Team Future, Prompt 7: I can see fairies.
Title: Cross The Line
Pairing/Group: Ueda/Nakamaru bff-ery, KAT-TUN, Nishikido.
Rating: R
Warnings: drugs use, angst.
Summary: It starts with a break-up. Ueda's world crumbles.
Notes: It's far from the original idea, and very angsty. Sorry.
Ueda would like to say that it started with Akanishi leaving, but it didn’t. He can’t blame it on his former band-mate, and he can’t claim that the others are all egoistical jerks anyway. That would make things far easier.
Truth is, everything is his own fault, from the beginning to the end. He thought he was the luckiest and happiest guy in the world, only to have his world crushed down with a simple, short sentence.
“I’m leaving.”
That’s what she said, when she left, leaving the spare keys on the coffee table and claiming that he had been her worst fuck ever. They’d been together for almost five years, but it didn’t seem to matter to her; she still talked about him like he was some random one night stand which ended up far too long.
Tatsuya couldn’t even find the strength to hate her - he still loved her far too much for that - so instead he started to hate himself, blaming his own self for fucking it up and being unable to keep a girl happy. Then he started seeing things darkly, and everything, related to KAT-TUN or to him, turned out to be his fault in his mind.
Things went from bad to worse; he couldn’t sleep at night, Kame told him to go get medicine to calm down, the guy in the street next to the drugstore said he had stuff that would make him feel better, and Ueda cursed himself for being too weak.
He promised himself it would be a one-time thing.
He promised it every time. And every time he would go back to the dealer.
Until he stopped making promises he couldn’t keep.
-
Everything is his fault, and he knows he shouldn’t be so weak, but now he finds his good mood depending on what he’s sniffing between rehearsals and filming. Yesterday, it was a picture of Jin and his adorable daughter in a magazine; their happiness set him off in a flow of dark thoughts that could only be stopped once the white powder had made its way to his brain. Today, it’s Taguchi looking entirely too happy about having dinner with Koki. Tomorrow it’ll be something else. He stopped caring about the reasons a while ago.
The others know, of course. He tried being subtle and discreet, but there’s only so much you can do to hide that you’re on crack after almost two years. They say nothing about it, even though Nakamaru once tried to discuss it with Ueda - but he was too high to comprehend anything at the time, and Nakamaru had retreated when Ueda’s hands had started being grabby.
He supposes nothing bad can really happen now, anyway; he’s still writing songs, which are quite good actually, and the fans still love him. His personal life sucks harder than ten whores on payday, but he doesn’t care anymore.
-
Only, everybody has their kryptonite. Super heroes, normal people, animals, every living thing in the Universe.
Tatsuya’s own is not an evil mastermind, nor a meteor or a dinosaur. His personal living trouble, even though he thought he wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore, is very human and very small and frail and called Nishikido Ryo.
They stopped being tagged as enemies a while ago, and they stopped caring about each other altogether, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t get on each other’s nerves. Usually, Ueda realizes he needs even more powder when he sees Nishikido having yet another successful drama. The man just seems to be never-endingly infuriating.
So when, one day, upon arriving at the Jimusho, the same Nishikido meets him in the hallway and stops dead in his tracks, staring at Ueda with disgust and a snort, the first thing he thinks about is punching the hell out of the midget; but the powder makes him slow and he lost a bit of his athletic capacities, or at least that what must be happening since Nishikido isn’t lying on the floor with a bloodied nose, crying for help. No, instead he just grabs Ueda’s arms and pulls him into the elevator.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Tatsuya spits.
“Do you realize how far you’re going? Showing up high at work?”
What’s annoying him the most, right now, is that Nishikido doesn’t seem angry. If anything, he looks worried, and it looks weird on his face. Not to mention it’s disturbing Ueda to think about why Nishikido would be worried about him.
“Fuck you.”
Nishikido shakes his head, and when the elevator stops he just steps out of it and starts walking away, muttering things about how disgusting it is.
Tatsuya stays in the elevator and wonders why he’s feeling guilty about what Nishikido’s thinking about him.
-
The guilt doesn’t stop him though. It makes him feel even worse, if anything. Ueda increases the quantities a bit, loses himself in a white fluffy world where even Taguchi’s maniacal laughter sounds in its place.
It’s even harder to avoid the pain and the sick feelings when he comes down from his high though, the downside hitting him harder and harder with the months; his body feels wrecked, his head hurts, and the reality of how messed up his life is punches him right in the gut.
But he doesn’t stop.
-
The next time he meets Nishikido, he just walks faster and takes the stairs instead of the elevator. He blames himself for being a coward but he really doesn’t want to deal with this guy now.
He can feel the man’s eyes on him all along though.
-
Kame slowly stops talking to him directly. He sends Nakamaru instead, who looks all kinds of sorry and annoyed and worried. At the same time. Ueda wonders how he does it.
