Bingo Promt: Multiple Points of View; Does He Love You by Reba McEntire
Songfic written for inusongfics
Prompt: Multiple Points of View
Song: Does He Love You by Reba McEntire and Linda Davis
Pairing: Inu/Kikyo, Inu/Kags
Warnings: Adult themes
I’ve know about you for awhile now.
When he leaves me, he wears a smile now.
As soon as he’s away from me,
In your arms is where he wants to be.
Turning her head and offering up on pale cheek, she accepted his gentle kiss with a warm smile that did not quite reach her eyes and a soft hum at the back of her throat. Her husband smiled back at her, a happy warmth radiating through his amber eyes, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to do more than give him a slight peck on the lips before pushing him out the door.
Watching him get into his car and back down the driveway, her smile falls and her hands curl into delicate fists at her side. She reaches out with a hand that shakes and closes the curtains with a sharp snap. She knows that the light in her husband’s eyes was not meant for her. She knows that the thoughts running through his head as he prepared for his day were not about her.
She knows about the other woman, that perfect bitch. That girl who is everything she is not. That simplistic whore who has tempted her rightful lover away from her.
And she also knows that there are still those times when his eyes light up for her and for her alone, but those times are so few and far between now that she can’t even be bothered to treasure them like she used to.
Turning away from the window she stares at the trappings of their relationship, at the prizes of a love hard fought and a love that she had thought would stand the tests of time. She runs her cold hands along the back of the sofa they had bought together when they had first moved in, their lives together just beginning and filled with the hope of the young and idealistic.
She stares at the ghost of her reflection in the framed photographs on the stand beside the couch. That’s all she is to him now. Nothing more than a ghost. She floats through this house day in and day out, cleaning the bathrooms and doing the laundry. She makes sure there is dinner on the table for him whenever he decides to come home and she is there in the middle of the night for when he wants her, but other than that, she might as well not exist.
She loved him with her whole heart and he left her for his pretty, little secretary, and no matter how much it hurt, she couldn’t bring herself to let him know that she knew.
And that night when Kikyo laid her head down on the cool silk pillow on her side of the empty bed, she cried her tears of remorse as her mind hummed with all the thoughts she wished she could say out loud, and while her husband lay beside her, his deep snores the only indication that he was more than just a figment of her desperate imagination.
But you’re the one he rushes home to,
You’re the one he gave his name to.
I never see his face in the early morning light.
You have his mornings, his daytimes,
And sometimes… I have his nights.
She giggles as he whispers some bit of nonsense into her ear. His warm breath gently caresses the side of her face and she places a hand on his chest to force some distance between them. In the background, she can hear the office clock chiming the nine o’clock hour and her heart drops like a stone into the pit of her stomach.
He sighed heavily in her ear and draws away, with one last peck on the lips to tide them over until the next evening, the next long work day, and the next bout of overtime used to play rather than to work. She presses two fingers gently to her lips as the door clicks shut behind him and she slumps bonelessly against the desk.
She didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him to stay right there with her, to love her and to kiss her and to hold her, and then… And then to come home with her… Back to her tiny one bedroom apartment where he could lay her down in her own bed and give her all the things he gave her every evening behind the imposing oak doors that separated his inner office from the hustle and bustle of the secretarial pool.
Or… better yet… She wanted to be taken back to his home, the large estate he was so proud of. The two floors of rooms in which the echoes of young feet still resounded and in which there was a much larger bed than her pitiful twin awaiting her, but she could never see that place, could never walk those hallways where his children had walked because there was already a woman there, a woman who had a much greater claim to it than she.
Why was it that when she had finally found the one man she wanted to keep by her side for the rest of her life, the one man she wanted to love for all eternity, he had to already have a wife?
She had to live with her guilt day after day. He assured her time and time again that he had no love for his wife anymore, that she had changed. She was not the same person he had married. Somewhere along the line the bright idyllic future they had planned for themselves had gone awry. Somewhere between shepherding their children to and from their lives, she had given up on her own and he couldn’t bear to think that he had wasted any part of his life on her.
But then why did he return to her every evening without fail? Why did he leave and return to a woman he claimed to have no feelings for? If he had really given up on everything they use to be, then why wouldn’t he leave her?
