Prompt 1: Tell me the news, baby - Team What If
Title: Side Quest
Rating: PG
Pairing: Matsumoto Jun/Ninomiya Kazunari (Arashi)
Summary: Nino starts a new journey, and all Jun can do is watch.
Prompt: "tell me the news, baby"
Warnings: none
Notes: A heaping spoonful of thanks goes out to my superb beta A, without whose encouragement and insight this fic would not be what it is. Dedicated to someone (she knows who she is).
01.
Aiba is more upset about it than the rest of them. Or so Jun suspects, with the way his arms are folded across his chest like amateur origami, his foot tapping hard enough to go thump-thump-thump, a quickened heartbeat against the beige carpet. Jun returns his attention to Nino, who's slumped into the couch opposite them and picking lint off his jeans, seemingly unperturbed by the steam rising high into the air.
Nino looks up at Jun. Jun remains pointedly blank. Nino smirks and stretches a lazy arm across the back of the couch, flicking Ohno's ear along the way. "Aiba-kun seems upset about something," he muses idly.
Jun can feel the world tilt as Aiba leans forward, planting his elbows on his knees, and fixes his gaze on Nino. "Didn't I tell you? You need to consult us before you make these kinds of decisions! Discussion is important, you know."
Nino nods and makes a noise of acknowledgment. "I know. That's why I talked to Leader before I decided anything." Nino looks at Ohno and tilts his head to the side conspiratorially. Ohno smiles. Nino smiles back. Aiba furrows his brow and leans back into the couch, folding his arms again. He looks more like an origami expert this time.
Jun waits for someone to speak. Sooner than he expects, he feels impatience tug at his vocal cords, pulling words out of his mouth before he's sure of what he's saying. "Ultimately it's your decision, Nino. And it's not like it's a permanent thing, right? You're just trying it out?" He frowns, unimpressed. It feels like he's talking about a hairstyle, and not an indefinite departure from the group.
The door clicks shut. "Trying what out?" Sho walks into the room with a bag over his shoulder. He dips his head in greeting before dropping onto the couch next to Ohno.
Aiba (always an epicenter of kinetic energy, even -- especially -- at a time like this) jumps in and explains: "Nino says he's taking a break from Arashi to do solo activities. And he says he's been thinking about it for months, but the only person he talked to about it was Leader. Even though I said that discussing these things is crucial because we're a group and that's what groups do."
Jun keeps his eyes on Aiba as he rambles on about the finer points of "group-ness", and he thinks to himself that Aiba's remained remarkably calm about the whole thing. Whether that's a certain pride in Nino reining him in, or the heavy feeling of inevitability, or the hidden maturity and professionalism that he's been cultivating all these years, Jun's not really sure. He smiles a little as Aiba trails off weakly. They'd all been expecting Nino to interject, but Nino had just listened earnestly and nodded. He knows when to be serious.
Sho crosses his legs, rubs the back of his neck in discomfort, and turns to Ohno. "Satoshi-kun, what did you say when Nino came to talk to you about it?"
Ohno shrugs. "I told him to do it. It'll be lonely, but we've done four before. This'll be a good opportunity for him." He sniffs, scratches his stomach absently.
Sho looks at Nino, concern still apparent in his eyes. "You know what this means, right? For you to leave Arashi. Are you sure you really want to do that?"
Nino nods slowly. "I've thought about it for a while, actually. You guys have nothing to worry about. You know how important Arashi is to me. It's important to all of us."
"They why are you leaving?!" Jun recoils at the sound of his own voice, too loud for the room, for this conversation.
Nino gives him a small smile. "It's not permanent. I just need to do this, just for a little bit. Please." The last word rings with urgency as Nino lowers his head to his knees in a plea for their understanding. Jun's not sure that he can truly understand, especially since he hasn't told them anything, but...
"Okay," Jun says, finally. "I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but you're smart, Nino. If this is what you want, then we should support you, right?" He looks around at the other members, and his voice softens. "Right?"
Aiba sighs. "You're really going to come back?"
Nino nods, head still at his knees. Ohno rubs him on the back in little circles.
"Well," Sho says, frowning the tiniest bit, "let's see what you can do." He addresses the group as a whole. "People who think Nino will be a great solo artist, raise your hands. Ready, set, go." Jun raises his hand and sees three other hands go up in time with his, like choreography for four.
Nino looks up at them, and an embarrassed smile breaks out on his face. He leans back and shakes his head. "You guys are stupid."
Aiba lowers his hand, pointing an accusatory finger and grinning. "Don't think we've forgiven you for telling us this way!"
Ohno giggles. "At least I didn't first hear about it in the newspaper." He digs an elbow into Sho's side, whose laugh cuts into the air, shattering whatever bits of tension still linger in the room.
02.
The episode of Shukudai-kun they've just recorded is Nino's last -- until he comes back, of course. The fans in the audience seem to wrap themselves in reserved shock at the announcement, though Jun's grateful that they try to keep their spirits up. He isn't surprised to see the audience's feelings -- with some added sadness and regret and a tiny bit of coming to terms -- reflected in the faces on set.
Jun watches as Nino makes the rounds afterwards, waving and bowing to the staff scattered around the set and backstage area. Jun steps with him from person to person and finds himself following Nino on his way out. Nino turns to him in the corridor and smiles, stopping to wait for him. "What's next on your agenda, Jun-kun? You done for the day?"
Jun nods, quickening his pace to catch up. As they walk together, he watches the other man tease an earbud out of his pocket and into his ear. He studies his profile, the calm determination in his eyes, the arrogant curve of his lips.
Jun feels awkward, suddenly. He wants to know, wants to ask why Nino feels like taking a break from Arashi, wants to figure out just what it'll mean for the four he leaves behind. After all, there's a lot to be considered when they're a group of four entertaining as if they're five.
Or at least that's what he tries to focus on, logically, as an idol. His chest is telling him something else -- it's saying the things he thinks it'd say if he were bidding farewell to a dear friend who's moving far, far away. Tell him to "Keep in touch," his chest whispers. And remind him to "Come visit, whenever!" It bothers him. He needs to keep it professional, wishes he could.
Nino reaches up and pats him on the shoulder, feather-light. Jun stops walking, disoriented, and then frowns at his feet. He looks up and expects his view to be filled with Nino, vibrant and full of life, but instead he sees the cold, dead NTV parking lot, an ocean of pocked concrete and shiny compact cars. "Don't worry, Jun-kun. I'll be back before you know it." He turns just in time to catch Nino's shy smile before it withers away into consideration. "It'll be like..." He imagines the inside of Nino's mind at that moment, sifting and spinning and blooming as he considers a dozen possible analogies before landing on the right one.
A side quest, Nino ends up calling it, grinning proudly. Jun watches him walk away to his car. He likes the sound of it -- "side quest" -- because it means it's auxiliary, fleeting, supplementary at best. But he's known Nino since they were kids; he knows what kind of kid Nino was, and more importantly he knows what changed once they became Arashi. As long as Nino's got nothing holding him back, as long as he thinks it's important enough to throw his entire being into, he's going to treat his side quest like it's the main journey.
Nino drives by with the car window rolled down, waving before turning out of the parking lot. A minute later, Jun can still hear the video game music streaming from Nino's speakers, loud and clear in the back of his mind. Sometimes it's an upbeat, disharmonic melody, the kind of soundtrack you'd expect to hear if you had to jiggle your shoulders and squat with each step, or do something equally ridiculous instead of walking. But this time it's an ominous, echoing kind of tune that plays, like Nino's travelling deeper and deeper into a cave without an exit. Jun thinks that he'd prefer the squatting.
03.
Jun watches an older episode of Shukudai-kun when he gets home that night. It's from just a few months back, so he still remembers most of the details. On screen, Nino admits to wanting to do solo activities, and they chuckle through his explanation that he said so to rouse the crowd. Nino slyly avoids answering Ogura-san's question about whether he really means it, and the set is caught in a flurry of laughter.
Jun brushes his fingers mindlessly over the buttons of the remote control. He rewinds, replays, quirks his mouth. Maybe he has forgotten some of the details. He remembers it being a lot funnier than it actually is.
04.
The dressing room seems colder, emptier, when Jun walks in a few days later. It's a weird feeling, he realizes once he remembers what's missing, because Nino can be horribly antisocial even with Arashi, but just knowing there's one less person in the room makes the absence hit him harder.
