The Emotional Education of Edward Cullen - Chapter 3
Previous Chapters: 1, 2.
Author: Picklewinkle (ff.net)/JCAddict (LJ)
Characters/Pairing: Edward & Bella
Rating: M
Category: Drama/Angst/Romance
Spoilers: None
Summary: Edward Cullen is brilliant and complicated but also closed off and socially inept. Can Bella teach him how to tap into and understand his emotions through an unorthodox experiment without breaking her own heart in the process? AH.
Chapter 3: Your Logic Is Irritating Sometimes
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The remainder of the words, plot and lackluster formatting belong to me.
Project Team Beta - I can't recommend this group of people with enough enthusiasm. In working with them, I'm learning so much about my writing and how to improve it. These people give their time freely to help authors in this fandom. They all deserve a round of applause. I wanted to single out my betas on this chapter, Scorp112 and CXC, and say thank you to them for their assistance.
Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing the story. Feedback for an author is so important. A number of you pointed out something I overlooked in the plot, which I believe will make the story better when I rectify it, hopefully in chapter 4, so thank you .
EPOV
"Edward, you really don't have to give me your bed. I'll sleep on the couch."
I rolled my eyes at her. "No one is sleeping on the couch tonight."
"Why? I don't mind."
"Because you threw up on the couch."
"I did?"
"Yes, twice."
"I'm sorry," she whined remorsefully, obviously embarrassed by what she'd done.
"You said that already."
"I did?"
"Just go to sleep, Bella."
"What if I get sick in your bed?"
"There's a bathroom right there. I'll leave the light on for you."
"What if I don't make it?"
"Let's not focus on that."
"You're very patient," she noted quietly.
I felt anything but patient.
"It's not as if you did this to yourself, and I couldn't leave you on your porch."
"Well, you could have," she pointed out.
"That would make me no better than Newton. I'd like to believe that I have marginally better manners than Mike."
"You do. If you were anything like Mike, you'd have left me in the parking lot." Giving in, Bella slid her body under the covers and then looked up at me meekly. "Did I at least help you clean it up?"
"It's no big deal." In truth, I was glad she passed out after it happened. It was easier to clean up without an audience.
"I'll make it up to you," she mumbled. Her eyes were already closed.
I grabbed a pillow and blanket off the end of the bed and settled onto the floor. I was asleep before I had a chance to decide if I was comfortable.
Bella pervaded every dream I had that night. I was startled awake by a particularly dominating sexual fantasy, bewildered by the way it made me feel and irritated by the fact that I wouldn't get to see how it ended. It wasn't as if a woman had never aroused me before, but I couldn't recall ever enjoying it quite so much. I shook my head, trying to displace the last images of the dream from my mind and determine if I should even be awake. It felt like the middle of the night, but I wasn't certain. I heard a soft murmur come from beside me.
"It's not just a chemical reaction."
I turned my head in the direction of the voice to find Bella sleeping beside me, lazily curled around my hip. It was no wonder she seemed so real in my dreams; the heat from her body permeated my skin. I shifted slightly away from her, trying to figure out what would have made her lie down next to me and praying she hadn't gotten sick in my bed. There was no sign of any problem.
"Bella," I whispered, feeling rude but hoping to wake her in spite of my low volume.
"Mmmm?"
"Why are you sleeping on the floor with me?"
"Sorry," she rasped. "I got sick again and couldn't make it back to the bed."
"So you laid down here with me?" I questioned, hoping the incongruity in her choice would become obvious.
"You seemed so warm, and I didn't want to move anymore."
She saw nothing wrong with her decision, and I didn't know how to dispute her honesty.
"Did you want me to help you back into the bed?"
"No. I'll just sleep right here." She wiggled her body toward mine, settling herself into the crook of my arm.
"But, Bella…"
She didn't answer me. She just nuzzled her face against my shoulder and sighed softly. I was astonished by how quickly she relaxed. She seemed so comfortable, as opposed to the awkwardness that I was feeling. Part of me wanted to move away from her to escape the confusion her actions had caused in me, but the larger part of me wanted to understand it. We weren't much more than acquaintances, certainly nothing intimate. Was Bella this affectionate with everyone in her life?
I looked down at her, almost envious of her tranquil countenance. She was more self-possessed in her sleep than I was fully awake. Her allure was easy to discern. She had a subtle natural beauty that matched the warmth and intensity of her personality, and she exuded an ease that made everyone around her feel comfortable, at least under normal circumstances. Having her in my bedroom, asleep in my arms was definitely not normal, yet I couldn't deny that there was something appealing about it. There was amenity in the connection of our bodies; in the way she melted into me and in the way her heat blossomed against my skin. I even liked the way her hair tickled my arm and nose; it smelled delicious, like coconut and vanilla. No, it wasn't difficult to understand why anyone would be attracted to Bella Swan.
I didn't want to be though. I'd intentionally avoided romantic entanglements. Girls were transparent and often ridiculous, completely unrealistic and idealistic in their expectations. Despite their advances, I found it difficult to relate to them and had little in common with the large majority that crossed my path. Bella was no different than these girls. Her ideas about love were built on romanticized notions about soul mates and forever, and they couldn't have been more unlike mine. Aside from physical gratification, I saw no obvious advantages in a connection between the two of us; yet even realizing this didn't stop me from considering one.
Sleep eluded me for the next while, as I was too aware of the pretty girl resting comfortably against me. The even rhythm of her breathing wreaked havoc on my resolve to ignore her, and I found myself pondering inappropriate things like what her bare skin would feel like against mine. Eventually I succumbed to exhaustion, and then the dreams began again, even more vivid and intense than before. With the way my body reacted to the images in my mind, she may as well have been stroking me. Regardless of what my mind was determined to torture me with, be it sexual domination or simply the idea of a connection to a pretty girl, a cold shower would be the first order of business when I woke up.