And as Kagome allowed her hand to fall limply against her side and the tears formed a thin sheen over her vision, she wondered about this other woman. The one person who drew him back in her arms every night while Kagome was left behind with nothing more than his lingering scent and a set of dreams that would hopefully tide her over until she could be alone with him once more.
But does he love you,
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you,
When he’s holding me?
And does he whisper,
All his fantasies?
Does he love you,
Like he’s been lovin’ me?
He would do anything for her. She knew that first hand. He had been there in the insecure years when they had been first starting out, each one trying to gain a foothold as they had begun their promising new lives together. He had stuck by her when she became pregnant with their first child and he had been there with her through both of their children’s developments. She had been so young when it had all first begun, and so had he, but not once did she ever worry that he wouldn’t provide for her.
Never once did she doubt that he loved her.
Even now, she could still sense his respect for her. She could still see a light in his eyes when he looked at her. She could still feel a type of passion in his touch in the dark of night when he would roll over in their bed and seek physical comfort from her the way he had a thousand times before.
He would talk to her in the mornings and in the evenings, usually over a cup of coffee, about his day and his plans. Who he was going to see and what he hoped to accomplish. They accepted invitations and went to parties together. They would take weekend trips and spend time with their children at the college of their choice. She would speak to him and he would promise her that he loved her, and she believed him because anyone could see that he did.
She trusted him with her life and she knew he trusted her with his. He would provide for her until the day he died, but he wasn’t happy with her. She was his friend, and sometimes she was still tempting enough to be his lover, but there was something different about the way he went about showing the more physical signs of their love.
And she loved him with her whole heart and wanted nothing more than to please him and to be there for him, the very same pillar of support she had always been, just as he remained her pillar of strength and support in much the same way as he always had.
So why was it that her love was suddenly not enough? What changed that made him seek out the warmth and thrill of another woman when he still had her waiting patiently for him at home? How could he look at her with so much love and care in his expression, so many promises in his honeyed eyes and then go out and fuck his secretary?
It didn’t make sense to her and the not knowing was slowly but surely driving her to the breaking point.
If he still loved her, why would he hurt her so?
But when he's with me
He says he needs me
And that he wants me
That he believes in me
Kagome sighed heavily in her hands as the hustle and bustle of the crowded bar whirled around her seemingly at the speed of light. She knew she should be here. She knew deep down in her heart that what she was doing day after day was wrong and that she should hate herself, but she couldn’t bring herself to go quite that far. So she merely stared down into her half consumed drink as the world passed her by and she ached with the pain of a loss that cut her deeper and deeper each time.
Every time he would take her out he would treat her like a princess. He would be so attentive to her and so ready to please that she could pretend for a time that she really was his only one. He spoke so softly to her in the dim lighting of the bar, whispering in her ear how much he cared about her, how much he loved her.
How much he wanted her…
Then he would touch her ever so softly, maybe caress her thigh, or run his hand down her back and she would lean into his touch greedily, lapping up everything he had to offer. She would forget the people all around her, would forget that this was a man that would never belong to her, and she would lose herself in a world where there was a diamond ring on her finger and that there was a home in which they could both return to once the evening was up.
However, sooner or later the illusion had to end. He would receive a phone call and he would excuse himself. Maybe he would walk all the way to the bathroom before answering. If it was a particularly loud bar he might go all the way outside. Sometimes he wouldn’t even got five feet away. Just far enough so that she could not hear his end of the conversation, but she never had to. She knew who was on the other end of the line.
And, sure enough, as soon as he would return there would be a solemn air about him. He would smile sadly at her and kiss her soundly and then he would have to go. His duty called to him like a ball and chain called to a wayward inmate. How he could tolerate being at his wife’s beck and call always eluded Kagome. How could he jump to her every command when mere seconds ago he had been promising Kagome the world on a silver platter?
As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t be ashamed her thoughts either. Sighing heavily once more she downed the last of her drink. The illusion was long over and the alcohol was doing nothing to improve her mood and neither was the company. Rising up from her seat, she gathered her purse and paid her tab, ready to be off and away from this place for now. There was no reason to stay in their safe haven when he was not with her. There was no one to hide from when he was no longer by her side, and she ached every second that he was gone.
And the wind blew the sound his voice into her eager ears as she made her way to her lonely apartment, telling her how much he loved her, how much he believed in her, and how much he wanted to be with her every second of every day.
