Chocolate Fic for je_whiteday
To: Everyone of je_whiteday
From: melonpaan
Title: Dream Biggest
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ishihara Satomi & a splash of others
Rating: PG
Summary: Satomi receives a cherry red journal in the mail. Hijinks, love, and a little bit of magic ensue.
A/N: Happy white day to the wonderful mods tinyangl & dalampasigan for their amazing dedication and hard work toward five successful exchanges, and to all the 2013 participants. Hopefully there is at least a little something in here for everyone to enjoy. ♥
Thank you to D for the inspiration, the beta & the friendship. ILU. ♥♥♥
Satomi receives a journal in the mail. It’s from her mother, a bright, lineless, cherry red notebook with the words “dream biggest” written on the front in English. It’s grammatically incorrect, Satomi tuts, wondering what her English language professors would think-but the letter her mother writes on the first page is sweet.
Dearest Satomi-chan,
I can’t believe my little girl is all grown up! It feels like just yesterday I was changing your diaper and giving you endless kisses on your little lips. Your father always says that the reason your lips are big and squishy is because I kissed you too much. Well, that’s okay!
I was in the supermarket the other day-there was this cute little stationery store that opened up where the Italian cafe used to be. (Isn’t that sad? Mama is so sad! She’s going to miss their seaweed pasta!) Anyway, they were having a sale on notebooks and journals, and this one caught my eye immediately because I know how much you love studying English. The salesperson told me that it means “dream big.” Dream as big as you can, Satomi-chan, because I know you can do anything you set your mind to-even a double major in English and nursing!
Study hard, make lots of friends, and “DREAM BIGGEST”!
Papa also sends his love.
We are so proud of you!
♥Mama
The notebook is tucked underneath a large box of sweets and other comforts of home: pocky in chocolate and strawberry varieties, gummy fruits and milk candies, freeze-dried mangos and prawn-flavored crackers, a three-pack of microwavable rice, packets of instant miso soup, and a can of rice seasoning.
The package had arrived just a week after her parents dropped her off at college.
Her mother must have exercised so much restraint, waiting a whole week and picking out all of Satomi’s favorite treats to send her this giant box of love.
Satomi doesn’t realize she’s sobbing until Maki enters their room and promptly drops her bag on the floor, rushes over with a box of tissues, frantic concern, and a very warm hug.
By the time Satomi manages to explain that she’s not sad, not really, just overwhelmed and maybe missing her parents more than she thought she would, more than she’s enjoying her newfound freedom, Maki is also teary-eyed. They both sob noisily as they cling desperately together and devour the mangos.
“Are you all right?” someone asks from the door of their room, left ajar by Maki’s giant purse. There are two boys standing there. One is sleepy-eyed and very tan, dressed plainly in a loose t-shirt, long khaki shorts, and white tennis shoes, peeking curiously into the room. The other is short, a wisp of a boy, dressed neatly and smartly, eyebrows furrowed and eyes beady, arms crossed.
“We’re fiiiiiiine,” Maki hiccupbawls, rubbing at her eyes.
Satomi nods, sniffles, and offers the bag of mangos toward them. “W-w-w-would you like some?” Fresh tears roll down her face and she knows they must look mad, the two of them, silly little girls, officially adults yet children at heart, children who still cry for their parents.
“Sure.” Even his smile is plain, but it is also gentle and sweet as he slips out of his tennis shoes, steps carefully over Maki’s bag, and pads into the room toward them.
“Ohno, what about Nishikido’s party?”
“Nino,” Ohno says, popping a whole slice into his mouth. “Mangos.”
Nino rolls his eyes because it isn’t an answer, but he still unzips his boots, mutters a quick, “sorry for disturbing,” and crosses the room toward them.
“It’s n-nice to meet you,” Maki says, breathing deeply to calm her wavering voice. Ohno takes another slice from the bag and offers it to Nino, who declines and decides to remains standing
“We’ve also got prawn-flavored crackers,” Satomi says, digging another bag from her box of love and Nino makes a face as if to decline again, but then his stomach grumbles loudly in protest.
Satomi laughs. She doesn’t mean to, is a bit embarrassed by the sudden noise, but it’s out there and then Maki smiles and begins to giggle, which sets Satomi off again, which somehow makes Ohno chuckle until they are all laughing and eventually it becomes contagious enough for Nino to join in.
He tears into the bag of crackers with a wistful sigh, “There’s supposed to be body sushi there.”
“Body sushi?” Maki echoes, eyes dry and now curious.
He opens his mouth, seems to think about something very hard, and then stuffs a cracker in his mouth. “It’s nothing.”
“But if you-”
“I said it’s nothing, don’t make me say it again,” Nino grumbles, looking away from her and hunching his shoulders over the cracker bag to ignore Maki’s sad pouty faces.
Satomi wipes away the last of her tears, feels weightless, cathartic, happy. She reaches for a piece of mango and her hand meets Ohno’s briefly, fingertips against calluses, skin against warm skin. The bag tumbles from her lap and spills mango crumbs over the carpet.
Ohno apologizes at once, Maki reaches for her compact vacuum, and Nino-sits and laughs. Satomi thinks of her mother, of that cherry red notebook, and all the things she will write down to remember this year.
I’ve cried
The notebook is forgotten about until the middle of first semester. Ohno is waiting on her bed as she searches for her art history notes to study for their next exam.
“You don’t need them, I remember everything.”
“You may not need notes, but I do,” Satomi huffs. “I know they’re here somewhere-don’t fall asleep!” Ohno makes a noise of assent that sounds suspiciously like a yawn.
“If you drool you’re buying me new bed covers,” she warns, shuffling through piles of papers and stacks of notebooks on her shelves and under her bed. She doesn’t know how she’s become so messy, but takes one look at Maki’s pristine side of the room and vows to do some cleaning this weekend. She finally finds the notes in the bottom drawer of her desk. Beneath them rests the journal, bright cherry red and brand new.
“Oh!”
Ohno peers down at her from the top of her bed. “Oh, what?”
“This journal.” She takes the notebook out of the drawer and blows the dust off of it, closing her eyes and coughing when it rises into her face. “It was a present from my mother.”
“What does it say there?”
“It says,” Satomi clears her throat and tries her best to speak without an accent, “dream biggest. It’s written in English.”
“Dream biggest?” He repeats the phrase with two extra syllables, and Satomi can’t keep the smile off her face. She translates it for him and he nods his head in approval.
“That sounds nice.” Ohno reaches for the book and flips through the pages. “Oh, this is nice paper.”