BPOV
The sunshine woke me, bright and burning against my sensitive eyes. I squeezed them shut and waited motionlessly while the stinging dissipated. A crippling pain shot across my forehead. This was no ordinary headache. I sat up very slowly, but my stomach lurched anyway. My body was not happy about something; that much I understood. I took a few moments to make sure I wasn't going to be sick before I tried to open my eyes again and squinted to block the glare while they adjusted.
There was nothing familiar about my surroundings, but given the fact that I'd woken up next to Edward Cullen, I was assuming I was somewhere in his house. I couldn't remember how I'd gotten here, or why I was still with him.
Truthfully, I couldn't remember much of anything after Edward pulled Mike off of me and punched him. There were hazy images, mostly of Edward, but no distinct memories to help explain why I spent the night sleeping in his arms. Not that I was complaining. There were far worse people to wake up next to. It's just that it would be nice to remember if something happened between us and whether I enjoyed it. Scratch that. If something happened, of course I enjoyed it, it was Edward Cullen, but I would like to remember enjoying it.
I was thankful that Edward was still sleeping. My current state of ignorance had me feeling a little self-conscious. There were so many things I could have said last night that I didn't want him to know. Unfortunately, since he was the only one who could fill me in on the particulars of our evening, I had time to kill until he woke up. I decided to go find a shower and attempt to rinse myself out of the daze I was in.
Edward had laid out fresh towels and a toothbrush for me in the en suite bathroom. The gesture made me even more grateful to him. While I showered, I tried to piece together the bits of memory I had from last night, but it got me nowhere. The more I thought about what I might have said, the more uncomfortable I felt about facing him. At the same time, I knew I had no other choice. If I wanted to know what happened, I was just going to have to suck it up and talk to Edward.
I finished up in the bathroom by redressing and pulling my hair into a ponytail using the elastic band I'd found in my hoodie pocket. I quietly went back into the bedroom and settled into the armchair to wait for Edward to wake up.
Even asleep, Edward was handsome. He wasn't the awkward boy of my childhood memories. His face had matured, and his features were very defined - a strong jaw line, straight nose and full, pink lips. Any girl in her right mind would kill for his thick, dark lashes, but it was his emerald green eyes that were the real gems, no pun intended. Even as a child, I could get lost in those eyes. They were deeper than I remembered - greener - but somehow I could still see his ten-year-old self in them, like some part of him remained unchanged by time. It didn't seem logical that he could be the same boy that was once my best friend, but that didn't stop the eruption of emotion that I felt studying his face. Even after all this time, I still cared about him.
It didn't take long for Edward to wake up. I wondered abstractedly if he could sense me staring at him. He sat up the moment his eyes opened. I don't think he was even fully cognizant yet, but he stared back at me in silence, his palms rubbing his eyes. Normally, I would have felt guilty for gawking, but we both seemed to be having the same problem.
"You're staring," I noted with a grin.
"So are you."
"Did you want to explain what I'm doing here?"
"You crawled over to me," he insisted indignantly. "I tried to get you to get back into the bed."
I laughed. "Not why I was next to you, Edward, why I'm at your house at all."
"Oh, that's easy. Mike Newton drugged you."
"What?"
"He slipped GHB into your drink and tried to force himself on you."
"At least I remember the last part," I said sarcastically.
"When I took you to Emergency Room to have you checked out, blood tests confirmed the GHB."
"That still doesn't explain why I'm at your house instead of mine."
"You were locked out of the house because you left your backpack in Mike's trunk."
I blew out a big breath. "Wow," I whispered, dumbfounded. "Thank you. I just…I can't believe…well, I thought…I mean…" I wished Edward would interrupt me; I felt like a babbling idiot. He just looked at me with those endless emerald eyes while I stammered and squirmed uncomfortably in place. "Do you wear your superhero suit under your clothes?" I finally asked.
"I'm hardly a superhero."
"Could have fooled me."
"I had no other choice but to help you."
Now it was Edward's turn to squirm. He didn't like the compliment or want the recognition.
"There's always a choice, and you could have walked away at any point. You could have left me in the parking lot, in the emergency room, or locked out of my house. Hell, you could have simply chosen to ignore what Mike was doing in the first place… but you didn't do any of those things. You helped me, and I owe you."
"No, you don't. I only did what any decent person would do."
"I do owe you, and somehow, I'll find a way to pay you back."
"That's not necessary, Bella."
"It's what any decent person would do."
His mouth turned down in a grimace, and I could tell he didn't like having his own words used against him. I was okay with that. I wasn't trying to be mean or make fun of him, but I wasn't going to drop my gratitude just because it made him uncomfortable.
"Listen, Edward, you have your way of doing things, and I have mine. What you did for me last night was huge. If you could put yourself in my shoes for a moment and consider what might have happened if you hadn't been there… You took care of me when I couldn't do it myself. So, if you don't mind, and even if you do, I need to pay it forward."
"Suit yourself."
His tone was curt, his expression almost angry. I would have to return his kindness subtly so he wouldn't feel put out. I didn't want to make him feel bad after everything he'd done for me.
"Can I use your phone, please?"
"You don't have to call your dad. I can drive you home."
"I was going to call a cab," I told him quietly. "You don't need to keep helping. You've done so much already."
"Well, we agreed last night that I would take you to Mike's house so you could get your backpack, and I'm a man of my word."
The icy edge in his tone was gone, replaced by his normal quiet confidence.
"Okay, thanks."
"No problem." He smiled awkwardly at me, keeping his eyes locked on mine, as if there was something important he still wanted to say. The silence between us became uncomfortable, and I was beginning to think that there was some problem when he finally spoke up. "Did you find the towels?"
"Yes, thank you," I told him enthusiastically. "It was very thoughtful of you. A shower was exactly what I needed when I woke up."
