(no subject)
I 'm just saying, if I decided to make a E-Harmony profile, it might look a little something like this.
Introduction to Agreeableness
This section of your profile describes your interactions with other people. The ways we communicate our feelings, beliefs and ideas to others are influenced by our cultural backgrounds, the way we were raised, and sometimes which side of the bed we got up on this morning. Some of us are very mindful of others making decisions we hope will be in their best interests, even if it means sometimes neglecting our own interests. Others of us believe each person should be responsible for themselves, taking deep pride in our own character and independence with a firm belief that others are best served by doing the same. The following describes how you engage with others; illustrating the dimension of your personality that determines your independence or your desire to reach out and touch others in meaningful ways.
You are best described as: USUALLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Words that describe you:
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are clearly a compassionate person; you believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and you know that friends help their friends. But with you compassion is just one side of the coin; the other being a side that also expects others to hold up their end of the bargain. So you help others but it is with the expectation that others don't take advantage of you or try to put one over on you. In short, you expect others to treat you as you treat them.
And for those people who do ask for help when they should have taken responsibility for themselves? This is the time when your more hard-edged side comes out. You are skeptical of people when they expect others to bail them out of trouble; if they got themselves into the bind, they should work their way out of the trouble. If it's an emergency, or if it's a friend who has been there for you when you have had hard times, you are there in a quick minute. But you are a discerning person and to you there is a big difference between an emergency and a self-inflicted wound. You just look at the facts: how the situation developed, how serious the situation, and how they can or cannot get through things on their own. The history you have with the person and with similar situations will inform you whether this is or is not a time for you to get involved.
You also have some limits when it comes to being with people. Sure some people need to be with others all the time and seem to get recharged by helping out most anyone else. But that's not you. You know that you do best if you spend a fair amount of time on your own. Not that you are a loner, just that time spent by yourself is not wasted at all with you. You've come to understand that if you don't take good care of yourself, eventually you'll be not good to anyone, including yourself or others.
So your compassion is tempered by realism. Your sympathy for people in trouble is balanced by a critical evaluation of how they got themselves to the place they are. And you've learned to take good care of yourself, so you have something to give to your friends or others truly in need.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Some people may see your practical style as lacking compassion. When your compassion is tempered, as it is at times by your discerning questions and careful consideration, it may seem to some like you have too much head and too little heart. And when you use time and energy to take care of yourself there will inevitably be some who see you as selfish and uncaring. But your approach is neither heady nor selfish. It is you. And unless your approach is causing you consistent problems in important relationships, there is really no reason to change. Your distinctive manner of having clear expectations for the relationships in which you will exert your energy is true to the core of you.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The truth is that most people respect someone who knows themselves and what they want. So even if some people don't get exactly what they want from you often they will leave with a deeper respect for you. Your frank and honest approach may help someone to help themselves when they didn't think this was possible, and they wind up better off: they're out of trouble, they did it on their own, and they have you to thank. And you were, again, true to yourself.
Introduction to Openness
How firmly committed are you to the ideas and beliefs that govern your thinking and guide your behavior? Some people trust their current ideas and beliefs the way a climber trusts the mountain; whichever way they move, whether the climb is on a familiar trail or over new ground, there is something solid beneath them, something they count on.
For others, new ideas, new solutions to old problems, new beliefs that replace tired convictions are like welcome wind in their sails. They can hardly wait to tack in a new direction and ride a new idea through uncharted waters. If it's new, it's interesting, and they're ready to explore.
The following paragraphs describe your responses to new ways of thinking and believing. How do you handle new information? Are you more like the climber on a familiar mountain or a sailor with a tiller in hand and a fresh breeze to propel you? How you integrate and process new information about the world and about others is a core aspect of your personality.
On the Openness Dimension you are: SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT
Words that describe you:
A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences
Like someone who can sleep comfortably on either side of the bed, you are equally at home with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time and with new ways of thinking and believing that grow out of your intellectual curiosity.
Your sense of who you are and what your place is in the world around you rests on values and principles that are the solid ground you walk upon. You've tested them, they work for you, and much of the time you are content to trust them, that is, until some provocative new idea slips in from a conversation, book or some flight of your active imagination. "Hmmmm. What's this. Never thought of it before." And off you go, exploring.