Jun looks around the room and sees Nino everywhere, wants to see him everywhere, like thinking about him is supposed to fill in the gaps that he's left behind. There's a dent in the wall that Nino once referred to as his dent, where he rents out tiny apartments to tiny people who pay him to live there with tiny money. (An additional fee is applied for raising tiny pets.) There's a table in the corner that still has their Kiiroi Namida scripts piled together, one on top of the other at deliberately odd angles in what Nino had called an "effigy". There's a spot of worn fabric on the arm of the couch, that little patch that Nino scratches at with his pinky finger when he's concentrating on whatever manga he's reading. (He doesn't scratch at it when he's playing video games because he uses both hands for that.)
"Good morning," Jun says to the others, taking his seat on the couch. Ohno looks up and makes a noise at him before returning his gaze to the table. Aiba turns to him, mouth full of something probably edible but no longer identifiable, and says between chews, "Good morning, MatsuJun." Sho peeks over his newspaper, rustling the pages as he nods.
The room falls back into silence.
Jun looks around. Things really haven't changed. Everything is in its proper place, and everyone is doing what he usually does before filming starts. But...
Well, maybe it shouldn't make that much of a differece, but it does. Things are off. Jun thinks that maybe Ohno was right -- he usually is when it comes to Nino. It's--
"It's a little lonely in here, huh?" Sho chuckles, tugging at his collar like he said "hot" instead of "lonely".
Jun looks up at Sho and sees the strained smile on his face. It's heartbreaking and inspirational at the same time.
They can do this -- whether or not they want to, they have to, for Nino and for Arashi. Besides, things really haven't changed, not that much. There's still the four of them, and Nino's still all over the room. Jun puts on a brave face and huffs dramatically. "We were totally done in by that bastard. Now he's got us all feeling bad." He stretches lazily, makes a noise of feigned discontent. "I bet that was his plan to begin with."
The sound of Aiba's clap echoes against the walls, like punctuation for his realization. "That's it! This is some kind of elaborate Ni no Arashi!" He laughs, high and wheezy and a little self-conscious, because he knows as well as the rest of them that it's not true. They all join in anyway.
A knock on the door cuts through their laughter. "Five minutes!" Jun recognizes the voice. It's Miki-chan, a small, bubbly staff member who's only been there for a few months. Nino started calling her "Micchan" after about a week. She probably misses him, too.
Five minutes later, they're stepping onto the set as a group of four, bowing to the cameramen and greeting the audience. They've done Shukudai-kun as four before, that one day they recorded two episodes while Nino was in Berlin, but it was never as a complete group of four. Sho takes up permanent residence on what was formerly the Ohmiya SK couch.
A week passes before a giggly Ohno brandishes his cell phone and shows them the text message, fresh from the night before, timestamped exactly twelve seconds after the end of Shukudai-kun: "I see that our couch has turned into the old man couch, Leader."
05.
Jun's lying on the couch in his apartment, his head propped up against his arm, when he first sees the commercial: Nino's releasing his first solo single. Jun looks up at the clock and decides to wait another half hour before he does anything.
When the clock strikes midnight, he has the text message ready to be sent: "Happy birthday, Nino! Is it another love song?" He adds some drifting balloons and fireworks for added effect.
At 12:13am, on June 17th, 2007, he receives Nino's reply: "I wrote it for you. ♥" He thinks it's stupid, but he saves the message anyway.
06.
The final chord sounds, and the song ends on a high, quivering vibrato. Jun looks around the room. It still feels strange to him to have an Arashi of four, but maybe the others are used to it by now. Or maybe, like him, they're learning to accept it because there's nothing else they can do.
Jun lets his gaze wander over to Sho, who has a serene smile on his face, and then to Ohno, who's blinking rapidly. To Jun's side, Aiba's nodding in approval. "Not bad, Nino. Though he told me it was a song about trucks."
"It's all in the way you listen to it, Aiba-chan," Sho explains. "The whole falling in love bit is a metaphor for engines." Aiba laughs and throws a slipper at the older man. "Hey," Sho yells with a grin on his face, "at least he told you the truth. He told me it was going to be a hip hop song."
Ohno shakes with laughter. "He told me that it was a story about a happy clown and a sad clown who found each other and lived together for the rest of their lives with neutral expressions on their faces."
Jun smirks. "He would write a song like that, wouldn't he?"
He doesn't end up telling the rest of them what Nino told him about the song. But he calls him later and leaves a voicemail anyway. "We listened to your demo today. I know it'll be a big hit."
07.
It's Shun's idea to call Nino up and invite him to join them at the bar. Jun creases his brow in concern, tipping his glass and watching the ice cubes resettle. "He's busy, though, isn't he?"
Shun looks at him questioningly. "Shouldn't you know? How long has it been since you've seen him anyway?"
Jun shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, looking at Shun out of the corner of his eye. "Six weeks or so?" Too long.
Shun looks amused and knowing, somehow, even though Jun's not sure what exactly he knows -- it's probably just the alcohol, which makes Shun's eyes sparkle and lose focus at the same time. He orders another beer from the bartender before setting his sparkling, unfocused gaze on Jun. "You mean you haven't seen him since he left? He's definitely coming tonight, then." He pulls out his phone and peers into the display as if it holds the secrets of the world -- and a drunk Shun would think so, really -- before tapping a few buttons and dialing. "Oh, Nino. Are you free now? Jun and I are sitting at a bar, missing you... Mm, yeah, that one... Whenever you're done with the photo shoot, then." He hangs up and flashes a victorious peace sign at Jun. Jun hits him on the head, and Shun giggles sheepishly.
Nino shows up an hour later, about twenty minutes after Shun's reached his most pleasant level of "good and wasted", and readjusts the brim of his cap before taking a seat at the bar next to Jun. It makes Jun feel a little warm inside, though that might just be the alcohol. "Long time no see," he says breezily, dropping his bag at his feet before turning to the bartender to ask for a beer.
Shun stays for about ten minutes before wobbling out of his chair, blaming his early departure on an "early-ass shoot for Hanakimi tomorrow, but damn isn't Maki-chan cute?" Nino, halfway through his beer and already a little pink, yells after him to poke Toma in the butt for him. Jun laughs and asks Shun for a poke in the butt from him, too.
Jun turns back to Nino, who's taking another swig, a drop of the drink running down Nino's chin. "You're going through that beer pretty quickly, aren't you, Nino?"
Nino sets the beer down (Jun finds drunken delight in seeing the liquid slosh around like waves at high tide) and wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. He laughs, and Jun loves the sound of it. "It's been a long day. You know how it is."
Jun considers. "Do I? It has been a while." Nino smiles solemnly and nods, tracing little patterns in the condensation on his glass. "So tell me about life as a solo artist."
And Nino does. He talks about photo shoots -- like the one he'd had that day, playing in a playground at night, all by himself -- and commercials and television appearances. He mentions his upcoming solo concert, where he's singing nothing but his own music, and maybe "Fight Song" because it kind of counts. He even admits to missing Arashi -- and that's definitely the alcohol, since Nino isn't usually this honest about his feelings. The entire time, Jun just listens and nods, interjects with the proper sounds and some easy questions, remembers how much Nino likes to talk sometimes, oddly doesn't mind it.
"So," Nino says with finality. He's traced patterns into four glasses at this point, and Jun's not sure if Nino's been downing drinks that quickly or he's been talking for that long and Jun's perception of time just can't keep up.
"So," Jun returns, a bit late. If they'd been playing badminton, he would have missed the birdie. He blinks slowly at Nino.
Nino chuckles. "Tell me the news, Jun-kun. What's new with Arashi?"
The lines blur together for a moment. Shouldn't Nino know what's new with Arashi? Maybe he hasn't been paying attention. But then Jun remembers.
What's new? Not a lot, really. It's mostly the same as always, except different. (Jun's having a lot of trouble articulating it, but Nino is surprisingly patient.) Aiba-chan and Sho-kun are starring in a new drama called Yamada Tarou Monogatari, and Arashi's been given the opportunity to sing the opening theme, which they just recorded last week. And it's finally even for once. (Jun stumbles back over his words to explain that he means the singing parts -- split two and two during the verses when they'd always been split two and three. Nino nods with exaggerated understanding, and Jun smacks him on the arm.) They have a concert tour coming up, and Leader is working with the choreographer -- you remember the choreographer, Akino-san -- to fix all of the dance numbers. You should come watch sometime! (It's Nino's turn then to smack Jun on the arm with a playful glare, saying that he wouldn't miss his favorite group's concert tour.)
They talk into the night, and Jun feels as if he's unloading, almost. Nino's easy to talk to -- he listens well when he isn't blabbing on about himself -- and Jun finally has a place to unwind, to ramble about Arashi to someone who understands everything and nothing at all. When it's Nino listening, he can admit to the frustration he feels when he messes up, to how tired he is when he feels like he's handling the tsukkomi all by himself, to how Aiba reminds him of an abandoned puppy sometimes, to the way Sho's quieted down since realizing that half the jokes he makes go unappreciated, to Ohno's consistent refusal to let anyone put anything on Nino's seat. Jun feels like he's pouring his soul out, and Nino's been drinking it up, glass by glass, tracing patterns into the condensation until they're all dried up and nothing's left but some vague smudges on the surface.