The grin that accompanied my thank you seemed to relax him somehow.
"If you're all set then, I'll go take a quick shower, and we can be on our way."
He sprang to his feet, wrapping the blanket around his body in one fluid motion, and practically sprinted to the bathroom. I guess when nature calls, you've got to answer quickly.
EPOV
I shut the bathroom door and breathed a sigh of relief. I rationalized that the blanket adequately camouflaged me, but if she knew, she didn't let on. I prayed she couldn't tell. Things between us were strange enough. The last thing I needed Bella to notice was how hard I was after sleeping beside her. Yes, it was a natural reaction to a pretty girl, and yes, it was basic biology, but it was still embarrassing, and my sexual response was not something I wanted to discuss with her. My shower was absolutely freezing, but it was far less uncomfortable than the perpetual erection I'd harbored for the last few hours.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Bella was nowhere in sight. I found her in the living room with a bucket by her side, scrubbing the couch in my mother's rubber gloves.
"Don't say a word," she warned.
"You don't need to do that."
"You weren't even going to tell me, were you?"
There was hint of disgust in her tone. I wasn't sure if it was aimed at the couch or me.
"I didn't see the point in bringing it up," I admitted honestly.
"Maybe so I could clean it up or at least help you do it?"
"You were too out of it to help."
A faint blush crept onto her cheeks. In contrast to my comment, her embarrassment confused me. It's not as if she drugged herself or threw up on the couch on purpose.
"Still," she muttered quietly, so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear it.
"I'm going to rent an upholstery cleaning machine from the supermarket. It will make the job much easier."
"Really?" she asked, raising her head to finally look at me. She seemed genuinely surprised.
"Yes. I'll be heading straight there as soon as we get your bag and I drop you off."
I bent over and picked up the bucket, offering it to her and waiting while she reluctantly dropped the brush in and handed me the gloves. I brought all of it into the laundry room to deal with later. Bella was waiting by the front door when I returned.
"Ready to go?" I asked.
"Yeah. Do you know where Mike lives?"
"Yes, I do. It's not far from here. We rode the bus to school together for a long time."
She nodded meekly at me and walked out the door.
Bella seemed uncomfortable in the car, constantly fidgeting and biting her lip. I was surprised she didn't draw blood with the way she was chewing on it. Her hands were distracting me while I drove, and I fought the urge to reach out and still them.
"You don't have to do this. I can speak to Mike and get your backpack from him," I said, taking a guess at her apprehension.
"No, I want to do it. I should do it."
"Why should you do it?"
"I don't want him to think he has anything on me."
"Knowing Mike, I'm sure he believes you are none the wiser about what he did to you."
"That's exactly what I mean. I don't want him to think he won."
"He didn't win. He didn't get what he wanted from you, even after he went to despicable means to acquire it. If anything, I'd say he is the loser here."
"You really think so?"
"Yes."
"You don't think less of me for getting caught in the situation in the first place?"
"No. I think it could have happened to anyone. He's someone you've know all your life. You trusted him, and he betrayed that trust."
Her eyes brightened at my words, like something I said clicked in her brain and relieved her of the guilt and indecision she was previously lost in. I pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine.
"Will you come to the door with me?" she asked.
"If you'd like me to."
"I'd like you to. I'll do all the talking."
"Of course."
I followed her to the door. On the way past Mike's car, I noticed it was unlocked. I popped the trunk and checked for Bella's backpack, but it wasn't inside. I wasn't surprised he had it; it was just another excuse to corner her.
Bella had a newfound confidence now. She walked tall and proud, a gentle swagger in the sway of her hips. It made me realize that she was a force to be reckoned with when she put her mind to something. A part of me was relieved that she wasn't the girl I found last night, although I didn't know why exactly.
She rang the bell and we waited silently, Bella blocking the door with her body and me standing casually off to the side. If nothing else I would enjoy the earful she'd give Mike. He would be lucky if that was all he got.
After a few moments, the door opened, and Mike appeared. He leaned suggestively against the doorframe, as cocky and assumptive as ever.
"I knew you'd come crawling back."
He hadn't noticed me yet, and it was all I could do to keep my feet planted as I fought my desire to punch him again.
"Do I look like I'm crawling?" Bella's voice was calm and assertive, just a hint of derision in her tone. "I came for my backpack, nothing more."
"Why don't you come in and get it?" Mike suggested.
"I wouldn't let her even if she wanted to," I declared. Bella turned and smiled at me.
"And I don't want to," she added.
"What is he doing here?" Mike demanded.
"My bag, please?"
Mike disappeared and returned with Bella's backpack.
"I would have brought it to you later."
"No, thanks. Just so we're clear, I know what you did to me, and I will scream it from the rooftops if I hear about you doing it to anyone else. You're lucky your ass isn't in jail right now."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Bella."
"Your smooth guy act doesn't work with me. I see through you, and I know who you really are."
"Whatever," he scoffed. He rolled his eyes and tried to laugh off Bella's accusation, but I could hear the guilt in his forced chuckle.
Bella turned to me. "Come on. Let's go." I nodded and began to follow her. She stopped short and turned back to Mike. "One more thing, Mike. You were wrong about something else, too."
"What's that?" he asked in an arrogant tone.
"Last night you made a completely incorrect statement. While I wouldn't touch you wearing full body armor, I would indeed sleep with Edward." She turned on her heel and moved toward me. "Go with me," she pleaded softly, and then planted her lips on mine. Shock held me in my place, but I didn't fight her. I wanted her to stick it to Mike as much as she wanted to.
Her mouth was pressure-perfect against mine - warm, soft and sensual. When she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her body into mine, it was momentarily overwhelming in the most pleasurable way. I didn't even realize how much I was enjoying her kiss until I heard Mike slam the door, and Bella pulled away from me.
