Why I Don't Go Out Much
Ok, technically this is old news, as it happened several days ago and I'm only now getting around to writing it up. I apologize in advance if you've already heard the story.
Cate, Ashel, Tiana, and I had decided we wanted to Go Out on my birthday. I was in desperate need of a new pair of shoes, Ashel and Tiana had decided that their present to me was them (more on that in a moment) and I felt like showing them off, and we all just wanted to get out of the house for a while. In a fit of what I can only describe as temporary insanity, we decided to go to a mall. Clackamas, to be specific.
Now, for the sake of this story it's rather important you understand that I am more than a bit kinky, and when Ashel and Tiana decided they were my birthday present, that meant the whole nine yards, collars and leashes and "yes, ma'am, no, ma'am" and everything. The collars were two lengths of delicate chain, padlocked in place - they could easily have passed for jewelry or punk gear anywhere here in Portland, most places no one would even really notice. Quite discreet.
The girls decided that they wanted to dress up a bit, to have fun with it, and I thought that was a great idea. Ashel has lovely thigh-high leather boots and a nice leather dress, along with stockings and garters, she was modestly covered but looked like she might be heading clubbing rather than mall-trawling. Tiana had an absolutely adorable little Japanese-sailor-girl-school-uniform on, also completely modest and VERY anime, and just in case, she was even wearing shorts underneath. Both girls, and I stress this, were fully clothed, not at all out of place for Portland, and on their best behavior. I had two plain black nylon leashes, standard pet leashes, no chains, no leather, just nice and simple, that I had attached to their collars.
We got to the mall and headed in. The first place we stopped was one of the booths set up in the walkway that was selling sheepskin shoes and boots, they looked well-made and were about the right price range, so we took a look. The middle-eastern guy running the booth kept asking us "so what is up with this? Are you going to a party? Is it a costume? It's very hot," and we just smiled, I said that it was my birthday and we were just having fun. He seemed annoyed that the girls wouldn't flirt with him and that I insisted on talking about shoes rather than what we were wearing, but we shrugged it off.
We realized that we had forgotten to stop at the bank and get out cash, so Cate headed back out to do that, while I sat down at the nearby tables outside the Orange Julius to get something to drink and wait. Ashel headed off to find a bathroom, and Tiana hung out with me. At one point a song she really liked came on over the mall speakers and she asked if she could dance - I said sure, took off her leash, pointed out an unoccupied space where no one would likely want to walk through or past her, and she went over, spun in place a few times, and otherwise just kind of bounced around a bit being happy. While she was there, the guy at the shoe booth started yelling at us, saying things like "put the leash back on". She came back over at the end of the song, and a mall security guard walked up, said hello, pointed out where the security booth was and the information booth, told us to have a nice day, and walked off. A bit odd, but we figured that hey, leashes, he had to make sure that we weren't causing trouble. As we were the only customers in the area at all, and had done nothing but look at shoes and buy a fruit smoothy, we figured no, no trouble, nice of him to check but that would be it.
Ashel came back, and Tiana decided she needed to go to the bathroom, they took off together so Ashel could show her where it was. Much cuteness, as they skipped off all Wizard Of Oz style for a few feet, I'm sure you know what I mean, arms linked and stepping in time, all of that. Adorable. When they returned, I was having a hellish hot flash and sent Ashel off to buy a towel, as I hate hate HATE being sweaty in public and would much rather look silly for holding a towel but be able to dry off as need be. While she was gone, the security guard came by again. He said "I've already had to talk to you once" which kind of baffled us, as the first time he'd just said hi, no comments about us, no requests to do anything different, but apparently he remembered a different conversation. He said that there had been a complaint about us exposing ourselves and that we were disrupting the shopping environment. I pointed out that we were completely modest, that no one had exposed anything, that we were in fact shopping and only sitting right now because we were waiting for Cate to come back and didn't want to make her look all over the mall for us. He shrugged, told us to behave, and walked off.
Ashel came back with a towel, and we ended up with all three of us sitting nicely in chairs, the towel draped over Ashel's lap as her dress was short enough that when she sat down, you could see her thighs (onoes), and we figured hey, maybe someone miss-saw something and freaked out, this would make sure it wouldn't happen again. Ohhhh no. Three security guards come back. This time they say they've had several complaints, and that they're going to ban us for a year. I, rather surprised, say ok, and that I would like it in writing, please. This seems to upset them, they talk to each other for a minute and then the really annoying one who had been there before starts taking our names and such. He asks for our birthdays and social security numbers, I say that I really don't think he needs those. Up until now he's been writing down information onto a rather official-looking tickety thing and as soon as I don't want to give him my birthdate (which imo is none of his business, I don't give it to anyone who doesn't need it, plus I HAD already told him that it was my birthday today) he starts talking into his walkie-talkie. Meanwhile I have taken out one of my notebooks and am writing down the name on his badge and on the badges of the other two - they start freaking out and telling me I can't do that.