He tells Nino everything, and it feels good. And by the end of the night, as they hop into separate taxis to go their separate ways, Jun realizes that the only thing he hasn't admitted to is how much he's missed being called "Jun-kun".
08.
It gets easier, after that, for Jun to talk to Nino and not feel like he's being a nuisance. He knows the industry -- he understands that sometimes idols don't have time to talk to their friends, and he's been in that position where he doesn't have the energy to achieve anything more than just the most basic level of courteous -- but it helps that Nino seems to enjoy their conversations as much as he does. Most of them consist of "news from the other side" (Nino makes it sound supernatural the first time he says it, and Jun wishes he could reach through the phone and flick him on the forehead), since Jun's somehow been put in charge of catching Nino up on the behind-the-scenes goings-on with Arashi, and vice versa.
"So after we cleaned up, we had to start all over again," Jun finishes, explaining Aiba's latest feat of supreme clumsiness.
"He really is stupid, isn't he?" Nino asks rhetorically. Jun doesn't miss the wistful tone in his voice.
Another day, another conversation, Nino asks casually, "So what's new with Leader?"
Jun raises his eyebrows and presses his phone closer to his ear unconsciously. "You don't know? I thought you guys texted each other like lovers."
Nino makes an amused noise. "We do, but it's never about anything important. The last text I got from him was right before I called you. It said something like 'Coconuts. Nuts. Nuts!'"
Jun laughs, and his grip on his phone relaxes. "What did you say in response?"
"I made a pun and called him 'Hawaii' instead of 'cute'."
"You should be a comedian, Nino," Jun deadpans. "I think you'd be really good at it."
Nino chuckles. "I'd ask you to do it with me, but it doesn't work if no one makes any stupid comments and we're just standing there hitting each other."
Jun almost says that he'd be stupid for Nino, but he realizes before it's too late how it really would be a stupid thing to say.
08a.
It still isn't easy for Jun to think of Arashi as four, and every day he comes up with a different reason for why Nino wanted to go solo. The reasons stop making sense after a while -- the aliens would have picked a taller member of Arashi to harass -- but none of it made any sense to begin with.
Talking to Nino helps. It helps him find the peace that he never thought he'd need. Slowly the reasons stop parading around in his head. Jun thinks they might be out in space somewhere, with the aliens maybe, writing, revising, erasing, rewriting themselves like they did when they were trapped in his skull.
09.
Jun actually doesn't find arranging Arashi's concert stage placement too difficult. It's not until the lighting director comes on stage and discusses the spotlights that Jun realizes he's still been arranging for five instead of four. He apologizes profusely for his mistake; he's tired and he's frustrated and he just needs to take a break, though he doesn't say any of that out loud. He simply excuses himself and walks backstage, pulling out his phone. He doesn't even need to look anymore to get to the right place in his contact list.
"Hello? Jun-kun? I don't have a lot of time right now, but..." There's some idle noise and a bit of shouting in the background. It sounds like they're changing scenes on set for his drama special, and they're probably going to be calling for him any minute.
"I miss you."
"What?" Nino laughs. "Are you sick? What are you saying?"
"I miss you."
"I miss you, too, but..." Some muffled noises. Jun frowns, imagining Nino's put his hand over the mouthpiece to respond to someone. "Sorry, I have to go. I'll call you tonight, okay? When are you done?"
"Probably around 11:30."
"Okay, I'll talk to you then, I promise. Gotta go, bye." The line goes dead before Jun can respond.
Nino calls at exactly 11:30 that night. Jun doesn't even pretend that he hasn't been waiting for it. "Hey."
10.
They lucked out, somehow. The four of them have just enough time in their schedules to make it to the first night of Nino's concert. It's a novel experience, since they haven't been able to watch another Johnny's concert as a group for a long time. They greet the celebrities littering the VIP section, joking pleasantly with the industry people and comedians and actors and singers who yell in their direction, "Hey, it's Arashi!" "You guys looking for a fifth member?" "He didn't smell that bad, did he?" Three handshakes, seven waves, and thousands of nods and bows later, they make it to their seats in the front of the section.
Jun's meticulous attention to detail comes out when he's at a concert, even if he's not the one performing. It's the reason he likes to go to concerts more than he likes to just listen to music. Something aural becomes something visual, and in that cross between senses, the musical experience is opened up in a way that not only complements it but enhances it, helping it transcend itself. Jun leans forward in his seat and takes it all in.
He feels nostalgic, even though he doesn't have a right to be. They've just had their first dome concert months ago, back when they were still five, and it's like pedaling backwards on a bicycle to be back in Yokohama Arena. The stage, the lights, the sea of soon-to-be-screaming girls (Jun beams when he thinks about how happy Nino must be feeling to have filled the entire arena). It's all old and new, because they're here as Arashi, the four of them -- the five of them, really -- but from a different viewpoint than what they're used to.
Suddenly the lights dim and the stage begins to shimmer. Nino appears, suspended by ropes from above, playing an electric guitar, singing a mid-tempo rock song Jun hasn't heard before. The air is filled with screams of excitement as girls jump out of their seats and bop their penlights (in the shape of a hand forming a peace sign) in time with the music. Jun and the others stand up, too, wiggling their Nino uchiwa in sync. Nino has a huge grin on his face, and Jun finds it contagious.
It's an excellent show. Nino is a showman, and he knows how to get the audience worked up, and soon enough he has a call and response going even though no one's heard these songs before. They're all laughing at the right times, cheering at the right times, and singing along with the lyrics on screen once they've picked up the melody.
During the MC, Nino sits at the edge of the stage and talks about what it feels like to be doing solo activities. It's hard, he says, and it makes him realize just how much he depends on the support from people around him. He talks a little about how he likes to be a loner, and he tells an anecdote about how he once couldn't park where he wanted because someone else was in the car and didn't want to walk an extra two kilometers just for the cheaper spot. "Oh, that was Aiba-kun, by the way," Nino tosses out nonchalantly, and as the crowd cheers and Nino grins, Jun can feel his seat wiggle with Aiba's excitement, even though he's two seats down. "Speaking of whom, I heard that recently they had to reshoot an entire Arashi no Shukudai-kun segment because he broke a table." Jun laughs louder than he should, and Aiba reaches over Ohno's lap and smacks him on the leg.
"I can't believe you told him that!" Aiba says, scandalized.
Jun's eyes glisten with mirth. "Hey, he asked for clumsy moments from you. I had to deliver."
Nino regales the audience with a couple more stories before he heads into the final set. Jun marvels yet again at the fact that Nino has the entire place wrapped around his short, stumpy finger, singing and laughing and clapping and dancing and generally having a great time.
So it's only natural that no one knows how to react when Nino starts crying during "Fight Song". He fumbles for a few of the words, hitting a couple before his voice cracks.
And then, Jun hears a piercing cry from right next to him. It's Ohno, throwing his strained encouragement into the air -- "You can do it, Nino!" -- and Jun's glad to know he isn't the only one crying. Soon enough, it's the four of them, the entire arena, yelling, cheering him on. Nino looks in their direction for a split-second and mumbles into the microphone, "You guys are idiots," as the band continues to play the song, peppy and trumpeting in the background. He wipes his face and whines loudly, "I'm not crying!" And he jumps up and down, his tiny arms flailing madly, and works the audience out of their tears and back into euphoria.
When they visit Nino's dressing room after the show, they open the door to find him crouched next to the couch in his Arashi jacket, packing up his guitar. He looks up at them and scowls. "No. Nope, no idiots allowed backstage."
Aiba shakes his Nino uchiwa with extra vigor and grins. "You were really cool, Nino."
"I'd be touched if you had any idea what 'cool' is."
Aiba yells, and Nino giggles, "Huh? What? What did I say?"
Jun chuckles, ushering the rest of the group in and closing the door behind them.
11.
Jun receives a phone call in the middle of an episode of Yamada Tarou. "This is a pretty shady drama. Aiba-kun's treating those kids like they're his pets or something."
"You only say that because you know he works with animals."
"Everyone in Japan knows he works with animals."
"Well, true." Jun readjusts his grip on the phone. "But it's a nice series beyond that, right?"
"Yamada Tarou cries too much."
A beat.
"It's appropriate," they say simultaneously.
12.
Jun doesn't expect Nino to pick up, but he does, and there are some scattered noises before he says anything. "Jun-kun!" he cheers.