Since you love to learn, you've always been teachable; you absorb new information, which means you are well-educated in things that matter to you. Sometimes your intellectual exploring will lead you back to where you started; the "next new thing" proves too shallow or impractical to you. But once in a while a new idea or belief will dislodge you from the ground you've stood upon; it is so compelling and persuasive that you step away from the tried-and-true and embrace this notion that is brand new to you.
Because you hold both solid beliefs and are open to new ideas, you are accepting of other people and other ways of thinking and believing. You are flexible enough to listen to something new and different, or something outside of your comfort zone; if it works for you, you'll take it in, and if not, you'll let it go. In this sense, you know who you are: you are neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle of the intellectual road.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking
Not everyone will be thrilled by your flexible, middle-of-the-road ways of thinking and believing. A few people are so taken with flights of imagination into whatever is new that they might find your commitment to long-standing values and beliefs too confining, if not too boring. Oh well; so be it. They'll just have to be in free-flight without you.
Others are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well; they're not excited by the prospect of moving on. And some people are afraid of new ways of thinking because they are somewhat fragile; they have trouble maintaining their current worlds and don't want someone like you, for instance pushing out the edges of their intellectual cosmos. So don't be surprised if your solid values sometimes make people distrust you as an explorer, or if your flexible and open mind sometimes gets you criticized by people who walk away from the very same explorations that you find refreshing.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many others will find you trustworthy and therefore an attractive companion on the intellectual journey. They will appreciate the combination in you of open-mindedness and a commitment to the tried-and-true. In an intellectual climate sometimes dominated by the extremes of either wild innovation or dug-in traditionalism, your moderate views and your proper acceptance of a wide range of possibilities will be a distinctive and refreshing quality. Because you join your curiosity to strong foundational ideas and beliefs and practical solutions to problems, people will trust your occasional explorations into new territories to be reliable, and not "something new for newness sake".
You are accepting of others, flexible in your own intellectual commitments, well-informed in areas that matter to you, and comfortably aware of who you are and where you stand. This combination will make you a desirable companion on the intellectual journey for many, many people.
Introduction to Emotional Stability
We're born with the capacity to feel deeply, so it's as natural as breathing to experience a range of emotions. Fear and joy and sadness, anger and shame and disgust lie somewhere within each of us. Ah, but to what extent do we control these emotions, and to what extent do they control us? How you answer this question of how your emotions play out in your life has a great deal to do with your levels of personal satisfaction and with the character of your relationships with others. Do you manage your emotions well, keeping them in check with your thinking and your willpower, or are you someone who lets emotions have their way, giving in to the wild dance of feelings? The following paragraphs describe your emotional range in terms of being a person who is emotionally steady or someone who is responsive to whatever feelings swell up in you.
On Emotional Stability you are: STEADY
Words that describe you:
A General Description of Your Reactivity
When emotions get topsy-turvy, most of the time you keep your feet on solid ground. When some of your friends lose control of their feelings, you are able to stay relaxed and even. It's not that you're cold-hearted or without feelings. On the contrary; you can be fun-loving. You hurt when a friend is in pain or is in trouble.
You might cry occasionally at a movie, or when watching a particularly touching story on the evening news. But in moments of emotional pleasure, or when troubling feelings rise up within you or around you, you keep yourself together.
Here's a fundamental truth about you: when it comes to your emotional world, you are certain and constant, not flapping around and out of control. It's a good thing because life will come at you, as it comes at all of us, with emotional surprises. We all hit hard times, or get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of fear or joy or anger or sadness.
Once in a while you'll get caught up in the feelings of one of these moments. You get silly, maybe too silly, with your friends. You wake up in the dark, or run into dark thoughts, and find yourself afraid of . . . of something, though you're not quite sure of what. The sadness around you creeps inside you and you feel "down" for a while, but you push your way through it. "Think", you say to yourself. "Stay calm, and figure out a way to cope". Soon, you're relaxed and together again, your feet are once more on solid ground, and your emotions are under control.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
"How do you stay so calm in this emotional storm. Don't you feel anything?" Some of your friends might find you too controlled, as if you don't feel things as deeply as they do.
Your ability to stay so unflappable while they're coming apart at the seams could lead them to believe you just don't care enough, either about your own emotional world or about the pain or pleasure they're so caught up in. This might lead them to exclude you from those seasons of their lives when their feelings are deep and they need to surround themselves with people they believe will understand the turmoil they're in. They won't think of you as such a person, so they won't let you in on their emotional whirl.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The opposite may be true as well. When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.
Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.
Introduction to Conscientiousness
It's a work day, breakfast is over, and you're dressed and ready. So how will you approach the tasks at hand? Some people work best with a clear schedule, a set of priorities and a due date for every step in the process. Others are, shall we say, less regimented. They approach a task with as much imagination as organization, and with a willingness to bend and modify in order to exercise some urge of creativity.
How about you? Do you walk in a straight line toward a clear goal, or are you more likely to dance your way down whatever path will get you wherever it is you're headed? The following paragraphs describe ways in which you approach the tasks life brings to you, and to what extent you are focused or flexible in how you choose to proceed.
Your approach toward your obligations is: FLEXIBLE
Words that describe you:
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
When there's a job to be done, like most people you want to know what the goal is and when it's to be completed. For you, that's a start. Next you want to know what the plan is to get to the goal. So you lay out a plan, or at least the major points of a plan: "Organize the kitchen sometime this spring" or "Get the project at work done as soon as possible." You don't need an in-depth specification of every little detail; in fact you prefer not to work that way. You lay out your goals, develop a general plan, and then you get things done.
You believe in intuition as well as organization. As such, you trust impulses as much as strategies and you value spontaneity as much as you do efficiency. In a word, you like to keep it flexible. When you set out to accomplish a task, you prefer to have some room to maneuver. Like an artist, you find that the best way to reach a goal is not always in a straight line. Some of the most productive times for you are the unplanned moments of inspiration and creativity that just come to you. While you do keep to a general plan, those times of pure vision and originality are what really drive you.
Some of the people who rely completely on an organized approach to getting things done may be surprised at your efficiency. But there is a definite method to your approach. With a creative flair that others may not have anticipated, the original plan gets met and there are often a few extra accomplishments along the way. Your comfort zone starts with a task and a plan but it also requires the freedom to be able to go with your instincts and impulses so that you can not just accomplish the task, you also have the option to explore something brand new along the way.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
People may have problems with your style for two reasons. First, you don't always follow the rules or go along with detailed plans, whether at work or at home. Those who need the details to stay on task just don't quite understand how you are going to get it all done. Second, while you get things done - the way you veer off course at times and use your creativity may leave others wondering what went on. Some people find all this creativity and thinking "out-of-the-box" at odds with their desire to follow a clear course. And this causes not only some confusion it may also spark some anger toward you at times. Even you would likely admit that living and working with you takes someone who is able to let you do your thing at times. If someone is really tied to a rigid approach to how things should get done, there is clearly the potential for some conflict with you.
Every workplace and home does need a modicum of reliability and a decent amount or order and organization if it is to accommodate the mix of people who work or live there. That leads to a serious question for you: Are there times when your creative, though at times unpredictable, style keeps others off balance? Are there some plans that should be sacred, some space always well organized, some charts left as designed? Are there are some things you could change that would allow those who live and work with you to feel more in control; changes that wouldn't impinge on your creative processes? If others are finding your style to be difficult to deal with you may want to consider how you can all work together most efficiently.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The truth is that your work style gets things done, often with more beauty, fun, creativity and imagination than others could ever manage. But your style is very unique to you. Flexibility is essential to your style. With your creativity and flexibility the path you take to any goal can make everyone's accomplishments more inventive and enjoyable. Bringing some extra enjoyment to people's work can be a real asset; one you may want to use more consciously.
Deep down inside there's also another truth you should consider. A lot of people wish they had some of whatever it is that you've got. They get so bogged down reading the committee notes or checking the project calendar that they seldom just cut loose and let their impulses run. They neglect their intuition to the point that it barely whispers - that is, until you come along with yours shouting out loud and remind everyone in the room that there's something to listen to besides the original plan and the orderly, organized path laid out to get there. So not only do you enhance the accomplishments of the group, you also enhance the lives of each member willing to find in themselves the spontaneity that is your trademark personal characteristic.
Introduction to Extraversion
Some days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us crave the crowd and can't stand it when the house is empty or the phone doesn't ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others, if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.