By now, I'm thinking something is really fucked-up, so when he gathers up the other two (and a fourth who had wandered over and was desperately trying to pretend like he didn't know the three who were flipping out, he seemed mostly baffled and kind of annoyed that his co-workers were being idiots) and starts half-running away I asked if I could please have the paper if we were banned. He says "No, no, we'll just have the sheriff's office talk to you." Again, weird, but hey.
Cate gets back, we head over to the shoe booth, where the guy says that he won't sell us anything, that he's not comfortable selling to 'people like us'. He's on his phone the moment we leave - this is important later. We go into a shoe store a couple of doorways down, where I actually find better boots at a better price, so hey, it worked out - the guy manning the store complimented Tiana and Ashel on their outfits and told me I should be proud, that they were very well-behaved, he seemed more than happy to serve us and not at all weirded out. We buy the shoes and head on further into the mall, again with Tiana and Ashel on leashes but following close enough that you can't even really tell they're leashed if you're not looking closely. We stop at a cell phone booth, 'cos we've been debating getting different phones, and the sales rep actually called out to us, said we looked nifty and would we please please please come hear about phones, because he was getting no sales today. Hey, he was friendly, we'd been considering new phones anyway, we figured sure. So we're standing at the counter, discussing group plans and free phones and actually about to make a purchase, when up walk the three security guards, another new security guard, and two policemen. Yep.
The policemen say we're being escorted off the property and that we cannot return for 24 hours, that apparently there have been, according to the guards, several calls to the police by mall employees and customers asking for us to be removed. I again ask, politely as always, if I can please have it in writing. They say sure, and didn't the security guards give it to you when they ordered you off? I explain that they had in fact refused to give it to me, and when I had ASKED them if we were banned, they said no. At this point the policemen are looking kind of baffled and a little bit impatient, as we were pretty obviously doing Nothing Wrong, and the cell phone guy is asking repeatedly if they could please wait a few minutes to finish the transaction, that we weren't doing anything, and that he would really like to finish What We Were In The Middle Of. They said no, sorry. Meanwhile I'm writing down their names and the name of the new security guard, and the other security guards start flipping out, telling the fourth guy that OMG we're taking all their information and that he should cover his badge... this gets them a glare from the cops and the fourth guy is all 'wtf you guys are crazy', and comes closer so that I can get the spelling right. Cate and I are both apologizing to the policemen for having somehow caused this to happen, that we know this is a waste of their time and that we're incredibly sorry, they're saying not to worry, that apparently they get called out for ridiculous things to this mall pretty often, that it's just part of their job. One of the cops asks the annoying security guy to sign the paper - he won't, so the cop does. We smile, take the paper, and start heading out, when the security guards announce they have to escort us out. The reasonable guard, who had at first offered to take us by the businesses who called the cops to get their information, after getting scolded by Annoying Guard says he'll pick up the information from the stores that called the cops, and bring that out to us.
We head to the door, get outside, and Tiana, Ashel, and I sit down on a bench while Cate picks up the car to bring it around. One of the guards goes with Cate, one of them hangs out with us. The nice guard comes out with a single piece of paper; I ask about the police and he says that apparently only one place called anyone, that place in fact called 911 TWICE, and that was (surprise surprise) the misogynistic arse at the shoe booth. No one else had been upset at all, as far as he could find. Meanwhile, another song that we all know is being blared out of the outdoor speakers and Tiana and Ashel stand up so they can bob around a bit in time to it - before they can even start, the not-so-nice guard yells at them to sit down. A security car pulls up at this point, lights flashing, and not-so-nice goes over to talk to the driver. Cate finally pulls up, we climb in, and because of the direction she had to go we end up having to loop around a couple rows of cars to get to an exit with a light. The whole time we're doing this we are being followed by the security car with its' lights going, honking furiously every time we so much as slow down to take a corner.