If only they could…
And when I'm in his arms
Oh he swears there's no one else
Is he deceiving me
Or am I deceiving myself
Kikyo shivered as the cool night air played over her chilled skin. Her back was turned to where her husband lay snoring amongst the tangles of the sheets. He hadn’t even hesitated this evening and she found that her tentative advances had been return full force with all the passion she had been aching for, but there was a pall cast over the proceedings after everything was said and done and while he had been able to drift easily away into dreams, she had been left wide awake, her body satisfied but her mind clanging with all the thoughts she couldn’t let go of.
He had sworn to her time and time again that he loved her and was devoted to her and only to her, but she knew the truth, and when she asked him if there ever could be anyone else, if his eyes could be drawn to the form of another woman and away from her he had vehemently denied it.
But she knew the god damned truth, and that was something that hurt her more than his infidelity, more than the lie. The knowing was what was eating her up inside, and while she knew that she was not the first woman to be on the receiving end of his affections this evening, she couldn’t help a tiny bubble of hope escape from the pits of her being. Surely he wouldn’t be so callous as to lie to her face?
Surely a man in love with his wife could not look her in the eye as the lay entwined in their very marriage bed and tell her a lie as important as that?
But she knew, damn it!
Or she thought she knew. She pressed a hand to her forehead as the beginnings of a headache began to form there. This was a yes or no question. Either he was cheating on her or he wasn’t, and she had seen the evidence with her own eyes. She had seen the charges to the company credit card. Lunches for two at private restaurants where she knew the wait staff and had paid them handsomely to tell her with who he dined on those increasingly more frequent occasions when no business lunches had been planned, but the card had shown them to have taken place anyways.
She had been to the bars he took her to and she had spoken with the bar tenders and had been told much the same thing as with the restaurants. There was a woman with him every time, a woman that looked very much like her, but that was obviously much younger. A woman who pressed herself against his side and with whom he exchanged kisses with as though it was she that was his wife. As though Kikyo had been replaced without even the benefit of a two week’s notice.
And then he would come to her and make love to her in the same way he had done when they had been young and the wings of their love had been strong enough to take them to the highest of heights.
And these were the times when she could almost convince herself that she was his one and only.
Too bad they were always too good to last.
But does he love you,
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you,
When he’s holding me?
And does he whisper,
All his fantasies?
Does he love you,
Like he’s been lovin’ me?
He saw her every work day, and even some weekend days when he had fabricated business trips to keep his wife from knowing. He would hold her closely when no one was looking and she would feel the depth of his love and adoration for her and it would momentarily stun her every time. How could one man love so fully and so deeply, and yet refused to leave the one person that was holding him back from having all that he now wanted?
She tried to take it stride. She tried so desperately to never let him see how much it hurt her when he would have to walk away from her and return to a world in which she wasn’t welcome. He shared everything with her, his victories and his defeats, his hopes and dreams and fears, and yet he couldn’t share this with her. He couldn’t share his home. He couldn’t share his bed, and he sure as hell couldn’t share a life with her.
All they had were stolen moments, black and white photographs playing on a slide show in her head for those times when he couldn’t see her. For all those times when he went with his wife to visit their children. For all those times when he had to leave in the middle of a date because she had called him and he had to go.
But even then, even when he knew there was a warm body waiting for him at home, even when he knew there was someone waiting on him who loved him, he would look at her as tough she was the only one he could ever want and the only one he could ever love and he would kiss her so sweetly that she would fall in love with him all over again.
She had never wanted it to be like this. She had wanted a man she could have for her own. She didn’t want to have to share, but just being allowed to love him was more than enough for her. All the pain and all the hurt were washed away every time he walked into the office and offered up that smile of his, the smile that she knew was just for her.
And the days drug on and he continued to love her in his own special way, and she continued to love him, always wondering but never caring about the wife that kept her silent vigil in a home so very far away.
Oh and shouldn't I lose my temper?
Oh and shouldn't I be ashamed?
Cuz I have everything to lose
And I, I have nothing to gain
It shouldn’t have happened. Their paths were so completely separate that there was no way they could have crossed. There was no way this event could have ever come to pass, and yet here they were, face to face for the first and only time. Staring across the aisle in the supermarket with pale faces and shocked gazes.
He was a few aisles away looking for a brand of coffee he was particularly fond of and arguing with the clerks in that loud, demanding voice of his and they were here, surrounding by the smiling faces of cartoon characters aimed at enticing small children to buy unhealthy breakfast foods. They might as well have been on a completely different planet as far as they were concerned.