When it comes to Extraversion you are: RESERVED
Words that describe you:
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are generally a modest and private person. You are thoughtful and careful before making decisions and offering opinions. You most likely have a number of good friends and you greatly enjoy spending time with them. But even with your friends you tend not to be terribly outgoing; you open up, but slowly, and share yourself, but in a careful way. For you quality is much more important than quantity. When it comes to your social life you are more comfortable with deeper, well nurtured friendships than with having a social calendar that rivals that of a socialite.
Whether at work or in social situations, you neither need nor particularly like the spotlight. In fact, it is often the case that your friends and colleagues think you deserve more credit than you take and more attention than you get. But that isn't really your style. Again, you don't crave flash and attention, it's quality and depth you treasure.
This isn't to say that you don't want to be around people or that you aren't good in relationships and in social situations. In fact, you need the companionship of people, you just prefer quiet conversations with a friend or a small group to finding a new party to go to every week. Your social encounters balance out the side of you that likes your own company and having enough time to think and reflect. But you do find that life has a better rhythm for you when there is enough quiet time to deliberate on your own so that you are refreshed for your next encounter with friends and colleagues.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
You may occasionally run into problems with other people. Particularly those who may want more from you than you want to contribute, ones who may feel that by holding back you're not holding up your end of the social bargain. Others may guess, correctly, that there is a wealth in you that they would like to tap into, but may assume that you are unwilling to share. Their positive expectations will be confirmed on those occasions when you do open up. But your social style is one you have developed carefully and positively.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
While some people can be frustrated by your thoughtful manner, others will appreciate you, and it won't take them long for them to realize that you are one of those who values depth and substance over flash and casualness. Even in private conversations there are times when you are more willing to listen than to open up. They will appreciate having more time to share their own thoughts and more of the spotlight than you care for. It is also likely that when you do choose to contribute they will listen because they've learned that you speak from a deep well of contemplation and reflection. It may take you some time, but if you're thoughtful about it, you will find a few friends who understand your reserved nature and will enjoy certain social situations in which you are fairly comfortable and in which people are equally as comfortable with you.
Introduction to Agreeableness
This section of your profile describes your interactions with other people. The ways we communicate our feelings, beliefs and ideas to others are influenced by our cultural backgrounds, the way we were raised, and sometimes which side of the bed we got up on this morning. Some of us are very mindful of others making decisions we hope will be in their best interests, even if it means sometimes neglecting our own interests. Others of us believe each person should be responsible for themselves, taking deep pride in our own character and independence with a firm belief that others are best served by doing the same. The following describes how you engage with others; illustrating the dimension of your personality that determines your independence or your desire to reach out and touch others in meaningful ways.
You are best described as: USUALLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Words that describe you:
- Perceptive
- Realistic
- Demanding
- Down-to-Earth
- Hardnosed
- Judgmental
- Pragmatic
- Skeptical
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are clearly a compassionate person; you believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and you know that friends help their friends. But with you compassion is just one side of the coin; the other being a side that also expects others to hold up their end of the bargain. So you help others but it is with the expectation that others don't take advantage of you or try to put one over on you. In short, you expect others to treat you as you treat them.
And for those people who do ask for help when they should have taken responsibility for themselves? This is the time when your more hard-edged side comes out. You are skeptical of people when they expect others to bail them out of trouble; if they got themselves into the bind, they should work their way out of the trouble. If it's an emergency, or if it's a friend who has been there for you when you have had hard times, you are there in a quick minute. But you are a discerning person and to you there is a big difference between an emergency and a self-inflicted wound. You just look at the facts: how the situation developed, how serious the situation, and how they can or cannot get through things on their own. The history you have with the person and with similar situations will inform you whether this is or is not a time for you to get involved.
You also have some limits when it comes to being with people. Sure some people need to be with others all the time and seem to get recharged by helping out most anyone else. But that's not you. You know that you do best if you spend a fair amount of time on your own. Not that you are a loner, just that time spent by yourself is not wasted at all with you. You've come to understand that if you don't take good care of yourself, eventually you'll be not good to anyone, including yourself or others.
