I come baring a gift... (yes I took the awesome icon from a few posts down)
Hello everyone
I'm new here. And have been shuffling in the deep dark reaches of the archives. I've gotten to about April 2007 (though I tend to skip ahead if the fics are multichaptered but that's a talk for another day.) anyway this hit me and I felt the need to come out of lurking to share. So here's a bit of fun with Turk.
Title: When Chocolate Bears Attack
Author: jestersnthieves (AKA me!)
Rating: PG-13 for language I guess
Summary: Turk consults Carla on the matter of his best friends sexual orientation. It results in a very un-Turk-like rant.
Paring JD/Cox, Turk/Carla, mentions of past onesided JD/Turk
Turk sat down next to Carla at lunch watching JD attempt small talk once again with Dr. Cox. The older man was, of course, ignoring his best friend’s attempts but still… He turned to Carla, “Baby?”
“Yes, Superman?”
“You’re a woman. I know this for a fact. Perhaps you could help me with something here. For years I’ve been trying to pinpoint an answer on my own without success but I know with your help I can solve it. I don‘t trust anyone else with the content of this conversation. So you can‘t tell nobody.”
“Alright what is it?”
“Is JD straight?’
Carla choked on her food, “Is he what?!”
“Shh!… Not so loud.”
“Oh, honey.” she was giving him that look pitying look.
“It’s not that it would bug me if he’s not! I love the man no matter what. He’s family. But It’s not something we really talk about. And I figured you- being a woman thus having the natural intuition- could help me.”
Carla took a deep breath, “You want to know my honest opinion?”
“Yes.”
“No holds bars?”
“Yes.”
“Well, JD likes women. He’s made that perfectly clear. His string of girlfriends however unsuccessful those relationships were prove that. But at the least he‘s bi because… yeah.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well…”
“Come on, you can’t say something like that without presenting a case.”
She sighed, “He has a man crush on Dr. Cox.”
“A what now?”
“A man crush.“ she looked down, “That’s a bit of an underestimation really. That usually suggests there isn’t a sexual attraction. I’ve caught him more than once staring at the man’s ass. In my professional opinion as a woman? He’s head over heels for the man.” Turk sighed, watching them still. “Hun, come on.”
“They are adorable.” he admitted. “well, JD’s adorable following him around like a lost puppy.”
“Yeah. But Cox is to much of a hard ass and stuck on his I’m-totally-straight high horse to ever admit he likes the attention.”
“He just pulls at pigtails.”
“Exactly.” She leaned on his shoulder, “I’m proud, baby. I thought you’d freak out more about this. When you first came here I’m convinced he had the crush on you. It shifted some time around the time you started asking me out.”
Turk gave a half smile, “Well, I am the man.”
She shook her head, “Well, he still adores you. But more of that platonic sort of way.”
“I know.”
“First love and what not. Can’t help himself.”
“I think I knew that too. I never said anything ‘cause I just- I’m not-”
“I know, baby.” She laced their fingers together, “And I know for a fact if Bambi were a chick there would be no contest.”
Turk laughed, “But he’s not.”
“Nope. And I’m glad, or I’d have to cut a bitch.” She said with a mock mean glare at JD. “He’s good for Dr. Cox though. Before JD came around, he was so… Miserable.”
“He’s not miserable now?”
“Watch them for a minute. You’ll see.” He did. Dr. Cox was facing them, sitting across the table from JD, who’s back may have been turned but Turk didn’t need to see his face to know he was grinning like a fool. He also knew he was telling the story about how he and Turk once put this stuff in their English professors food that made him pee blue because he flunked them on an exam. Dr. Cox didn’t appear to be listening. Just staring down at his food. But upon further inspection, his shoulder shook a ever so slightly with suppressed laughter. Then Elliot called to JD from across the Cafe and JD looked away. Cox looked up and gave him this… Look. “There.” She said, “Right there.” Dr. Cox’s face would forever be ingrained in his memory at that moment. It was gone for a sec as JD looked back to bid the older man farewell but once JD’s back was once again turned, and heading towards the blonde, it returned and mingled with a look of such loneliness Turk felt a pang of sympathy. Then he went back to his food.
“Oh god, Carla, I think you got it opposite. JD may have the crush, but Cox is the one who’s in love.”
“Hm?”
“The look on his face. You’d think his puppy just died.”
“Or ran off after the post man.”
“Yeah.” Turk laughed, “And he only does it when JD can’t see. JD would love that look. To know Cox likes having him around…” Turk trailed off. Then grinned. “I think I’m gonna go talk to him. Dr. Cox style.” He kissed the top of Carla’s head before standing and crossing the Café
“TURK DON‘T!”
He sat in the seat JD vacated. Cox glared at him, “What is it Gandhi? I’m a busy man.”
“Cut the crap, ‘cause I’m leveling with you here. I’m about to go into chocolate-attack bear mode so you better listen good. Either grow a bare and ask him, or give up. No pussy-footing around buddy because my brother from another mother is everything to me, got it, sweet cheeks?”
“What?”
“JD may not have seen you go all ga-ga as he walked away but I did. And I’m a little scared FOR YOU. That’s the REAL shocker. I mean. JD? Wow. That’s a step for you to go from Jordan a woman you didn’t give a damn about, to him. You’ll have to actually TRY. Actually put some effort into building a solid relationship because you don’t want to be without him. Notice I didn’t go all drama queen high school on you and say you CAN’T live without him. Because you have proven you can. But you don’t want to. Watching him walk away kills you.”
“You have to seconds to get up and walk away, or I swear-”
“Fine I’ll go. But if you’re just going to be an ass forever, let me know, so I can keep you as far away from JD as I possibly can.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Oh, but I can do my best. Which is pretty good since I have the entire surgical staff to help.” Turk smiled. “Enjoy the rest of your lunch there, doll face.” He then stood and walked away, a slight bounce in his step. He felt good. Carla gaped at him, “Yup I said what you think I said. I’m not one to just sit back and watch. You wanted to keep my mouth shut? You should’ve lied.”
Carla shook her head, “Let’s get out of here before his brain overloads.”
“Bt hun! I wanted to watch.”