volcano, muffling his cries into his pillow.
Tonight was one of those nights, and after taking a few moments to come back to himself and, with a grimace, clean up and change his boxers, Yamapi heads to the kitchen for a glass of water.
He can hear Jin's voice coming from the main bulk of their apartment a little way down the hall, the English far too quick for Yamapi's sleep- and orgasm- muddled brain to keep up with, and he pads into the kitchen, gulping down a full pint of water before even pausing for breath. After a moment, Jin joins him, tucking his phone into his pocket.
"Sorry, did I wake you?"
Yamapi shakes his head, "Couldn't sleep."
Jin purses his lips, "You've not been able to sleep most nights, Pi. Are you okay?"
Yamapi raises an eyebrow and takes a sip of his water. Jin was never that observant, and slept like the dead.
"Ryo told you to talk to me, didn't he?"
Jin looks suitably taken aback, and screeches (quietly), "He did not! I notice these things too!" But after a moment of Yamapi's knowing stare, he crumbles, "He's just worried, he said you looked like you'd not been sleeping properly."
A beat.
"Okay, so he said the bags under your eyes were taking too long for the make-up girls to cover up, and you were wasting his time, and I should do something about it unless I want him to tell Kame what really happened to his hair straighteners, but I read between the lines some."
Yamapi can't help grinning, and finishes off the last of his water, turning away from Jin to rinse the glass, "I'm fine."
"You only say that when you're not."
Yamapi turns back to face him and sticks out his lips, scrunching up his nose and pulling a face, "I'm fi~ne!" he sing-songs, pitching his voice several octaves higher and hopes that playing the fool will get Jin off his back.
It doesn't. Jin just gets that look in his eyes, like a puppy who's been refused his treat, and Yamapi feels it hit him right in the chest. He's never been able to keep anything from Jin, never wanted to, and Jin must know it or he wouldn't turn that look on him every single time Yamapi said no.
"I've just been having.. really, really weird dreams, that's all."
"Like?"
"Like nothing, it doesn't matter."
"Why won't you talk to me, Pi?"
Yamapi stares resolutely at his feet, but he can hear the expression in Jin's voice, can hear the hurt lacing his tone, and it doesn't take him long to cave.
"It's just... embarrassing. And weird."
"Weird how?"
Yamapi shuffles nervously, twisting his fingers together, "I don't... it's... I can't just..."
"I've heard you a couple of times, are they... sex dreams?"
"S-sort of..."
"What do you mean, sort of?"
"Like... I don't know, it's..." No matter how Yamapi tries, he can't find the words - and even if he could, he's not sure if he'd be able to say them.
He only notices Jin's been moving closer when he can see the other man's feet almost touching his own. It makes Yamapi jump, and he looks up to find Jin mere inches away.
"Are they like, kinky?"
Yamapi flushes and looks back down at his hands, trying to ignore the way his skin tingles at their proximity. His feelings for Jin have never been a secret, and he's pretty sure everyone knows about them - everyone except Jin, that is. Oblivious doesn't even begin to cover it.
"Why does it matter..." He's quiet, speaking in almost a whisper, and Jin leans closer to hear him better, "And don't say it's because you don't want Kame to give you another black eye, we both know what a bullshitter Ryo can be."
"Ryo's not the only one who worries about you, you know."
The sudden sincerity in Jin's voice shocks him more than a little, and Yamapi's meeting his eyes again, soon finding himself unable to look away.
"It's... it's weird, Jin..."
"Please talk to me? I don't care what you dream about, but it's keeping you awake and you're going to get sick. I promise I won't think any differently of you. You're Yamapi, and no matter what you'll always be my Pi."
Yamapi has to swallow around the lump in his throat that forms when he hears my Pi from Jin's lips like that, and if the words didn't convince him, the devoted look in on Jin's face would have. He tries to tear his eyes away but something inside stops him, and he ends up looking straight into Jin's eyes as he spills everything.
"It's... it's dark, and someone's chasing me, and w-when they catch me they... they..."
When he doesn't continue, Jin leans closer and closer until Yamapi can feel his breath on his cheek, and Jin's arms envelope him in an awkward hug, his voice soft in Yamapi's ear.
"I don't care what happens, Pi, I just want to help."
Without Jin's eyes boring into him - or maybe it's Jin's arms around him that help - talking comes far easier, and Yamapi can continue.