So your compassion is tempered by realism. Your sympathy for people in trouble is balanced by a critical evaluation of how they got themselves to the place they are. And you've learned to take good care of yourself, so you have something to give to your friends or others truly in need.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Some people may see your practical style as lacking compassion. When your compassion is tempered, as it is at times by your discerning questions and careful consideration, it may seem to some like you have too much head and too little heart. And when you use time and energy to take care of yourself there will inevitably be some who see you as selfish and uncaring. But your approach is neither heady nor selfish. It is you. And unless your approach is causing you consistent problems in important relationships, there is really no reason to change. Your distinctive manner of having clear expectations for the relationships in which you will exert your energy is true to the core of you.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The truth is that most people respect someone who knows themselves and what they want. So even if some people don't get exactly what they want from you often they will leave with a deeper respect for you. Your frank and honest approach may help someone to help themselves when they didn't think this was possible, and they wind up better off: they're out of trouble, they did it on their own, and they have you to thank. And you were, again, true to yourself.
Introduction to Openness
How firmly committed are you to the ideas and beliefs that govern your thinking and guide your behavior? Some people trust their current ideas and beliefs the way a climber trusts the mountain; whichever way they move, whether the climb is on a familiar trail or over new ground, there is something solid beneath them, something they count on.
For others, new ideas, new solutions to old problems, new beliefs that replace tired convictions are like welcome wind in their sails. They can hardly wait to tack in a new direction and ride a new idea through uncharted waters. If it's new, it's interesting, and they're ready to explore.
The following paragraphs describe your responses to new ways of thinking and believing. How do you handle new information? Are you more like the climber on a familiar mountain or a sailor with a tiller in hand and a fresh breeze to propel you? How you integrate and process new information about the world and about others is a core aspect of your personality.
On the Openness Dimension you are: SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT
Words that describe you:
- Accepting
- Flexible
- Educated
- Self-aware
- Middle-of-the-road
- Proper
- Distinctive
- Indecisive
- Adaptable
A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences
Like someone who can sleep comfortably on either side of the bed, you are equally at home with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time and with new ways of thinking and believing that grow out of your intellectual curiosity.
Your sense of who you are and what your place is in the world around you rests on values and principles that are the solid ground you walk upon. You've tested them, they work for you, and much of the time you are content to trust them, that is, until some provocative new idea slips in from a conversation, book or some flight of your active imagination. "Hmmmm. What's this. Never thought of it before." And off you go, exploring.
Since you love to learn, you've always been teachable; you absorb new information, which means you are well-educated in things that matter to you. Sometimes your intellectual exploring will lead you back to where you started; the "next new thing" proves too shallow or impractical to you. But once in a while a new idea or belief will dislodge you from the ground you've stood upon; it is so compelling and persuasive that you step away from the tried-and-true and embrace this notion that is brand new to you.
Because you hold both solid beliefs and are open to new ideas, you are accepting of other people and other ways of thinking and believing. You are flexible enough to listen to something new and different, or something outside of your comfort zone; if it works for you, you'll take it in, and if not, you'll let it go. In this sense, you know who you are: you are neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle of the intellectual road.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking
Not everyone will be thrilled by your flexible, middle-of-the-road ways of thinking and believing. A few people are so taken with flights of imagination into whatever is new that they might find your commitment to long-standing values and beliefs too confining, if not too boring. Oh well; so be it. They'll just have to be in free-flight without you.
Others are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well; they're not excited by the prospect of moving on. And some people are afraid of new ways of thinking because they are somewhat fragile; they have trouble maintaining their current worlds and don't want someone like you, for instance pushing out the edges of their intellectual cosmos. So don't be surprised if your solid values sometimes make people distrust you as an explorer, or if your flexible and open mind sometimes gets you criticized by people who walk away from the very same explorations that you find refreshing.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many others will find you trustworthy and therefore an attractive companion on the intellectual journey. They will appreciate the combination in you of open-mindedness and a commitment to the tried-and-true. In an intellectual climate sometimes dominated by the extremes of either wild innovation or dug-in traditionalism, your moderate views and your proper acceptance of a wide range of possibilities will be a distinctive and refreshing quality. Because you join your curiosity to strong foundational ideas and beliefs and practical solutions to problems, people will trust your occasional explorations into new territories to be reliable, and not "something new for newness sake".
You are accepting of others, flexible in your own intellectual commitments, well-informed in areas that matter to you, and comfortably aware of who you are and where you stand. This combination will make you a desirable companion on the intellectual journey for many, many people.