In that moment they knew that they weren’t going to say anything. Kagome wasn’t going to speak up and confess even though it was clear that Kikyo knew, and Kikyo wasn’t going to scream accusations the way Kagome knew that she should. In that moment a silent understanding passed between them.
Kagome was never going to have him completely so long as Kikyo was around and loving him, and yet Kikyo was not going to have his full heart ever again, so long as Kagome continued to work for him.
They looked deep into each other’s eyes and read the truth there. Neither one was going to give up and neither one was going to fight. They were going to just allow him to continue on with what he was doing as though they didn’t know any differently because loving even a part of him was better than not having him at all.
So Kagome turned her cart around and walked away as Kikyo mirrored her actions, the wheels squeaking loudly in the bubble of silence they had created for themselves. And just like that things went back to the way they had been before.
Right back to the way they liked them.
But does he love you
Like he loves me
Does he think of you
When he's holding me
And does he whisper
All his fantasies
Does he love you
Like he's been loving me
And life went on. Kikyo still lived with the fear that one day her husband just wouldn’t come home and a set of papers carried by a stranger would take his place and Kagome still pined for the man she loved after night had fallen and he had left her all alone in an apartment that they would never share. They continued on with the deception, but now there was a different edge to things, an edge that went on unnoticed by the one man who had the power to change things.
Kikyo kissed him a little more passionately as he walked out the door in the morning and Kagome held on just a bit tighter in the evenings before he went home. Neither one wanted to step up and end the charade because in the end neither one could truly win. They didn’t want his love in the way it would have been should he leave either one of them. That wasn’t the kind of love he had ever given them and even this half-love, this half-existence was better than living with the shame of knowing they had broken another’s heart.
But even so… Even though they understood… Even though they had made promises to themselves on that fateful day with their brown eyes met across the cereal aisle they still could not stop the dreams, and even though he loved them in his own way, they couldn’t help but to long for a time when he would look at one of them without the ghost of the other looking over his shoulder…
But alas… It was never to be… And they took whatever love he could offer when he could offer it because a life without him wasn’t a life at all.
Does he love you?
Prompt: Multiple Points of View
Song: Does He Love You by Reba McEntire and Linda Davis
Pairing: Inu/Kikyo, Inu/Kags
Warnings: Adult themes
I’ve know about you for awhile now.
When he leaves me, he wears a smile now.
As soon as he’s away from me,
In your arms is where he wants to be.
Turning her head and offering up on pale cheek, she accepted his gentle kiss with a warm smile that did not quite reach her eyes and a soft hum at the back of her throat. Her husband smiled back at her, a happy warmth radiating through his amber eyes, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to do more than give him a slight peck on the lips before pushing him out the door.
Watching him get into his car and back down the driveway, her smile falls and her hands curl into delicate fists at her side. She reaches out with a hand that shakes and closes the curtains with a sharp snap. She knows that the light in her husband’s eyes was not meant for her. She knows that the thoughts running through his head as he prepared for his day were not about her.
She knows about the other woman, that perfect bitch. That girl who is everything she is not. That simplistic whore who has tempted her rightful lover away from her.
And she also knows that there are still those times when his eyes light up for her and for her alone, but those times are so few and far between now that she can’t even be bothered to treasure them like she used to.
Turning away from the window she stares at the trappings of their relationship, at the prizes of a love hard fought and a love that she had thought would stand the tests of time. She runs her cold hands along the back of the sofa they had bought together when they had first moved in, their lives together just beginning and filled with the hope of the young and idealistic.
She stares at the ghost of her reflection in the framed photographs on the stand beside the couch. That’s all she is to him now. Nothing more than a ghost. She floats through this house day in and day out, cleaning the bathrooms and doing the laundry. She makes sure there is dinner on the table for him whenever he decides to come home and she is there in the middle of the night for when he wants her, but other than that, she might as well not exist.
She loved him with her whole heart and he left her for his pretty, little secretary, and no matter how much it hurt, she couldn’t bring herself to let him know that she knew.
And that night when Kikyo laid her head down on the cool silk pillow on her side of the empty bed, she cried her tears of remorse as her mind hummed with all the thoughts she wished she could say out loud, and while her husband lay beside her, his deep snores the only indication that he was more than just a figment of her desperate imagination.