"He... He grabs me a-and shoves me up against the wall and... and he's so rough, it hurts so much but he never stops and I-I..."
"Pi... Does he rape you?"
Yamapi nods slowly, cheek rubbing against Jin's, and he hears - and feels - Jin inhale sharply.
"But I... Jin, I..."
"You like it?"
He nods again, but this time Jin only tightens his hold, letting Yamapi bury his face in his neck and clutch onto the back of his shirt like a drowning man. Neither of them speak for a long time, and Yamapi lets Jin hold him, feeling the jump of Jin's pulse beneath his lips. When they do finally go to bed, sunlight is just beginning to creep in beneath the curtains, and when Jin takes his wrist and leads him back to his room, taking the spot on the bed next to him and holding out one arm in invitation, Yamapi curls up against him without complaint.
It's the soundest sleep he's had in weeks.
*
"I'll do it." Jin says one day as he's kicking off his boots at the door.
"Hello to you too," Yamapi replies with a frown, "Do what?"
"I'll help you with your... your... thing..."
Yamapi doesn't need to ask what Jin's talking about to know. They've not spoken of it since that night - when Yamapi had woken up the next day, Jin had already left for work and left him a note to say he'd bring dinner home with him, and that was the last of it. Jin hadn't mentioned it again, so Yamapi hadn't brought it up, assuming Jin had realised how fucked up it was and didn't want to hear about it. He'd also barely slept since.
"You'll.. what?"
"I've been thinking." Jin says, and Yamapi's lips quirk up at the corners.
"Careful, don't want you hurting yourself."
"Oi, I'm trying to help here."
Yamapi smiles apologetically, and Jin continues.
"These... These dreams, you definitely enjoy it, right?"
Flushing, Yamapi averts his gaze and nods.
"But they're stopping you sleeping."
He nods again.
"So," Jin says, like he has the answer to the meaning of life tucked up his sleeve, "If you want to sleep, you need to stop having the dreams. Do you think... if you maybe... do you think they'd go away if you... if you lived one of them out?"
"Eh?"
Jin swallows visibly and meets Yamapi's gaze resolutely, "Do you think they'd stop if I helped you... relive one of them? Pretended to, you know... force you... and stuff."
Yamapi is more than a little stunned by the offer, and can only blink owlishly at Jin for a moment before it really sinks in. It's not that he's opposed to the idea as such, and his body is already telling him it's interested, but there's so much that could go wrong, so many things this could ruin - not least of which their friendship. He can't deny the thrill that runs through him at the thought though, Jin's big, warm hands holding him down, his mouth leaving marks all over him, claiming him as his own...
"Jin, do you... Have you..." Yamapi wants to tell Jin no, wants to keep everything just as it is - despite his burning need to be closer to his friend, he wouldn't risk what they did have for anything - but he can't, not when Jin is looking at him like he's the most precious thing in the world, especially not when he's offering him something like that along with it. "Are you sure?"
"Do you really think I'd be here if I wasn't?" Yamapi feels a witty retort hovering on the tip of his tongue, but he bites it back as Jin continues, "I've been thinking about it a lot." Here he pauses, jaw working awkwardly for a moment, "More than a lot. I haven't really been able to stop thinking about it. I think I could really do it, you know, and I was thinking that you'd go to someone else, like a stranger and have them do it to you or something. You don't know what they'd do to you, and if you decided you didn't want it, what if they didn't stop? So then I thought maybe someone you knew might do it for you," Jin's babbling now, but he doesn't seem able to stop or even pause for breath, and Yamapi doesn't want to stop him, wants to wrap the affection in Jin's voice around him like a blanket and forget about the rest of the world.
"I thought you might ask Ryo or Toma or, I don't know, someone like that and just... just the thought of them touching you like that made me want to punch something. I-I wanted it to be me."
Yamapi can see Jin's cheeks colouring slightly, but to his credit the other man holds his gaze steadfastedly. He's so focused on Jin's eyes that he doesn't even notice the other man moving until he's right up in his face, and he can feel every word as a breath across his skin.
"Will you let me?"