“It was a gift from my mother,” Satomi says, smiling at the memory of the box of love and her first week at college and the silly boys who came into their lives that day and never quite left. “Do you remember the first time we met and Maki-chan and I were-”
Satomi glances over to see Ohno sitting upright on her bed, face drawn and mouth puckered in concentration, sketching with the ball-point pen he always has tucked behind one ear. “H-hey! Don’t just draw in someone else’s journal. That’s rude!”
Ohno doesn’t hear, never seems to hear anyone while he’s sketching, forever lost in his own world. Satomi sighs and decides she can study in her room for today-there is no removing Ohno from his sketching and there is no passing her art history exam without Ohno.
She sits at her desk with her crumpled notes, her textbook, and a fresh sheet of college-ruled paper, taps her pen against the desk and frowns. She reads a line of her textbook about three times, something about Manet or Monet, and shakes her head when it seems like the information won’t catch. “Ohno-kun, is it Manet or Monet who painted people?”
Silence.
She sighs and then decides to clean off the top of her desk, because maybe she can study better without the mess. As she organizes her pens into a Tokyo University mug and stacks her sticky notes by size and color, she glances at Ohno again and watches the way his eyes dart back and forth across the page, the way his hand moves fluidly from one line to the next, the way a strand of hair falls over his face and into his eyes. He blows it away and frowns when it falls back in front of his eyes again. Blow and fall, blow and fall. His hand stills on the page, blinking as if slowly awaking back into the real world, and then he catches her eyes and holds them, stares and stares and doesn’t stop.
“W-what is it?”
“Your mom is right.” He blinks at her once before continuing to scribble in her journal.
“Huh? Right about what?”
She doesn’t expect him to reply, but he does. “You really do have big lips.”
Satomi blushes bright cherry red to the very tips of her ears, sucks her lips into her mouth on instinct and feels hot and bothered and lacking in air or space or something. She scrambles onto the bed to retrieve the journal, but he swoops it out of reach all while still sketching in mid-air. It would be impressive if she weren’t so embarrassed. “O-Ohno-kun!”
She reaches for it again, but he swoops the other way and she loses her balance, swerves and lands directly in his lap, facing upwards.
He glances down at her and she would blush harder if it were humanly possible, but as it is she feels redder than her journal and warmer than the sun and what would Maki think if she walked into this room at this very minute and what is going through Ohno’s head as he continues to stare at her after having been woken from his drawing trance not just once, but twice, and oh, oh he’s leaning closer and, and-
“Manet.”
“W-w-what?!” She quickly removes herself from his lap and backs up against the corner of the bed, wedges herself safely in-between two walls. He goes back to his sketching. “Manet painted people as his main subjects. Monet painted mostly landscapes.”
“Oh.”
After he finishes sketching, he goes straight into quizzing her about the roots of French impressionism in the 19th century, form and composition and criticism, and it turns out Satomi didn’t need her notes after all. She bids him good night and feels confident that she will ace tomorrow’s exam.
Her journal has been left on top of her bed. Satomi feels her cheeks heat at the memory as she reaches for the book. She closes her eyes and turns to the second page, opens one eye after a moment of dramatic silence, and then the other eye. It is-her. Well, it looks like her. Her eyebrows are full and furrowed and her eyes are shining with stars and there is a cross-hatched blush on her cheeks. Every strand of hair has been sketched in perfect, lifelike waves and curls-even the tiny wisps of hairs on the very tiptop of her forehead. Instead of her mouth, however, there is a wide, blooming rose.
I’ve studied and sometimes not studied
She starts carrying it with her every day, vowing to write something new in it every day, something meaningful and wonderful and full of her biggest dreams. Something as beautiful as Ohno’s sketch.
She comes up empty. No matter how hard she thinks, the third page remains blank, polka-dotted with tiny gray imprints from the tip of her pencil. She flips between her mother’s letter and Ohno’s sketch with a sigh.
“Oh, what’s that?” Aiba asks, plucking the book from her desk before she can stop him. “Ah, Ohno drew this, didn’t he?”
“Ohno-kun is really good at drawing, isn’t he,” Becky asks, marveling at the sketch from behind Aiba’s shoulder.
“Hey, I can draw, too!”
“Pffft.”
“What!”
Becky laughs harder at that, practically rolls around on the floor, and Satomi finds her lips quirking into a smile until Aiba shoots her a wounded look.
“I’ll show you!” He plucks the pencil from her hands and brings the journal close to his chest, darts his eyes between them furtively before scooting backwards to draw in peace. Becky rolls her eyes dramatically at Satomi, who giggles in turn. For five minutes there is a harsh scatch scratch scratch of pencil against paper until Aiba bounds back triumphantly. “Done!”
“What-” “Um-”
“Do you like it?” Aiba asks eagerly, and Satomi and Becky exchange uncertain glances.
“It’s um, p-pretty?” Satomi coughs politely. “Who did you draw, Aiba-kun?”
“What, you can’t tell?” He deflates a little bit. “It’s Becky.”
“WHAT.” Becky recoils, horrified. “Is that how you really see me?! I look like a grizzled old hag!”
“I thought it was a ghost woman from those old horror movies,” Satomi blurts out from surprise.
“I tried my best!” Aiba cuts in, pouting, and Becky squeezes his cheeks together viciously.
“If you weren’t my boyfriend I would flay you,” she announces, dropping the journal neatly into Satomi’s hands. “Sorry about that, Satomi-chan.”
“Don’t rip it out!” Aiba adds just as the professor enters the room and everyone seats themselves accordingly. During the lesson Satomi flips between the three pages and fights the giggles bubbling in the back of her throat. Though it isn’t great, at least Aiba had put his efforts into it.
I was relieved
Shortly after this it becomes a thing. To steal her journal, that is. It really takes off with Nino. They’re sitting in the dining hall, her, Nino, and Maki, waiting for the others to arrive. Nino drums his fingers on the top of the table, closing his eyes and nodding his head every time his fingertips hit the plastic. He pauses, then uses his other hand, forming them like he’s playing notes on an imaginary piano. Maki glances at him, then gasps in surprise as his eyes snap open at her.
“Paper. Give me paper.”
“Paper?” Satomi repeats, blinking widely.
Nino sees the notebook in her bag and makes a grab for it, quickly flips to an arbitrary page in the middle and waggles his fingers impatiently at Maki, who is already reaching into her pencil case. She hands him a pen and his hand flies across the page in a flurry.
“This is nice paper,” he notes absently and Satomi scrunches up her eyebrows. Really, what was with boys and paper?
Nino stops after a moment, frowns and taps his pen against the notebook rapidly, clicks the pen open, then closed, then open, then closed and then sighs and pushes the notebook away. “Ah, I thought I finally had it.”