Jun frowns. "You're drunk."
"Am not! You don't know what you're talking about!"
"Are you at home, at least? It's nearly 2am."
"Yes, Mom, I'm home. And hey, it's past midnight. Why'd you call me so late?"
Jun doesn't have an immediate response. "I don't know."
"Oh."
Jun breathes into the phone a bit. Why did he call Nino? He didn't have anything to say.
"Hey, Jun-kun?" Nino asks quietly, and Jun's suddenly not sure if he's drunk or not.
"Mm?"
A snicker. "Will you sing me a lullaby?" Oh, he's drunk.
"No. I'll call you when you're back in your right mind."
"Jun-kun, wait." Jun waits. "I'm glad you called... Good night."
Jun smiles. "Good night, Nino."
13.
Their first concert as four hurts. It hurts more than the rehearsals do, because they've done plenty of rehearsals with one or more of the members missing. But the concerts are what they've been able to bond over every year. The quiet nights in Ohno's hotel room, curled into little balls on the bed and talking about nothing, about everything, about Arashi... those were the moments they shared as five. And the excitement, the joy, the feeling of accomplishment they feel when they're in a dome filled to the brim with people who support them... Jun cherishes it, and he loves that he can share it with the four people so special to him, with the Juniors who make the stage come alive, with the staff who help them bring it together, with the fans who've made them who they are.
It feels like something is missing when they form a group huddle with the Juniors backstage. Jun gives Ohno an extra slap on the back because he knows the older man misses having someone to hold hands with. His own stomach is fluttering with nerves, and his arms are shaking with adrenaline, but he still feels it when he looks up and he doesn't see one very important face grinning back at him. He breathes in deep.
"Is everyone feeling good?" He waits for the cheers. "Is everyone ready?" More cheers. "Let's have a good night without any injuries!" Jun never really thinks that one's worth the cheers, but he says it anyway. "It's the first night of our concert tour! Let's go out there and wow 'em like we always do!" That's more like it. "Let's have fun tonight! And let's make Nino proud!" The shouting rises to a deafening volume, and he can feel Aiba's hand wrap a little tighter around his.
"Let's go!" And they do.
13a.
Nino shows up unannounced during their MC. Sho snidely remarks, "Sorry, but we weren't planning on crying during 'Fight Song'." Nino scrunches his face up and tells him to be quiet.
14.
At midnight on his birthday, Jun receives a text message from Nino: "Happy birthday, Jun-kun! Is it another love song?"
Jun waits thirteen minutes before he responds: "No. ♥"
15.
Jun invites Nino over to watch the last episode of Yamada Tarou Monogatari with him. They laugh together at Ohno's useless cameo and play a drinking game for the rest of the episode. (Jun challenges Nino to drink every time it's hinted that someone's in love with Yamada Tarou, so he's sipping at his beer constantly throughout the episode. Nino tells Jun to drink whenever Yamada Tarou cries, but once it actually happens, he explains that Jun has to keep drinking throughout the duration of Yamada Tarou's tears. Jun downs two cans in quick succession and finds himself damning Aiba to the 30th tier of hell -- the one for the criers -- by the time Yamada Tarou is all cried out.)
After the episode ends, they sit on the couch, giggling together. Nino is snuggled into Jun's side, and Jun's a little bewildered, because Nino's always been the most mindful of Jun's space. But somehow, tonight, he likes it.
Jun blinks, sits up a little straighter. He looks ahead at the television. "You miss Leader, huh?"
Nino makes a discontented noise in the back of his throat and snuggles in closer. "Hm?"
"You probably haven't had any couch snuggling for months." He can feel Nino frown into his shoulder.
"It's not like we did it all the time, or even that often."
Jun winces. "I know, but... yeah, sorry."
Nino rubs his head against Jun's shoulder, and Jun is vaguely reminded of a cat. "It's okay. I've already forgiven you."
Jun laughs. "Well, thank you for your generosity."
"And just so you know, I have couch snuggles all the time. That's what dogs are good for. Not that you'd know."
Jun smacks him on the head. "At least I don't still live with my mother. You're what, 24 now?"
"Hey, so are you. Happy zodiac year."
Jun laughs and hits him again.
16.
When Jun asks one day without preamble, "Why?" Nino knows what he's talking about.
"Because I wanted to."
"Yeah, but why did you want to?"
Jun can hear Nino sigh on the other end, scratch his neck a little, pick at the corners of his eyes like he does sometimes. "I wanted to see who I could be without Arashi."
Jun doesn't say that Nino hasn't been without Arashi -- that he's riding on Arashi to have a fanbase, that people only know who he is because of Arashi; Nino knows that much. Besides, that isn't the point anyway. "And? Did you figure it out?"
"Who I can be without Arashi? Yeah."
"Do you like him?"
Jun swears he can hear Nino smile. "He's not bad. But I think I like the guy in Arashi better."
If Jun had to be honest, he'd say he likes them both for vastly different reasons. Thankfully, and a little bittersweetly, he doesn't have to be honest. "Yeah, I think I like the Arashi guy better, too."
17.
There's a message left for Arashi in November's Wink Up message board. "My side quest is almost done! Please wait for me!"
The meaning is clear and the room is full of giddy flitting, but when the other three members finally calm down enough to laugh heartily at Nino's use of the word "side quest", Jun realizes that he's the only one who's known the proper term for it. He smiles at the thought, and something warm gurgles in his chest.
18.
"So I think I like you."
Jun stops walking, about a meter from the couch, a beer in each hand. He'd been lamenting the fact that he didn't have any warm sake on hand, since it's nearing the end of October, and the autumn chill is starting to poke at them with its golden leaves. But his throat is suddenly dry, and he finds himself thinking that anything will do. "Excuse me?"
Nino tilts his head to the side and squints up at Jun. "I think I like you."
Jun's mind races. "Don't tell me that's the reason you wanted to go on your side quest."
Nino glares at him. "Don't be stupid. I went on the side quest to discover my full potential or something. This just happened to be an extra revelation. You can move, you know. I'm not drawing you or anything."
Jun nods slightly and steps forward, handing a beer to Nino before sitting down on the couch. "So. You like me?"
"I'm not going to say it again."
Jun thinks he should be more panicked than he is. He should be clawing at his face, or at Nino's face, or throwing himself into the bathtub and staying there until he's so pruned he can't tell his limbs apart. His mind should be screaming at him about Arashi and he's known Nino forever and there's no dating publicly in Johnny's and what about babies and everything else he's been conditioned to feel in this situation.
But when he turns to Nino, all he sees is... well, Nino, sipping his beer, his legs tucked under him, his free arm curled around his waist, his eyes calm and steady, watching Jun.
"Is that why we were snuggling when you were here the other night? You don't usually touch me."
Nino smirks. "You don't usually like to be touched."
Jun has no idea what he's doing right now. None of it feels real, sitting here calmly and talking about feelings, but somehow it feels so much more real, makes so much more sense, than the rest of what's happened in the past five months -- Arashi without Nino, Nino without Arashi. None of that made any sense. So it's definitely just better to go with something that does make sense, something that feels real, feels right. Like Jun with Nino. He sets his beer down on the table and leans in close, his voice low. "You can touch me now, if you want."
Nino sets his own beer down slowly, without breaking eye contact. "Do you want me to?" he whispers.
"Yeah, I think I do."
After Jun feels several eternities pass, it happens. Nino takes Jun's face in his hands and finally, finally presses their lips together.
19.
He wakes up the next morning with a note on the pillow next to his head. It's written in messy scrawl on the back of an old sheet of lyrics. "I'm not an asshole. I'll see you later."
Jun smirks skeptically. "Yeah, right," he says to no one in particular before sitting up and stretching.
He doesn't expect "later" to actually be within the hour, as he's yawning and glaring into his coffee cup. He feels blunt fingers drag slowly across his back, and he's suddenly awake. He knows those fingers. They were doing the same thing a few hours ago.
"Long night, Jun-kun?" Nino asks as he takes his place on the couch next to Ohno. Jun can't contain the grin creeping across his face.
Jun surveys the room. There's almost too much Nino in it now, but it might just be enough for them. The smiles of the other members are brilliant -- Aiba's is a little deranged, but in the most endearing kind of way -- and Nino gives as good as he gets.
"So," he begins slowly, dramatically, but his smile betrays him. "What did I miss?"
20.
Jun finds Nino waiting for him in the hallway on his way out. Wordlessly, Jun walks toward him and reaches into his pocket, pulling out an earbud and fitting it into his ear. "What do you listen to anyway?"
Nino shrugs and presses play. A tinkering eight-bit melody erupts from the earbud, promising fun and mischief and adventure and discovery. Jun throws his head back and laughs.
