HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, I ACTUALLY WROTE SOME FIC.
And it's het. Well, mostly. Anyway.
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The mind is willing but the flesh is weak, thought Shuhei as Rangiku mashed her beautifully soft, full lips against his, lightly bumping him up against the Rukongai bar's outer wall.
I can't. This is wrong. His traitorous mouth returned her kiss hungrily, his wicked hands sliding up her back to grasp her shoulders, drunk and clumsy.
It's Rangiku-san. I have to stop this, why can't I stop this? It feels so good and no but I'm a man with morals, ethics, it wouldn't be right, wouldn't be right, and her pendulous breasts were so warm and heavy against the hard plane of his chest, but I'm a man with integrity and justice and my cock is so fucking hard and fuck I could do some unspeakably terribly good things to this gorgeous body against mine, I could no I couldn't, I can't, no, I musn't, this is WRONG.
He finally got his brain to send a shockwave, an impulse to his body, and he tore himself away from her, every dazzling, sweet-smelling inch of her. Her name sputtered from his mouth like shotgun shells.
"R-Rangiku-san..."
She smiled that deadly smile of hers, slightly crooked with sake and something a little sad, but still devastating. "What's wrong, Shuhei~?"
"I can't.... Y-you've had a lot to drink, a-and it wouldn't be right, and I'm very sorry." He stared at his feet, wishing his body didn't hate him for the things his mouth was saying, hoping his base urges wouldn't hold it against him or strike up a mutiny.
She pouted at his words, looking disappointed. "But.... I know what I'm doing, Shuhei, I'm not a little girl."
"I-I know that, but I'm very sorry and I can't do that, I just can't, I'm sorry..." He was rambling now, hoping his slurred, spilling speech would blot out the hurt in her eyes, hurt not left by him that he had to help clean up.
Rangiku looked angry now, embarrassment and rejection curdling into spite in her voice. "So it's true. You are a homo after all."
Shuhei couldn't help but scowl at her words momentarily before regaining his calm. She can think that if she wants to. She can be angry if she wants to. Let her. Being angry is so much easier than just being hurt. We all understand this.
"I'll see you in the morning, Rangiku-san." He turned on his heel and started making wobbly paces away from her.
It wasn't like her words weren't true. It wasn't as if the person he loved and craved deep down was her, or even a woman at all.
Blonde hair, blue eyes. Both of them. Guess I do have a type. Guess he did too.
It wasn't as if the person he was headed home to see, the warm, sleeping mass in his bed, wasn't a man.
That's not why you turned her down though, is it?
Because in the end, it wasn't as if Shuhei didn't crave sex with women. Or that his loyalty to his relationship with Kira ever stopped him from going out and chasing pussy whenever his back was turned. Or even that Shuhei gave that much of a fuck about being a gentleman, about morals, ethics, or integrity, deep down. There was no point in things like those any more.
So why'd you say no to the poor girl?
As Shuhei reached his front door and let himself in, he couldn't hide any longer from the crawling, disgusting truth that was thick and all over him like disease.
He said no to her because he couldn't bring himself, his pride wouldn't allow him, to make love to a second person who was picturing a man with terrible slitted eyes and a mouth like a gash in Shuhei's place.
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