But you’re the one he rushes home to,
You’re the one he gave his name to.
I never see his face in the early morning light.
You have his mornings, his daytimes,
And sometimes… I have his nights.
She giggles as he whispers some bit of nonsense into her ear. His warm breath gently caresses the side of her face and she places a hand on his chest to force some distance between them. In the background, she can hear the office clock chiming the nine o’clock hour and her heart drops like a stone into the pit of her stomach.
He sighed heavily in her ear and draws away, with one last peck on the lips to tide them over until the next evening, the next long work day, and the next bout of overtime used to play rather than to work. She presses two fingers gently to her lips as the door clicks shut behind him and she slumps bonelessly against the desk.
She didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him to stay right there with her, to love her and to kiss her and to hold her, and then… And then to come home with her… Back to her tiny one bedroom apartment where he could lay her down in her own bed and give her all the things he gave her every evening behind the imposing oak doors that separated his inner office from the hustle and bustle of the secretarial pool.
Or… better yet… She wanted to be taken back to his home, the large estate he was so proud of. The two floors of rooms in which the echoes of young feet still resounded and in which there was a much larger bed than her pitiful twin awaiting her, but she could never see that place, could never walk those hallways where his children had walked because there was already a woman there, a woman who had a much greater claim to it than she.
Why was it that when she had finally found the one man she wanted to keep by her side for the rest of her life, the one man she wanted to love for all eternity, he had to already have a wife?
She had to live with her guilt day after day. He assured her time and time again that he had no love for his wife anymore, that she had changed. She was not the same person he had married. Somewhere along the line the bright idyllic future they had planned for themselves had gone awry. Somewhere between shepherding their children to and from their lives, she had given up on her own and he couldn’t bear to think that he had wasted any part of his life on her.
But then why did he return to her every evening without fail? Why did he leave and return to a woman he claimed to have no feelings for? If he had really given up on everything they use to be, then why wouldn’t he leave her?
And as Kagome allowed her hand to fall limply against her side and the tears formed a thin sheen over her vision, she wondered about this other woman. The one person who drew him back in her arms every night while Kagome was left behind with nothing more than his lingering scent and a set of dreams that would hopefully tide her over until she could be alone with him once more.
But does he love you,
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you,
When he’s holding me?
And does he whisper,
All his fantasies?
Does he love you,
Like he’s been lovin’ me?
He would do anything for her. She knew that first hand. He had been there in the insecure years when they had been first starting out, each one trying to gain a foothold as they had begun their promising new lives together. He had stuck by her when she became pregnant with their first child and he had been there with her through both of their children’s developments. She had been so young when it had all first begun, and so had he, but not once did she ever worry that he wouldn’t provide for her.
Never once did she doubt that he loved her.
Even now, she could still sense his respect for her. She could still see a light in his eyes when he looked at her. She could still feel a type of passion in his touch in the dark of night when he would roll over in their bed and seek physical comfort from her the way he had a thousand times before.
He would talk to her in the mornings and in the evenings, usually over a cup of coffee, about his day and his plans. Who he was going to see and what he hoped to accomplish. They accepted invitations and went to parties together. They would take weekend trips and spend time with their children at the college of their choice. She would speak to him and he would promise her that he loved her, and she believed him because anyone could see that he did.
She trusted him with her life and she knew he trusted her with his. He would provide for her until the day he died, but he wasn’t happy with her. She was his friend, and sometimes she was still tempting enough to be his lover, but there was something different about the way he went about showing the more physical signs of their love.
And she loved him with her whole heart and wanted nothing more than to please him and to be there for him, the very same pillar of support she had always been, just as he remained her pillar of strength and support in much the same way as he always had.
So why was it that her love was suddenly not enough? What changed that made him seek out the warmth and thrill of another woman when he still had her waiting patiently for him at home? How could he look at her with so much love and care in his expression, so many promises in his honeyed eyes and then go out and fuck his secretary?
It didn’t make sense to her and the not knowing was slowly but surely driving her to the breaking point.
If he still loved her, why would he hurt her so?
But when he's with me
He says he needs me
And that he wants me
That he believes in me
Kagome sighed heavily in her hands as the hustle and bustle of the crowded bar whirled around her seemingly at the speed of light. She knew she should be here. She knew deep down in her heart that what she was doing day after day was wrong and that she should hate herself, but she couldn’t bring herself to go quite that far. So she merely stared down into her half consumed drink as the world passed her by and she ached with the pain of a loss that cut her deeper and deeper each time.