Then he overhears his band-mates talking about him, and Kame sounds angry.
“He doesn’t realize that he's staining the group's image more and more? We work so hard, and he just breaks everything!”
Tatsuya would usually jump in and maybe hit Kame or tell him to mind his own fucking business, but that’s when Junno says, his voice soft: “I’m more worried about his health, actually.”
“And his sanity,” Koki adds.
Ueda nearly runs the opposite way, tears in his eyes, when he hears Maru saying “never mind, we should still support him.”
-
He feels like an asshole. Takes twice the usual quantity. The world turns black.
-
When Ueda wakes up, he doesn’t feel well, at all. He realizes that he’s lying not far from a puddle of his own vomit and he barely finds the strength to grab his phone and call Maru.
-
“I’m asking them to put you into detox.”
Lying on a bed, in the middle of a white room at the hospital, with numerous IVs in his arms and his body shaking, Ueda still finds his voice to whine.
“I’m okay,” he stutters. Nakamaru shakes his head.
“No, you’re not. And you know it.”
“You’re not part of my family, you can’t…”
“I used my band leader privileges and called Johnny-san.” Maru cut him off, sounding slightly sarcastic when talking about being the band leader. “He’s currently calling the hospital to make it all as discreet as possible.”
Ueda growls and yells and curses and calls his friend a jerk, but nothing changes.
-
Three days later the detox starts. It’s hard and he feels like a train is running over him ten times a day. He throws up a lot, screams, nearly rips his hair out. The whole universe is inflicting pain on him, and the worst, despite all this, is that his brain never stops running.
It’s even worse now. His mind keeps on working, all the time, even when he sleeps, bringing him weird dreams and nightmares and all of them feel so real he can feel and remember every emotion distinctly when he wakes up. He’s tired, restless, unable to find inner peace.
After a week, when the physical pain starts to lessen, Maru shows up. Ueda hurls a chair at his face, because right now and after seven days of hell he very much hates his best friend.
But Nakamaru isn’t one to give up easily, and he stays there, sitting on the same chair which almost beheaded him, and he talks to Ueda. About work, about Koki’s new drama, about everything and nothing. Ueda sits in a corner, not really listening, sulking, but in the end, once Maru leaves, he realizes that the whole hour or so soothed him.
He decides that he doesn’t really hate Maru.
-
Two weeks pass by and Ueda feels slightly less broken than before. He overhears people saying that the full detox course is three months long and wonders if he’ll be able to stay here this long.
The days are long and he’s bored. There’s a library so he can read as much as he wants, but there are also weird people in said library. Overhearing dubious noises is not to his liking, so he gets in the habit of the books with him in his room - it’s supposedly forbidden, but nobody ever catches him.
-
Maru starts bringing Junno along.
Strangely enough, Taguchi’s puns are making Ueda feel a bit better.
-
When Kame comes, he doesn’t say anything, just looks at the ground while Maru talks with Ueda.
-
Koki cries when he steps into Ueda’s room, before hugging him tight, saying he’s sorry.
Tatsuya doesn’t know why Koki’s the one sorry, but it makes him smile.
-
A month and a few days have come and go, and he feels clear-headed for the first time in years.
He still sometimes throws his dinner up at night, when his body has some sort of rebellion against him, but it’s nothing he can’t live with. He used to be so terribly sick before that now it feels like peace, almost.
-
In group therapy, he never says anything. But today, suddenly, he needs to talk. He doesn’t even know why, but his brain is still running a thousand thoughts per minute so he guesses that talking will help him sort his thoughts.
He talks about his ex, how she dumped him; he talks about the band, how he’s afraid the fans will never look at them again; he talks about Maru, his best friend, and how much he owes him.
Then he talks about Nishikido. Because now, and maybe for the first time since they met, he won’t be afraid of what the other man will say. Because he fought and succeeded.
-
After two months the doctor tells him he can go home if he wants to.
Tatsuya packs his things, closes his room’s door, walks down the hall.
Stops in front of the stairs.
Goes back to his room.
-
Of course Maru doesn’t give his resignation letter to Johnny-san. He doesn’t even scold him for trying to give up. He just buys bento for both of them and stays silent while they’re eating in the hospital’s garden.
-
Kame comes the next day and throws a fit.
It makes Ueda laugh.
-
Maru doesn’t give the second resignation letter to Johnny-san either.
-
Junno shows up with Maruyama, and somehow it lights up Tatsuya’s world a bit.
-
After two more weeks he finally finds the strength to go out. He’s still scared of facing his boss, the other idols from the Jimusho, his fans and his family, but his faith is strong. He knows that things will go well.
And it case it doesn’t, he can still run to Nakamaru.
