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(Untitled)
It's that disaster time of year again.
So I'm re-evaluating a relationship after a whole mess that's making me wonder how fundamental our differences are about some critical things, and trynna work out what I want and if it's reconcilable with what he wants and if we can build something stronger, or what. And I'm going crazy because I can't stop ( Read more... ) -
Writer's Block: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
I can only name one that I can tolerate, in spite of the fact that it's of very Christian origin, and I think it's just an uplifting tune. "I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In". Actually, there're a few selections from the South Park Christmas song episode that are all right, the South Park guys really have an ear for music.
I'm pretty sure made-for- ( Read more... ) -
Things that nauseate me: Street Preachers
I've had flashes of anger lately, which on the whole I find comforting. I'm starting to break through the fear of getting angry, so I don't get stuck in neurotic loops when something deeply upsets me. I don't know why this is changing now, but I'm for it.
The last thing that truly, personally pissed me off occurred in the street mall in the city. ( Read more... ) -
I made it back before Christmas.
I think I'm coming back to this journal for now, because I can't think of a reason to start a new one, other than "when I wrote this one, I still listened to U2". That seems like such a polarizing issue. It suggests something fundamental about me that's changed.
Let's list the things about me that have changed since last Christmas, and then see ( Read more... ) -
Christmas '10.
Nothing like the season of shunning one's preferred company to spend time with relatives to make a happy person feel down.
But it's good to be pink again.
It's also good to be excited about meeting new people again. And having dates. I have dates!
Lucy's ashes are still sitting in a container. I could always just buy a proper urn, if I'm going to be ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Every day that passes since I was there makes the distance seem so much further.
Lucy's dead. I miss her. I think leaving her alone and confused for three months was cruel of me, in retrospect; the vet said the stress could have contributed to her sickness.
I don't know what to do with her ashes. They're just sitting in a container on the table.
I ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I'm going to get so fat.
I keep eating because I'm bored, when I can't sleep. I feel completely hopeless.
I can't stand my friends, and the people who're almost friends. I don't know what the point of friendship is. I don't know what real friendship, separate from a sexual relationship, feels like. And I don't think I've ever been more confused about ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I feel ill. Probably the undercooked pizza. Fuck. Our. Oven, it is useless.
I've been to America now and I can't believe it in the same way I can't quite believe I'm 21. That it's been three years since I was a desperate, lonely, confused little dropout with pink hair and no one to turn to. Six years since I was a clueless good girl, scared ( Read more... ) -
Stop shaking.
I've been ridiculously emotional since I got home on New Year's Eve. I mostly know why. Fuck drama. Fuck idiotic confusion, and fuck irrational emotions. Fuck everything and then fuck fucking.