"Sorry," she whispered with a smile. "That was probably going too far, but I really wanted to piss him off."
"Mission accomplished I think, at least if the decibel level of the slamming door was any indication."
"Thanks for going with the flow."
"Sure."
My mind erupted in questions. Bella seemed completely unaffected by what happened between us, and that made me feel even more uncomfortable with my own thoughts, so I said nothing. As I followed her silently to the car, I splintered off the commotion in my brain to block the anarchy from taking over. Any question I would have asked would have sounded as awkward and confused as I felt. It was better to stay quiet until I had time to deconstruct what had happened.
While we drove, I knew Bella could sense my discomfort. The more she looked at me, the more uneasy I became. Her forced smile made me feel infinitely worse. It was like a confirmation of the division between us, like she pitied me and wanted to get away from me as soon as possible. I'd seen it all before, a hundred times or more, but somehow from her I felt all the shame and ignominy acutely. By the time I pulled into her driveway, I was anxious to get her out of the car.
"I don't even know what to say, Edward. Thank you doesn't begin to cover what you did for me."
She shifted her body in my direction as she spoke. I just looked straight ahead.
"You already thanked me."
"I know, and I'll probably do it again. That's sort of what I do when I don't know how else to express my gratitude."
"There's no need to repeat yourself."
I knew I was being impolite, but I didn't see any reason to drag out the end with repetitive conversation.
"Sorry. It's sort of like a tic. You're in luck though; you'll have a couple of weeks away from it during Christmas break, unless you count email or texting…"
"I should go," I lied, interrupting her. I just wanted the agony to be over.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you from your day. You should have said something earlier. I would have taken a cab home. Of course that wouldn't have helped me with the 'no key' problem. I guess I could have taken the cab to Mike's…but then I would've had my keys and no truck, plus I didn't really want to go to Mike's by myself. I guess I should've just come home and waited for my dad."
"Do you always ramble this much?"
"Sometimes," she admitted. "Usually when I'm nervous. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I start off saying one thing and then end up giving my life story. Why? Did I do it last night?"
"You're nervous?" She seemed the opposite of nervous to me.
"A little."
I snickered. The one time I wanted her to say more so I could understand her logic, she said nothing.
"What?" she asked.
"It's the way you answered my question. You offer irrelevant information unprompted, but in answer to a question, you give no explanation at all."
"I answered the question you asked," she declared with a smirk. "If you wanted more information, you should have asked a better question."
"Why are you nervous?" I demanded impatiently.
Her smirk disappeared, and her eyes dropped to the ground while she considered my question.
"I don't know what I said to you last night, but I'm thinking I probably said too much, which means you know…"
"That I know what?"
"And if you know, that would explain the awkwardness between us since I kissed you."
"I don't follow you."
"You don't need to."
"I'd like to…if you'd give me half a chance."
"I could say the same to you."
"Bella, you aren't making any sense at all."
"That's okay."
"You're seriously not going to tell me what you're talking about?"
"If you already know, then I don't need to tell you. And if you don't know, there's no way in hell I'm going to straight up blab it to you."
"Your logic is irritating sometimes."
"My dad says the same thing. Thank you again for helping me last night, and not just with Mike, but for taking me to the hospital and giving me a place to crash, too. You're a good guy, Edward, and I was lucky you found me. I won't forget it."
I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak as I vacillated between frustrated anger and awkward discomfort. The sincerity in her words and her tone of her voice made me want to believe her, but I didn't.
She reached out and patted my knee, leaving her hand there while she spoke. "I'll see you at school."
I nodded again and watched her as she got out of the car. She turned back and smiled at me before she slammed the door and stepped back. She was still standing there when I pulled away.
I was too distracted by the thoughts floating around in my head to pay close attention on the way home. Bella's sincerity had stripped my mind of its barriers, and the questions endlessly burst forth. The problem was that I didn't have answers to any of them. The sound of a man clearing his throat brought me to attention. Somehow, I was standing on my front porch, key in hand, with no memory of how I got there. There was a van parked in front of my house that advertised 'Stan's Carpet & Upholstery Service.'
"I didn't order your services," I blurted at the man walking toward me. "And I'm not going to take your survey, nor do I wish to be entered into a draw for a free trip."
"That's not why I'm here, Sir. Miss Swan sent us to clean the couch."
"Pardon?" I asked in disbelief.
I listened as he reiterated the same explanation and then unlocked the door mechanically to let him in. I showed him where to find the couch and then went directly to the phone in the kitchen. The message light blinked red like some sort of warning, and I swallowed hard. It had to be Bella, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the message. She seemed so sincere as she said goodbye, and I wanted to hold on to that sincerity. I didn't want to hear pity in her voice or listen to excuses about why we couldn't be friends. With sudden clarity, I realized I didn't want her to be like everyone else. I pressed the button and held my breath.
"Hey, Edward. It's Bella. I figured out a way to pay it forward a tiny bit, so let Stan in to clean your couch, please, for me? He does a great job. And I could tell you weren't really going to rent one of those supermarket jobbies. You just said that to get me out the door. I know I imposed on your kindness, and that, well… Listen, I know that I went too far with the kiss, and I'm sorry. I made you feel uncomfortable, which is really shitty, especially given how far out of your way you went to help me. Crap, I said shitty, didn't I? I probably shouldn't have sworn on your answering machine. Hopefully you'll delete it before your mom gets home. Sorry for the rambling. My point is thank you for everything you did. If there is ever anything you need help with, I hope you'll think of me. I'd be glad to help if I can. I…I…I…It was really nice to talk with you again. Merry Christmas, Edward."
I played the message a couple of times, grinning from ear to ear. She wasn't like everyone else, and I had never been so glad for anything in all my life.
