Prompt 8: You've Been Friday'd! (please go have your eyes examined) - Team Future
Title: Sacrifice Boredom
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairing: Ryo/Ueda
Summary: Two men who used to hate each other find themselves having more fun together than they’d ever expected when Ryo invites himself into the game that Ueda plays to break the monotony of being an aging idol.
Prompt: You’ve been Friday’d! (please go have your eyes examined)
Warnings: References to death and violence, language, crude humor, semi-explicit sexual intercourse between two consenting adults.
Notes: Inspired by Ryo’s face at the end of the first episode of “Joker: Yurusarezaru Sosakan” and by that drama in general. Ages are not specifically mentioned, but it can be assumed that Ryo and Ueda are around 36 and 37 years old respectively, meaning that this story is set about ten years in the future. The title comes from Rich Bach’s quote: “In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.”
“You ever get bored?” Ueda had surprised Ryo by suddenly asking. “No. Don’t have the time for.” He’d lied airily, thinking it none of Ueda’s business that every day felt like the one before it to Ryo. “KUNTT not getting enough action to satisfy you?” Acronyms became one of Ryo’s favorite things after Amerikanishi ditched. “That joke is very dead, Ryo.”
Now he wonders if that was a thinly veiled hint. It irks him that it probably was and that he hadn’t gotten it until now.
When he’s finished admiring the fingerprints on the corpse’s throat, the smile fades from his lips and he leaves, humming the refrain of an old song, wondering how long it will take for the cops to find this one.
KUNTT was like the girlfriend that got dumped and got fat and was never happy again, while Amerikanishi was the boyfriend who went on to be successful. Except that in showbiz terms, “got fat and was never happy again” translates to less CDs, less concerts, less drama offers, less fame and less fortune. “Successful,” of course, means “successful.”
Which Ryo’s two groups are. It’s funny how misery leads to prosperity like that all within one agency. Lately, Ryo’s been traveling between Osaka and Tokyo by express helicopter, because the bullet train just isn’t fast enough to ferry him between NewS and Kanjani8 at the rate that Johnny-san demands. He loves being able to look down at the world through the windows; it’s always one of the highlights of his day. Fuck no he is not over-compensating for anything.
“Ryo-tan’s here!” Tegoshi announced at the ass-crack of dawn on one of the days that Ryo was slated to spend with NewS. Glancing up from his copy of the schedule, Shige studied Ryo for a moment. “Looks more like a miniature zombie to me. I don’t think that his eyes are even open.”
“Don’t be mean, Shige. Ryo-tan is exhausted because management doesn’t understand that he needs sleep to survive.” Petting Ryo’s hair sympathetically, Tegoshi giggled when Ryo snuggled up to him on the couch like he was an adorable, nice-smelling, sexy pillow. “Don’t fall asleep, Ryo-tan. We have filming soon.”
Yamapi poked him. “More like we have filming now. Ryo-chan’s first up for solo scenes. That’s lucky, right Ryo-chan? You can rest while everyone else does theirs, since you’ll already be finished until it’s time for us to be together.” In response, Ryo clutches Tegoshi and whines. He can’t summon the energy to get up.
“The director’s going to get mad.” Masuda said anxiously, and the rest of NewS -minus Ryo- murmured worriedly that yes, the director would definitely be angry if Ryo refused to cooperate. “All the member-love in the world won’t be able to save him from an angry director. The last time he pissed one off, he had to wear those terrible Hawaiian shirts for the whole drama!” Koyama was nearly in tears.
It is the smell of coffee, not his group’s fears or the threat of the PV’s director, that rouses Ryo. “For me?” He asks before he notices whose carrying it. “Oh. Why are you here? Does KUNTT really have so little to do that you’re free to just go around and bother whoever you want?”
Unbothered by the jibe, Ueda taunted Ryo by waving the mug under his nose. “It’s fresh. Delicious. Oh, hello, Ryo. Wonderful morning for coffee, isn’t it?” He doesn’t need to bother with an insult; they both know that Ueda has won this round. “So, what would you do for this lovely cup of liquid life?”
“I’d kill.” Ryo said. He leaves off the “you” because it’s implied, and because it’s a test. “I see. How nice.” The laughter Ryo hears in the words gets his dander up. “What’s so funny, has-been?”
Ueda’s arm shoots out so fast that Ryo doesn’t have time to react, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and hauling him close. “You, more than anymore else alive, should know that I don’t take those words lightly.” Just as quickly, Ryo is let go, and the mug is pressed gently into his hand. “Enjoy it. And enjoy singing to a beat that I composed.”
A mean comment about Ueda having to do extra work to compensate for having no career left as an idol is on the tip of Ryo’s tongue. However, Ueda turns on his heel and leaves before he can say anything, and there are more pressing matters to attend to anyways.
“Ryo-san, please try to not have an erection in that costume. It is very easy to see. Additionally, the nature of those pants is such that the likelihood of your penis becoming stuck in the zipper increases monumentally when it is erect. If we have to stop filming to free your penis, it will mess up the schedule.” The director droned in a monotone.
“Yeah, Ryo, ‘rescuing a tiny dick’ isn’t anywhere on the timetable. Hey, that’s a double entendre! Because you’re a tiny dick and you have a---” After swallowing the entire cup of coffee in one gulp, Ryo snarled and launched himself at Shige, who screamed and tried to run.
“I’ll amend the agenda.” Koyama volunteered helpfully. “It’ll take about five seconds for Geshi to surrender, and then we’ll have to spend fifteen minutes untangling their costumes. I hope that Ryo-chan will let us touch his private parts, otherwise we’ll have to wait until the affect of the caffeine wears off and he falls asleep. That could take thirty minutes.”
“Massu, get Shige, Pi, get Ryo-tan.” Tegoshi orders, bored with watching two men roll around on the floor, scratching at each other. It’s not amusing unless they’re not wearing clothes. Always agreeable, Masuda wades in first and hauls Shige as far from Ryo as he can manage. “They are stuck.” He says, unnecessarily. “Should we rip them apart?”
“Why not?” Pi grabbed Ryo and grinned. “A few tears might even make their outfits look better. Ready, pull!” Separating Ryo and Shige takes enough time for someone to snap a few rolls of film. “Our shop pictures are going to be super popular.” Tegoshi declared happily. The director makes a note to allow NewS to wear underwear in their next PV. In fact, he amends, underwear will be the entirety of their costume.
The actual filming doesn’t take too long, once they finally get down to business. The whole process has become as exact as a science to them, since they’ve been doing it for so long. Ryo has a few hours of free time before he has to go in for an interview about the movie that he’s going to star in, and he knows exactly how he wants to spend them.
“You caused my cock a huge amount of pain today, you know.” He tells Ueda with a smirk. Ueda smirks right back. “I don’t think that word ‘huge’ can be applied to your cock in any way, shape, or form, unless preceded by the word ‘not’, Ryo. Other than that, I have no idea how to respond to that statement. I feel like it’s kind of a compliment, only it’s you, so… How did you know I was going to be here?”