“What are you writing?” Satomi asks, angling the notebook to get a better look at it.
“Lyrics for the new school fight song, right?” Maki supplies, and Nino nods and covers his face with his hands.
“I finally got the melody right, but the words. They just-” He wriggles his fingers away from his face and plants his face onto the top of the table with another sigh.
“Sorry I’m late-I had to stay after to ask the professor what he thought of the current economic state of Japan,” Sho says, rushing to their table with his messenger bag slapping against his thigh. Everyone blinks at him and he coughs. “I mean, what’cha doing?” He tilts his head over Satomi’s shoulder. “Lyrics?”
“For the new school fight song.” Nino mumbles dejectedly, voice muffled by the tabletop.
“Oh. Hm…what about this-” Sho takes out a fountain pen and begins to write. His pace is slower than Nino’s, but thoughtful.
Nino’s head whips up and he steals the journal back after Sho just manages to finish the last word. He moves his mouth as he reads over the new lyrics, bobbing his head as a slow grin forms over his lips. “Great! Sho-chan, this is great! You were useful for once!”
“I’m always useful,” Sho huffs. Maki laughs and pats him on the hand.
“I’m taking this,” Nino announces, standing up and slipping the notebook into his bag.
“B-but!”
“I’ll return it later!” He’s already jogging off before she can say, it was from my mother.
When she finally gets her journal back, after more than two weeks, there is a complete song.
It’s okay to just be who you are
It's best to not say anything
You can start again from there, right?
This is what suits you best
People are people, and you are you
The moment you compare the two, you've lost
The strength to not lose to yourself
Will break down any doorwall
It’s okay to cry sometimes
And it's all right…to show your weak side
But don't get stuck there!
You can still work toward that next dream
No matter how many words you could say
Just one little phrase is enough
First, try stepping forward
With a “GANBARE!”
Just something as simple as that is fine
You have worries right now, right?
You have times when you are down, right?
But if there's somewhere in the future where we can laugh together
Then a path can be made
Better than any other myriad of words
Just one is fine
At last, you've stepped one foot forward
“GANBARE!” See, you look your best.
There are other things in the journal, too. A fresh caricature of a girl she knows instantly is Becky by someone she knows instantly is Ohno. A recipe for tomato hot pot with additions for extra flavor. Economics notes-which have been crossed out and scribbled all over. Sketches of a retro-cut, neon-colored jacket with notes for rhinestone formations.
She is amazed, and a little jealous; everyone has something to add except for her.
I wanted to live my own life
Maki leaves her notes. Timely notes, reminder notes, cute notes.
Satomi-chan, don’t forget to take your vitamins today!
Satomi-chan, there’s an extra slice of cake in the fridge if you want it.
Satomi-chan! You said you wanted to clean your room this weekend!
Ah, didn’t you say your exam was moved to Monday? Want to study in the library with me at 6?
Satomi-chan,
The room is lonely when you go home! I stayed in the room alone all weekend to watch movies all by myself to wallow in loneliness. Well, I wanted tried to, but Becky got Nino, Aiba, and Ohno to pick me straight out of the room and go grocery shopping with them-even though I told them you were finally coming home today and I wanted to greet you!!
Well, I guess that means we can have cake to celebrate later tonight. I’ll be back soon!
-Maki
The journal is open to this page when Satomi comes home that night. She smiles. Somehow, when it comes to Maki’s notes, the journal always manages to find its way home.
I’m surrounded by so much love
Yuriko either leaves creepy notes…
It just drifts about the gap of time that disappeared without a trace…
…after which no one seems to steal the journal for an entire week.
Or she asks questions…
Hey, why do waves come from the ocean?
…after which no one seems to steal the journal for another week.
Until Jun responds, finally: Isn’t it for the purpose of surfing
Then where do the waves come from?
The waves come from the open sea.
Then from the open sea, how do they come in?
Isn’t it due from, like, the wind or the landscape?
Where does the wind go?
If you ask where the wind goes...well, it also comes to my house. Doesn’t it go to your house?
Yeah it does. Why?
You see, the wind that blows to my house might go to your house, too.
No one understands it, but Jun and Yuriko start dating shortly after that.
It is also when Satomi starts to suspect that this is a magic notebook.
I’ve made weird friends
For one of Yamapi and Ryo’s infamous costume parties, Riisa manages to force Sho into coming in themed couples’ costumes.
Nino manages to snap only one picture of Sho that night. In the picture, Sho is wearing a gray bunny suit buttoned up to his face, ears hanging behind his head with another pair of white bunny ears on top. He’s holding several stuffed animals in his arms and also wearing red dog slippers. Riisa is next to him in a multi-colored jumper and a multi-colored parka with horns, bright red sneakers, and mismatched striped socks. She is giving a peace sign while Sho looks-well, it’s hard to make out his expression. The holes in the face of the suit are so far apart that his eyes are barely visible out of one.
Nino super glues this picture in the corner of every new page of the journal.
NINO WHAT THE FUCK.
I TOLD YOU TO DELETE THIS PICTURE.
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
NINO.
I thought you liked the costumes! It was either this or coming as Yatterman and Zebra Queen.
YATTERMAN AND ZEBRA QUEEN. I CHOSE YATTERMAN AND ZEBRA QUEEN.
You didn’t like the costumes?
OF COURSE I DIDN’T.
Riisa stops talking to Sho after that. Satomi is busy with her exams and only finds this out by the subsequent flood of:
Guys, did Riisa get a new number? She’s not calling me back.
Riisa refuses to talk to me. What should I do????
Oh man, I didn’t think she would get so mad. Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?
Flowers didn’t work, what else can I do?
Should I write her a love song?
She threw her phone out the window when I tried to sing to her. WHAT DO I DO???????
Most of the suggestions are useless or don’t work, until Yuriko chimes in.
The very next day, in the middle of the school grounds, Sho marches up to Riisa in a giant headpiece with bangles and chains, bits and pieces of every type of material imaginable. Riisa kisses him straight on the mouth to a cheering, guffawing crowd.
I’ve laughed
Satomi counts five couples since the journal first started to change hands. Jun and Yuriko, Sho and Riisa, Kame and Anne, Ryo and Asami, and finally, Yamapi and Masami. Five couples born, she thinks, through this magical journal. She turns her sights on Nino and Maki next, because-well, because!
She watches and waits and reads but nothing seems to happen. Nino still composes, Maki still leaves her notes, and the pair of them are so inscrutable together and apart.
You’re always like that.
When you’re sad sulking
You hide the things that are important to me.
It’s the same place as always,
So today I'll go there first and wait for you.
The morning sun sky
Illegible scribbles.
From now on, if you want to say selfish things,
You can if you want.
