God's last name isn't damnit.
That's all I've been saying since April 01, 2012. Goddamnit.
I've been having a crappy month life wise. Stuff that's fit to print:
My doctor says that I need to shed a stone in weight (worked at a sedentary job for eight months and although I'd been careful with eating and activity, I gained ten pounds). As a person of Afro Caribbean descent, with a diabetic in my immediate family circle (hello, Dad!), if I stray out of my bmi (I'm just on the cusp at 25), I have a one in ten chance of getting diabetes (compared to say, a white woman of my height and weight and age- who's more, one in thirty).
I have to make "life style changes", hence, me signing up for gym (I hate the gym- but the weather's been so crap where I live, I'm going to suck it up and go. Have decided to pay for three months, with the aim of acquainting myself with BMI friendly weight), and meeting up with a personal trainer today.
I'm pretty annoyed by that edict, because food wise, I am careful. Only 500 grams of meat a week (including fish), lots of veggies, fruit, complex carbs. I don't take sugar in my tea, have the occasional fruit juice (I defer to herbal teas, lime and water. Or just water. Have a half a cup of hot chocolate if I must have a hot drink when I'm out and about). I have a 'treat day' once a week(my weaknesses? Crisps, pretzels, anything savoury). Walk two miles into/out of the town centre three times a week (to exercise as well as save on bus fare). I'm pretty aware obsessive re my diet due to my health background (there's hypertension in my family history as well, wahey). I weigh myself biweekly, and oh! Due to me having a dial scale for the past year, it was reading my weight as being lighter by six pounds, so have had to buy a digital scale.
Then, because life likes to give an awkward slap between the shoulder blades, my netbook, after three years of tireless service, is kaput. The charger port is faulty, and keeps melting my chargers. My hard drive is no more for this world. To repair the damned thing is going to cost £102, to get a new netbook will cost me £190. To get the netbook I want, it's out of stock, or has yet to arrive at the warehouse.
I am living off snatches of borrowed time with computers which aren't mine. Be it from my partner or my friends'. This cannot continue.
Fandom wise, tomorrow is my day of posting for cap_im reverse big bang. The fic is ever changing as it goes on. I already have the ending in mind, and it will stick.
This, I command.
It's just that... Oh, it's a strange fic, I'll readily admit. I have noticed the more I write ( in the sense of formal challenges), the more obscure my work's becoming. It's less character based, and more to do with an end in mind, a sort of a exercise/study/drill. Oh, there's the throb of emotion in it, just restrained - true. This is an awkward step I'm doing, since over the past year, the hot button/demands of the fandom is for fic to be nothing but emotional arias (ALL THE FEELS is a phrase I see being used a lot), I do wonder if my contributions still have a place here. 1
To be honest, it's a feeling that's nagged me ever since I started writing for the Marvel fandom. I didn't feel so much of a disconnect between say, 2008-2010, but since 2011 (especially with the movies coming out thick and fast), I do feel as if I'm increasingly out of step with the fandom dance, and the more I write, and the more distant from the fandom norm my stuff is, the more I ask myself if I'm contributing anything. If I should just step out of the equation. Which is one of the reasons why I've pretty much been passing on various challenges, and only doing the odd prompt fill, because, just because.2
Right, imma go finish this fic, get some breakfast and get over myself.
1 Yes, I know, it's fandom. One should write for self, first of all, and I do, or else I wouldn't be here, you know? In the same breath, however, fandom is place of community, a potluck where everyone brings a dish to a church social. Lately it feels like I'm bringing chocolate covered chicken to the meal. An interesting dish, but not necessarily edible.
2 I got a PM once, telling me that yes, although I'm a solid writer, I need to emote more, especially if I've ever thought about writing something sweet, or happy. Something more along the lines of my flist, look how popular their stuff is! Why not yours? You know why? I'd be better off, came the helpful advice, especially if I added porn.
I've been having a crappy month life wise. Stuff that's fit to print:
My doctor says that I need to shed a stone in weight (worked at a sedentary job for eight months and although I'd been careful with eating and activity, I gained ten pounds). As a person of Afro Caribbean descent, with a diabetic in my immediate family circle (hello, Dad!), if I stray out of my bmi (I'm just on the cusp at 25), I have a one in ten chance of getting diabetes (compared to say, a white woman of my height and weight and age- who's more, one in thirty).
I have to make "life style changes", hence, me signing up for gym (I hate the gym- but the weather's been so crap where I live, I'm going to suck it up and go. Have decided to pay for three months, with the aim of acquainting myself with BMI friendly weight), and meeting up with a personal trainer today.
I'm pretty annoyed by that edict, because food wise, I am careful. Only 500 grams of meat a week (including fish), lots of veggies, fruit, complex carbs. I don't take sugar in my tea, have the occasional fruit juice (I defer to herbal teas, lime and water. Or just water. Have a half a cup of hot chocolate if I must have a hot drink when I'm out and about). I have a 'treat day' once a week(my weaknesses? Crisps, pretzels, anything savoury). Walk two miles into/out of the town centre three times a week (to exercise as well as save on bus fare). I'm pretty aware obsessive re my diet due to my health background (there's hypertension in my family history as well, wahey). I weigh myself biweekly, and oh! Due to me having a dial scale for the past year, it was reading my weight as being lighter by six pounds, so have had to buy a digital scale.
Then, because life likes to give an awkward slap between the shoulder blades, my netbook, after three years of tireless service, is kaput. The charger port is faulty, and keeps melting my chargers. My hard drive is no more for this world. To repair the damned thing is going to cost £102, to get a new netbook will cost me £190. To get the netbook I want, it's out of stock, or has yet to arrive at the warehouse.
I am living off snatches of borrowed time with computers which aren't mine. Be it from my partner or my friends'. This cannot continue.
Fandom wise, tomorrow is my day of posting for cap_im reverse big bang. The fic is ever changing as it goes on. I already have the ending in mind, and it will stick.
This, I command.
It's just that... Oh, it's a strange fic, I'll readily admit. I have noticed the more I write ( in the sense of formal challenges), the more obscure my work's becoming. It's less character based, and more to do with an end in mind, a sort of a exercise/study/drill. Oh, there's the throb of emotion in it, just restrained - true. This is an awkward step I'm doing, since over the past year, the hot button/demands of the fandom is for fic to be nothing but emotional arias (ALL THE FEELS is a phrase I see being used a lot), I do wonder if my contributions still have a place here. 1
To be honest, it's a feeling that's nagged me ever since I started writing for the Marvel fandom. I didn't feel so much of a disconnect between say, 2008-2010, but since 2011 (especially with the movies coming out thick and fast), I do feel as if I'm increasingly out of step with the fandom dance, and the more I write, and the more distant from the fandom norm my stuff is, the more I ask myself if I'm contributing anything. If I should just step out of the equation. Which is one of the reasons why I've pretty much been passing on various challenges, and only doing the odd prompt fill, because, just because.2
Right, imma go finish this fic, get some breakfast and get over myself.
1 Yes, I know, it's fandom. One should write for self, first of all, and I do, or else I wouldn't be here, you know? In the same breath, however, fandom is place of community, a potluck where everyone brings a dish to a church social. Lately it feels like I'm bringing chocolate covered chicken to the meal. An interesting dish, but not necessarily edible.
2 I got a PM once, telling me that yes, although I'm a solid writer, I need to emote more, especially if I've ever thought about writing something sweet, or happy. Something more along the lines of my flist, look how popular their stuff is! Why not yours? You know why? I'd be better off, came the helpful advice, especially if I added porn.