Every time he would take her out he would treat her like a princess. He would be so attentive to her and so ready to please that she could pretend for a time that she really was his only one. He spoke so softly to her in the dim lighting of the bar, whispering in her ear how much he cared about her, how much he loved her.
How much he wanted her…
Then he would touch her ever so softly, maybe caress her thigh, or run his hand down her back and she would lean into his touch greedily, lapping up everything he had to offer. She would forget the people all around her, would forget that this was a man that would never belong to her, and she would lose herself in a world where there was a diamond ring on her finger and that there was a home in which they could both return to once the evening was up.
However, sooner or later the illusion had to end. He would receive a phone call and he would excuse himself. Maybe he would walk all the way to the bathroom before answering. If it was a particularly loud bar he might go all the way outside. Sometimes he wouldn’t even got five feet away. Just far enough so that she could not hear his end of the conversation, but she never had to. She knew who was on the other end of the line.
And, sure enough, as soon as he would return there would be a solemn air about him. He would smile sadly at her and kiss her soundly and then he would have to go. His duty called to him like a ball and chain called to a wayward inmate. How he could tolerate being at his wife’s beck and call always eluded Kagome. How could he jump to her every command when mere seconds ago he had been promising Kagome the world on a silver platter?
As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t be ashamed her thoughts either. Sighing heavily once more she downed the last of her drink. The illusion was long over and the alcohol was doing nothing to improve her mood and neither was the company. Rising up from her seat, she gathered her purse and paid her tab, ready to be off and away from this place for now. There was no reason to stay in their safe haven when he was not with her. There was no one to hide from when he was no longer by her side, and she ached every second that he was gone.
And the wind blew the sound his voice into her eager ears as she made her way to her lonely apartment, telling her how much he loved her, how much he believed in her, and how much he wanted to be with her every second of every day.
If only they could…
And when I'm in his arms
Oh he swears there's no one else
Is he deceiving me
Or am I deceiving myself
Kikyo shivered as the cool night air played over her chilled skin. Her back was turned to where her husband lay snoring amongst the tangles of the sheets. He hadn’t even hesitated this evening and she found that her tentative advances had been return full force with all the passion she had been aching for, but there was a pall cast over the proceedings after everything was said and done and while he had been able to drift easily away into dreams, she had been left wide awake, her body satisfied but her mind clanging with all the thoughts she couldn’t let go of.
He had sworn to her time and time again that he loved her and was devoted to her and only to her, but she knew the truth, and when she asked him if there ever could be anyone else, if his eyes could be drawn to the form of another woman and away from her he had vehemently denied it.
But she knew the god damned truth, and that was something that hurt her more than his infidelity, more than the lie. The knowing was what was eating her up inside, and while she knew that she was not the first woman to be on the receiving end of his affections this evening, she couldn’t help a tiny bubble of hope escape from the pits of her being. Surely he wouldn’t be so callous as to lie to her face?
Surely a man in love with his wife could not look her in the eye as the lay entwined in their very marriage bed and tell her a lie as important as that?
But she knew, damn it!
Or she thought she knew. She pressed a hand to her forehead as the beginnings of a headache began to form there. This was a yes or no question. Either he was cheating on her or he wasn’t, and she had seen the evidence with her own eyes. She had seen the charges to the company credit card. Lunches for two at private restaurants where she knew the wait staff and had paid them handsomely to tell her with who he dined on those increasingly more frequent occasions when no business lunches had been planned, but the card had shown them to have taken place anyways.
She had been to the bars he took her to and she had spoken with the bar tenders and had been told much the same thing as with the restaurants. There was a woman with him every time, a woman that looked very much like her, but that was obviously much younger. A woman who pressed herself against his side and with whom he exchanged kisses with as though it was she that was his wife. As though Kikyo had been replaced without even the benefit of a two week’s notice.
And then he would come to her and make love to her in the same way he had done when they had been young and the wings of their love had been strong enough to take them to the highest of heights.
And these were the times when she could almost convince herself that she was his one and only.
Too bad they were always too good to last.
But does he love you,
Like he loves me?
Does he think of you,
When he’s holding me?
