Too ... much ... time .... travel
Dear Joe,
It's me ... by which I mean you. I'm Future You ... from the future. And now I'm writing to you ... from the past. Yeah. That's a little confusing, but I'll have to explain later ... in your future ... which is also my past ... and also my future, because I'm in your past.
I'll cut to the chase. I'm writing with some crucial advice. Advice that I already know will pan out. Because I'm from the future. But it's also advice that you already know is going to pan out. You've known for quite some time, which is why I have chosen to write to you from the past, which is when you first learned what I intend to teach you again now ... in the present.
But I've strayed from the chase. I will cut back to the chase ... again ... in the past of my future present? I'm a little temporally confused. Let's just say that I'll continue in a time frame yet to be determined. My point is that you need to get a handle on your expectations. You've a bad habit of picturing a future, without regard to either the lessons of the past or the realities of the present. And once pictured, you've a bad habit of transposing that future into the present.
You have to stop doing that. First of all, it's the future, and therefore has no bearing on the present. Second of all, it's not even the real future. It's not even a potential future. It's a future that you created. And what did you use to create it? That's right: the past.
Bear with me for a moment. You're stealing from the past in a desperate attempt to create a future which you can then pull into the present. Time doesn't work that way (It actually works like a nuclear-powered metronome floating in the world's largest vat of chunky peanut butter. You'll understand when you build a time machine ... in the future ... so that you can go to the past and write yourself a letter in the present. And while we're on the subject? Take a few minutes in my past to come up with a better idea of what to do when you have a time machine in your future. Please. This is lame.)
You're indulging your imagination at the cost of your soul. Don't feel bad; you've been doing it for years. Trust me; I'm here in the past watching you do it, which is weird, because I'm used to being in the future watching cyborg kangaroos wearing jetpacks. Which, by the way, is awesome.
My point is that Boston is going to lose. They've done it before, and they're going to do it again. Get used to it. Don't mope about it, because it's already happened ... in the future. Don't waste your present on a future that is actually my past. What you should do is take some money and bet on Detroit. You know they're going to win. I know they're going to win ... obviously ... I am from the future, after all. Then take your winnings and buy a Romulan mining ship. Fly it to The Island and use your advanced kangaroo jetpack peanut butter technology to build Skynet. Zoe Saldana, Summer Glau, and Evangeline Lilly will help you.
And above all, remember: stop relying on the future because you can't trust the past when you live in a present that might never happen. It's really that easy.
Sincerely,
Joe
P.S.: Forget it, Joe. It's Hockeytown.
It's me ... by which I mean you. I'm Future You ... from the future. And now I'm writing to you ... from the past. Yeah. That's a little confusing, but I'll have to explain later ... in your future ... which is also my past ... and also my future, because I'm in your past.
I'll cut to the chase. I'm writing with some crucial advice. Advice that I already know will pan out. Because I'm from the future. But it's also advice that you already know is going to pan out. You've known for quite some time, which is why I have chosen to write to you from the past, which is when you first learned what I intend to teach you again now ... in the present.
But I've strayed from the chase. I will cut back to the chase ... again ... in the past of my future present? I'm a little temporally confused. Let's just say that I'll continue in a time frame yet to be determined. My point is that you need to get a handle on your expectations. You've a bad habit of picturing a future, without regard to either the lessons of the past or the realities of the present. And once pictured, you've a bad habit of transposing that future into the present.
You have to stop doing that. First of all, it's the future, and therefore has no bearing on the present. Second of all, it's not even the real future. It's not even a potential future. It's a future that you created. And what did you use to create it? That's right: the past.
Bear with me for a moment. You're stealing from the past in a desperate attempt to create a future which you can then pull into the present. Time doesn't work that way (It actually works like a nuclear-powered metronome floating in the world's largest vat of chunky peanut butter. You'll understand when you build a time machine ... in the future ... so that you can go to the past and write yourself a letter in the present. And while we're on the subject? Take a few minutes in my past to come up with a better idea of what to do when you have a time machine in your future. Please. This is lame.)
You're indulging your imagination at the cost of your soul. Don't feel bad; you've been doing it for years. Trust me; I'm here in the past watching you do it, which is weird, because I'm used to being in the future watching cyborg kangaroos wearing jetpacks. Which, by the way, is awesome.
My point is that Boston is going to lose. They've done it before, and they're going to do it again. Get used to it. Don't mope about it, because it's already happened ... in the future. Don't waste your present on a future that is actually my past. What you should do is take some money and bet on Detroit. You know they're going to win. I know they're going to win ... obviously ... I am from the future, after all. Then take your winnings and buy a Romulan mining ship. Fly it to The Island and use your advanced kangaroo jetpack peanut butter technology to build Skynet. Zoe Saldana, Summer Glau, and Evangeline Lilly will help you.
And above all, remember: stop relying on the future because you can't trust the past when you live in a present that might never happen. It's really that easy.
Sincerely,
Joe
P.S.: Forget it, Joe. It's Hockeytown.