Yamapi nods before he really thinks about it. He trusts Jin more than anyone else in his life, trusts him with his life and more, and really, if it was going to be anyone, it had to be Jin. Jin had shared everything with him from day one, the tears when they were yelled at by tired choreographers, the laughter afterwards when things had begun to look up. Jin had given Yamapi all the gory details of his conquests in the bedroom, and teased Yamapi mercilessly when he didn't have any stories of his own to counter with. He'd been unflinchingly devoted when Yamapi needed him, brushing off everything and everyone else, no matter whose toes he stepped on in the process, and had taken the fall for it graciously when it came - however hard that was to believe.
If he was going to trust anyone with something so intimate, Jin was the only one his mind could comprehend it being.
"Okay."
-
That night, Jin just lets Yamapi curl up in his arms again, his fingers a soft touch running through Yamapi's hair as the puffs of breath against Jin's chest even out. He dreams again, but this time it's Jin's voice, Jin's hands, Jin's body, and Yamapi wakes feeling far more rested than he ever has.
He's eager, desperate to find out what it's really like, if it's really as good as it feels in his dreams. But one thing they agreed was that it would be a surprise, that it wouldn't be planned, and Jin would just corner him when he felt the time was right. For days, he's constantly looking over his shoulder, jumping at every shadow or footstep, and it makes his pulse race. But it's never Jin, and every time Yamapi finds himself feeling disheartened, thinking maybe Jin had changed his mind.
It's not until Yamapi stops expecting it that it comes. He's leaving work late after a meeting, and the building is quiet except for the odd member of staff milling around. Outside, the parking lot is brightly lit, but the sky above is a neverending black, the city smog preventing even the brightest of stars from shining through.
He's just reaching for his keys when someone grabs hold of him, yanking him out from beneath the cover of the parking lot and into a side alley that he'd failed to notice. The lights don't even attempt to penetrate the darkness, stopping almost dead at the entrance, and Yamapi stumbles forwards, trying to get his wrist free. The grip is tight though, too tight, painful even, and no matter how hard he struggles, the other person is stronger. In his panic, he forgets completely about Jin, and when he's slammed up against the unforgiving brick wall, barely avoiding tearing up his face, it's pure fear that grips him.
Before he can shout out, a hand is clamped over his mouth, and when he tries to kick out, his legs are trapped by larger, stronger ones.
"Fight all you want, you're not getting away," a familiar voice, soft in his ear.
"Jin," he sighs, relief flooding his veins, but it quickly fades when Jin shoves him, hard, and Yamapi can feel his cheek scraping painfully up against the brick, shirt riding up at the waist.
"Shut your mouth." He tugs Yamapi's arms down behind his back, pulling hard enough that they threaten to pop out of their sockets. Yamapi bucks a little, trying to ease the pain, but Jin is firm and unyielding, and it has Yamapi's blood heading straight to his crotch.
"Let me go," he tries, sounding pitiful, but Jin only laughs darkly and pulls harder as he unbuckles Yamapi's belt and pushes his jeans down with his free hand.
Yamapi's already hard when Jin gets a hand around him, and barely stops himself thrusting forwards into the touch. Instead, he fights, ignoring the ache between his shoulder blades as he throws himself backwards, putting his entire body weight behind it. Jin stumbles, but catches himself quickly, and before Yamapi has much of a chance to do anything, he's pressed right back up against the wall again and Jin's hand is back on him.
"Stop! Get off me!" His cries echo down the alley, and Jin releases his length to press a forearm against the back of Yamapi's neck, pushing his face further into the brick.
"I said shut your mouth," he drawls, then chuckles, "It's not like it matters, no-one can hear you. It doesn't matter how loud I make you scream for me."
Yamapi shudders at the terrible promise in Jin's tone, and although they both know Jin's lying, that if he screamed loud enough someone would come looking, the words are enough to make his blood boil.
When Jin's arm releases his neck, Yamapi jerks when he feels fingers at his entrance, dry and rough. Jin traces around the opening once, twice, and Yamapi bucks in his hold, still fighting to get his arms free, half-hearted stops and don'ts falling from his lips. Every touch has Yamapi's heart beating faster and faster, fear-induced-adrenaline flooding his veins and taking up the space his blood has left behind when it rushed south.
He hears Jin spit audibly, and it's far hotter than it should be, especially when those fingers are pressing inside him, toomuchtoosoonsogood all at once, and the excruciating burn has tears forming beneath his eyelids.
"Stop, please, it hurts!" But his protests only seem to make Jin angry, and he forces the digits inside even faster, ignoring Yamapi's soft cries of pain.