A/N: I'd love to hear from you. Please, take a moment to leave a review.
Author: Picklewinkle (ff.net)/JCAddict (LJ)
Characters/Pairing: Edward & Bella
Rating: M
Category: Drama/Angst/Romance
Spoilers: None
Summary: Edward Cullen is brilliant and complicated but also closed off and socially inept. Can Bella teach him how to tap into and understand his emotions through an unorthodox experiment without breaking her own heart in the process? AH.
Chapter 3: Your Logic Is Irritating Sometimes
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The remainder of the words, plot and lackluster formatting belong to me.
Project Team Beta - I can't recommend this group of people with enough enthusiasm. In working with them, I'm learning so much about my writing and how to improve it. These people give their time freely to help authors in this fandom. They all deserve a round of applause. I wanted to single out my betas on this chapter, Scorp112 and CXC, and say thank you to them for their assistance.
Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing the story. Feedback for an author is so important. A number of you pointed out something I overlooked in the plot, which I believe will make the story better when I rectify it, hopefully in chapter 4, so thank you .
EPOV
"Edward, you really don't have to give me your bed. I'll sleep on the couch."
I rolled my eyes at her. "No one is sleeping on the couch tonight."
"Why? I don't mind."
"Because you threw up on the couch."
"I did?"
"Yes, twice."
"I'm sorry," she whined remorsefully, obviously embarrassed by what she'd done.
"You said that already."
"I did?"
"Just go to sleep, Bella."
"What if I get sick in your bed?"
"There's a bathroom right there. I'll leave the light on for you."
"What if I don't make it?"
"Let's not focus on that."
"You're very patient," she noted quietly.
I felt anything but patient.
"It's not as if you did this to yourself, and I couldn't leave you on your porch."
"Well, you could have," she pointed out.
"That would make me no better than Newton. I'd like to believe that I have marginally better manners than Mike."
"You do. If you were anything like Mike, you'd have left me in the parking lot." Giving in, Bella slid her body under the covers and then looked up at me meekly. "Did I at least help you clean it up?"
"It's no big deal." In truth, I was glad she passed out after it happened. It was easier to clean up without an audience.
"I'll make it up to you," she mumbled. Her eyes were already closed.
I grabbed a pillow and blanket off the end of the bed and settled onto the floor. I was asleep before I had a chance to decide if I was comfortable.
Bella pervaded every dream I had that night. I was startled awake by a particularly dominating sexual fantasy, bewildered by the way it made me feel and irritated by the fact that I wouldn't get to see how it ended. It wasn't as if a woman had never aroused me before, but I couldn't recall ever enjoying it quite so much. I shook my head, trying to displace the last images of the dream from my mind and determine if I should even be awake. It felt like the middle of the night, but I wasn't certain. I heard a soft murmur come from beside me.
"It's not just a chemical reaction."
I turned my head in the direction of the voice to find Bella sleeping beside me, lazily curled around my hip. It was no wonder she seemed so real in my dreams; the heat from her body permeated my skin. I shifted slightly away from her, trying to figure out what would have made her lie down next to me and praying she hadn't gotten sick in my bed. There was no sign of any problem.
"Bella," I whispered, feeling rude but hoping to wake her in spite of my low volume.
"Mmmm?"
"Why are you sleeping on the floor with me?"
"Sorry," she rasped. "I got sick again and couldn't make it back to the bed."
"So you laid down here with me?" I questioned, hoping the incongruity in her choice would become obvious.
"You seemed so warm, and I didn't want to move anymore."
She saw nothing wrong with her decision, and I didn't know how to dispute her honesty.
"Did you want me to help you back into the bed?"
"No. I'll just sleep right here." She wiggled her body toward mine, settling herself into the crook of my arm.
"But, Bella…"
She didn't answer me. She just nuzzled her face against my shoulder and sighed softly. I was astonished by how quickly she relaxed. She seemed so comfortable, as opposed to the awkwardness that I was feeling. Part of me wanted to move away from her to escape the confusion her actions had caused in me, but the larger part of me wanted to understand it. We weren't much more than acquaintances, certainly nothing intimate. Was Bella this affectionate with everyone in her life?
I looked down at her, almost envious of her tranquil countenance. She was more self-possessed in her sleep than I was fully awake. Her allure was easy to discern. She had a subtle natural beauty that matched the warmth and intensity of her personality, and she exuded an ease that made everyone around her feel comfortable, at least under normal circumstances. Having her in my bedroom, asleep in my arms was definitely not normal, yet I couldn't deny that there was something appealing about it. There was amenity in the connection of our bodies; in the way she melted into me and in the way her heat blossomed against my skin. I even liked the way her hair tickled my arm and nose; it smelled delicious, like coconut and vanilla. No, it wasn't difficult to understand why anyone would be attracted to Bella Swan.
I didn't want to be though. I'd intentionally avoided romantic entanglements. Girls were transparent and often ridiculous, completely unrealistic and idealistic in their expectations. Despite their advances, I found it difficult to relate to them and had little in common with the large majority that crossed my path. Bella was no different than these girls. Her ideas about love were built on romanticized notions about soul mates and forever, and they couldn't have been more unlike mine. Aside from physical gratification, I saw no obvious advantages in a connection between the two of us; yet even realizing this didn't stop me from considering one.
Sleep eluded me for the next while, as I was too aware of the pretty girl resting comfortably against me. The even rhythm of her breathing wreaked havoc on my resolve to ignore her, and I found myself pondering inappropriate things like what her bare skin would feel like against mine. Eventually I succumbed to exhaustion, and then the dreams began again, even more vivid and intense than before. With the way my body reacted to the images in my mind, she may as well have been stroking me. Regardless of what my mind was determined to torture me with, be it sexual domination or simply the idea of a connection to a pretty girl, a cold shower would be the first order of business when I woke up.