But only to me.
Because it’s aggravating
Because it's not honest
Why can't you say it?
I love you.
Just those three words?
I want to hear it now and then.
Today is the day you and I
Put our family names together.
The day our love bloomed.
This is beautiful, Nino. I never would have guessed you thought this way about marriage.
What’s that supposed to mean?!
Oh, well, um. That I didn’t think you thought about marriage?
WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.
Do you want to get married?
Don’t change the subject-let’s see how many people would want to marry YOU.
Haa?
On the next page is a survey:
Who would you rather marry: a survey of 50 single men and 50 single women at Tokyo University
Their names are separated by a single line across the middle of the page. Satomi counts, for some reason, 113 tally marks on Maki’s side compared to Nino’s 3.
I concede. Wanna get honey toast at Boulangerie Sudo?
Only if we can go to the gym afterwards!
You are so not fun.
Nothing happens after this. Maki still writes her notes and Nino still composes and they smile and laugh at secret jokes together and smile and laugh when they are apart.
Satomi finds the journal on her desk again after three weeks, open to a clean page except for a single sentence: She said yes!
best friends
Ohno sketches in flowers and fish; it’s what he grew up with. His mother is a florist and his father is a fisherman so Ohno spends every summer morning on a fishing boat and every summer evening at the family flower shop.
It’s the reason he draws every one of their girl friends with flowers: Becky with bright yellow sunflowers in her eyes, Maki with a bouquet of orange lilies, Yuriko with magenta bleeding hearts woken through her hair, Riisa with sea blue forget-me-nots arranged in a crown around her forehead. When Nino complains that he only draws girls, Ohno begins to draw the boys, too: Aiba with green clown gobies nuzzling his cheek, Jun with purple betta fish fighting in his hands, Sho with a red ocean perch perched on top of one sloping shoulder, Nino with…
“Why don’t you ever draw yourself?” Satomi asks Ohno one day, towards the end of the semester, as she watches him add a yellow glow on the angler fish attached to Nino’s face.
Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t, but it never stops Satomi from asking, from watching and admiring.
“I don’t really know what I look like,” he confesses after a moment, capping the highlighter and setting it behind his ear
Satomi covers her laughter with her hands. “Ehh, don’t you look in the mirror?”
“Not particularly.”
“When you wash your face?”
“There’s soap on it.”
“When you wipe it off?”
“There’s a towel in my face.”
This sends Satomi into fresh peals of laughter as she leans back against the wall, knees up and resting gently against his arm. “To be honest, you’ve always reminded me of Nagasawa-kun.”
He stares at her blankly.
“You know, from the anime, Chibi Maruko-chan.”
His blank stare turns into a frown. He uncaps the highlighter and starts to make vicious streaks of yellow across Nino’s face.
“Are you mad?” she asks, giggling anew at his efforts.
“I don’t have any thoughts about it,” he grumbles, and she smiles and pokes him on the arm.
“You’re mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Then look at me.”
He looks at her-stares at her-and Satomi regrets it instantly. It’s the same stare from those many months ago, on the same bed, just her and him and breathless spaces in-between.
“Oh-”
He kisses her and he smells like flowers and tastes like the sea.
“Sorry, I’ve been thinking about that since the beginning of the year,” Ohno sighs against her lips. “They really are too erotic.”
The journal disappears with him after he leaves, but Satomi doesn’t really notice, touches her fingers to her lips and imagines an ocean of blooming roses.
Mama,
Finals keep her from seeing Ohno up until the very last day of school. Satomi is already packed and ready to go, thanks to a little help from Maki, but although Satomi asks everyone about Ohno, no one can tell her where he is. She spends the whole day out and about at his favorite places-the bench behind the library where he likes to nap, his favorite sketching corner in the dining hall, the gardens with its tree still thick with white snow flowers. Her parents are coming within the hour so Satomi returns to her room, defeated, dejected, and lonely.
A not-quite-bright, cherry red notebook sits neatly on top of her desk.
Satomi dives for it, flips to the very last page, finds it blank. She frowns and flips through the previous pages, looking for something-anything-but there is nothing new. Perhaps, she thinks, the number seven isn’t as lucky as Westerners liked to believe.
Perhaps her journal is not magical at all.
She sighs and flips through the pages one last time before tossing it back onto her desk. It lands open on the second page and she starts. The rose of her lips has been smudged with pink pastels and, scrawled in the corner of the same page, is the onion-shaped head of Nagasawa-kun.
Satomi presses the notebook against her chest and laughs and laughs.
I am in love
Dear Mama,
I can’t believe your little girl is all grown up! It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in your lap as you braided my hair, pressing kisses to every inch of my face and telling me how much you loved me. You loved me so much that sometimes I found it stifling. You encouraged me so much that I thought I needed to leave, to prove myself and my abilities on my own. When I left for college, finally, I was relieved. I wanted to live my own life, to grow into the woman you always said I could be, without your support, without your love, without your expectations and designs. I wanted to see if I could be this person by myself. That was my first dream.
When I got your journal in the mail, I cried. All those years of trying to break free, and I was reduced to tears because you wouldn’t be there every morning to make me breakfast and give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before class. You wouldn’t be there to tell me you loved me every night before bed, to encourage me when I felt down, to make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. Your words supported me throughout this year, mama. I wanted to make you proud, to show you that your faith was justified-I could study hard and double major in English and nursing like I’ve always wanted. That was my bigger dream.
This year I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve studied and sometimes not studied, and made a lot of friends. I’ve made great friends, I’ve made weird friends, best friends. I’m surrounded by so much love.
Mama, I am in love.
And I know I can do all these things, I can have and achieve everything and more, because you and papa loved me. Because you told me to “DREAM BIGGEST”!
So I will. Always.
♥
Your dearest Satomi-chan
+Many, many apologies if the font formatting doesn’t work quite as well as I wanted to for you. I tried to choose the most basic, distinct fonts that would come with every computer, but too many decided to hijack Satomi’s journal in the process of writing.
+ Arashi’s Fight Song lyric translations © Taiji Project
+The Jun/Yuriko exchange is directly lifted from neon_lines’s translation of Yuriko’s HNA VIP room appearance
+Sho & Riisa’s outfit appears in Riisa’s HNA VIP room appearance; the headdress referred to later makes an appearance in Yuriko’s VIP room segment mentioned above
+ Niji lyric translations © Taiji Project
+Boulangerie Sudo is the bakery Nino, Ohno and Maki visit during her HNA Limo Date appearance; the Tokyo university marriage competition is also a light reference to this episode
+Satomi’s HNA VIP room impression of Ohno is that he looks like Nagasawa-kun from Chibi Maruko-chan
From: melonpaan
Title: Dream Biggest
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ishihara Satomi & a splash of others
Rating: PG
Summary: Satomi receives a cherry red journal in the mail. Hijinks, love, and a little bit of magic ensue.