And does he whisper,
All his fantasies?
Does he love you,
Like he’s been lovin’ me?
He saw her every work day, and even some weekend days when he had fabricated business trips to keep his wife from knowing. He would hold her closely when no one was looking and she would feel the depth of his love and adoration for her and it would momentarily stun her every time. How could one man love so fully and so deeply, and yet refused to leave the one person that was holding him back from having all that he now wanted?
She tried to take it stride. She tried so desperately to never let him see how much it hurt her when he would have to walk away from her and return to a world in which she wasn’t welcome. He shared everything with her, his victories and his defeats, his hopes and dreams and fears, and yet he couldn’t share this with her. He couldn’t share his home. He couldn’t share his bed, and he sure as hell couldn’t share a life with her.
All they had were stolen moments, black and white photographs playing on a slide show in her head for those times when he couldn’t see her. For all those times when he went with his wife to visit their children. For all those times when he had to leave in the middle of a date because she had called him and he had to go.
But even then, even when he knew there was a warm body waiting for him at home, even when he knew there was someone waiting on him who loved him, he would look at her as tough she was the only one he could ever want and the only one he could ever love and he would kiss her so sweetly that she would fall in love with him all over again.
She had never wanted it to be like this. She had wanted a man she could have for her own. She didn’t want to have to share, but just being allowed to love him was more than enough for her. All the pain and all the hurt were washed away every time he walked into the office and offered up that smile of his, the smile that she knew was just for her.
And the days drug on and he continued to love her in his own special way, and she continued to love him, always wondering but never caring about the wife that kept her silent vigil in a home so very far away.
Oh and shouldn't I lose my temper?
Oh and shouldn't I be ashamed?
Cuz I have everything to lose
And I, I have nothing to gain
It shouldn’t have happened. Their paths were so completely separate that there was no way they could have crossed. There was no way this event could have ever come to pass, and yet here they were, face to face for the first and only time. Staring across the aisle in the supermarket with pale faces and shocked gazes.
He was a few aisles away looking for a brand of coffee he was particularly fond of and arguing with the clerks in that loud, demanding voice of his and they were here, surrounding by the smiling faces of cartoon characters aimed at enticing small children to buy unhealthy breakfast foods. They might as well have been on a completely different planet as far as they were concerned.
In that moment they knew that they weren’t going to say anything. Kagome wasn’t going to speak up and confess even though it was clear that Kikyo knew, and Kikyo wasn’t going to scream accusations the way Kagome knew that she should. In that moment a silent understanding passed between them.
Kagome was never going to have him completely so long as Kikyo was around and loving him, and yet Kikyo was not going to have his full heart ever again, so long as Kagome continued to work for him.
They looked deep into each other’s eyes and read the truth there. Neither one was going to give up and neither one was going to fight. They were going to just allow him to continue on with what he was doing as though they didn’t know any differently because loving even a part of him was better than not having him at all.
So Kagome turned her cart around and walked away as Kikyo mirrored her actions, the wheels squeaking loudly in the bubble of silence they had created for themselves. And just like that things went back to the way they had been before.
Right back to the way they liked them.
But does he love you
Like he loves me
Does he think of you
When he's holding me
And does he whisper
All his fantasies
Does he love you
Like he's been loving me
And life went on. Kikyo still lived with the fear that one day her husband just wouldn’t come home and a set of papers carried by a stranger would take his place and Kagome still pined for the man she loved after night had fallen and he had left her all alone in an apartment that they would never share. They continued on with the deception, but now there was a different edge to things, an edge that went on unnoticed by the one man who had the power to change things.
Kikyo kissed him a little more passionately as he walked out the door in the morning and Kagome held on just a bit tighter in the evenings before he went home. Neither one wanted to step up and end the charade because in the end neither one could truly win. They didn’t want his love in the way it would have been should he leave either one of them. That wasn’t the kind of love he had ever given them and even this half-love, this half-existence was better than living with the shame of knowing they had broken another’s heart.
But even so… Even though they understood… Even though they had made promises to themselves on that fateful day with their brown eyes met across the cereal aisle they still could not stop the dreams, and even though he loved them in his own way, they couldn’t help but to long for a time when he would look at one of them without the ghost of the other looking over his shoulder…
But alas… It was never to be… And they took whatever love he could offer when he could offer it because a life without him wasn’t a life at all.
Does he love you?