Poll Team What If
Rating: PG
Pairing: Matsumoto Jun/Ninomiya Kazunari (Arashi)
Summary: Nino starts a new journey, and all Jun can do is watch.
Prompt: "tell me the news, baby"
Warnings: none
Notes: A heaping spoonful of thanks goes out to my superb beta A, without whose encouragement and insight this fic would not be what it is. Dedicated to someone (she knows who she is).
01.
Aiba is more upset about it than the rest of them. Or so Jun suspects, with the way his arms are folded across his chest like amateur origami, his foot tapping hard enough to go thump-thump-thump, a quickened heartbeat against the beige carpet. Jun returns his attention to Nino, who's slumped into the couch opposite them and picking lint off his jeans, seemingly unperturbed by the steam rising high into the air.
Nino looks up at Jun. Jun remains pointedly blank. Nino smirks and stretches a lazy arm across the back of the couch, flicking Ohno's ear along the way. "Aiba-kun seems upset about something," he muses idly.
Jun can feel the world tilt as Aiba leans forward, planting his elbows on his knees, and fixes his gaze on Nino. "Didn't I tell you? You need to consult us before you make these kinds of decisions! Discussion is important, you know."
Nino nods and makes a noise of acknowledgment. "I know. That's why I talked to Leader before I decided anything." Nino looks at Ohno and tilts his head to the side conspiratorially. Ohno smiles. Nino smiles back. Aiba furrows his brow and leans back into the couch, folding his arms again. He looks more like an origami expert this time.
Jun waits for someone to speak. Sooner than he expects, he feels impatience tug at his vocal cords, pulling words out of his mouth before he's sure of what he's saying. "Ultimately it's your decision, Nino. And it's not like it's a permanent thing, right? You're just trying it out?" He frowns, unimpressed. It feels like he's talking about a hairstyle, and not an indefinite departure from the group.
The door clicks shut. "Trying what out?" Sho walks into the room with a bag over his shoulder. He dips his head in greeting before dropping onto the couch next to Ohno.
Aiba (always an epicenter of kinetic energy, even -- especially -- at a time like this) jumps in and explains: "Nino says he's taking a break from Arashi to do solo activities. And he says he's been thinking about it for months, but the only person he talked to about it was Leader. Even though I said that discussing these things is crucial because we're a group and that's what groups do."
Jun keeps his eyes on Aiba as he rambles on about the finer points of "group-ness", and he thinks to himself that Aiba's remained remarkably calm about the whole thing. Whether that's a certain pride in Nino reining him in, or the heavy feeling of inevitability, or the hidden maturity and professionalism that he's been cultivating all these years, Jun's not really sure. He smiles a little as Aiba trails off weakly. They'd all been expecting Nino to interject, but Nino had just listened earnestly and nodded. He knows when to be serious.
Sho crosses his legs, rubs the back of his neck in discomfort, and turns to Ohno. "Satoshi-kun, what did you say when Nino came to talk to you about it?"
Ohno shrugs. "I told him to do it. It'll be lonely, but we've done four before. This'll be a good opportunity for him." He sniffs, scratches his stomach absently.
Sho looks at Nino, concern still apparent in his eyes. "You know what this means, right? For you to leave Arashi. Are you sure you really want to do that?"
Nino nods slowly. "I've thought about it for a while, actually. You guys have nothing to worry about. You know how important Arashi is to me. It's important to all of us."
"They why are you leaving?!" Jun recoils at the sound of his own voice, too loud for the room, for this conversation.
Nino gives him a small smile. "It's not permanent. I just need to do this, just for a little bit. Please." The last word rings with urgency as Nino lowers his head to his knees in a plea for their understanding. Jun's not sure that he can truly understand, especially since he hasn't told them anything, but...
"Okay," Jun says, finally. "I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but you're smart, Nino. If this is what you want, then we should support you, right?" He looks around at the other members, and his voice softens. "Right?"
Aiba sighs. "You're really going to come back?"
Nino nods, head still at his knees. Ohno rubs him on the back in little circles.
"Well," Sho says, frowning the tiniest bit, "let's see what you can do." He addresses the group as a whole. "People who think Nino will be a great solo artist, raise your hands. Ready, set, go." Jun raises his hand and sees three other hands go up in time with his, like choreography for four.
Nino looks up at them, and an embarrassed smile breaks out on his face. He leans back and shakes his head. "You guys are stupid."
Aiba lowers his hand, pointing an accusatory finger and grinning. "Don't think we've forgiven you for telling us this way!"
Ohno giggles. "At least I didn't first hear about it in the newspaper." He digs an elbow into Sho's side, whose laugh cuts into the air, shattering whatever bits of tension still linger in the room.
02.
The episode of Shukudai-kun they've just recorded is Nino's last -- until he comes back, of course. The fans in the audience seem to wrap themselves in reserved shock at the announcement, though Jun's grateful that they try to keep their spirits up. He isn't surprised to see the audience's feelings -- with some added sadness and regret and a tiny bit of coming to terms -- reflected in the faces on set.
Jun watches as Nino makes the rounds afterwards, waving and bowing to the staff scattered around the set and backstage area. Jun steps with him from person to person and finds himself following Nino on his way out. Nino turns to him in the corridor and smiles, stopping to wait for him. "What's next on your agenda, Jun-kun? You done for the day?"
Jun nods, quickening his pace to catch up. As they walk together, he watches the other man tease an earbud out of his pocket and into his ear. He studies his profile, the calm determination in his eyes, the arrogant curve of his lips.
Jun feels awkward, suddenly. He wants to know, wants to ask why Nino feels like taking a break from Arashi, wants to figure out just what it'll mean for the four he leaves behind. After all, there's a lot to be considered when they're a group of four entertaining as if they're five.
Or at least that's what he tries to focus on, logically, as an idol. His chest is telling him something else -- it's saying the things he thinks it'd say if he were bidding farewell to a dear friend who's moving far, far away. Tell him to "Keep in touch," his chest whispers. And remind him to "Come visit, whenever!" It bothers him. He needs to keep it professional, wishes he could.
Nino reaches up and pats him on the shoulder, feather-light. Jun stops walking, disoriented, and then frowns at his feet. He looks up and expects his view to be filled with Nino, vibrant and full of life, but instead he sees the cold, dead NTV parking lot, an ocean of pocked concrete and shiny compact cars. "Don't worry, Jun-kun. I'll be back before you know it." He turns just in time to catch Nino's shy smile before it withers away into consideration. "It'll be like..." He imagines the inside of Nino's mind at that moment, sifting and spinning and blooming as he considers a dozen possible analogies before landing on the right one.
A side quest, Nino ends up calling it, grinning proudly. Jun watches him walk away to his car. He likes the sound of it -- "side quest" -- because it means it's auxiliary, fleeting, supplementary at best. But he's known Nino since they were kids; he knows what kind of kid Nino was, and more importantly he knows what changed once they became Arashi. As long as Nino's got nothing holding him back, as long as he thinks it's important enough to throw his entire being into, he's going to treat his side quest like it's the main journey.
Nino drives by with the car window rolled down, waving before turning out of the parking lot. A minute later, Jun can still hear the video game music streaming from Nino's speakers, loud and clear in the back of his mind. Sometimes it's an upbeat, disharmonic melody, the kind of soundtrack you'd expect to hear if you had to jiggle your shoulders and squat with each step, or do something equally ridiculous instead of walking. But this time it's an ominous, echoing kind of tune that plays, like Nino's travelling deeper and deeper into a cave without an exit. Jun thinks that he'd prefer the squatting.
03.
Jun watches an older episode of Shukudai-kun when he gets home that night. It's from just a few months back, so he still remembers most of the details. On screen, Nino admits to wanting to do solo activities, and they chuckle through his explanation that he said so to rouse the crowd. Nino slyly avoids answering Ogura-san's question about whether he really means it, and the set is caught in a flurry of laughter.
Jun brushes his fingers mindlessly over the buttons of the remote control. He rewinds, replays, quirks his mouth. Maybe he has forgotten some of the details. He remembers it being a lot funnier than it actually is.
04.
The dressing room seems colder, emptier, when Jun walks in a few days later. It's a weird feeling, he realizes once he remembers what's missing, because Nino can be horribly antisocial even with Arashi, but just knowing there's one less person in the room makes the absence hit him harder.
Jun looks around the room and sees Nino everywhere, wants to see him everywhere, like thinking about him is supposed to fill in the gaps that he's left behind. There's a dent in the wall that Nino once referred to as his dent, where he rents out tiny apartments to tiny people who pay him to live there with tiny money. (An additional fee is applied for raising tiny pets.) There's a table in the corner that still has their Kiiroi Namida scripts piled together, one on top of the other at deliberately odd angles in what Nino had called an "effigy". There's a spot of worn fabric on the arm of the couch, that little patch that Nino scratches at with his pinky finger when he's concentrating on whatever manga he's reading. (He doesn't scratch at it when he's playing video games because he uses both hands for that.)