Stepping back before the blood can seep into his shoes, Ryo kicked gravel at the body on the ground as he answered. “It’s not like your pattern was particularly complicated. All I had to do was connect the kill spots.” Pulling a marked-up map of Tokyo out of his pocket, Ryo unfurled it and held it so that Ueda could see his handiwork.
“G-A-C-K. And this bastard is the first part of the ‘T’. It’s cute how you managed to arrange the bodies so that each letter gets exactly six kills.” Ryo would have said more, but flashing lights were rapidly approaching. “Find a fucking alibi and don’t be so easy in the future, or you’re going to get famous for something not nearly so nice as being able to shake your hips at the camera.”
By the time Ryo is finished with his interview, the first pictures are already showing up on the ‘net. Five minutes later, management is phoning Ueda, wanting to know if it is in fact he who was photographed entering a well-known love hotel with a woman of questionable moral fiber.
Of course, Ueda publicly denies the allegation that he associates with ladies of the night, ignoring the tabloids that are currently printing and re-printing the personal testimony of the lady whose company he engaged for a fee. The snapshot is blurry, the veracity of the is statement questionable at best, and in a multitude of morgues across the country a variety of victims whose murders will probably never be solved quietly decompose.
“I didn’t mean the ‘fucking’ part literally. Is that even really you?” The message is waiting for Ueda at his next site, making him laugh so hard that he nearly drowns out the sounds of his latest target’s screams of agony. Before he burns it, he takes note of the stationary it was written on. Then he changes his clothes and goes to the café where Ryo is, presumably, waiting.
“Right on time. Your drink’s here.” Ryo takes a sip of it, perhaps to show that it isn’t poisoned, or possibly just to annoy him, then passes it to Ueda after he has seated himself. “Exactly how much did you Irish this up?” Making a face, Ueda pushes it back to Ryo and signals a waitress.
“Hey, it’s almost 5 o’clock.” Ryo said defensively. “AM, not PM.” Ueda countered. Pretty much like Ryo expected, Ueda’s coffee order is unpronounceable to him, except for the last word, which was “please.” Snorting derisively into his cup of real -alcoholic- black coffee, Ryo frowned when he realized something. “Hey, that cup you brought me the other day wasn’t some fancy, feminine crap.”
“Why would I waste a good drink on you?” Ueda shot back. The harsh words did nothing to mask his blush. “Aw Uepon, that’s so sweet. You brought me something that you knew I’d like.” He gives Ueda his widest grin and tries not to wince when Ueda kicks him repeatedly under the table.
“Shut up, I didn’t get it specially for you. It was just there, and at the time I thought that it would be better for you to drink it than for me to pour it down the sink. Obviously I was mistaken! Oh, thank you.” Accepting his order from the waitress, Ueda raised the mug in a toast. “To Gackt-sama. It’s his second deathday.”
When Ryo didn’t make any move to echo his words, Ueda, unperturbed, sipped delicately from his drink. “I guess you timed it like this on purpose. Creepy.” If the words offended Ueda at all, it didn’t show. “Want to come with me to give him his gifts? I got him one from everybody.” The little laugh that followed the word “everybody” clued Ryo in that Ueda was referring to the people that he’d killed and not others from his group or from the agency.
As the sun rose behind them, Ryo and Ueda built a little bonfire. They were the only patrons of the cemetery with pulses which, given the early hour, was not entirely surprising. “So, what’d you steal from the dead people? Money, jewelry?”
“Tongues.” Ueda punctuated the word by withdrawing a pouch from his man-purse. “…Excuse me?”
“I said ‘tongues’. After all, they were his favorite body part.” Ryo swallowed hard, trying not to gag. “Don’t worry, I froze all but the most recent one to keep them fresh. I would never offer Gackt-sama rotten tongue.”
“That’s disgusting.” Ueda, busy dousing the tongues with lighter fluid, didn’t acknowledge the statement. “Fucking hell, Ueda, tongues, seriously? You could have gotten flowers or incense and saved yourself the trouble of KILLING thirty people. Damn, that’s a lot of tongues.”
“My gift to Gackt-sama is both original and heartfelt and a million times better than flowers or incense or other typical presents. Now shut up, Ryo, your irreverence is destroying my mood of mourning.” Kneeling before the grave, Ueda began to mumble what Ryo thought might have been one of Gackt’s hit songs (not that he knew Gackt from Green Day).
“Mourning is right. Thirty families out there are burying loved ones who are missing their tongues. How do you think they feel about that, Gackt-lover?” Ueda sighed and mumbled louder. “Don't ignore me, fairy boy, you’re wasting some of the precious few hours that I have off, the least you can do to talk to me.”
“Ryo, unless you want to donate tongue number thirty-one, I suggest that you stop bothering me. I’m nearly finished.” Clenching his jaw, Ryo obediently remained silent until Ueda finally rose to his feet. “I appreciate it.” The genuine thankfulness in his voice made Ryo feel awkwardly happy. “Yeah, well, you really liked the guy. And it’s probably bad karma to mock the dead or some shit like that.”
“Indeed. Well, I’ll start a new pattern soon, once I pick one out. Maybe I’ll see you around.” Ryo stared as Ueda began walking to the gate, and somehow Ueda must have felt the confusion in his gaze because he called over his shoulder: “a new trail, a new path, whatever you want to call it. You didn’t think that I just started killing for Gackt-sama, did you?”
As he kicks dirt over the fire, smothering it in seconds, Ryo wonders what he’s gotten himself into. Whatever it is, he hopes that it’ll be fun.
He starts buying a copy of the daily newspaper on his way to work, taking a few moments out of his busy schedule to scan it for reports of suspicious deaths. Whenever Shige sees Ryo with the paper, he pats him on the back and makes loud comments about how everyone should strive to be an informed citizen about the world’s events just like Ryo-chan. “Look Kato, I’m just interested in the stiffs, okay?” Ryo finally snaps at him, because while he appreciates praise as much as the next person, he only wants it if he has really earned it.
It dawns on him that his word choice was somewhat poor when Koyama starts freaking out about Ryo answering weird personal ads. “STRANGER DANGER, RYO-CHAN. There’s lots of better ways to meet other nice homosexuals. You don't know what kind of men write those ads!”
“So did you and Ueda share you interest in stiffies when you went out together for coffee?” Pi winked at Ryo over the top of the tabloid magazine that he was perusing. “If you squint, you can totally tell that Ryo-chan has his ‘horny’ face on. I think.”
“There were no whole stiffs at the café.” Ryo growled, and it was the truth because only parts of them (namely tongues) had been present. “I don’t want to talk about it. Kei-chan, I swear I won’t ever meet up with anybody more creepy than Ueda.” This satisfied Koyama, most likely because he didn’t know the extent of Ueda’s weirdness. Ryo was pretty sure that he could meet up with any freak under the sun without breaking his promise.
“Lately, I’ve found that Ueda and I have a lot more in common.” Ryo says in his next interview. “I feel like we’ll be able to enjoy spending time together in the future.”