So yeah, for my birthday I got new shoes, two hot chicks on leashes, pissed-off mall security, and I got thrown out of a mall for a day. BEST BIRTHDAY EVAR. *grin*
Cate, Ashel, Tiana, and I had decided we wanted to Go Out on my birthday. I was in desperate need of a new pair of shoes, Ashel and Tiana had decided that their present to me was them (more on that in a moment) and I felt like showing them off, and we all just wanted to get out of the house for a while. In a fit of what I can only describe as temporary insanity, we decided to go to a mall. Clackamas, to be specific.
Now, for the sake of this story it's rather important you understand that I am more than a bit kinky, and when Ashel and Tiana decided they were my birthday present, that meant the whole nine yards, collars and leashes and "yes, ma'am, no, ma'am" and everything. The collars were two lengths of delicate chain, padlocked in place - they could easily have passed for jewelry or punk gear anywhere here in Portland, most places no one would even really notice. Quite discreet.
The girls decided that they wanted to dress up a bit, to have fun with it, and I thought that was a great idea. Ashel has lovely thigh-high leather boots and a nice leather dress, along with stockings and garters, she was modestly covered but looked like she might be heading clubbing rather than mall-trawling. Tiana had an absolutely adorable little Japanese-sailor-girl-school-uniform on, also completely modest and VERY anime, and just in case, she was even wearing shorts underneath. Both girls, and I stress this, were fully clothed, not at all out of place for Portland, and on their best behavior. I had two plain black nylon leashes, standard pet leashes, no chains, no leather, just nice and simple, that I had attached to their collars.
We got to the mall and headed in. The first place we stopped was one of the booths set up in the walkway that was selling sheepskin shoes and boots, they looked well-made and were about the right price range, so we took a look. The middle-eastern guy running the booth kept asking us "so what is up with this? Are you going to a party? Is it a costume? It's very hot," and we just smiled, I said that it was my birthday and we were just having fun. He seemed annoyed that the girls wouldn't flirt with him and that I insisted on talking about shoes rather than what we were wearing, but we shrugged it off.
We realized that we had forgotten to stop at the bank and get out cash, so Cate headed back out to do that, while I sat down at the nearby tables outside the Orange Julius to get something to drink and wait. Ashel headed off to find a bathroom, and Tiana hung out with me. At one point a song she really liked came on over the mall speakers and she asked if she could dance - I said sure, took off her leash, pointed out an unoccupied space where no one would likely want to walk through or past her, and she went over, spun in place a few times, and otherwise just kind of bounced around a bit being happy. While she was there, the guy at the shoe booth started yelling at us, saying things like "put the leash back on". She came back over at the end of the song, and a mall security guard walked up, said hello, pointed out where the security booth was and the information booth, told us to have a nice day, and walked off. A bit odd, but we figured that hey, leashes, he had to make sure that we weren't causing trouble. As we were the only customers in the area at all, and had done nothing but look at shoes and buy a fruit smoothy, we figured no, no trouble, nice of him to check but that would be it.
Ashel came back, and Tiana decided she needed to go to the bathroom, they took off together so Ashel could show her where it was. Much cuteness, as they skipped off all Wizard Of Oz style for a few feet, I'm sure you know what I mean, arms linked and stepping in time, all of that. Adorable. When they returned, I was having a hellish hot flash and sent Ashel off to buy a towel, as I hate hate HATE being sweaty in public and would much rather look silly for holding a towel but be able to dry off as need be. While she was gone, the security guard came by again. He said "I've already had to talk to you once" which kind of baffled us, as the first time he'd just said hi, no comments about us, no requests to do anything different, but apparently he remembered a different conversation. He said that there had been a complaint about us exposing ourselves and that we were disrupting the shopping environment. I pointed out that we were completely modest, that no one had exposed anything, that we were in fact shopping and only sitting right now because we were waiting for Cate to come back and didn't want to make her look all over the mall for us. He shrugged, told us to behave, and walked off.
Ashel came back with a towel, and we ended up with all three of us sitting nicely in chairs, the towel draped over Ashel's lap as her dress was short enough that when she sat down, you could see her thighs (onoes), and we figured hey, maybe someone miss-saw something and freaked out, this would make sure it wouldn't happen again. Ohhhh no. Three security guards come back. This time they say they've had several complaints, and that they're going to ban us for a year. I, rather surprised, say ok, and that I would like it in writing, please. This seems to upset them, they talk to each other for a minute and then the really annoying one who had been there before starts taking our names and such. He asks for our birthdays and social security numbers, I say that I really don't think he needs those. Up until now he's been writing down information onto a rather official-looking tickety thing and as soon as I don't want to give him my birthdate (which imo is none of his business, I don't give it to anyone who doesn't need it, plus I HAD already told him that it was my birthday today) he starts talking into his walkie-talkie. Meanwhile I have taken out one of my notebooks and am writing down the name on his badge and on the badges of the other two - they start freaking out and telling me I can't do that.