A/N: Happy white day to the wonderful mods tinyangl & dalampasigan for their amazing dedication and hard work toward five successful exchanges, and to all the 2013 participants. Hopefully there is at least a little something in here for everyone to enjoy. ♥
Thank you to D for the inspiration, the beta & the friendship. ILU. ♥♥♥
Satomi receives a journal in the mail. It’s from her mother, a bright, lineless, cherry red notebook with the words “dream biggest” written on the front in English. It’s grammatically incorrect, Satomi tuts, wondering what her English language professors would think-but the letter her mother writes on the first page is sweet.
Dearest Satomi-chan,
I can’t believe my little girl is all grown up! It feels like just yesterday I was changing your diaper and giving you endless kisses on your little lips. Your father always says that the reason your lips are big and squishy is because I kissed you too much. Well, that’s okay!
I was in the supermarket the other day-there was this cute little stationery store that opened up where the Italian cafe used to be. (Isn’t that sad? Mama is so sad! She’s going to miss their seaweed pasta!) Anyway, they were having a sale on notebooks and journals, and this one caught my eye immediately because I know how much you love studying English. The salesperson told me that it means “dream big.” Dream as big as you can, Satomi-chan, because I know you can do anything you set your mind to-even a double major in English and nursing!
Study hard, make lots of friends, and “DREAM BIGGEST”!
Papa also sends his love.
We are so proud of you!
♥Mama
The notebook is tucked underneath a large box of sweets and other comforts of home: pocky in chocolate and strawberry varieties, gummy fruits and milk candies, freeze-dried mangos and prawn-flavored crackers, a three-pack of microwavable rice, packets of instant miso soup, and a can of rice seasoning.
The package had arrived just a week after her parents dropped her off at college.
Her mother must have exercised so much restraint, waiting a whole week and picking out all of Satomi’s favorite treats to send her this giant box of love.
Satomi doesn’t realize she’s sobbing until Maki enters their room and promptly drops her bag on the floor, rushes over with a box of tissues, frantic concern, and a very warm hug.
By the time Satomi manages to explain that she’s not sad, not really, just overwhelmed and maybe missing her parents more than she thought she would, more than she’s enjoying her newfound freedom, Maki is also teary-eyed. They both sob noisily as they cling desperately together and devour the mangos.
“Are you all right?” someone asks from the door of their room, left ajar by Maki’s giant purse. There are two boys standing there. One is sleepy-eyed and very tan, dressed plainly in a loose t-shirt, long khaki shorts, and white tennis shoes, peeking curiously into the room. The other is short, a wisp of a boy, dressed neatly and smartly, eyebrows furrowed and eyes beady, arms crossed.
“We’re fiiiiiiine,” Maki hiccupbawls, rubbing at her eyes.
Satomi nods, sniffles, and offers the bag of mangos toward them. “W-w-w-would you like some?” Fresh tears roll down her face and she knows they must look mad, the two of them, silly little girls, officially adults yet children at heart, children who still cry for their parents.
“Sure.” Even his smile is plain, but it is also gentle and sweet as he slips out of his tennis shoes, steps carefully over Maki’s bag, and pads into the room toward them.
“Ohno, what about Nishikido’s party?”
“Nino,” Ohno says, popping a whole slice into his mouth. “Mangos.”
Nino rolls his eyes because it isn’t an answer, but he still unzips his boots, mutters a quick, “sorry for disturbing,” and crosses the room toward them.
“It’s n-nice to meet you,” Maki says, breathing deeply to calm her wavering voice. Ohno takes another slice from the bag and offers it to Nino, who declines and decides to remains standing
“We’ve also got prawn-flavored crackers,” Satomi says, digging another bag from her box of love and Nino makes a face as if to decline again, but then his stomach grumbles loudly in protest.
Satomi laughs. She doesn’t mean to, is a bit embarrassed by the sudden noise, but it’s out there and then Maki smiles and begins to giggle, which sets Satomi off again, which somehow makes Ohno chuckle until they are all laughing and eventually it becomes contagious enough for Nino to join in.
He tears into the bag of crackers with a wistful sigh, “There’s supposed to be body sushi there.”
“Body sushi?” Maki echoes, eyes dry and now curious.
He opens his mouth, seems to think about something very hard, and then stuffs a cracker in his mouth. “It’s nothing.”
“But if you-”
“I said it’s nothing, don’t make me say it again,” Nino grumbles, looking away from her and hunching his shoulders over the cracker bag to ignore Maki’s sad pouty faces.
Satomi wipes away the last of her tears, feels weightless, cathartic, happy. She reaches for a piece of mango and her hand meets Ohno’s briefly, fingertips against calluses, skin against warm skin. The bag tumbles from her lap and spills mango crumbs over the carpet.
Ohno apologizes at once, Maki reaches for her compact vacuum, and Nino-sits and laughs. Satomi thinks of her mother, of that cherry red notebook, and all the things she will write down to remember this year.
I’ve cried
The notebook is forgotten about until the middle of first semester. Ohno is waiting on her bed as she searches for her art history notes to study for their next exam.
“You don’t need them, I remember everything.”
“You may not need notes, but I do,” Satomi huffs. “I know they’re here somewhere-don’t fall asleep!” Ohno makes a noise of assent that sounds suspiciously like a yawn.
“If you drool you’re buying me new bed covers,” she warns, shuffling through piles of papers and stacks of notebooks on her shelves and under her bed. She doesn’t know how she’s become so messy, but takes one look at Maki’s pristine side of the room and vows to do some cleaning this weekend. She finally finds the notes in the bottom drawer of her desk. Beneath them rests the journal, bright cherry red and brand new.
“Oh!”
Ohno peers down at her from the top of her bed. “Oh, what?”
“This journal.” She takes the notebook out of the drawer and blows the dust off of it, closing her eyes and coughing when it rises into her face. “It was a present from my mother.”
“What does it say there?”
“It says,” Satomi clears her throat and tries her best to speak without an accent, “dream biggest. It’s written in English.”
“Dream biggest?” He repeats the phrase with two extra syllables, and Satomi can’t keep the smile off her face. She translates it for him and he nods his head in approval.
“That sounds nice.” Ohno reaches for the book and flips through the pages. “Oh, this is nice paper.”