The following day, he finds a pattern in the form of butterflies. It doesn’t take him long to dig up the corpses that the cops haven’t discovered yet. Ryo thinks that now he understands why nerds like Shige enjoy learning so much. Taxing his brain to make sense of the trail of bodies gives him a thrill of pleasure totally unlike the one he gets from being in front of an audience.
He figures out that the final count will be ten this time, and marks the spot where the last victim should come from. The significance of the address that he circled doesn’t dawn on him until Tegoshi wonders aloud where all these stickers are coming from. “I keep finding packages of butterfly stickers in my mailbox, Ryo-tan. I’m running out of things to stick them on!” Giggling, he presses one of said stickers onto Ryo’s cheek, oblivious to the way that Ryo’s eyes have darkened with murderous intent.
Ueda walks into his apartment and finds Ryo with a gun and the angriest expression that he’s ever seen. “I can explain-” he begins.
“No.” Ryo says and pulls the trigger. Before Ueda’s body crumples to he ground, he catches it and starts dragging it to where he wants it to be.
“I asked Tego-nyan to count all the stickers for me.” Ueda’s eyelashes fluttered. “He got bored before he finished, but he said that he’s pretty sure there are over fifty. Since I’m not feeling particularly merciful at the moment, I’ll just stop whenever I feel like it.”
At that point there was a pause in the one-sided conversation. When he tried to move first his arms, then his legs, Ueda found that they were bound. He was also gagged, for a good reason. The first blow came as a surprise; Ueda flinched and tried to scream. By the time the twentieth hit him, he was writhing in constant pain. With the exception of a few wild thrashes when his control escaped him, Ryo’s aim was perfectly accurate, ensuring that his belt made contact with the exact same spot on Ueda’s back every time he swung it. The result was absolute agony.
“It’s going to scar, not that you’ll be able to see it unless you look into a mirror. You don’t need to see it, do you? You’ll remember. You better remember.”
Beating Ueda like this wasn’t at all enjoyable for Ryo. Any imprecise idiot could make someone hurt; the thrill lay in causing pleasure with the pain. But this was a punishment, so instead of putting into practice the tantalizingly torturous techniques of his fantasies, Ryo devoted all his energy to making sure that Ueda understood that those he cared about weren’t do be touched.
“Not Tego-nyan. Not Pi. Not Uchi. Not any of them. I will drag you out in broad daylight to the most crowded street in this whole country and end your life without finesse or compassion or regard for the consequences if you dare to even think about harming a single person that I love.”
The tears that leaked from Ueda’s eyes were as much from fear as they were from pain. Humiliation was another factor. He’d targeted Tegoshi to bait Ryo without bothering to consider fully what Ryo’s reaction would be. A rash, attention seeking mistake.
“I never intended to go through with it.” He whispered when it was over. “I swear, I was never going to actually kill him.” Surprisingly tender fingers rubbed something onto his back that immediately eased the burning ache. “I figured. I wasn’t about to take a chance on it though. Just stay away from my important people, Ueda, alright?”
As he unbound each limb, Ryo gently massaged away the stiffness that had set into it. “You don’t have to.” The protest was muffled by the pillow that Ueda was currently pressing his face into. “Yes, I do, because you have to dance tomorrow. Unless you’re saying that you’d rather limp around the stage like you were buttfucked by an elephant? ‘cause I can stop.”
Ueda laughed. “Ryo, if you could only see what’s in my head right now. I’m imagining what Kame’s face would look like if I gave him that excuse.” Picturing the same thing made Ryo grin. “That would be hilarious. Um, exactly how far do you want to go with this? Because I can get, like, your thighs, since I took off your pants, unless you think that’s weird.”
“Please do. It feels really good.” Pushing away the wet pillow, Ueda rested his hands on his arms. “That’s what they all tell me.” Ryo quipped. “Damn, your ass is tight. Do you do special ass flexes or something?”
“No!” Ueda protested, though the answer was, in fact, ‘yes’. “I thought you said that you were going to massage my thighs. My ass is not my thighs, last time I checked. My ass are not my thighs? What’s the grammatically correct way to say that?”
“Your ass is your upper upper thighs. And are you seriously worrying about grammar now? I’m millimeters away from being inside of you.” To clarify his point, Ryo ran his thumb slowly down the space between Ueda’s butt cheeks.
“I’ve always enjoyed prostate massages. However, I think my shoulders need it more.” Though his words and tone were matter-of-fact, the way Ueda shivered at Ryo’s touch was undeniable. “I feel like this should gross me out, since it’s you and all, but I actually kind of want to do you.”
“Go for it. If it’s you, Ryo, I definitely won’t have any problems dancing tomorrow.” Sputtering in anger, Ryo jumped off the bed. “It’s, damn it, I’m fucking PROPORTIONAL! It’d look weird if it was ten inches long or something!”
“Well, judging by the size of your bulge, you definitely don’t have to worry about looking ‘weird’, since I doubt that you’re even half that length. Are we doing this, or not? If you can make me feel good, it doesn’t matter how tiny you are.” Grumbling, Ryo undressed. “I’m only doing you because I’m already hard, and at this age it’s a felony to waste a good boner.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re in luck, Ryo, this brand runs small.” A foil packet hit Ryo in the chest. “For that comment, I’m going to take you without getting you ready first.” Shrugging ambivalently, Ueda spread his legs. “Be my guest. I probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between your pinky finger and your prick anyways.”
Maybe because they’ve both had so many first times before, but it isn’t awkward at all. They’re not friends, they aren’t fuck buddies, they’re just two guys that enjoy calculating and killing. One industrious paparazzi takes enough pictures of Ryo walking into Ueda’s apartment to fill an entire magazine before security catches her and escorts her off the premises.
“All that stuff about us hating each other? That was ages ago.” Ueda tells an interested interviewer. “It’s behind us now. I wouldn’t say that I’m close to Ryo, but he’s a really interesting guy to spend time with.”
After a few weeks pass without the discovery of any bodies that can be logically attributed to Ueda, Ryo invites him out to eat. “So are you keeping them up your sleeve, or what?” He asks as soon as Ueda sits down in the private room that he’d reserved. “No. I just haven’t been able to think of a good gimmick for this round. What does this restaurant do well? I’m in the mood for fish, I believe.”
“Dunno about fish. I’ve had most of the rest of the menu though, and it’s all good.” Once they’ve ordered their meal and are left in peace, the topic once again turns to killing. “I don’t like to just do it. There has to be a theme, or at least a reason, behind whom I choose to off and the method of murder. I’ve been considering doing the whole sex-stab scenario. You know, sleep with someone and then kill them before they finish.”
“Like one of those ‘Black Widows’? Have some self-respect, Ueda that’s way overdone. Unless you’re going to mix it up, Russian roulette style. Like, sleep with a bunch of people and randomly choose someone to kill from the bunch. That could maybe be cool.” Ueda shook his head. “It’s a good idea, there’s just no way I could execute it. I’m not young anymore, Ryo; I’m lucky if I can get it up twice in the same night. And don’t laugh like you’re not exactly the same.”
“Hey! This sexy Osaka man never has any issues in that department. I’m as virile now as I was ten years ago.” Ryo patted his crotch for emphasis. “I’m like the fucking Energizer bunny. I keep going and going, even if I am on the south side of thirty.”
