"Breaking up is hard to do..."

[jaswanson]

Kevin and I decided to call it quits this afternoon. Actually, more accurately, I decided to end our relationship. After a particularly frustrating weekend, it became abundantly clear to me that we're just not cut out for one another. We are at two totally different places in our lives, and I don't think our personalities mesh as much as they

Comments

[texasmagic]

Breaking up is never easy, is it?

*Hugs*

[jaswanson]

No, I guess it's not. :( Thanks for the *hugs*

[truffle_shuffle]

:( It always sucks to break up, even when you know it's for the right reasons. I'm guessing Kevin was a portion of the reason for your mysterious disappearance? I'm sorry you're sad. You know you can always email me and vent if you'd like. I know we've mostly talked about writing stuff, but I'm good at real friend stuff too. Better than at critiquing writing, even. I'm here if you need me. *hugs*

[jaswanson]

Thanks for the hugs and the empathy. Kevin wasn't a part of my hiatus, that was family related - but he was there for me through that ordeal, and I am grateful. I'm actually sitting here missing him right now, but I think part of my feeling that way is the fact that no one is going to call me at nine o'clock tonight and ask how my day was. I have no idea what I'm going to do on the weekends now, and I'm flying on my own again. It feels foreign after spending so much time joined to another person. I'm floundering a little today. Here's hoping the feeling passes.

[bringandfly]

Oh! :hugs:

It's a rotten way to feel but I think you're right to do it if you feel you're both reading the same script, as it were. Far too many people stick with something they know isn't right because it's familiar, and for other wrong reasons.

Although it's sad, it's also good that you could both be honest about it, so there is that comfort.

I looked at you icon and the line from Some Days Are Better Than Others came to me; some sunny days you wish it was raining, some days are better than others.
:Hugs:

[jaswanson]

Far too many people stick with something they know isn't right because it's familiar, and for other wrong reasons.

This is so true. Last night, Kevin and I spoke on the phone about all the things I see standing in our way, and I tried so hard to be nice and considerate about his feelings. Halfway through our conversation, and I found it difficult to remember why I didn't want to be with him. Listening to him itemize solutions to all our problems was very nearly convincing. But in the end, I know that when I'm around him, I'm just not happy with the way our personalities mesh. We aren't glaringly wrong for each other, but he doesn't make me sublimely happy, either. Staying with him would have been the safe option, the guilt-free option, the wrong option. Intellectually, I know this. But it still hurts, you know?

Sorry. That was a novel in response. *cringe* Hopefully, you don't mind.

[bringandfly]

Sorry. That was a novel in response. *cringe*

:hugs: No need to apologise for the way you feel, Swan. It feels as though you've ripped your insides out. I think you're ace for choosing what you know, deep down, is right for you, and him too. It would have been far more miserable to keep going on.

I understand knowing something intellectually is very different to accepting it viscerally. Oh yeah. I know.
*hugs you again*

[magnolia_mama]

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out. :( I think you made the right choice at the right time -- you gave yourself ample time to get to know him well enough to realize the relationship wasn't working out, but didn't hang on to him out of guilt. I hope you can continue to be friends, because he sound like a good bloke.

*Hugs*

[jaswanson]

Thanks. *hugs back*

...but didn't hang on to him out of guilt.

Yes, that is key. The word "guilt" is an awful word and an even worse feeling. I am experiencing some amount of guilt, especially after Kevin and I talked again last night, but I really do feel it's for the best that we remain friends - nothing more. It's important to remember to hold out for the best, I think. The one single person who makes the rest of the word fall away. It might be idealistic, but it's what I want. In the end, I have to hope it's possible. Kevin is going to be that man for somebody, I just know it. Unfortunately, that person is not me.

[green_kiwigirl]

Aww. *hugs* I'm sorry. Break-ups are pretty much always terribly sad, even if both people agree on it. But if you weren't getting along well and weren't happy, then it's much better that you got this over with, rather than dragging it out.

I hope you can stay friends. *more hugs*

[jaswanson]

Thanks for the *hugs*, I needed them. I sincerely hope Kevin and I can remain friends, too. At this point, keeping him in my life as a friend is terribly important to me.