“It was a gift from my mother,” Satomi says, smiling at the memory of the box of love and her first week at college and the silly boys who came into their lives that day and never quite left. “Do you remember the first time we met and Maki-chan and I were-”
Satomi glances over to see Ohno sitting upright on her bed, face drawn and mouth puckered in concentration, sketching with the ball-point pen he always has tucked behind one ear. “H-hey! Don’t just draw in someone else’s journal. That’s rude!”
Ohno doesn’t hear, never seems to hear anyone while he’s sketching, forever lost in his own world. Satomi sighs and decides she can study in her room for today-there is no removing Ohno from his sketching and there is no passing her art history exam without Ohno.
She sits at her desk with her crumpled notes, her textbook, and a fresh sheet of college-ruled paper, taps her pen against the desk and frowns. She reads a line of her textbook about three times, something about Manet or Monet, and shakes her head when it seems like the information won’t catch. “Ohno-kun, is it Manet or Monet who painted people?”
Silence.
She sighs and then decides to clean off the top of her desk, because maybe she can study better without the mess. As she organizes her pens into a Tokyo University mug and stacks her sticky notes by size and color, she glances at Ohno again and watches the way his eyes dart back and forth across the page, the way his hand moves fluidly from one line to the next, the way a strand of hair falls over his face and into his eyes. He blows it away and frowns when it falls back in front of his eyes again. Blow and fall, blow and fall. His hand stills on the page, blinking as if slowly awaking back into the real world, and then he catches her eyes and holds them, stares and stares and doesn’t stop.
“W-what is it?”
“Your mom is right.” He blinks at her once before continuing to scribble in her journal.
“Huh? Right about what?”
She doesn’t expect him to reply, but he does. “You really do have big lips.”
Satomi blushes bright cherry red to the very tips of her ears, sucks her lips into her mouth on instinct and feels hot and bothered and lacking in air or space or something. She scrambles onto the bed to retrieve the journal, but he swoops it out of reach all while still sketching in mid-air. It would be impressive if she weren’t so embarrassed. “O-Ohno-kun!”
She reaches for it again, but he swoops the other way and she loses her balance, swerves and lands directly in his lap, facing upwards.
He glances down at her and she would blush harder if it were humanly possible, but as it is she feels redder than her journal and warmer than the sun and what would Maki think if she walked into this room at this very minute and what is going through Ohno’s head as he continues to stare at her after having been woken from his drawing trance not just once, but twice, and oh, oh he’s leaning closer and, and-
“Manet.”
“W-w-what?!” She quickly removes herself from his lap and backs up against the corner of the bed, wedges herself safely in-between two walls. He goes back to his sketching. “Manet painted people as his main subjects. Monet painted mostly landscapes.”
“Oh.”
After he finishes sketching, he goes straight into quizzing her about the roots of French impressionism in the 19th century, form and composition and criticism, and it turns out Satomi didn’t need her notes after all. She bids him good night and feels confident that she will ace tomorrow’s exam.
Her journal has been left on top of her bed. Satomi feels her cheeks heat at the memory as she reaches for the book. She closes her eyes and turns to the second page, opens one eye after a moment of dramatic silence, and then the other eye. It is-her. Well, it looks like her. Her eyebrows are full and furrowed and her eyes are shining with stars and there is a cross-hatched blush on her cheeks. Every strand of hair has been sketched in perfect, lifelike waves and curls-even the tiny wisps of hairs on the very tiptop of her forehead. Instead of her mouth, however, there is a wide, blooming rose.
I’ve studied and sometimes not studied
She starts carrying it with her every day, vowing to write something new in it every day, something meaningful and wonderful and full of her biggest dreams. Something as beautiful as Ohno’s sketch.
She comes up empty. No matter how hard she thinks, the third page remains blank, polka-dotted with tiny gray imprints from the tip of her pencil. She flips between her mother’s letter and Ohno’s sketch with a sigh.
“Oh, what’s that?” Aiba asks, plucking the book from her desk before she can stop him. “Ah, Ohno drew this, didn’t he?”
“Ohno-kun is really good at drawing, isn’t he,” Becky asks, marveling at the sketch from behind Aiba’s shoulder.
“Hey, I can draw, too!”
“Pffft.”
“What!”
Becky laughs harder at that, practically rolls around on the floor, and Satomi finds her lips quirking into a smile until Aiba shoots her a wounded look.
“I’ll show you!” He plucks the pencil from her hands and brings the journal close to his chest, darts his eyes between them furtively before scooting backwards to draw in peace. Becky rolls her eyes dramatically at Satomi, who giggles in turn. For five minutes there is a harsh scatch scratch scratch of pencil against paper until Aiba bounds back triumphantly. “Done!”
“What-” “Um-”
“Do you like it?” Aiba asks eagerly, and Satomi and Becky exchange uncertain glances.
“It’s um, p-pretty?” Satomi coughs politely. “Who did you draw, Aiba-kun?”
“What, you can’t tell?” He deflates a little bit. “It’s Becky.”
“WHAT.” Becky recoils, horrified. “Is that how you really see me?! I look like a grizzled old hag!”
“I thought it was a ghost woman from those old horror movies,” Satomi blurts out from surprise.
“I tried my best!” Aiba cuts in, pouting, and Becky squeezes his cheeks together viciously.
“If you weren’t my boyfriend I would flay you,” she announces, dropping the journal neatly into Satomi’s hands. “Sorry about that, Satomi-chan.”
“Don’t rip it out!” Aiba adds just as the professor enters the room and everyone seats themselves accordingly. During the lesson Satomi flips between the three pages and fights the giggles bubbling in the back of her throat. Though it isn’t great, at least Aiba had put his efforts into it.
I was relieved
Shortly after this it becomes a thing. To steal her journal, that is. It really takes off with Nino. They’re sitting in the dining hall, her, Nino, and Maki, waiting for the others to arrive. Nino drums his fingers on the top of the table, closing his eyes and nodding his head every time his fingertips hit the plastic. He pauses, then uses his other hand, forming them like he’s playing notes on an imaginary piano. Maki glances at him, then gasps in surprise as his eyes snap open at her.
“Paper. Give me paper.”
“Paper?” Satomi repeats, blinking widely.
Nino sees the notebook in her bag and makes a grab for it, quickly flips to an arbitrary page in the middle and waggles his fingers impatiently at Maki, who is already reaching into her pencil case. She hands him a pen and his hand flies across the page in a flurry.
“This is nice paper,” he notes absently and Satomi scrunches up her eyebrows. Really, what was with boys and paper?
Nino stops after a moment, frowns and taps his pen against the notebook rapidly, clicks the pen open, then closed, then open, then closed and then sighs and pushes the notebook away. “Ah, I thought I finally had it.”
“What are you writing?” Satomi asks, angling the notebook to get a better look at it.