“Alright, bunny boy, lets keep the talk clean while we eat. Try some of this, it’s delicious.” Dodging Ueda’s fork, Ryo scowled. “Keep the fish away from me. Damnit, Ueda don’t-”
“Now you know how I feel.” Shige said gleefully, brandishing the paper at Ryo. “THAT’S NOT ME!” The denial fell on deaf ears because the rest of NewS was too busy laughing at the candid snapshot of Ueda force-feeding Ryo.
When reports come out of Ueda being caught in a district notorious for its sale of black-market weapons, Ryo is with Kanjani8. They tease him about his new best friend secretly being a hitman. “He’s not my best friend. I don’t like the guy at all.” Only Uchi considers Ryo’s lack of denial about it being Ueda in the shot significant. “Ryo-chan! Do you think it’s really him in the picture? Chances are that it isn’t.”
Ryo glared, avoiding the question. “Why’d we let you back in again?” This prompts a tickle attack from Uchi and the rest of Ryo’s Kansai bandmates, who still haven’t matured even though they’re showing signs of aging. Subaru’s soul patch is starting to be more salt than pepper, Ohkura needs a special pad to cushion the stool that he sits on when he drums otherwise he gets pains in his lower back, Yokoyama has suffered some hearing loss, and they all have deeply-etched smile lines, but they’re still wild and fun like kids.
“You have to be more careful! This isn’t the same as getting caught with some girl. You’re killing people, Ueda. If they find out it’s you, your done for.” Ueda rolled his eyes and petted his new purchase. “I didn’t know that you cared, Ryo.” Blushing, Ryo remained furiously silent. “Besides, you’ve been there yourself, haven’t you? That gun you brandished at me before wasn’t from a toy store.”
“Wrong. I bought it in America when I went to visit Jin for his big three-five bash. Got a license for it and everything, totally legit. Hell of a party. You should’ve been there. So, what are you planning to do with your shiny new plaything? Shooting seems a little simplistic for your tastes.”
“Depending on the situation, some gunplay could be a lot of fun. For example…” Dropping to his knees, Ueda pulled down Ryo’s pants and gently ran his gun over the bulge in Ryo’s boxer-briefs. “I’m planning on mailing my intended targets pictures of themselves with crosshairs superimposed over their faces, like I’m planning to shoot them. And then I’ll show up at their houses and kill them some other way instead. Let the police try to figure out the MO of that one.”
“Did I ever tell you that you’re one twisted motherfucker?” Ueda cocked his weapon. “How’d you like to tell me that with one testicle?” Laughing, Ryo ran his fingers through Ueda’s hair. “Never mind, I’ll insult you sometime later, when the family jewels aren’t in danger of being blown to bits. Shit, the safety’s on, isn’t it? I’d hate to end up singing as high as I did back when I was twelve because your finger accidentally slipped.”
“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t actually risk killing, or worse, castrating you. I get too much enjoyment from your dick to want to take it off.” Ueda pulled back to show Ryo that the safety was indeed on. “Okay then, proceed with giving me head.”
The contrast of metal and tongue has Ryo on the edge in seconds. “I like you best like this, Ueda. Or maybe second best; the way you spread your legs for me is fucking unbeatable. This comes real close though. On your knees, mouth stretched around me and that piece, it’s the stuff of fantasies.”
After Ryo has spent himself and is slumped onto Ueda’s bed, he half-heartedly offers to return the favor even though he doesn’t feel like moving. Sliding the gun into his beside stand, Ueda stretched out beside Ryo. “No. I feel like I got off vicariously through that.”
“Is this you being lovey-dovey? Because if it is, I’m going to have to drag myself out the door.” Ueda’s response was to smother Ryo with his pillow until Ryo begged for mercy.
Theirs is the greatest little game. It doesn’t occur to Ryo to question it until Shige comments off-handedly that Japan’s violent crime rate has been rising lately. While he’d been connecting the dots between the bodies, Ryo had never considered who their victims were.
“Does thinking that other human lives are valueless sometimes make me a sociopath?” Tegoshi smiled and patted Ryo’s head. “Ryo-tan, you’re perfect just the way you are, so you don’t need to worry.” As he watches Tegoshi manipulate Massu into giving him the most delicious of the bento lunches brought in by the staff, it occurs to Ryo that he had probably asked the wrong person.
“What are we, Ueda?” Looking down to hide his blush, Ueda tried to sound nonchalant. “I don’t know. Just two guys who are bored together, I guess. Bored and exclusive. I’ve been exclusive, at least. What do you think we are? What am I to you, Ryo?”
“Don’t be stupid. I’m talking about the killing, not this thing between us. Are we serial murderers?” Grabbing Ueda’s chin, Ryo tilted it up to make the other man look at him. “Technically, there’s no ‘we’. The only thing that you could be charged with is conspiracy or something, I don’t know the ins and outs of the law. Ask that Kato, if you’re so worried.”
“Shut up, the victims are as much mine as they are yours. It is ‘we’. If you go down, I’ll go down with you. And I’m not worried. The reason I’m asking is that I was just wondering what to label myself as; I don’t feel like someone evil, but maybe I am.” Ueda smiled. “Why bother with labels? It’s exactly like I said: we’re just two guys who are bored together.”
“Most people pick up a nice hobby like golf when they’re old and bored with their jobs.” Considering those options made Ueda roll his eyes. “A hobby like that would only compound my boredom. If I want to play with little balls, I’ll just grab yours. Can we return to my question now? What am I to you?”
“You’re fucking Ueda is what. Didn’t you just say ‘why bother with labels’?” When Ueda looked at him beseechingly, Ryo groaned and gave in. “I’ve been exclusive too. If you want to be official, I guess I wouldn’t hate it that much.”
“I wouldn’t either. You know, now that I think about it, I bet that we could come up with a way to make golf interesting. Or anything, really, the two of us could make whatever we wanted into something amusing. Want to try?”
“Ueda Tatsuya, did you kill all those people just to get me to become interested in you so that we could get together?” Ryo asked with a grin. Ueda grinned back at him. “Certainly not, Nishikido Ryo. Neither you nor the police can prove that.”
Their friends tell them that they knew Ryo and Ueda would end up together all along. Uchi advises Ueda to be gentle with Ryo because Ryo’s dancing is already pretty sucky and almost gets his hair pulled out. Taguchi asks if he can be the flower boy at their wedding and almost gets his hair pulled out.
“So you want to come out with us tonight?” Tegoshi invites Ryo and Ueda on behalf of the group of people from their respective groups that are planning on going out for drinks.
“Can’t. The bitch-” Ryo slung an arm around Ueda to clarify who he meant, since he’d called pretty much everyone by that epithet at some point “-is ovulating, and we have to be serious about that shit on account of our ages.” Raising his voice so that he could be heard over Ueda’s shouts for him to shut up, Ryo waved to everyone with his free hand and grinned. “Have fun, we’re off to make babies.”
The press has a field day with the news that Ueda is, in fact, a woman. Ryo almost dies, both of laughter and at the hands of a livid Ueda.