-
It’s his first day at work since he went to the hospital and he feels good. His family was happy to see him again, Johnny-san scolded him but also told him that he was glad to see him back, and his band-mates are still acting the same - though Kame growls and stares at Tatsuya for a while without saying anything, but Ueda knows he kind of earned that.
When he takes the elevator at the end of the day, he’s half annoyed that Nishikido is already here. He stares at least as much as Kame did, then smirks.
“Glad to see the princess is back.”
Ueda grins back.
“I can still kick your ass, you know.”
The other man winks. “I wouldn’t like it any other way.”
-
Marking his calendar feels like an achievement. Which it is, considering he just marked his six months drug-free.
It’s not always easy and sometimes the urge to go outside and find a dealer is strong, but Maru calls him every evening and reminds him of what he’s been through. And Tatsuya finds himself dreading to fall back into drugs.
To celebrate, he invites Maru over. They eat pizza in front of the TV and drink tea, but it feels good. It’s like the past years are just ghosts and they dissipate slowly with every new day passing by.
“You know,” Maru says then, “I’m not sorry I’ve been a real pain in your ass. I mean, it was for your own good, yeah?”
Ueda grins.
“Aren’t you mad at me though?” he adds, and Tatsuya chuckles.
“Not really. Thanks to you things are back to normal.”
He turns to face his best friend and winks.
“I can see fairies. Again.”
Life is the same all over again, after all.
Poll Team Future Prompt 7
Pairing/Group: Ueda/Nakamaru bff-ery, KAT-TUN, Nishikido.
Rating: R
Warnings: drugs use, angst.
Summary: It starts with a break-up. Ueda's world crumbles.
Notes: It's far from the original idea, and very angsty. Sorry.
Ueda would like to say that it started with Akanishi leaving, but it didn’t. He can’t blame it on his former band-mate, and he can’t claim that the others are all egoistical jerks anyway. That would make things far easier.
Truth is, everything is his own fault, from the beginning to the end. He thought he was the luckiest and happiest guy in the world, only to have his world crushed down with a simple, short sentence.
“I’m leaving.”
That’s what she said, when she left, leaving the spare keys on the coffee table and claiming that he had been her worst fuck ever. They’d been together for almost five years, but it didn’t seem to matter to her; she still talked about him like he was some random one night stand which ended up far too long.
Tatsuya couldn’t even find the strength to hate her - he still loved her far too much for that - so instead he started to hate himself, blaming his own self for fucking it up and being unable to keep a girl happy. Then he started seeing things darkly, and everything, related to KAT-TUN or to him, turned out to be his fault in his mind.
Things went from bad to worse; he couldn’t sleep at night, Kame told him to go get medicine to calm down, the guy in the street next to the drugstore said he had stuff that would make him feel better, and Ueda cursed himself for being too weak.
He promised himself it would be a one-time thing.
He promised it every time. And every time he would go back to the dealer.
Until he stopped making promises he couldn’t keep.
-
Everything is his fault, and he knows he shouldn’t be so weak, but now he finds his good mood depending on what he’s sniffing between rehearsals and filming. Yesterday, it was a picture of Jin and his adorable daughter in a magazine; their happiness set him off in a flow of dark thoughts that could only be stopped once the white powder had made its way to his brain. Today, it’s Taguchi looking entirely too happy about having dinner with Koki. Tomorrow it’ll be something else. He stopped caring about the reasons a while ago.
The others know, of course. He tried being subtle and discreet, but there’s only so much you can do to hide that you’re on crack after almost two years. They say nothing about it, even though Nakamaru once tried to discuss it with Ueda - but he was too high to comprehend anything at the time, and Nakamaru had retreated when Ueda’s hands had started being grabby.
He supposes nothing bad can really happen now, anyway; he’s still writing songs, which are quite good actually, and the fans still love him. His personal life sucks harder than ten whores on payday, but he doesn’t care anymore.
-
Only, everybody has their kryptonite. Super heroes, normal people, animals, every living thing in the Universe.
Tatsuya’s own is not an evil mastermind, nor a meteor or a dinosaur. His personal living trouble, even though he thought he wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore, is very human and very small and frail and called Nishikido Ryo.
They stopped being tagged as enemies a while ago, and they stopped caring about each other altogether, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t get on each other’s nerves. Usually, Ueda realizes he needs even more powder when he sees Nishikido having yet another successful drama. The man just seems to be never-endingly infuriating.
So when, one day, upon arriving at the Jimusho, the same Nishikido meets him in the hallway and stops dead in his tracks, staring at Ueda with disgust and a snort, the first thing he thinks about is punching the hell out of the midget; but the powder makes him slow and he lost a bit of his athletic capacities, or at least that what must be happening since Nishikido isn’t lying on the floor with a bloodied nose, crying for help. No, instead he just grabs Ueda’s arms and pulls him into the elevator.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Tatsuya spits.