BPOV
The sunshine woke me, bright and burning against my sensitive eyes. I squeezed them shut and waited motionlessly while the stinging dissipated. A crippling pain shot across my forehead. This was no ordinary headache. I sat up very slowly, but my stomach lurched anyway. My body was not happy about something; that much I understood. I took a few moments to make sure I wasn't going to be sick before I tried to open my eyes again and squinted to block the glare while they adjusted.
There was nothing familiar about my surroundings, but given the fact that I'd woken up next to Edward Cullen, I was assuming I was somewhere in his house. I couldn't remember how I'd gotten here, or why I was still with him.
Truthfully, I couldn't remember much of anything after Edward pulled Mike off of me and punched him. There were hazy images, mostly of Edward, but no distinct memories to help explain why I spent the night sleeping in his arms. Not that I was complaining. There were far worse people to wake up next to. It's just that it would be nice to remember if something happened between us and whether I enjoyed it. Scratch that. If something happened, of course I enjoyed it, it was Edward Cullen, but I would like to remember enjoying it.
I was thankful that Edward was still sleeping. My current state of ignorance had me feeling a little self-conscious. There were so many things I could have said last night that I didn't want him to know. Unfortunately, since he was the only one who could fill me in on the particulars of our evening, I had time to kill until he woke up. I decided to go find a shower and attempt to rinse myself out of the daze I was in.
Edward had laid out fresh towels and a toothbrush for me in the en suite bathroom. The gesture made me even more grateful to him. While I showered, I tried to piece together the bits of memory I had from last night, but it got me nowhere. The more I thought about what I might have said, the more uncomfortable I felt about facing him. At the same time, I knew I had no other choice. If I wanted to know what happened, I was just going to have to suck it up and talk to Edward.
I finished up in the bathroom by redressing and pulling my hair into a ponytail using the elastic band I'd found in my hoodie pocket. I quietly went back into the bedroom and settled into the armchair to wait for Edward to wake up.
Even asleep, Edward was handsome. He wasn't the awkward boy of my childhood memories. His face had matured, and his features were very defined - a strong jaw line, straight nose and full, pink lips. Any girl in her right mind would kill for his thick, dark lashes, but it was his emerald green eyes that were the real gems, no pun intended. Even as a child, I could get lost in those eyes. They were deeper than I remembered - greener - but somehow I could still see his ten-year-old self in them, like some part of him remained unchanged by time. It didn't seem logical that he could be the same boy that was once my best friend, but that didn't stop the eruption of emotion that I felt studying his face. Even after all this time, I still cared about him.
It didn't take long for Edward to wake up. I wondered abstractedly if he could sense me staring at him. He sat up the moment his eyes opened. I don't think he was even fully cognizant yet, but he stared back at me in silence, his palms rubbing his eyes. Normally, I would have felt guilty for gawking, but we both seemed to be having the same problem.
"You're staring," I noted with a grin.
"So are you."
"Did you want to explain what I'm doing here?"
"You crawled over to me," he insisted indignantly. "I tried to get you to get back into the bed."
I laughed. "Not why I was next to you, Edward, why I'm at your house at all."
"Oh, that's easy. Mike Newton drugged you."
"What?"
"He slipped GHB into your drink and tried to force himself on you."
"At least I remember the last part," I said sarcastically.
"When I took you to Emergency Room to have you checked out, blood tests confirmed the GHB."
"That still doesn't explain why I'm at your house instead of mine."
"You were locked out of the house because you left your backpack in Mike's trunk."
I blew out a big breath. "Wow," I whispered, dumbfounded. "Thank you. I just…I can't believe…well, I thought…I mean…" I wished Edward would interrupt me; I felt like a babbling idiot. He just looked at me with those endless emerald eyes while I stammered and squirmed uncomfortably in place. "Do you wear your superhero suit under your clothes?" I finally asked.
"I'm hardly a superhero."
"Could have fooled me."
"I had no other choice but to help you."
Now it was Edward's turn to squirm. He didn't like the compliment or want the recognition.
"There's always a choice, and you could have walked away at any point. You could have left me in the parking lot, in the emergency room, or locked out of my house. Hell, you could have simply chosen to ignore what Mike was doing in the first place… but you didn't do any of those things. You helped me, and I owe you."
"No, you don't. I only did what any decent person would do."
"I do owe you, and somehow, I'll find a way to pay you back."
"That's not necessary, Bella."
"It's what any decent person would do."
His mouth turned down in a grimace, and I could tell he didn't like having his own words used against him. I was okay with that. I wasn't trying to be mean or make fun of him, but I wasn't going to drop my gratitude just because it made him uncomfortable.
"Listen, Edward, you have your way of doing things, and I have mine. What you did for me last night was huge. If you could put yourself in my shoes for a moment and consider what might have happened if you hadn't been there… You took care of me when I couldn't do it myself. So, if you don't mind, and even if you do, I need to pay it forward."
"Suit yourself."
His tone was curt, his expression almost angry. I would have to return his kindness subtly so he wouldn't feel put out. I didn't want to make him feel bad after everything he'd done for me.
"Can I use your phone, please?"
"You don't have to call your dad. I can drive you home."
"I was going to call a cab," I told him quietly. "You don't need to keep helping. You've done so much already."
"Well, we agreed last night that I would take you to Mike's house so you could get your backpack, and I'm a man of my word."
The icy edge in his tone was gone, replaced by his normal quiet confidence.
"Okay, thanks."
"No problem." He smiled awkwardly at me, keeping his eyes locked on mine, as if there was something important he still wanted to say. The silence between us became uncomfortable, and I was beginning to think that there was some problem when he finally spoke up. "Did you find the towels?"
"Yes, thank you," I told him enthusiastically. "It was very thoughtful of you. A shower was exactly what I needed when I woke up."