Poll Team Future
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairing: Ryo/Ueda
Summary: Two men who used to hate each other find themselves having more fun together than they’d ever expected when Ryo invites himself into the game that Ueda plays to break the monotony of being an aging idol.
Prompt: You’ve been Friday’d! (please go have your eyes examined)
Warnings: References to death and violence, language, crude humor, semi-explicit sexual intercourse between two consenting adults.
Notes: Inspired by Ryo’s face at the end of the first episode of “Joker: Yurusarezaru Sosakan” and by that drama in general. Ages are not specifically mentioned, but it can be assumed that Ryo and Ueda are around 36 and 37 years old respectively, meaning that this story is set about ten years in the future. The title comes from Rich Bach’s quote: “In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.”
“You ever get bored?” Ueda had surprised Ryo by suddenly asking. “No. Don’t have the time for.” He’d lied airily, thinking it none of Ueda’s business that every day felt like the one before it to Ryo. “KUNTT not getting enough action to satisfy you?” Acronyms became one of Ryo’s favorite things after Amerikanishi ditched. “That joke is very dead, Ryo.”
Now he wonders if that was a thinly veiled hint. It irks him that it probably was and that he hadn’t gotten it until now.
When he’s finished admiring the fingerprints on the corpse’s throat, the smile fades from his lips and he leaves, humming the refrain of an old song, wondering how long it will take for the cops to find this one.
KUNTT was like the girlfriend that got dumped and got fat and was never happy again, while Amerikanishi was the boyfriend who went on to be successful. Except that in showbiz terms, “got fat and was never happy again” translates to less CDs, less concerts, less drama offers, less fame and less fortune. “Successful,” of course, means “successful.”
Which Ryo’s two groups are. It’s funny how misery leads to prosperity like that all within one agency. Lately, Ryo’s been traveling between Osaka and Tokyo by express helicopter, because the bullet train just isn’t fast enough to ferry him between NewS and Kanjani8 at the rate that Johnny-san demands. He loves being able to look down at the world through the windows; it’s always one of the highlights of his day. Fuck no he is not over-compensating for anything.
“Ryo-tan’s here!” Tegoshi announced at the ass-crack of dawn on one of the days that Ryo was slated to spend with NewS. Glancing up from his copy of the schedule, Shige studied Ryo for a moment. “Looks more like a miniature zombie to me. I don’t think that his eyes are even open.”
“Don’t be mean, Shige. Ryo-tan is exhausted because management doesn’t understand that he needs sleep to survive.” Petting Ryo’s hair sympathetically, Tegoshi giggled when Ryo snuggled up to him on the couch like he was an adorable, nice-smelling, sexy pillow. “Don’t fall asleep, Ryo-tan. We have filming soon.”
Yamapi poked him. “More like we have filming now. Ryo-chan’s first up for solo scenes. That’s lucky, right Ryo-chan? You can rest while everyone else does theirs, since you’ll already be finished until it’s time for us to be together.” In response, Ryo clutches Tegoshi and whines. He can’t summon the energy to get up.
“The director’s going to get mad.” Masuda said anxiously, and the rest of NewS -minus Ryo- murmured worriedly that yes, the director would definitely be angry if Ryo refused to cooperate. “All the member-love in the world won’t be able to save him from an angry director. The last time he pissed one off, he had to wear those terrible Hawaiian shirts for the whole drama!” Koyama was nearly in tears.
It is the smell of coffee, not his group’s fears or the threat of the PV’s director, that rouses Ryo. “For me?” He asks before he notices whose carrying it. “Oh. Why are you here? Does KUNTT really have so little to do that you’re free to just go around and bother whoever you want?”
Unbothered by the jibe, Ueda taunted Ryo by waving the mug under his nose. “It’s fresh. Delicious. Oh, hello, Ryo. Wonderful morning for coffee, isn’t it?” He doesn’t need to bother with an insult; they both know that Ueda has won this round. “So, what would you do for this lovely cup of liquid life?”
“I’d kill.” Ryo said. He leaves off the “you” because it’s implied, and because it’s a test. “I see. How nice.” The laughter Ryo hears in the words gets his dander up. “What’s so funny, has-been?”
Ueda’s arm shoots out so fast that Ryo doesn’t have time to react, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and hauling him close. “You, more than anymore else alive, should know that I don’t take those words lightly.” Just as quickly, Ryo is let go, and the mug is pressed gently into his hand. “Enjoy it. And enjoy singing to a beat that I composed.”
A mean comment about Ueda having to do extra work to compensate for having no career left as an idol is on the tip of Ryo’s tongue. However, Ueda turns on his heel and leaves before he can say anything, and there are more pressing matters to attend to anyways.
“Ryo-san, please try to not have an erection in that costume. It is very easy to see. Additionally, the nature of those pants is such that the likelihood of your penis becoming stuck in the zipper increases monumentally when it is erect. If we have to stop filming to free your penis, it will mess up the schedule.” The director droned in a monotone.
“Yeah, Ryo, ‘rescuing a tiny dick’ isn’t anywhere on the timetable. Hey, that’s a double entendre! Because you’re a tiny dick and you have a---” After swallowing the entire cup of coffee in one gulp, Ryo snarled and launched himself at Shige, who screamed and tried to run.
“I’ll amend the agenda.” Koyama volunteered helpfully. “It’ll take about five seconds for Geshi to surrender, and then we’ll have to spend fifteen minutes untangling their costumes. I hope that Ryo-chan will let us touch his private parts, otherwise we’ll have to wait until the affect of the caffeine wears off and he falls asleep. That could take thirty minutes.”
“Massu, get Shige, Pi, get Ryo-tan.” Tegoshi orders, bored with watching two men roll around on the floor, scratching at each other. It’s not amusing unless they’re not wearing clothes. Always agreeable, Masuda wades in first and hauls Shige as far from Ryo as he can manage. “They are stuck.” He says, unnecessarily. “Should we rip them apart?”
“Why not?” Pi grabbed Ryo and grinned. “A few tears might even make their outfits look better. Ready, pull!” Separating Ryo and Shige takes enough time for someone to snap a few rolls of film. “Our shop pictures are going to be super popular.” Tegoshi declared happily. The director makes a note to allow NewS to wear underwear in their next PV. In fact, he amends, underwear will be the entirety of their costume.
The actual filming doesn’t take too long, once they finally get down to business. The whole process has become as exact as a science to them, since they’ve been doing it for so long. Ryo has a few hours of free time before he has to go in for an interview about the movie that he’s going to star in, and he knows exactly how he wants to spend them.
“You caused my cock a huge amount of pain today, you know.” He tells Ueda with a smirk. Ueda smirks right back. “I don’t think that word ‘huge’ can be applied to your cock in any way, shape, or form, unless preceded by the word ‘not’, Ryo. Other than that, I have no idea how to respond to that statement. I feel like it’s kind of a compliment, only it’s you, so… How did you know I was going to be here?”