“Lyrics for the new school fight song, right?” Maki supplies, and Nino nods and covers his face with his hands.
“I finally got the melody right, but the words. They just-” He wriggles his fingers away from his face and plants his face onto the top of the table with another sigh.
“Sorry I’m late-I had to stay after to ask the professor what he thought of the current economic state of Japan,” Sho says, rushing to their table with his messenger bag slapping against his thigh. Everyone blinks at him and he coughs. “I mean, what’cha doing?” He tilts his head over Satomi’s shoulder. “Lyrics?”
“For the new school fight song.” Nino mumbles dejectedly, voice muffled by the tabletop.
“Oh. Hm…what about this-” Sho takes out a fountain pen and begins to write. His pace is slower than Nino’s, but thoughtful.
Nino’s head whips up and he steals the journal back after Sho just manages to finish the last word. He moves his mouth as he reads over the new lyrics, bobbing his head as a slow grin forms over his lips. “Great! Sho-chan, this is great! You were useful for once!”
“I’m always useful,” Sho huffs. Maki laughs and pats him on the hand.
“I’m taking this,” Nino announces, standing up and slipping the notebook into his bag.
“B-but!”
“I’ll return it later!” He’s already jogging off before she can say, it was from my mother.
When she finally gets her journal back, after more than two weeks, there is a complete song.
It’s okay to just be who you are
It's best to not say anything
You can start again from there, right?
This is what suits you best
People are people, and you are you
The moment you compare the two, you've lost
The strength to not lose to yourself
Will break down any doorwall
It’s okay to cry sometimes
And it's all right…to show your weak side
But don't get stuck there!
You can still work toward that next dream
No matter how many words you could say
Just one little phrase is enough
First, try stepping forward
With a “GANBARE!”
Just something as simple as that is fine
You have worries right now, right?
You have times when you are down, right?
But if there's somewhere in the future where we can laugh together
Then a path can be made
Better than any other myriad of words
Just one is fine
At last, you've stepped one foot forward
“GANBARE!” See, you look your best.
There are other things in the journal, too. A fresh caricature of a girl she knows instantly is Becky by someone she knows instantly is Ohno. A recipe for tomato hot pot with additions for extra flavor. Economics notes-which have been crossed out and scribbled all over. Sketches of a retro-cut, neon-colored jacket with notes for rhinestone formations.
She is amazed, and a little jealous; everyone has something to add except for her.
I wanted to live my own life
Maki leaves her notes. Timely notes, reminder notes, cute notes.
Satomi-chan, don’t forget to take your vitamins today!
Satomi-chan, there’s an extra slice of cake in the fridge if you want it.
Satomi-chan! You said you wanted to clean your room this weekend!
Ah, didn’t you say your exam was moved to Monday? Want to study in the library with me at 6?
Satomi-chan,
The room is lonely when you go home! I stayed in the room alone all weekend to watch movies all by myself to wallow in loneliness. Well, I wanted tried to, but Becky got Nino, Aiba, and Ohno to pick me straight out of the room and go grocery shopping with them-even though I told them you were finally coming home today and I wanted to greet you!!
Well, I guess that means we can have cake to celebrate later tonight. I’ll be back soon!
-Maki
The journal is open to this page when Satomi comes home that night. She smiles. Somehow, when it comes to Maki’s notes, the journal always manages to find its way home.
I’m surrounded by so much love
Yuriko either leaves creepy notes…
It just drifts about the gap of time that disappeared without a trace…
…after which no one seems to steal the journal for an entire week.
Or she asks questions…
Hey, why do waves come from the ocean?
…after which no one seems to steal the journal for another week.
Until Jun responds, finally: Isn’t it for the purpose of surfing
Then where do the waves come from?
The waves come from the open sea.
Then from the open sea, how do they come in?
Isn’t it due from, like, the wind or the landscape?
Where does the wind go?
If you ask where the wind goes...well, it also comes to my house. Doesn’t it go to your house?
Yeah it does. Why?
You see, the wind that blows to my house might go to your house, too.
No one understands it, but Jun and Yuriko start dating shortly after that.
It is also when Satomi starts to suspect that this is a magic notebook.
I’ve made weird friends
For one of Yamapi and Ryo’s infamous costume parties, Riisa manages to force Sho into coming in themed couples’ costumes.
Nino manages to snap only one picture of Sho that night. In the picture, Sho is wearing a gray bunny suit buttoned up to his face, ears hanging behind his head with another pair of white bunny ears on top. He’s holding several stuffed animals in his arms and also wearing red dog slippers. Riisa is next to him in a multi-colored jumper and a multi-colored parka with horns, bright red sneakers, and mismatched striped socks. She is giving a peace sign while Sho looks-well, it’s hard to make out his expression. The holes in the face of the suit are so far apart that his eyes are barely visible out of one.
Nino super glues this picture in the corner of every new page of the journal.
NINO WHAT THE FUCK.
I TOLD YOU TO DELETE THIS PICTURE.
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
NINO.
I thought you liked the costumes! It was either this or coming as Yatterman and Zebra Queen.
YATTERMAN AND ZEBRA QUEEN. I CHOSE YATTERMAN AND ZEBRA QUEEN.
You didn’t like the costumes?
OF COURSE I DIDN’T.
Riisa stops talking to Sho after that. Satomi is busy with her exams and only finds this out by the subsequent flood of:
Guys, did Riisa get a new number? She’s not calling me back.
Riisa refuses to talk to me. What should I do????
Oh man, I didn’t think she would get so mad. Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?
Flowers didn’t work, what else can I do?
Should I write her a love song?
She threw her phone out the window when I tried to sing to her. WHAT DO I DO???????
Most of the suggestions are useless or don’t work, until Yuriko chimes in.
The very next day, in the middle of the school grounds, Sho marches up to Riisa in a giant headpiece with bangles and chains, bits and pieces of every type of material imaginable. Riisa kisses him straight on the mouth to a cheering, guffawing crowd.
I’ve laughed
Satomi counts five couples since the journal first started to change hands. Jun and Yuriko, Sho and Riisa, Kame and Anne, Ryo and Asami, and finally, Yamapi and Masami. Five couples born, she thinks, through this magical journal. She turns her sights on Nino and Maki next, because-well, because!
She watches and waits and reads but nothing seems to happen. Nino still composes, Maki still leaves her notes, and the pair of them are so inscrutable together and apart.
You’re always like that.
When you’re sad sulking
You hide the things that are important to me.
It’s the same place as always,
So today I'll go there first and wait for you.
The morning sun sky
Illegible scribbles.
From now on, if you want to say selfish things,
You can if you want.
But only to me.