By now, I'm thinking something is really fucked-up, so when he gathers up the other two (and a fourth who had wandered over and was desperately trying to pretend like he didn't know the three who were flipping out, he seemed mostly baffled and kind of annoyed that his co-workers were being idiots) and starts half-running away I asked if I could please have the paper if we were banned. He says "No, no, we'll just have the sheriff's office talk to you." Again, weird, but hey.
Cate gets back, we head over to the shoe booth, where the guy says that he won't sell us anything, that he's not comfortable selling to 'people like us'. He's on his phone the moment we leave - this is important later. We go into a shoe store a couple of doorways down, where I actually find better boots at a better price, so hey, it worked out - the guy manning the store complimented Tiana and Ashel on their outfits and told me I should be proud, that they were very well-behaved, he seemed more than happy to serve us and not at all weirded out. We buy the shoes and head on further into the mall, again with Tiana and Ashel on leashes but following close enough that you can't even really tell they're leashed if you're not looking closely. We stop at a cell phone booth, 'cos we've been debating getting different phones, and the sales rep actually called out to us, said we looked nifty and would we please please please come hear about phones, because he was getting no sales today. Hey, he was friendly, we'd been considering new phones anyway, we figured sure. So we're standing at the counter, discussing group plans and free phones and actually about to make a purchase, when up walk the three security guards, another new security guard, and two policemen. Yep.
The policemen say we're being escorted off the property and that we cannot return for 24 hours, that apparently there have been, according to the guards, several calls to the police by mall employees and customers asking for us to be removed. I again ask, politely as always, if I can please have it in writing. They say sure, and didn't the security guards give it to you when they ordered you off? I explain that they had in fact refused to give it to me, and when I had ASKED them if we were banned, they said no. At this point the policemen are looking kind of baffled and a little bit impatient, as we were pretty obviously doing Nothing Wrong, and the cell phone guy is asking repeatedly if they could please wait a few minutes to finish the transaction, that we weren't doing anything, and that he would really like to finish What We Were In The Middle Of. They said no, sorry. Meanwhile I'm writing down their names and the name of the new security guard, and the other security guards start flipping out, telling the fourth guy that OMG we're taking all their information and that he should cover his badge... this gets them a glare from the cops and the fourth guy is all 'wtf you guys are crazy', and comes closer so that I can get the spelling right. Cate and I are both apologizing to the policemen for having somehow caused this to happen, that we know this is a waste of their time and that we're incredibly sorry, they're saying not to worry, that apparently they get called out for ridiculous things to this mall pretty often, that it's just part of their job. One of the cops asks the annoying security guy to sign the paper - he won't, so the cop does. We smile, take the paper, and start heading out, when the security guards announce they have to escort us out. The reasonable guard, who had at first offered to take us by the businesses who called the cops to get their information, after getting scolded by Annoying Guard says he'll pick up the information from the stores that called the cops, and bring that out to us.
We head to the door, get outside, and Tiana, Ashel, and I sit down on a bench while Cate picks up the car to bring it around. One of the guards goes with Cate, one of them hangs out with us. The nice guard comes out with a single piece of paper; I ask about the police and he says that apparently only one place called anyone, that place in fact called 911 TWICE, and that was (surprise surprise) the misogynistic arse at the shoe booth. No one else had been upset at all, as far as he could find. Meanwhile, another song that we all know is being blared out of the outdoor speakers and Tiana and Ashel stand up so they can bob around a bit in time to it - before they can even start, the not-so-nice guard yells at them to sit down. A security car pulls up at this point, lights flashing, and not-so-nice goes over to talk to the driver. Cate finally pulls up, we climb in, and because of the direction she had to go we end up having to loop around a couple rows of cars to get to an exit with a light. The whole time we're doing this we are being followed by the security car with its' lights going, honking furiously every time we so much as slow down to take a corner.
So yeah, for my birthday I got new shoes, two hot chicks on leashes, pissed-off mall security, and I got thrown out of a mall for a day. BEST BIRTHDAY EVAR. *grin*