Stepping back before the blood can seep into his shoes, Ryo kicked gravel at the body on the ground as he answered. “It’s not like your pattern was particularly complicated. All I had to do was connect the kill spots.” Pulling a marked-up map of Tokyo out of his pocket, Ryo unfurled it and held it so that Ueda could see his handiwork.
“G-A-C-K. And this bastard is the first part of the ‘T’. It’s cute how you managed to arrange the bodies so that each letter gets exactly six kills.” Ryo would have said more, but flashing lights were rapidly approaching. “Find a fucking alibi and don’t be so easy in the future, or you’re going to get famous for something not nearly so nice as being able to shake your hips at the camera.”
By the time Ryo is finished with his interview, the first pictures are already showing up on the ‘net. Five minutes later, management is phoning Ueda, wanting to know if it is in fact he who was photographed entering a well-known love hotel with a woman of questionable moral fiber.
Of course, Ueda publicly denies the allegation that he associates with ladies of the night, ignoring the tabloids that are currently printing and re-printing the personal testimony of the lady whose company he engaged for a fee. The snapshot is blurry, the veracity of the is statement questionable at best, and in a multitude of morgues across the country a variety of victims whose murders will probably never be solved quietly decompose.
“I didn’t mean the ‘fucking’ part literally. Is that even really you?” The message is waiting for Ueda at his next site, making him laugh so hard that he nearly drowns out the sounds of his latest target’s screams of agony. Before he burns it, he takes note of the stationary it was written on. Then he changes his clothes and goes to the café where Ryo is, presumably, waiting.
“Right on time. Your drink’s here.” Ryo takes a sip of it, perhaps to show that it isn’t poisoned, or possibly just to annoy him, then passes it to Ueda after he has seated himself. “Exactly how much did you Irish this up?” Making a face, Ueda pushes it back to Ryo and signals a waitress.
“Hey, it’s almost 5 o’clock.” Ryo said defensively. “AM, not PM.” Ueda countered. Pretty much like Ryo expected, Ueda’s coffee order is unpronounceable to him, except for the last word, which was “please.” Snorting derisively into his cup of real -alcoholic- black coffee, Ryo frowned when he realized something. “Hey, that cup you brought me the other day wasn’t some fancy, feminine crap.”
“Why would I waste a good drink on you?” Ueda shot back. The harsh words did nothing to mask his blush. “Aw Uepon, that’s so sweet. You brought me something that you knew I’d like.” He gives Ueda his widest grin and tries not to wince when Ueda kicks him repeatedly under the table.
“Shut up, I didn’t get it specially for you. It was just there, and at the time I thought that it would be better for you to drink it than for me to pour it down the sink. Obviously I was mistaken! Oh, thank you.” Accepting his order from the waitress, Ueda raised the mug in a toast. “To Gackt-sama. It’s his second deathday.”
When Ryo didn’t make any move to echo his words, Ueda, unperturbed, sipped delicately from his drink. “I guess you timed it like this on purpose. Creepy.” If the words offended Ueda at all, it didn’t show. “Want to come with me to give him his gifts? I got him one from everybody.” The little laugh that followed the word “everybody” clued Ryo in that Ueda was referring to the people that he’d killed and not others from his group or from the agency.
As the sun rose behind them, Ryo and Ueda built a little bonfire. They were the only patrons of the cemetery with pulses which, given the early hour, was not entirely surprising. “So, what’d you steal from the dead people? Money, jewelry?”
“Tongues.” Ueda punctuated the word by withdrawing a pouch from his man-purse. “…Excuse me?”
“I said ‘tongues’. After all, they were his favorite body part.” Ryo swallowed hard, trying not to gag. “Don’t worry, I froze all but the most recent one to keep them fresh. I would never offer Gackt-sama rotten tongue.”
“That’s disgusting.” Ueda, busy dousing the tongues with lighter fluid, didn’t acknowledge the statement. “Fucking hell, Ueda, tongues, seriously? You could have gotten flowers or incense and saved yourself the trouble of KILLING thirty people. Damn, that’s a lot of tongues.”
“My gift to Gackt-sama is both original and heartfelt and a million times better than flowers or incense or other typical presents. Now shut up, Ryo, your irreverence is destroying my mood of mourning.” Kneeling before the grave, Ueda began to mumble what Ryo thought might have been one of Gackt’s hit songs (not that he knew Gackt from Green Day).
“Mourning is right. Thirty families out there are burying loved ones who are missing their tongues. How do you think they feel about that, Gackt-lover?” Ueda sighed and mumbled louder. “Don't ignore me, fairy boy, you’re wasting some of the precious few hours that I have off, the least you can do to talk to me.”
“Ryo, unless you want to donate tongue number thirty-one, I suggest that you stop bothering me. I’m nearly finished.” Clenching his jaw, Ryo obediently remained silent until Ueda finally rose to his feet. “I appreciate it.” The genuine thankfulness in his voice made Ryo feel awkwardly happy. “Yeah, well, you really liked the guy. And it’s probably bad karma to mock the dead or some shit like that.”
“Indeed. Well, I’ll start a new pattern soon, once I pick one out. Maybe I’ll see you around.” Ryo stared as Ueda began walking to the gate, and somehow Ueda must have felt the confusion in his gaze because he called over his shoulder: “a new trail, a new path, whatever you want to call it. You didn’t think that I just started killing for Gackt-sama, did you?”
As he kicks dirt over the fire, smothering it in seconds, Ryo wonders what he’s gotten himself into. Whatever it is, he hopes that it’ll be fun.
He starts buying a copy of the daily newspaper on his way to work, taking a few moments out of his busy schedule to scan it for reports of suspicious deaths. Whenever Shige sees Ryo with the paper, he pats him on the back and makes loud comments about how everyone should strive to be an informed citizen about the world’s events just like Ryo-chan. “Look Kato, I’m just interested in the stiffs, okay?” Ryo finally snaps at him, because while he appreciates praise as much as the next person, he only wants it if he has really earned it.
It dawns on him that his word choice was somewhat poor when Koyama starts freaking out about Ryo answering weird personal ads. “STRANGER DANGER, RYO-CHAN. There’s lots of better ways to meet other nice homosexuals. You don't know what kind of men write those ads!”
“So did you and Ueda share you interest in stiffies when you went out together for coffee?” Pi winked at Ryo over the top of the tabloid magazine that he was perusing. “If you squint, you can totally tell that Ryo-chan has his ‘horny’ face on. I think.”
“There were no whole stiffs at the café.” Ryo growled, and it was the truth because only parts of them (namely tongues) had been present. “I don’t want to talk about it. Kei-chan, I swear I won’t ever meet up with anybody more creepy than Ueda.” This satisfied Koyama, most likely because he didn’t know the extent of Ueda’s weirdness. Ryo was pretty sure that he could meet up with any freak under the sun without breaking his promise.
“Lately, I’ve found that Ueda and I have a lot more in common.” Ryo says in his next interview. “I feel like we’ll be able to enjoy spending time together in the future.”
The following day, he finds a pattern in the form of butterflies. It doesn’t take him long to dig up the corpses that the cops haven’t discovered yet. Ryo thinks that now he understands why nerds like Shige enjoy learning so much. Taxing his brain to make sense of the trail of bodies gives him a thrill of pleasure totally unlike the one he gets from being in front of an audience.