Because it’s aggravating
Because it's not honest
Why can't you say it?
I love you.
Just those three words?
I want to hear it now and then.
Today is the day you and I
Put our family names together.
The day our love bloomed.
This is beautiful, Nino. I never would have guessed you thought this way about marriage.
What’s that supposed to mean?!
Oh, well, um. That I didn’t think you thought about marriage?
WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.
Do you want to get married?
Don’t change the subject-let’s see how many people would want to marry YOU.
Haa?
On the next page is a survey:
Who would you rather marry: a survey of 50 single men and 50 single women at Tokyo University
Their names are separated by a single line across the middle of the page. Satomi counts, for some reason, 113 tally marks on Maki’s side compared to Nino’s 3.
I concede. Wanna get honey toast at Boulangerie Sudo?
Only if we can go to the gym afterwards!
You are so not fun.
Nothing happens after this. Maki still writes her notes and Nino still composes and they smile and laugh at secret jokes together and smile and laugh when they are apart.
Satomi finds the journal on her desk again after three weeks, open to a clean page except for a single sentence: She said yes!
best friends
Ohno sketches in flowers and fish; it’s what he grew up with. His mother is a florist and his father is a fisherman so Ohno spends every summer morning on a fishing boat and every summer evening at the family flower shop.
It’s the reason he draws every one of their girl friends with flowers: Becky with bright yellow sunflowers in her eyes, Maki with a bouquet of orange lilies, Yuriko with magenta bleeding hearts woken through her hair, Riisa with sea blue forget-me-nots arranged in a crown around her forehead. When Nino complains that he only draws girls, Ohno begins to draw the boys, too: Aiba with green clown gobies nuzzling his cheek, Jun with purple betta fish fighting in his hands, Sho with a red ocean perch perched on top of one sloping shoulder, Nino with…
“Why don’t you ever draw yourself?” Satomi asks Ohno one day, towards the end of the semester, as she watches him add a yellow glow on the angler fish attached to Nino’s face.
Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t, but it never stops Satomi from asking, from watching and admiring.
“I don’t really know what I look like,” he confesses after a moment, capping the highlighter and setting it behind his ear
Satomi covers her laughter with her hands. “Ehh, don’t you look in the mirror?”
“Not particularly.”
“When you wash your face?”
“There’s soap on it.”
“When you wipe it off?”
“There’s a towel in my face.”
This sends Satomi into fresh peals of laughter as she leans back against the wall, knees up and resting gently against his arm. “To be honest, you’ve always reminded me of Nagasawa-kun.”
He stares at her blankly.
“You know, from the anime, Chibi Maruko-chan.”
His blank stare turns into a frown. He uncaps the highlighter and starts to make vicious streaks of yellow across Nino’s face.
“Are you mad?” she asks, giggling anew at his efforts.
“I don’t have any thoughts about it,” he grumbles, and she smiles and pokes him on the arm.
“You’re mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Then look at me.”
He looks at her-stares at her-and Satomi regrets it instantly. It’s the same stare from those many months ago, on the same bed, just her and him and breathless spaces in-between.
“Oh-”
He kisses her and he smells like flowers and tastes like the sea.
“Sorry, I’ve been thinking about that since the beginning of the year,” Ohno sighs against her lips. “They really are too erotic.”
The journal disappears with him after he leaves, but Satomi doesn’t really notice, touches her fingers to her lips and imagines an ocean of blooming roses.
Mama,
Finals keep her from seeing Ohno up until the very last day of school. Satomi is already packed and ready to go, thanks to a little help from Maki, but although Satomi asks everyone about Ohno, no one can tell her where he is. She spends the whole day out and about at his favorite places-the bench behind the library where he likes to nap, his favorite sketching corner in the dining hall, the gardens with its tree still thick with white snow flowers. Her parents are coming within the hour so Satomi returns to her room, defeated, dejected, and lonely.
A not-quite-bright, cherry red notebook sits neatly on top of her desk.
Satomi dives for it, flips to the very last page, finds it blank. She frowns and flips through the previous pages, looking for something-anything-but there is nothing new. Perhaps, she thinks, the number seven isn’t as lucky as Westerners liked to believe.
Perhaps her journal is not magical at all.
She sighs and flips through the pages one last time before tossing it back onto her desk. It lands open on the second page and she starts. The rose of her lips has been smudged with pink pastels and, scrawled in the corner of the same page, is the onion-shaped head of Nagasawa-kun.
Satomi presses the notebook against her chest and laughs and laughs.
I am in love
Dear Mama,
I can’t believe your little girl is all grown up! It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in your lap as you braided my hair, pressing kisses to every inch of my face and telling me how much you loved me. You loved me so much that sometimes I found it stifling. You encouraged me so much that I thought I needed to leave, to prove myself and my abilities on my own. When I left for college, finally, I was relieved. I wanted to live my own life, to grow into the woman you always said I could be, without your support, without your love, without your expectations and designs. I wanted to see if I could be this person by myself. That was my first dream.
When I got your journal in the mail, I cried. All those years of trying to break free, and I was reduced to tears because you wouldn’t be there every morning to make me breakfast and give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before class. You wouldn’t be there to tell me you loved me every night before bed, to encourage me when I felt down, to make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. Your words supported me throughout this year, mama. I wanted to make you proud, to show you that your faith was justified-I could study hard and double major in English and nursing like I’ve always wanted. That was my bigger dream.
This year I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve studied and sometimes not studied, and made a lot of friends. I’ve made great friends, I’ve made weird friends, best friends. I’m surrounded by so much love.
Mama, I am in love.
And I know I can do all these things, I can have and achieve everything and more, because you and papa loved me. Because you told me to “DREAM BIGGEST”!
So I will. Always.
♥
Your dearest Satomi-chan
+Many, many apologies if the font formatting doesn’t work quite as well as I wanted to for you. I tried to choose the most basic, distinct fonts that would come with every computer, but too many decided to hijack Satomi’s journal in the process of writing.
+ Arashi’s Fight Song lyric translations © Taiji Project
+The Jun/Yuriko exchange is directly lifted from neon_lines’s translation of Yuriko’s HNA VIP room appearance
+Sho & Riisa’s outfit appears in Riisa’s HNA VIP room appearance; the headdress referred to later makes an appearance in Yuriko’s VIP room segment mentioned above
+ Niji lyric translations © Taiji Project
+Boulangerie Sudo is the bakery Nino, Ohno and Maki visit during her HNA Limo Date appearance; the Tokyo university marriage competition is also a light reference to this episode
+Satomi’s HNA VIP room impression of Ohno is that he looks like Nagasawa-kun from Chibi Maruko-chan