Introduction to Emotional Stability
We're born with the capacity to feel deeply, so it's as natural as breathing to experience a range of emotions. Fear and joy and sadness, anger and shame and disgust lie somewhere within each of us. Ah, but to what extent do we control these emotions, and to what extent do they control us? How you answer this question of how your emotions play out in your life has a great deal to do with your levels of personal satisfaction and with the character of your relationships with others. Do you manage your emotions well, keeping them in check with your thinking and your willpower, or are you someone who lets emotions have their way, giving in to the wild dance of feelings? The following paragraphs describe your emotional range in terms of being a person who is emotionally steady or someone who is responsive to whatever feelings swell up in you.
On Emotional Stability you are: STEADY
Words that describe you:
- Relaxed
- Even
- Unwavering
- Constant
- Certain
- Together
- Cool
- Detached
- Tranquil
A General Description of Your Reactivity
When emotions get topsy-turvy, most of the time you keep your feet on solid ground. When some of your friends lose control of their feelings, you are able to stay relaxed and even. It's not that you're cold-hearted or without feelings. On the contrary; you can be fun-loving. You hurt when a friend is in pain or is in trouble.
You might cry occasionally at a movie, or when watching a particularly touching story on the evening news. But in moments of emotional pleasure, or when troubling feelings rise up within you or around you, you keep yourself together.
Here's a fundamental truth about you: when it comes to your emotional world, you are certain and constant, not flapping around and out of control. It's a good thing because life will come at you, as it comes at all of us, with emotional surprises. We all hit hard times, or get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of fear or joy or anger or sadness.
Once in a while you'll get caught up in the feelings of one of these moments. You get silly, maybe too silly, with your friends. You wake up in the dark, or run into dark thoughts, and find yourself afraid of . . . of something, though you're not quite sure of what. The sadness around you creeps inside you and you feel "down" for a while, but you push your way through it. "Think", you say to yourself. "Stay calm, and figure out a way to cope". Soon, you're relaxed and together again, your feet are once more on solid ground, and your emotions are under control.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
"How do you stay so calm in this emotional storm. Don't you feel anything?" Some of your friends might find you too controlled, as if you don't feel things as deeply as they do.
Your ability to stay so unflappable while they're coming apart at the seams could lead them to believe you just don't care enough, either about your own emotional world or about the pain or pleasure they're so caught up in. This might lead them to exclude you from those seasons of their lives when their feelings are deep and they need to surround themselves with people they believe will understand the turmoil they're in. They won't think of you as such a person, so they won't let you in on their emotional whirl.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The opposite may be true as well. When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.
Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.
Introduction to Conscientiousness
It's a work day, breakfast is over, and you're dressed and ready. So how will you approach the tasks at hand? Some people work best with a clear schedule, a set of priorities and a due date for every step in the process. Others are, shall we say, less regimented. They approach a task with as much imagination as organization, and with a willingness to bend and modify in order to exercise some urge of creativity.
How about you? Do you walk in a straight line toward a clear goal, or are you more likely to dance your way down whatever path will get you wherever it is you're headed? The following paragraphs describe ways in which you approach the tasks life brings to you, and to what extent you are focused or flexible in how you choose to proceed.
Your approach toward your obligations is: FLEXIBLE
Words that describe you:
- Spontaneous
- Intuitive
- Perceptive
- Natural
- Somewhat Disorganized
- Unpredictable At Times
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
When there's a job to be done, like most people you want to know what the goal is and when it's to be completed. For you, that's a start. Next you want to know what the plan is to get to the goal. So you lay out a plan, or at least the major points of a plan: "Organize the kitchen sometime this spring" or "Get the project at work done as soon as possible." You don't need an in-depth specification of every little detail; in fact you prefer not to work that way. You lay out your goals, develop a general plan, and then you get things done.
You believe in intuition as well as organization. As such, you trust impulses as much as strategies and you value spontaneity as much as you do efficiency. In a word, you like to keep it flexible. When you set out to accomplish a task, you prefer to have some room to maneuver. Like an artist, you find that the best way to reach a goal is not always in a straight line. Some of the most productive times for you are the unplanned moments of inspiration and creativity that just come to you. While you do keep to a general plan, those times of pure vision and originality are what really drive you.