"Good morning," Jun says to the others, taking his seat on the couch. Ohno looks up and makes a noise at him before returning his gaze to the table. Aiba turns to him, mouth full of something probably edible but no longer identifiable, and says between chews, "Good morning, MatsuJun." Sho peeks over his newspaper, rustling the pages as he nods.
The room falls back into silence.
Jun looks around. Things really haven't changed. Everything is in its proper place, and everyone is doing what he usually does before filming starts. But...
Well, maybe it shouldn't make that much of a differece, but it does. Things are off. Jun thinks that maybe Ohno was right -- he usually is when it comes to Nino. It's--
"It's a little lonely in here, huh?" Sho chuckles, tugging at his collar like he said "hot" instead of "lonely".
Jun looks up at Sho and sees the strained smile on his face. It's heartbreaking and inspirational at the same time.
They can do this -- whether or not they want to, they have to, for Nino and for Arashi. Besides, things really haven't changed, not that much. There's still the four of them, and Nino's still all over the room. Jun puts on a brave face and huffs dramatically. "We were totally done in by that bastard. Now he's got us all feeling bad." He stretches lazily, makes a noise of feigned discontent. "I bet that was his plan to begin with."
The sound of Aiba's clap echoes against the walls, like punctuation for his realization. "That's it! This is some kind of elaborate Ni no Arashi!" He laughs, high and wheezy and a little self-conscious, because he knows as well as the rest of them that it's not true. They all join in anyway.
A knock on the door cuts through their laughter. "Five minutes!" Jun recognizes the voice. It's Miki-chan, a small, bubbly staff member who's only been there for a few months. Nino started calling her "Micchan" after about a week. She probably misses him, too.
Five minutes later, they're stepping onto the set as a group of four, bowing to the cameramen and greeting the audience. They've done Shukudai-kun as four before, that one day they recorded two episodes while Nino was in Berlin, but it was never as a complete group of four. Sho takes up permanent residence on what was formerly the Ohmiya SK couch.
A week passes before a giggly Ohno brandishes his cell phone and shows them the text message, fresh from the night before, timestamped exactly twelve seconds after the end of Shukudai-kun: "I see that our couch has turned into the old man couch, Leader."
05.
Jun's lying on the couch in his apartment, his head propped up against his arm, when he first sees the commercial: Nino's releasing his first solo single. Jun looks up at the clock and decides to wait another half hour before he does anything.
When the clock strikes midnight, he has the text message ready to be sent: "Happy birthday, Nino! Is it another love song?" He adds some drifting balloons and fireworks for added effect.
At 12:13am, on June 17th, 2007, he receives Nino's reply: "I wrote it for you. ♥" He thinks it's stupid, but he saves the message anyway.
06.
The final chord sounds, and the song ends on a high, quivering vibrato. Jun looks around the room. It still feels strange to him to have an Arashi of four, but maybe the others are used to it by now. Or maybe, like him, they're learning to accept it because there's nothing else they can do.
Jun lets his gaze wander over to Sho, who has a serene smile on his face, and then to Ohno, who's blinking rapidly. To Jun's side, Aiba's nodding in approval. "Not bad, Nino. Though he told me it was a song about trucks."
"It's all in the way you listen to it, Aiba-chan," Sho explains. "The whole falling in love bit is a metaphor for engines." Aiba laughs and throws a slipper at the older man. "Hey," Sho yells with a grin on his face, "at least he told you the truth. He told me it was going to be a hip hop song."
Ohno shakes with laughter. "He told me that it was a story about a happy clown and a sad clown who found each other and lived together for the rest of their lives with neutral expressions on their faces."
Jun smirks. "He would write a song like that, wouldn't he?"
He doesn't end up telling the rest of them what Nino told him about the song. But he calls him later and leaves a voicemail anyway. "We listened to your demo today. I know it'll be a big hit."
07.
It's Shun's idea to call Nino up and invite him to join them at the bar. Jun creases his brow in concern, tipping his glass and watching the ice cubes resettle. "He's busy, though, isn't he?"
Shun looks at him questioningly. "Shouldn't you know? How long has it been since you've seen him anyway?"
Jun shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, looking at Shun out of the corner of his eye. "Six weeks or so?" Too long.
Shun looks amused and knowing, somehow, even though Jun's not sure what exactly he knows -- it's probably just the alcohol, which makes Shun's eyes sparkle and lose focus at the same time. He orders another beer from the bartender before setting his sparkling, unfocused gaze on Jun. "You mean you haven't seen him since he left? He's definitely coming tonight, then." He pulls out his phone and peers into the display as if it holds the secrets of the world -- and a drunk Shun would think so, really -- before tapping a few buttons and dialing. "Oh, Nino. Are you free now? Jun and I are sitting at a bar, missing you... Mm, yeah, that one... Whenever you're done with the photo shoot, then." He hangs up and flashes a victorious peace sign at Jun. Jun hits him on the head, and Shun giggles sheepishly.
Nino shows up an hour later, about twenty minutes after Shun's reached his most pleasant level of "good and wasted", and readjusts the brim of his cap before taking a seat at the bar next to Jun. It makes Jun feel a little warm inside, though that might just be the alcohol. "Long time no see," he says breezily, dropping his bag at his feet before turning to the bartender to ask for a beer.
Shun stays for about ten minutes before wobbling out of his chair, blaming his early departure on an "early-ass shoot for Hanakimi tomorrow, but damn isn't Maki-chan cute?" Nino, halfway through his beer and already a little pink, yells after him to poke Toma in the butt for him. Jun laughs and asks Shun for a poke in the butt from him, too.
Jun turns back to Nino, who's taking another swig, a drop of the drink running down Nino's chin. "You're going through that beer pretty quickly, aren't you, Nino?"
Nino sets the beer down (Jun finds drunken delight in seeing the liquid slosh around like waves at high tide) and wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. He laughs, and Jun loves the sound of it. "It's been a long day. You know how it is."
Jun considers. "Do I? It has been a while." Nino smiles solemnly and nods, tracing little patterns in the condensation on his glass. "So tell me about life as a solo artist."
And Nino does. He talks about photo shoots -- like the one he'd had that day, playing in a playground at night, all by himself -- and commercials and television appearances. He mentions his upcoming solo concert, where he's singing nothing but his own music, and maybe "Fight Song" because it kind of counts. He even admits to missing Arashi -- and that's definitely the alcohol, since Nino isn't usually this honest about his feelings. The entire time, Jun just listens and nods, interjects with the proper sounds and some easy questions, remembers how much Nino likes to talk sometimes, oddly doesn't mind it.
"So," Nino says with finality. He's traced patterns into four glasses at this point, and Jun's not sure if Nino's been downing drinks that quickly or he's been talking for that long and Jun's perception of time just can't keep up.
"So," Jun returns, a bit late. If they'd been playing badminton, he would have missed the birdie. He blinks slowly at Nino.
Nino chuckles. "Tell me the news, Jun-kun. What's new with Arashi?"
The lines blur together for a moment. Shouldn't Nino know what's new with Arashi? Maybe he hasn't been paying attention. But then Jun remembers.
What's new? Not a lot, really. It's mostly the same as always, except different. (Jun's having a lot of trouble articulating it, but Nino is surprisingly patient.) Aiba-chan and Sho-kun are starring in a new drama called Yamada Tarou Monogatari, and Arashi's been given the opportunity to sing the opening theme, which they just recorded last week. And it's finally even for once. (Jun stumbles back over his words to explain that he means the singing parts -- split two and two during the verses when they'd always been split two and three. Nino nods with exaggerated understanding, and Jun smacks him on the arm.) They have a concert tour coming up, and Leader is working with the choreographer -- you remember the choreographer, Akino-san -- to fix all of the dance numbers. You should come watch sometime! (It's Nino's turn then to smack Jun on the arm with a playful glare, saying that he wouldn't miss his favorite group's concert tour.)
They talk into the night, and Jun feels as if he's unloading, almost. Nino's easy to talk to -- he listens well when he isn't blabbing on about himself -- and Jun finally has a place to unwind, to ramble about Arashi to someone who understands everything and nothing at all. When it's Nino listening, he can admit to the frustration he feels when he messes up, to how tired he is when he feels like he's handling the tsukkomi all by himself, to how Aiba reminds him of an abandoned puppy sometimes, to the way Sho's quieted down since realizing that half the jokes he makes go unappreciated, to Ohno's consistent refusal to let anyone put anything on Nino's seat. Jun feels like he's pouring his soul out, and Nino's been drinking it up, glass by glass, tracing patterns into the condensation until they're all dried up and nothing's left but some vague smudges on the surface.