He figures out that the final count will be ten this time, and marks the spot where the last victim should come from. The significance of the address that he circled doesn’t dawn on him until Tegoshi wonders aloud where all these stickers are coming from. “I keep finding packages of butterfly stickers in my mailbox, Ryo-tan. I’m running out of things to stick them on!” Giggling, he presses one of said stickers onto Ryo’s cheek, oblivious to the way that Ryo’s eyes have darkened with murderous intent.
Ueda walks into his apartment and finds Ryo with a gun and the angriest expression that he’s ever seen. “I can explain-” he begins.
“No.” Ryo says and pulls the trigger. Before Ueda’s body crumples to he ground, he catches it and starts dragging it to where he wants it to be.
“I asked Tego-nyan to count all the stickers for me.” Ueda’s eyelashes fluttered. “He got bored before he finished, but he said that he’s pretty sure there are over fifty. Since I’m not feeling particularly merciful at the moment, I’ll just stop whenever I feel like it.”
At that point there was a pause in the one-sided conversation. When he tried to move first his arms, then his legs, Ueda found that they were bound. He was also gagged, for a good reason. The first blow came as a surprise; Ueda flinched and tried to scream. By the time the twentieth hit him, he was writhing in constant pain. With the exception of a few wild thrashes when his control escaped him, Ryo’s aim was perfectly accurate, ensuring that his belt made contact with the exact same spot on Ueda’s back every time he swung it. The result was absolute agony.
“It’s going to scar, not that you’ll be able to see it unless you look into a mirror. You don’t need to see it, do you? You’ll remember. You better remember.”
Beating Ueda like this wasn’t at all enjoyable for Ryo. Any imprecise idiot could make someone hurt; the thrill lay in causing pleasure with the pain. But this was a punishment, so instead of putting into practice the tantalizingly torturous techniques of his fantasies, Ryo devoted all his energy to making sure that Ueda understood that those he cared about weren’t do be touched.
“Not Tego-nyan. Not Pi. Not Uchi. Not any of them. I will drag you out in broad daylight to the most crowded street in this whole country and end your life without finesse or compassion or regard for the consequences if you dare to even think about harming a single person that I love.”
The tears that leaked from Ueda’s eyes were as much from fear as they were from pain. Humiliation was another factor. He’d targeted Tegoshi to bait Ryo without bothering to consider fully what Ryo’s reaction would be. A rash, attention seeking mistake.
“I never intended to go through with it.” He whispered when it was over. “I swear, I was never going to actually kill him.” Surprisingly tender fingers rubbed something onto his back that immediately eased the burning ache. “I figured. I wasn’t about to take a chance on it though. Just stay away from my important people, Ueda, alright?”
As he unbound each limb, Ryo gently massaged away the stiffness that had set into it. “You don’t have to.” The protest was muffled by the pillow that Ueda was currently pressing his face into. “Yes, I do, because you have to dance tomorrow. Unless you’re saying that you’d rather limp around the stage like you were buttfucked by an elephant? ‘cause I can stop.”
Ueda laughed. “Ryo, if you could only see what’s in my head right now. I’m imagining what Kame’s face would look like if I gave him that excuse.” Picturing the same thing made Ryo grin. “That would be hilarious. Um, exactly how far do you want to go with this? Because I can get, like, your thighs, since I took off your pants, unless you think that’s weird.”
“Please do. It feels really good.” Pushing away the wet pillow, Ueda rested his hands on his arms. “That’s what they all tell me.” Ryo quipped. “Damn, your ass is tight. Do you do special ass flexes or something?”
“No!” Ueda protested, though the answer was, in fact, ‘yes’. “I thought you said that you were going to massage my thighs. My ass is not my thighs, last time I checked. My ass are not my thighs? What’s the grammatically correct way to say that?”
“Your ass is your upper upper thighs. And are you seriously worrying about grammar now? I’m millimeters away from being inside of you.” To clarify his point, Ryo ran his thumb slowly down the space between Ueda’s butt cheeks.
“I’ve always enjoyed prostate massages. However, I think my shoulders need it more.” Though his words and tone were matter-of-fact, the way Ueda shivered at Ryo’s touch was undeniable. “I feel like this should gross me out, since it’s you and all, but I actually kind of want to do you.”
“Go for it. If it’s you, Ryo, I definitely won’t have any problems dancing tomorrow.” Sputtering in anger, Ryo jumped off the bed. “It’s, damn it, I’m fucking PROPORTIONAL! It’d look weird if it was ten inches long or something!”
“Well, judging by the size of your bulge, you definitely don’t have to worry about looking ‘weird’, since I doubt that you’re even half that length. Are we doing this, or not? If you can make me feel good, it doesn’t matter how tiny you are.” Grumbling, Ryo undressed. “I’m only doing you because I’m already hard, and at this age it’s a felony to waste a good boner.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re in luck, Ryo, this brand runs small.” A foil packet hit Ryo in the chest. “For that comment, I’m going to take you without getting you ready first.” Shrugging ambivalently, Ueda spread his legs. “Be my guest. I probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between your pinky finger and your prick anyways.”
Maybe because they’ve both had so many first times before, but it isn’t awkward at all. They’re not friends, they aren’t fuck buddies, they’re just two guys that enjoy calculating and killing. One industrious paparazzi takes enough pictures of Ryo walking into Ueda’s apartment to fill an entire magazine before security catches her and escorts her off the premises.
“All that stuff about us hating each other? That was ages ago.” Ueda tells an interested interviewer. “It’s behind us now. I wouldn’t say that I’m close to Ryo, but he’s a really interesting guy to spend time with.”
After a few weeks pass without the discovery of any bodies that can be logically attributed to Ueda, Ryo invites him out to eat. “So are you keeping them up your sleeve, or what?” He asks as soon as Ueda sits down in the private room that he’d reserved. “No. I just haven’t been able to think of a good gimmick for this round. What does this restaurant do well? I’m in the mood for fish, I believe.”
“Dunno about fish. I’ve had most of the rest of the menu though, and it’s all good.” Once they’ve ordered their meal and are left in peace, the topic once again turns to killing. “I don’t like to just do it. There has to be a theme, or at least a reason, behind whom I choose to off and the method of murder. I’ve been considering doing the whole sex-stab scenario. You know, sleep with someone and then kill them before they finish.”
“Like one of those ‘Black Widows’? Have some self-respect, Ueda that’s way overdone. Unless you’re going to mix it up, Russian roulette style. Like, sleep with a bunch of people and randomly choose someone to kill from the bunch. That could maybe be cool.” Ueda shook his head. “It’s a good idea, there’s just no way I could execute it. I’m not young anymore, Ryo; I’m lucky if I can get it up twice in the same night. And don’t laugh like you’re not exactly the same.”
“Hey! This sexy Osaka man never has any issues in that department. I’m as virile now as I was ten years ago.” Ryo patted his crotch for emphasis. “I’m like the fucking Energizer bunny. I keep going and going, even if I am on the south side of thirty.”
