hey this is the grande finale of i-love-andrew posts!
love PLUS GENIUS: so i was talking to Andrew and kate
love PLUS GENIUS: but get this krista
love PLUS GENIUS: I LOOKED DOWN AND THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!
love PLUS GENIUS: and i was just like HGFSACFSD&^%(*% NEVERMIND!!
OK last night was so horrible and perfect. it went like this:
After being all gross in a car for 4 hours, i got home from louisiana and rushed over to the Leauge City Train station to see trademark/other clear lake bands play. I was planning for this night to be BIG. thinking that it would be my last night to live it up with my high school friends and my last chance for love with andrew. maybe a night sort of like THIS.
after the show ended, i hung around in the rain waiting for everyone to make plans, hoping to hang out with everyone for the rest of the night.
I kept walking up between kate and andrew trying to talk to them. and wondering why they were so weird. and why their eyes were all googly and heart-shaped. and then realizing that WHAT!? THEY ARE WEIRD BECAUSE THEY'RE IN LOVE #*@!!%!?*&^#!!!!
YEAH. that totally killed me for a second. I go out of town for a few weeks and I come back to find them dating. \ what the heck. but its ok for alot of reasons (i.e. Kate is pretty alright, i quit loving andrew earlier this summer, etc etc) I was just so so pissed because she won and i lost and in 10th grade i declared that i'd "kiss him in the face" and i failed that mission so horribly.
so at that point my hair was rained on and my andrew was gone and i didnt even care hanging out anymore because i just needed to go.
Austin had run off with some kids to the train tracks, everyone else was pretty scattered around the area, but i was in such a rush to leave
because it was sooooooo time to leave.
I said bye to colin and peter first, because they were closest to me.
kate and andrew were the next closest to me but i didnt want to get TOO close to them because i was so embarrassed to be around all of their love, so i gave them both a weenie wave from three steps back. and then said bye to steve and suzanne.
i started to walk off and was so mad about the way my night went down, but then steve (BEAUITIFUL STEVE)(STEVE WHO NEVER SPEAKS A WORD (TO ME) UNLESS IT IS SO NECESSARY) got ahead of me and asked me if i was still doing the deer park thing. and if i still hadnt told everyone else.
that meant so much to me, i swear. I honestly thought he had forgotten i was leaving. it always scares me when steve talks to me because i feel like he is the only one who is at the same level as i am. Steve has always been the only one who fucking gets anything.
even though I had meant to tell everyone about leaving Clear Lake tonight, i really just wanted to leave. so i told him that i'd rather just make a quiet exit. im not sure whether he'll end up telling everyone, or if they'll figure it out on their own. but whatever. im glad that steve is the one i told.
I shouldnt act like im surprised about any of this. I should have known from the very beginning that i would never really win andrews heart. and, that it would be won by someone like kate. and i should have always known that i would never REALLY be a part of that group.
i know that i'll see them again. But i really am not THAT close with any of them. for me, high school has always been STRICTLY business. and i guess they are just friends from school anyway. I go to class and do my work, but when I'm done with whats required, I go home. i say hi to them in hallways and eat lunch with them, but, for the most part, at the end of the day, I go do my things and they go do theirs.
so i walked back to my car alone in the rain. and i heard people shout goodbye, but i have no clue who had shouted goodbye to me because i didnt turn around, i just threw my arm up to wave. and then, because my life is a goddamn movie, a train went by and it got so loud and so pretty and i got into my pretty car and the prettiest, saddest music played and i drove the longest way home i could find.
this entire summer i have been kind of bummed out, wondering if i should really graduate early and miss the end of senior year. and if i should really go to deer park because i just started to get close with clear lake friends. But now, i really think that this is as close as im ever going to get with that group of people. highschool is over when my love for andrew is over. Time to go, I quit, I'm DONE.
so much for you, clear lake.
love PLUS GENIUS: but get this krista
love PLUS GENIUS: I LOOKED DOWN AND THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!
love PLUS GENIUS: and i was just like HGFSACFSD&^%(*% NEVERMIND!!
OK last night was so horrible and perfect. it went like this:
After being all gross in a car for 4 hours, i got home from louisiana and rushed over to the Leauge City Train station to see trademark/other clear lake bands play. I was planning for this night to be BIG. thinking that it would be my last night to live it up with my high school friends and my last chance for love with andrew. maybe a night sort of like THIS.
after the show ended, i hung around in the rain waiting for everyone to make plans, hoping to hang out with everyone for the rest of the night.
I kept walking up between kate and andrew trying to talk to them. and wondering why they were so weird. and why their eyes were all googly and heart-shaped. and then realizing that WHAT!? THEY ARE WEIRD BECAUSE THEY'RE IN LOVE #*@!!%!?*&^#!!!!
YEAH. that totally killed me for a second. I go out of town for a few weeks and I come back to find them dating. \ what the heck. but its ok for alot of reasons (i.e. Kate is pretty alright, i quit loving andrew earlier this summer, etc etc) I was just so so pissed because she won and i lost and in 10th grade i declared that i'd "kiss him in the face" and i failed that mission so horribly.
so at that point my hair was rained on and my andrew was gone and i didnt even care hanging out anymore because i just needed to go.
Austin had run off with some kids to the train tracks, everyone else was pretty scattered around the area, but i was in such a rush to leave
because it was sooooooo time to leave.
I said bye to colin and peter first, because they were closest to me.
kate and andrew were the next closest to me but i didnt want to get TOO close to them because i was so embarrassed to be around all of their love, so i gave them both a weenie wave from three steps back. and then said bye to steve and suzanne.
i started to walk off and was so mad about the way my night went down, but then steve (BEAUITIFUL STEVE)(STEVE WHO NEVER SPEAKS A WORD (TO ME) UNLESS IT IS SO NECESSARY) got ahead of me and asked me if i was still doing the deer park thing. and if i still hadnt told everyone else.
that meant so much to me, i swear. I honestly thought he had forgotten i was leaving. it always scares me when steve talks to me because i feel like he is the only one who is at the same level as i am. Steve has always been the only one who fucking gets anything.
even though I had meant to tell everyone about leaving Clear Lake tonight, i really just wanted to leave. so i told him that i'd rather just make a quiet exit. im not sure whether he'll end up telling everyone, or if they'll figure it out on their own. but whatever. im glad that steve is the one i told.
I shouldnt act like im surprised about any of this. I should have known from the very beginning that i would never really win andrews heart. and, that it would be won by someone like kate. and i should have always known that i would never REALLY be a part of that group.
i know that i'll see them again. But i really am not THAT close with any of them. for me, high school has always been STRICTLY business. and i guess they are just friends from school anyway. I go to class and do my work, but when I'm done with whats required, I go home. i say hi to them in hallways and eat lunch with them, but, for the most part, at the end of the day, I go do my things and they go do theirs.
so i walked back to my car alone in the rain. and i heard people shout goodbye, but i have no clue who had shouted goodbye to me because i didnt turn around, i just threw my arm up to wave. and then, because my life is a goddamn movie, a train went by and it got so loud and so pretty and i got into my pretty car and the prettiest, saddest music played and i drove the longest way home i could find.
this entire summer i have been kind of bummed out, wondering if i should really graduate early and miss the end of senior year. and if i should really go to deer park because i just started to get close with clear lake friends. But now, i really think that this is as close as im ever going to get with that group of people. highschool is over when my love for andrew is over. Time to go, I quit, I'm DONE.
so much for you, clear lake.