He tells Nino everything, and it feels good. And by the end of the night, as they hop into separate taxis to go their separate ways, Jun realizes that the only thing he hasn't admitted to is how much he's missed being called "Jun-kun".
08.
It gets easier, after that, for Jun to talk to Nino and not feel like he's being a nuisance. He knows the industry -- he understands that sometimes idols don't have time to talk to their friends, and he's been in that position where he doesn't have the energy to achieve anything more than just the most basic level of courteous -- but it helps that Nino seems to enjoy their conversations as much as he does. Most of them consist of "news from the other side" (Nino makes it sound supernatural the first time he says it, and Jun wishes he could reach through the phone and flick him on the forehead), since Jun's somehow been put in charge of catching Nino up on the behind-the-scenes goings-on with Arashi, and vice versa.
"So after we cleaned up, we had to start all over again," Jun finishes, explaining Aiba's latest feat of supreme clumsiness.
"He really is stupid, isn't he?" Nino asks rhetorically. Jun doesn't miss the wistful tone in his voice.
Another day, another conversation, Nino asks casually, "So what's new with Leader?"
Jun raises his eyebrows and presses his phone closer to his ear unconsciously. "You don't know? I thought you guys texted each other like lovers."
Nino makes an amused noise. "We do, but it's never about anything important. The last text I got from him was right before I called you. It said something like 'Coconuts. Nuts. Nuts!'"
Jun laughs, and his grip on his phone relaxes. "What did you say in response?"
"I made a pun and called him 'Hawaii' instead of 'cute'."
"You should be a comedian, Nino," Jun deadpans. "I think you'd be really good at it."
Nino chuckles. "I'd ask you to do it with me, but it doesn't work if no one makes any stupid comments and we're just standing there hitting each other."
Jun almost says that he'd be stupid for Nino, but he realizes before it's too late how it really would be a stupid thing to say.
08a.
It still isn't easy for Jun to think of Arashi as four, and every day he comes up with a different reason for why Nino wanted to go solo. The reasons stop making sense after a while -- the aliens would have picked a taller member of Arashi to harass -- but none of it made any sense to begin with.
Talking to Nino helps. It helps him find the peace that he never thought he'd need. Slowly the reasons stop parading around in his head. Jun thinks they might be out in space somewhere, with the aliens maybe, writing, revising, erasing, rewriting themselves like they did when they were trapped in his skull.
09.
Jun actually doesn't find arranging Arashi's concert stage placement too difficult. It's not until the lighting director comes on stage and discusses the spotlights that Jun realizes he's still been arranging for five instead of four. He apologizes profusely for his mistake; he's tired and he's frustrated and he just needs to take a break, though he doesn't say any of that out loud. He simply excuses himself and walks backstage, pulling out his phone. He doesn't even need to look anymore to get to the right place in his contact list.
"Hello? Jun-kun? I don't have a lot of time right now, but..." There's some idle noise and a bit of shouting in the background. It sounds like they're changing scenes on set for his drama special, and they're probably going to be calling for him any minute.
"I miss you."
"What?" Nino laughs. "Are you sick? What are you saying?"
"I miss you."
"I miss you, too, but..." Some muffled noises. Jun frowns, imagining Nino's put his hand over the mouthpiece to respond to someone. "Sorry, I have to go. I'll call you tonight, okay? When are you done?"
"Probably around 11:30."
"Okay, I'll talk to you then, I promise. Gotta go, bye." The line goes dead before Jun can respond.
Nino calls at exactly 11:30 that night. Jun doesn't even pretend that he hasn't been waiting for it. "Hey."
10.
They lucked out, somehow. The four of them have just enough time in their schedules to make it to the first night of Nino's concert. It's a novel experience, since they haven't been able to watch another Johnny's concert as a group for a long time. They greet the celebrities littering the VIP section, joking pleasantly with the industry people and comedians and actors and singers who yell in their direction, "Hey, it's Arashi!" "You guys looking for a fifth member?" "He didn't smell that bad, did he?" Three handshakes, seven waves, and thousands of nods and bows later, they make it to their seats in the front of the section.
Jun's meticulous attention to detail comes out when he's at a concert, even if he's not the one performing. It's the reason he likes to go to concerts more than he likes to just listen to music. Something aural becomes something visual, and in that cross between senses, the musical experience is opened up in a way that not only complements it but enhances it, helping it transcend itself. Jun leans forward in his seat and takes it all in.
He feels nostalgic, even though he doesn't have a right to be. They've just had their first dome concert months ago, back when they were still five, and it's like pedaling backwards on a bicycle to be back in Yokohama Arena. The stage, the lights, the sea of soon-to-be-screaming girls (Jun beams when he thinks about how happy Nino must be feeling to have filled the entire arena). It's all old and new, because they're here as Arashi, the four of them -- the five of them, really -- but from a different viewpoint than what they're used to.
Suddenly the lights dim and the stage begins to shimmer. Nino appears, suspended by ropes from above, playing an electric guitar, singing a mid-tempo rock song Jun hasn't heard before. The air is filled with screams of excitement as girls jump out of their seats and bop their penlights (in the shape of a hand forming a peace sign) in time with the music. Jun and the others stand up, too, wiggling their Nino uchiwa in sync. Nino has a huge grin on his face, and Jun finds it contagious.
It's an excellent show. Nino is a showman, and he knows how to get the audience worked up, and soon enough he has a call and response going even though no one's heard these songs before. They're all laughing at the right times, cheering at the right times, and singing along with the lyrics on screen once they've picked up the melody.
During the MC, Nino sits at the edge of the stage and talks about what it feels like to be doing solo activities. It's hard, he says, and it makes him realize just how much he depends on the support from people around him. He talks a little about how he likes to be a loner, and he tells an anecdote about how he once couldn't park where he wanted because someone else was in the car and didn't want to walk an extra two kilometers just for the cheaper spot. "Oh, that was Aiba-kun, by the way," Nino tosses out nonchalantly, and as the crowd cheers and Nino grins, Jun can feel his seat wiggle with Aiba's excitement, even though he's two seats down. "Speaking of whom, I heard that recently they had to reshoot an entire Arashi no Shukudai-kun segment because he broke a table." Jun laughs louder than he should, and Aiba reaches over Ohno's lap and smacks him on the leg.
"I can't believe you told him that!" Aiba says, scandalized.
Jun's eyes glisten with mirth. "Hey, he asked for clumsy moments from you. I had to deliver."
Nino regales the audience with a couple more stories before he heads into the final set. Jun marvels yet again at the fact that Nino has the entire place wrapped around his short, stumpy finger, singing and laughing and clapping and dancing and generally having a great time.
So it's only natural that no one knows how to react when Nino starts crying during "Fight Song". He fumbles for a few of the words, hitting a couple before his voice cracks.
And then, Jun hears a piercing cry from right next to him. It's Ohno, throwing his strained encouragement into the air -- "You can do it, Nino!" -- and Jun's glad to know he isn't the only one crying. Soon enough, it's the four of them, the entire arena, yelling, cheering him on. Nino looks in their direction for a split-second and mumbles into the microphone, "You guys are idiots," as the band continues to play the song, peppy and trumpeting in the background. He wipes his face and whines loudly, "I'm not crying!" And he jumps up and down, his tiny arms flailing madly, and works the audience out of their tears and back into euphoria.
When they visit Nino's dressing room after the show, they open the door to find him crouched next to the couch in his Arashi jacket, packing up his guitar. He looks up at them and scowls. "No. Nope, no idiots allowed backstage."
Aiba shakes his Nino uchiwa with extra vigor and grins. "You were really cool, Nino."
"I'd be touched if you had any idea what 'cool' is."
Aiba yells, and Nino giggles, "Huh? What? What did I say?"
Jun chuckles, ushering the rest of the group in and closing the door behind them.
11.
Jun receives a phone call in the middle of an episode of Yamada Tarou. "This is a pretty shady drama. Aiba-kun's treating those kids like they're his pets or something."
"You only say that because you know he works with animals."
"Everyone in Japan knows he works with animals."
"Well, true." Jun readjusts his grip on the phone. "But it's a nice series beyond that, right?"
"Yamada Tarou cries too much."
A beat.
"It's appropriate," they say simultaneously.
12.
Jun doesn't expect Nino to pick up, but he does, and there are some scattered noises before he says anything. "Jun-kun!" he cheers.
Jun frowns. "You're drunk."