Some of the people who rely completely on an organized approach to getting things done may be surprised at your efficiency. But there is a definite method to your approach. With a creative flair that others may not have anticipated, the original plan gets met and there are often a few extra accomplishments along the way. Your comfort zone starts with a task and a plan but it also requires the freedom to be able to go with your instincts and impulses so that you can not just accomplish the task, you also have the option to explore something brand new along the way.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
People may have problems with your style for two reasons. First, you don't always follow the rules or go along with detailed plans, whether at work or at home. Those who need the details to stay on task just don't quite understand how you are going to get it all done. Second, while you get things done - the way you veer off course at times and use your creativity may leave others wondering what went on. Some people find all this creativity and thinking "out-of-the-box" at odds with their desire to follow a clear course. And this causes not only some confusion it may also spark some anger toward you at times. Even you would likely admit that living and working with you takes someone who is able to let you do your thing at times. If someone is really tied to a rigid approach to how things should get done, there is clearly the potential for some conflict with you.
Every workplace and home does need a modicum of reliability and a decent amount or order and organization if it is to accommodate the mix of people who work or live there. That leads to a serious question for you: Are there times when your creative, though at times unpredictable, style keeps others off balance? Are there some plans that should be sacred, some space always well organized, some charts left as designed? Are there are some things you could change that would allow those who live and work with you to feel more in control; changes that wouldn't impinge on your creative processes? If others are finding your style to be difficult to deal with you may want to consider how you can all work together most efficiently.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The truth is that your work style gets things done, often with more beauty, fun, creativity and imagination than others could ever manage. But your style is very unique to you. Flexibility is essential to your style. With your creativity and flexibility the path you take to any goal can make everyone's accomplishments more inventive and enjoyable. Bringing some extra enjoyment to people's work can be a real asset; one you may want to use more consciously.
Deep down inside there's also another truth you should consider. A lot of people wish they had some of whatever it is that you've got. They get so bogged down reading the committee notes or checking the project calendar that they seldom just cut loose and let their impulses run. They neglect their intuition to the point that it barely whispers - that is, until you come along with yours shouting out loud and remind everyone in the room that there's something to listen to besides the original plan and the orderly, organized path laid out to get there. So not only do you enhance the accomplishments of the group, you also enhance the lives of each member willing to find in themselves the spontaneity that is your trademark personal characteristic.
Introduction to Extraversion
Some days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us crave the crowd and can't stand it when the house is empty or the phone doesn't ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others, if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.
When it comes to Extraversion you are: RESERVED
Words that describe you:
- Thoughtful
- Modest
- Reflective
- Private
- Introverted
- Careful
- Restrained
- Meditative
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are generally a modest and private person. You are thoughtful and careful before making decisions and offering opinions. You most likely have a number of good friends and you greatly enjoy spending time with them. But even with your friends you tend not to be terribly outgoing; you open up, but slowly, and share yourself, but in a careful way. For you quality is much more important than quantity. When it comes to your social life you are more comfortable with deeper, well nurtured friendships than with having a social calendar that rivals that of a socialite.
Whether at work or in social situations, you neither need nor particularly like the spotlight. In fact, it is often the case that your friends and colleagues think you deserve more credit than you take and more attention than you get. But that isn't really your style. Again, you don't crave flash and attention, it's quality and depth you treasure.
This isn't to say that you don't want to be around people or that you aren't good in relationships and in social situations. In fact, you need the companionship of people, you just prefer quiet conversations with a friend or a small group to finding a new party to go to every week. Your social encounters balance out the side of you that likes your own company and having enough time to think and reflect. But you do find that life has a better rhythm for you when there is enough quiet time to deliberate on your own so that you are refreshed for your next encounter with friends and colleagues.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
You may occasionally run into problems with other people. Particularly those who may want more from you than you want to contribute, ones who may feel that by holding back you're not holding up your end of the social bargain. Others may guess, correctly, that there is a wealth in you that they would like to tap into, but may assume that you are unwilling to share. Their positive expectations will be confirmed on those occasions when you do open up. But your social style is one you have developed carefully and positively.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
While some people can be frustrated by your thoughtful manner, others will appreciate you, and it won't take them long for them to realize that you are one of those who values depth and substance over flash and casualness. Even in private conversations there are times when you are more willing to listen than to open up. They will appreciate having more time to share their own thoughts and more of the spotlight than you care for. It is also likely that when you do choose to contribute they will listen because they've learned that you speak from a deep well of contemplation and reflection. It may take you some time, but if you're thoughtful about it, you will find a few friends who understand your reserved nature and will enjoy certain social situations in which you are fairly comfortable and in which people are equally as comfortable with you.