After a few moments, the fingers are gone, and Yamapi heaves in a breath, slumping forwards. A swift yank on his wrists brings him back to attention, and he's struggling again, doubling his efforts when he hears the clank of a belt buckle. He gets a hand free, gets as far as elbowing Jin in the stomach before he's caught up again by strong hands, and the belt is being wound around his wrists, pulled tight and wrapped around the middle between his wrists before it's tied off.
"Fiesty little fucker, aren't you?" Jin growls, and the sound sends a shiver down Yamapi's spine. Jin's arm is around his neck now, holding him firm against the front of his body, and Yamapi daren't move as he feels Jin shoving his own jeans down, the bones of his wrist pressing down against Yamapi's windpipe.
In a sudden uncharacteristic movement, Jin buries his face in Yamapi's neck, and Yamapi can feel him fisting himself in long, slow strokes, breath heavy against his skin. He'd never really worried about Jin's part in this before, about how hard Jin would find it to slip into the role, but as soon as he feels Jin's hardness pressing up against him Yamapi realises he didn't have to.
"Please," Yamapi tries in a last-ditch attempt that he really hopes won't deter Jin in the slightest, turning wet eyes back to look at his friend, "Please, don't do this, please stop."
Something flashes in Jin's eyes for a split second, but it's too fast for Yamapi to be able to tell whether it's anger or doubt. It isn't important though, because now Jin's glaring ferociously and pressing forwards, forcing himself past the tight ring of muscle and muffling Yamapi's pained yelps with his fingers down the other man's throat.
Yamapi coughs around Jin's fingers, but does nothing to get rid of them, the feel of them pressing down on his tongue more erotic than any kiss he'd ever received before. He cries out around them as Jin finally bottoms out, hips flush against his back, and scrunches his eyes shut. He tries once more to buck Jin off of him, but that only serves to make Jin grind awkwardly against his prostate and has Yamapi moaning.
Jin's voice is low and heavy with arousal, coiling around his length like a hundred tiny fingers, "You're that desperate for me that you can't wait, huh? You're such a fucking whore."
Yamapi bites down on Jin's fingers and Jin hisses, slapping his backside once, hard. The sharp sting and burn is nothing if not utterly delicious, and Yamapi finds himself grinding back again before he even realises what he's doing. Jin laughs quietly, and it's the scariest sound Yamapi's ever heard. It also arouses him like nothing else.
When Jin can move freely, he holds nothing back, fucking Yamapi with abandon. It hurts, it hurts so much, but the intensity of the whole situation makes Yamapi push back to meet him with every thrust, every time wanting more, more, wanting everything Jin can give and more.
"Such a little slut," Jin growls, "Look at you, I bet if I let you go now you'd ride me like the whore you are. But guess what, Yamashita, I'm not letting you go, not ever."
Yamapi's breath hitches at the last sentence, his senses honing in on the change in tone in Jin's voice, but then Jin's moving even harder, faster, fucking him right into the wall and the thought is gone, his skin too hot, too tight, mind taken over by brain-numbing whiteness as he is pushed right forwards, hardness scraping up against the brick in a way that should have been painful but just sends Yamapi tumbling over the edge, crying out his orgasm with a shrill Jin that gets lost in the night.
Jin groans softly as Yamapi tightens around him, and pulls out, unbinding Yamapi's hands with a deftness Yamapi's muddled brain can barely follow. Next, he's pushing the jeans off the rest of the way, tugging them over Yamapi's heavy boots, and lifting him up, using the wall for support. Yamapi wraps his legs around Jin's waist with a soft smile as Jin lowers him back down, wrapping his arms around Jin's neck and using what leverage he has to help with the work.
It doesn't take long, Jin muffling his groans into Yamapi's neck until he shudders and stills, legs shaking as he tries to keep them both up. They sink down to the floor, Yamapi's legs still tight around the other man as he sits in his lap, Jin using his jeans as a blanket as he slumps back against the wall with a heavy sigh, pressing his cheek against the coolness.
"Next time, come to me, okay?" He says breathlessly, cracking open one eye.
Yamapi smiles and nudges Jin's face with his nose until the other man turns his head to kiss him softly. He realises he was wrong before - nothing could ever be more erotic than Jin's kisses, all soft lips and probing tongue, gentle and firm and nothing short of perfect.
"I'd never have gone to anyone else."