The grin that accompanied my thank you seemed to relax him somehow.
"If you're all set then, I'll go take a quick shower, and we can be on our way."
He sprang to his feet, wrapping the blanket around his body in one fluid motion, and practically sprinted to the bathroom. I guess when nature calls, you've got to answer quickly.
EPOV
I shut the bathroom door and breathed a sigh of relief. I rationalized that the blanket adequately camouflaged me, but if she knew, she didn't let on. I prayed she couldn't tell. Things between us were strange enough. The last thing I needed Bella to notice was how hard I was after sleeping beside her. Yes, it was a natural reaction to a pretty girl, and yes, it was basic biology, but it was still embarrassing, and my sexual response was not something I wanted to discuss with her. My shower was absolutely freezing, but it was far less uncomfortable than the perpetual erection I'd harbored for the last few hours.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Bella was nowhere in sight. I found her in the living room with a bucket by her side, scrubbing the couch in my mother's rubber gloves.
"Don't say a word," she warned.
"You don't need to do that."
"You weren't even going to tell me, were you?"
There was hint of disgust in her tone. I wasn't sure if it was aimed at the couch or me.
"I didn't see the point in bringing it up," I admitted honestly.
"Maybe so I could clean it up or at least help you do it?"
"You were too out of it to help."
A faint blush crept onto her cheeks. In contrast to my comment, her embarrassment confused me. It's not as if she drugged herself or threw up on the couch on purpose.
"Still," she muttered quietly, so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear it.
"I'm going to rent an upholstery cleaning machine from the supermarket. It will make the job much easier."
"Really?" she asked, raising her head to finally look at me. She seemed genuinely surprised.
"Yes. I'll be heading straight there as soon as we get your bag and I drop you off."
I bent over and picked up the bucket, offering it to her and waiting while she reluctantly dropped the brush in and handed me the gloves. I brought all of it into the laundry room to deal with later. Bella was waiting by the front door when I returned.
"Ready to go?" I asked.
"Yeah. Do you know where Mike lives?"
"Yes, I do. It's not far from here. We rode the bus to school together for a long time."
She nodded meekly at me and walked out the door.
Bella seemed uncomfortable in the car, constantly fidgeting and biting her lip. I was surprised she didn't draw blood with the way she was chewing on it. Her hands were distracting me while I drove, and I fought the urge to reach out and still them.
"You don't have to do this. I can speak to Mike and get your backpack from him," I said, taking a guess at her apprehension.
"No, I want to do it. I should do it."
"Why should you do it?"
"I don't want him to think he has anything on me."
"Knowing Mike, I'm sure he believes you are none the wiser about what he did to you."
"That's exactly what I mean. I don't want him to think he won."
"He didn't win. He didn't get what he wanted from you, even after he went to despicable means to acquire it. If anything, I'd say he is the loser here."
"You really think so?"
"Yes."
"You don't think less of me for getting caught in the situation in the first place?"
"No. I think it could have happened to anyone. He's someone you've know all your life. You trusted him, and he betrayed that trust."
Her eyes brightened at my words, like something I said clicked in her brain and relieved her of the guilt and indecision she was previously lost in. I pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine.
"Will you come to the door with me?" she asked.
"If you'd like me to."
"I'd like you to. I'll do all the talking."
"Of course."
I followed her to the door. On the way past Mike's car, I noticed it was unlocked. I popped the trunk and checked for Bella's backpack, but it wasn't inside. I wasn't surprised he had it; it was just another excuse to corner her.
Bella had a newfound confidence now. She walked tall and proud, a gentle swagger in the sway of her hips. It made me realize that she was a force to be reckoned with when she put her mind to something. A part of me was relieved that she wasn't the girl I found last night, although I didn't know why exactly.
She rang the bell and we waited silently, Bella blocking the door with her body and me standing casually off to the side. If nothing else I would enjoy the earful she'd give Mike. He would be lucky if that was all he got.
After a few moments, the door opened, and Mike appeared. He leaned suggestively against the doorframe, as cocky and assumptive as ever.
"I knew you'd come crawling back."
He hadn't noticed me yet, and it was all I could do to keep my feet planted as I fought my desire to punch him again.
"Do I look like I'm crawling?" Bella's voice was calm and assertive, just a hint of derision in her tone. "I came for my backpack, nothing more."
"Why don't you come in and get it?" Mike suggested.
"I wouldn't let her even if she wanted to," I declared. Bella turned and smiled at me.
"And I don't want to," she added.
"What is he doing here?" Mike demanded.
"My bag, please?"
Mike disappeared and returned with Bella's backpack.
"I would have brought it to you later."
"No, thanks. Just so we're clear, I know what you did to me, and I will scream it from the rooftops if I hear about you doing it to anyone else. You're lucky your ass isn't in jail right now."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Bella."
"Your smooth guy act doesn't work with me. I see through you, and I know who you really are."
"Whatever," he scoffed. He rolled his eyes and tried to laugh off Bella's accusation, but I could hear the guilt in his forced chuckle.
Bella turned to me. "Come on. Let's go." I nodded and began to follow her. She stopped short and turned back to Mike. "One more thing, Mike. You were wrong about something else, too."
"What's that?" he asked in an arrogant tone.
"Last night you made a completely incorrect statement. While I wouldn't touch you wearing full body armor, I would indeed sleep with Edward." She turned on her heel and moved toward me. "Go with me," she pleaded softly, and then planted her lips on mine. Shock held me in my place, but I didn't fight her. I wanted her to stick it to Mike as much as she wanted to.
Her mouth was pressure-perfect against mine - warm, soft and sensual. When she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her body into mine, it was momentarily overwhelming in the most pleasurable way. I didn't even realize how much I was enjoying her kiss until I heard Mike slam the door, and Bella pulled away from me.