“Alright, bunny boy, lets keep the talk clean while we eat. Try some of this, it’s delicious.” Dodging Ueda’s fork, Ryo scowled. “Keep the fish away from me. Damnit, Ueda don’t-”
“Now you know how I feel.” Shige said gleefully, brandishing the paper at Ryo. “THAT’S NOT ME!” The denial fell on deaf ears because the rest of NewS was too busy laughing at the candid snapshot of Ueda force-feeding Ryo.
When reports come out of Ueda being caught in a district notorious for its sale of black-market weapons, Ryo is with Kanjani8. They tease him about his new best friend secretly being a hitman. “He’s not my best friend. I don’t like the guy at all.” Only Uchi considers Ryo’s lack of denial about it being Ueda in the shot significant. “Ryo-chan! Do you think it’s really him in the picture? Chances are that it isn’t.”
Ryo glared, avoiding the question. “Why’d we let you back in again?” This prompts a tickle attack from Uchi and the rest of Ryo’s Kansai bandmates, who still haven’t matured even though they’re showing signs of aging. Subaru’s soul patch is starting to be more salt than pepper, Ohkura needs a special pad to cushion the stool that he sits on when he drums otherwise he gets pains in his lower back, Yokoyama has suffered some hearing loss, and they all have deeply-etched smile lines, but they’re still wild and fun like kids.
“You have to be more careful! This isn’t the same as getting caught with some girl. You’re killing people, Ueda. If they find out it’s you, your done for.” Ueda rolled his eyes and petted his new purchase. “I didn’t know that you cared, Ryo.” Blushing, Ryo remained furiously silent. “Besides, you’ve been there yourself, haven’t you? That gun you brandished at me before wasn’t from a toy store.”
“Wrong. I bought it in America when I went to visit Jin for his big three-five bash. Got a license for it and everything, totally legit. Hell of a party. You should’ve been there. So, what are you planning to do with your shiny new plaything? Shooting seems a little simplistic for your tastes.”
“Depending on the situation, some gunplay could be a lot of fun. For example…” Dropping to his knees, Ueda pulled down Ryo’s pants and gently ran his gun over the bulge in Ryo’s boxer-briefs. “I’m planning on mailing my intended targets pictures of themselves with crosshairs superimposed over their faces, like I’m planning to shoot them. And then I’ll show up at their houses and kill them some other way instead. Let the police try to figure out the MO of that one.”
“Did I ever tell you that you’re one twisted motherfucker?” Ueda cocked his weapon. “How’d you like to tell me that with one testicle?” Laughing, Ryo ran his fingers through Ueda’s hair. “Never mind, I’ll insult you sometime later, when the family jewels aren’t in danger of being blown to bits. Shit, the safety’s on, isn’t it? I’d hate to end up singing as high as I did back when I was twelve because your finger accidentally slipped.”
“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t actually risk killing, or worse, castrating you. I get too much enjoyment from your dick to want to take it off.” Ueda pulled back to show Ryo that the safety was indeed on. “Okay then, proceed with giving me head.”
The contrast of metal and tongue has Ryo on the edge in seconds. “I like you best like this, Ueda. Or maybe second best; the way you spread your legs for me is fucking unbeatable. This comes real close though. On your knees, mouth stretched around me and that piece, it’s the stuff of fantasies.”
After Ryo has spent himself and is slumped onto Ueda’s bed, he half-heartedly offers to return the favor even though he doesn’t feel like moving. Sliding the gun into his beside stand, Ueda stretched out beside Ryo. “No. I feel like I got off vicariously through that.”
“Is this you being lovey-dovey? Because if it is, I’m going to have to drag myself out the door.” Ueda’s response was to smother Ryo with his pillow until Ryo begged for mercy.
Theirs is the greatest little game. It doesn’t occur to Ryo to question it until Shige comments off-handedly that Japan’s violent crime rate has been rising lately. While he’d been connecting the dots between the bodies, Ryo had never considered who their victims were.
“Does thinking that other human lives are valueless sometimes make me a sociopath?” Tegoshi smiled and patted Ryo’s head. “Ryo-tan, you’re perfect just the way you are, so you don’t need to worry.” As he watches Tegoshi manipulate Massu into giving him the most delicious of the bento lunches brought in by the staff, it occurs to Ryo that he had probably asked the wrong person.
“What are we, Ueda?” Looking down to hide his blush, Ueda tried to sound nonchalant. “I don’t know. Just two guys who are bored together, I guess. Bored and exclusive. I’ve been exclusive, at least. What do you think we are? What am I to you, Ryo?”
“Don’t be stupid. I’m talking about the killing, not this thing between us. Are we serial murderers?” Grabbing Ueda’s chin, Ryo tilted it up to make the other man look at him. “Technically, there’s no ‘we’. The only thing that you could be charged with is conspiracy or something, I don’t know the ins and outs of the law. Ask that Kato, if you’re so worried.”
“Shut up, the victims are as much mine as they are yours. It is ‘we’. If you go down, I’ll go down with you. And I’m not worried. The reason I’m asking is that I was just wondering what to label myself as; I don’t feel like someone evil, but maybe I am.” Ueda smiled. “Why bother with labels? It’s exactly like I said: we’re just two guys who are bored together.”
“Most people pick up a nice hobby like golf when they’re old and bored with their jobs.” Considering those options made Ueda roll his eyes. “A hobby like that would only compound my boredom. If I want to play with little balls, I’ll just grab yours. Can we return to my question now? What am I to you?”
“You’re fucking Ueda is what. Didn’t you just say ‘why bother with labels’?” When Ueda looked at him beseechingly, Ryo groaned and gave in. “I’ve been exclusive too. If you want to be official, I guess I wouldn’t hate it that much.”
“I wouldn’t either. You know, now that I think about it, I bet that we could come up with a way to make golf interesting. Or anything, really, the two of us could make whatever we wanted into something amusing. Want to try?”
“Ueda Tatsuya, did you kill all those people just to get me to become interested in you so that we could get together?” Ryo asked with a grin. Ueda grinned back at him. “Certainly not, Nishikido Ryo. Neither you nor the police can prove that.”
Their friends tell them that they knew Ryo and Ueda would end up together all along. Uchi advises Ueda to be gentle with Ryo because Ryo’s dancing is already pretty sucky and almost gets his hair pulled out. Taguchi asks if he can be the flower boy at their wedding and almost gets his hair pulled out.
“So you want to come out with us tonight?” Tegoshi invites Ryo and Ueda on behalf of the group of people from their respective groups that are planning on going out for drinks.
“Can’t. The bitch-” Ryo slung an arm around Ueda to clarify who he meant, since he’d called pretty much everyone by that epithet at some point “-is ovulating, and we have to be serious about that shit on account of our ages.” Raising his voice so that he could be heard over Ueda’s shouts for him to shut up, Ryo waved to everyone with his free hand and grinned. “Have fun, we’re off to make babies.”
The press has a field day with the news that Ueda is, in fact, a woman. Ryo almost dies, both of laughter and at the hands of a livid Ueda.
Poll Team Future