"Am not! You don't know what you're talking about!"
"Are you at home, at least? It's nearly 2am."
"Yes, Mom, I'm home. And hey, it's past midnight. Why'd you call me so late?"
Jun doesn't have an immediate response. "I don't know."
"Oh."
Jun breathes into the phone a bit. Why did he call Nino? He didn't have anything to say.
"Hey, Jun-kun?" Nino asks quietly, and Jun's suddenly not sure if he's drunk or not.
"Mm?"
A snicker. "Will you sing me a lullaby?" Oh, he's drunk.
"No. I'll call you when you're back in your right mind."
"Jun-kun, wait." Jun waits. "I'm glad you called... Good night."
Jun smiles. "Good night, Nino."
13.
Their first concert as four hurts. It hurts more than the rehearsals do, because they've done plenty of rehearsals with one or more of the members missing. But the concerts are what they've been able to bond over every year. The quiet nights in Ohno's hotel room, curled into little balls on the bed and talking about nothing, about everything, about Arashi... those were the moments they shared as five. And the excitement, the joy, the feeling of accomplishment they feel when they're in a dome filled to the brim with people who support them... Jun cherishes it, and he loves that he can share it with the four people so special to him, with the Juniors who make the stage come alive, with the staff who help them bring it together, with the fans who've made them who they are.
It feels like something is missing when they form a group huddle with the Juniors backstage. Jun gives Ohno an extra slap on the back because he knows the older man misses having someone to hold hands with. His own stomach is fluttering with nerves, and his arms are shaking with adrenaline, but he still feels it when he looks up and he doesn't see one very important face grinning back at him. He breathes in deep.
"Is everyone feeling good?" He waits for the cheers. "Is everyone ready?" More cheers. "Let's have a good night without any injuries!" Jun never really thinks that one's worth the cheers, but he says it anyway. "It's the first night of our concert tour! Let's go out there and wow 'em like we always do!" That's more like it. "Let's have fun tonight! And let's make Nino proud!" The shouting rises to a deafening volume, and he can feel Aiba's hand wrap a little tighter around his.
"Let's go!" And they do.
13a.
Nino shows up unannounced during their MC. Sho snidely remarks, "Sorry, but we weren't planning on crying during 'Fight Song'." Nino scrunches his face up and tells him to be quiet.
14.
At midnight on his birthday, Jun receives a text message from Nino: "Happy birthday, Jun-kun! Is it another love song?"
Jun waits thirteen minutes before he responds: "No. ♥"
15.
Jun invites Nino over to watch the last episode of Yamada Tarou Monogatari with him. They laugh together at Ohno's useless cameo and play a drinking game for the rest of the episode. (Jun challenges Nino to drink every time it's hinted that someone's in love with Yamada Tarou, so he's sipping at his beer constantly throughout the episode. Nino tells Jun to drink whenever Yamada Tarou cries, but once it actually happens, he explains that Jun has to keep drinking throughout the duration of Yamada Tarou's tears. Jun downs two cans in quick succession and finds himself damning Aiba to the 30th tier of hell -- the one for the criers -- by the time Yamada Tarou is all cried out.)
After the episode ends, they sit on the couch, giggling together. Nino is snuggled into Jun's side, and Jun's a little bewildered, because Nino's always been the most mindful of Jun's space. But somehow, tonight, he likes it.
Jun blinks, sits up a little straighter. He looks ahead at the television. "You miss Leader, huh?"
Nino makes a discontented noise in the back of his throat and snuggles in closer. "Hm?"
"You probably haven't had any couch snuggling for months." He can feel Nino frown into his shoulder.
"It's not like we did it all the time, or even that often."
Jun winces. "I know, but... yeah, sorry."
Nino rubs his head against Jun's shoulder, and Jun is vaguely reminded of a cat. "It's okay. I've already forgiven you."
Jun laughs. "Well, thank you for your generosity."
"And just so you know, I have couch snuggles all the time. That's what dogs are good for. Not that you'd know."
Jun smacks him on the head. "At least I don't still live with my mother. You're what, 24 now?"
"Hey, so are you. Happy zodiac year."
Jun laughs and hits him again.
16.
When Jun asks one day without preamble, "Why?" Nino knows what he's talking about.
"Because I wanted to."
"Yeah, but why did you want to?"
Jun can hear Nino sigh on the other end, scratch his neck a little, pick at the corners of his eyes like he does sometimes. "I wanted to see who I could be without Arashi."
Jun doesn't say that Nino hasn't been without Arashi -- that he's riding on Arashi to have a fanbase, that people only know who he is because of Arashi; Nino knows that much. Besides, that isn't the point anyway. "And? Did you figure it out?"
"Who I can be without Arashi? Yeah."
"Do you like him?"
Jun swears he can hear Nino smile. "He's not bad. But I think I like the guy in Arashi better."
If Jun had to be honest, he'd say he likes them both for vastly different reasons. Thankfully, and a little bittersweetly, he doesn't have to be honest. "Yeah, I think I like the Arashi guy better, too."
17.
There's a message left for Arashi in November's Wink Up message board. "My side quest is almost done! Please wait for me!"
The meaning is clear and the room is full of giddy flitting, but when the other three members finally calm down enough to laugh heartily at Nino's use of the word "side quest", Jun realizes that he's the only one who's known the proper term for it. He smiles at the thought, and something warm gurgles in his chest.
18.
"So I think I like you."
Jun stops walking, about a meter from the couch, a beer in each hand. He'd been lamenting the fact that he didn't have any warm sake on hand, since it's nearing the end of October, and the autumn chill is starting to poke at them with its golden leaves. But his throat is suddenly dry, and he finds himself thinking that anything will do. "Excuse me?"
Nino tilts his head to the side and squints up at Jun. "I think I like you."
Jun's mind races. "Don't tell me that's the reason you wanted to go on your side quest."
Nino glares at him. "Don't be stupid. I went on the side quest to discover my full potential or something. This just happened to be an extra revelation. You can move, you know. I'm not drawing you or anything."
Jun nods slightly and steps forward, handing a beer to Nino before sitting down on the couch. "So. You like me?"
"I'm not going to say it again."
Jun thinks he should be more panicked than he is. He should be clawing at his face, or at Nino's face, or throwing himself into the bathtub and staying there until he's so pruned he can't tell his limbs apart. His mind should be screaming at him about Arashi and he's known Nino forever and there's no dating publicly in Johnny's and what about babies and everything else he's been conditioned to feel in this situation.
But when he turns to Nino, all he sees is... well, Nino, sipping his beer, his legs tucked under him, his free arm curled around his waist, his eyes calm and steady, watching Jun.
"Is that why we were snuggling when you were here the other night? You don't usually touch me."
Nino smirks. "You don't usually like to be touched."
Jun has no idea what he's doing right now. None of it feels real, sitting here calmly and talking about feelings, but somehow it feels so much more real, makes so much more sense, than the rest of what's happened in the past five months -- Arashi without Nino, Nino without Arashi. None of that made any sense. So it's definitely just better to go with something that does make sense, something that feels real, feels right. Like Jun with Nino. He sets his beer down on the table and leans in close, his voice low. "You can touch me now, if you want."
Nino sets his own beer down slowly, without breaking eye contact. "Do you want me to?" he whispers.
"Yeah, I think I do."
After Jun feels several eternities pass, it happens. Nino takes Jun's face in his hands and finally, finally presses their lips together.
19.
He wakes up the next morning with a note on the pillow next to his head. It's written in messy scrawl on the back of an old sheet of lyrics. "I'm not an asshole. I'll see you later."
Jun smirks skeptically. "Yeah, right," he says to no one in particular before sitting up and stretching.
He doesn't expect "later" to actually be within the hour, as he's yawning and glaring into his coffee cup. He feels blunt fingers drag slowly across his back, and he's suddenly awake. He knows those fingers. They were doing the same thing a few hours ago.
"Long night, Jun-kun?" Nino asks as he takes his place on the couch next to Ohno. Jun can't contain the grin creeping across his face.
Jun surveys the room. There's almost too much Nino in it now, but it might just be enough for them. The smiles of the other members are brilliant -- Aiba's is a little deranged, but in the most endearing kind of way -- and Nino gives as good as he gets.
"So," he begins slowly, dramatically, but his smile betrays him. "What did I miss?"
20.
Jun finds Nino waiting for him in the hallway on his way out. Wordlessly, Jun walks toward him and reaches into his pocket, pulling out an earbud and fitting it into his ear. "What do you listen to anyway?"
Nino shrugs and presses play. A tinkering eight-bit melody erupts from the earbud, promising fun and mischief and adventure and discovery. Jun throws his head back and laughs.
Poll Team What If