"Sorry," she whispered with a smile. "That was probably going too far, but I really wanted to piss him off."
"Mission accomplished I think, at least if the decibel level of the slamming door was any indication."
"Thanks for going with the flow."
"Sure."
My mind erupted in questions. Bella seemed completely unaffected by what happened between us, and that made me feel even more uncomfortable with my own thoughts, so I said nothing. As I followed her silently to the car, I splintered off the commotion in my brain to block the anarchy from taking over. Any question I would have asked would have sounded as awkward and confused as I felt. It was better to stay quiet until I had time to deconstruct what had happened.
While we drove, I knew Bella could sense my discomfort. The more she looked at me, the more uneasy I became. Her forced smile made me feel infinitely worse. It was like a confirmation of the division between us, like she pitied me and wanted to get away from me as soon as possible. I'd seen it all before, a hundred times or more, but somehow from her I felt all the shame and ignominy acutely. By the time I pulled into her driveway, I was anxious to get her out of the car.
"I don't even know what to say, Edward. Thank you doesn't begin to cover what you did for me."
She shifted her body in my direction as she spoke. I just looked straight ahead.
"You already thanked me."
"I know, and I'll probably do it again. That's sort of what I do when I don't know how else to express my gratitude."
"There's no need to repeat yourself."
I knew I was being impolite, but I didn't see any reason to drag out the end with repetitive conversation.
"Sorry. It's sort of like a tic. You're in luck though; you'll have a couple of weeks away from it during Christmas break, unless you count email or texting…"
"I should go," I lied, interrupting her. I just wanted the agony to be over.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you from your day. You should have said something earlier. I would have taken a cab home. Of course that wouldn't have helped me with the 'no key' problem. I guess I could have taken the cab to Mike's…but then I would've had my keys and no truck, plus I didn't really want to go to Mike's by myself. I guess I should've just come home and waited for my dad."
"Do you always ramble this much?"
"Sometimes," she admitted. "Usually when I'm nervous. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I start off saying one thing and then end up giving my life story. Why? Did I do it last night?"
"You're nervous?" She seemed the opposite of nervous to me.
"A little."
I snickered. The one time I wanted her to say more so I could understand her logic, she said nothing.
"What?" she asked.
"It's the way you answered my question. You offer irrelevant information unprompted, but in answer to a question, you give no explanation at all."
"I answered the question you asked," she declared with a smirk. "If you wanted more information, you should have asked a better question."
"Why are you nervous?" I demanded impatiently.
Her smirk disappeared, and her eyes dropped to the ground while she considered my question.
"I don't know what I said to you last night, but I'm thinking I probably said too much, which means you know…"
"That I know what?"
"And if you know, that would explain the awkwardness between us since I kissed you."
"I don't follow you."
"You don't need to."
"I'd like to…if you'd give me half a chance."
"I could say the same to you."
"Bella, you aren't making any sense at all."
"That's okay."
"You're seriously not going to tell me what you're talking about?"
"If you already know, then I don't need to tell you. And if you don't know, there's no way in hell I'm going to straight up blab it to you."
"Your logic is irritating sometimes."
"My dad says the same thing. Thank you again for helping me last night, and not just with Mike, but for taking me to the hospital and giving me a place to crash, too. You're a good guy, Edward, and I was lucky you found me. I won't forget it."
I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak as I vacillated between frustrated anger and awkward discomfort. The sincerity in her words and her tone of her voice made me want to believe her, but I didn't.
She reached out and patted my knee, leaving her hand there while she spoke. "I'll see you at school."
I nodded again and watched her as she got out of the car. She turned back and smiled at me before she slammed the door and stepped back. She was still standing there when I pulled away.
I was too distracted by the thoughts floating around in my head to pay close attention on the way home. Bella's sincerity had stripped my mind of its barriers, and the questions endlessly burst forth. The problem was that I didn't have answers to any of them. The sound of a man clearing his throat brought me to attention. Somehow, I was standing on my front porch, key in hand, with no memory of how I got there. There was a van parked in front of my house that advertised 'Stan's Carpet & Upholstery Service.'
"I didn't order your services," I blurted at the man walking toward me. "And I'm not going to take your survey, nor do I wish to be entered into a draw for a free trip."
"That's not why I'm here, Sir. Miss Swan sent us to clean the couch."
"Pardon?" I asked in disbelief.
I listened as he reiterated the same explanation and then unlocked the door mechanically to let him in. I showed him where to find the couch and then went directly to the phone in the kitchen. The message light blinked red like some sort of warning, and I swallowed hard. It had to be Bella, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the message. She seemed so sincere as she said goodbye, and I wanted to hold on to that sincerity. I didn't want to hear pity in her voice or listen to excuses about why we couldn't be friends. With sudden clarity, I realized I didn't want her to be like everyone else. I pressed the button and held my breath.
"Hey, Edward. It's Bella. I figured out a way to pay it forward a tiny bit, so let Stan in to clean your couch, please, for me? He does a great job. And I could tell you weren't really going to rent one of those supermarket jobbies. You just said that to get me out the door. I know I imposed on your kindness, and that, well… Listen, I know that I went too far with the kiss, and I'm sorry. I made you feel uncomfortable, which is really shitty, especially given how far out of your way you went to help me. Crap, I said shitty, didn't I? I probably shouldn't have sworn on your answering machine. Hopefully you'll delete it before your mom gets home. Sorry for the rambling. My point is thank you for everything you did. If there is ever anything you need help with, I hope you'll think of me. I'd be glad to help if I can. I…I…I…It was really nice to talk with you again. Merry Christmas, Edward."
I played the message a couple of times, grinning from ear to ear. She wasn't like everyone else, and I had never been so glad for anything in all my life.
A/N: I'd love to hear from you. Please, take a moment to leave a review.