“Do you realize how far you’re going? Showing up high at work?”
What’s annoying him the most, right now, is that Nishikido doesn’t seem angry. If anything, he looks worried, and it looks weird on his face. Not to mention it’s disturbing Ueda to think about why Nishikido would be worried about him.
“Fuck you.”
Nishikido shakes his head, and when the elevator stops he just steps out of it and starts walking away, muttering things about how disgusting it is.
Tatsuya stays in the elevator and wonders why he’s feeling guilty about what Nishikido’s thinking about him.
-
The guilt doesn’t stop him though. It makes him feel even worse, if anything. Ueda increases the quantities a bit, loses himself in a white fluffy world where even Taguchi’s maniacal laughter sounds in its place.
It’s even harder to avoid the pain and the sick feelings when he comes down from his high though, the downside hitting him harder and harder with the months; his body feels wrecked, his head hurts, and the reality of how messed up his life is punches him right in the gut.
But he doesn’t stop.
-
The next time he meets Nishikido, he just walks faster and takes the stairs instead of the elevator. He blames himself for being a coward but he really doesn’t want to deal with this guy now.
He can feel the man’s eyes on him all along though.
-
Kame slowly stops talking to him directly. He sends Nakamaru instead, who looks all kinds of sorry and annoyed and worried. At the same time. Ueda wonders how he does it.
Then he overhears his band-mates talking about him, and Kame sounds angry.
“He doesn’t realize that he's staining the group's image more and more? We work so hard, and he just breaks everything!”
Tatsuya would usually jump in and maybe hit Kame or tell him to mind his own fucking business, but that’s when Junno says, his voice soft: “I’m more worried about his health, actually.”
“And his sanity,” Koki adds.
Ueda nearly runs the opposite way, tears in his eyes, when he hears Maru saying “never mind, we should still support him.”
-
He feels like an asshole. Takes twice the usual quantity. The world turns black.
-
When Ueda wakes up, he doesn’t feel well, at all. He realizes that he’s lying not far from a puddle of his own vomit and he barely finds the strength to grab his phone and call Maru.
-
“I’m asking them to put you into detox.”
Lying on a bed, in the middle of a white room at the hospital, with numerous IVs in his arms and his body shaking, Ueda still finds his voice to whine.
“I’m okay,” he stutters. Nakamaru shakes his head.
“No, you’re not. And you know it.”
“You’re not part of my family, you can’t…”
“I used my band leader privileges and called Johnny-san.” Maru cut him off, sounding slightly sarcastic when talking about being the band leader. “He’s currently calling the hospital to make it all as discreet as possible.”
Ueda growls and yells and curses and calls his friend a jerk, but nothing changes.
-
Three days later the detox starts. It’s hard and he feels like a train is running over him ten times a day. He throws up a lot, screams, nearly rips his hair out. The whole universe is inflicting pain on him, and the worst, despite all this, is that his brain never stops running.
It’s even worse now. His mind keeps on working, all the time, even when he sleeps, bringing him weird dreams and nightmares and all of them feel so real he can feel and remember every emotion distinctly when he wakes up. He’s tired, restless, unable to find inner peace.
After a week, when the physical pain starts to lessen, Maru shows up. Ueda hurls a chair at his face, because right now and after seven days of hell he very much hates his best friend.
But Nakamaru isn’t one to give up easily, and he stays there, sitting on the same chair which almost beheaded him, and he talks to Ueda. About work, about Koki’s new drama, about everything and nothing. Ueda sits in a corner, not really listening, sulking, but in the end, once Maru leaves, he realizes that the whole hour or so soothed him.
He decides that he doesn’t really hate Maru.
-
Two weeks pass by and Ueda feels slightly less broken than before. He overhears people saying that the full detox course is three months long and wonders if he’ll be able to stay here this long.
The days are long and he’s bored. There’s a library so he can read as much as he wants, but there are also weird people in said library. Overhearing dubious noises is not to his liking, so he gets in the habit of the books with him in his room - it’s supposedly forbidden, but nobody ever catches him.
-
Maru starts bringing Junno along.
Strangely enough, Taguchi’s puns are making Ueda feel a bit better.
-
When Kame comes, he doesn’t say anything, just looks at the ground while Maru talks with Ueda.
-
Koki cries when he steps into Ueda’s room, before hugging him tight, saying he’s sorry.
Tatsuya doesn’t know why Koki’s the one sorry, but it makes him smile.
-
A month and a few days have come and go, and he feels clear-headed for the first time in years.
He still sometimes throws his dinner up at night, when his body has some sort of rebellion against him, but it’s nothing he can’t live with. He used to be so terribly sick before that now it feels like peace, almost.
-
In group therapy, he never says anything. But today, suddenly, he needs to talk. He doesn’t even know why, but his brain is still running a thousand thoughts per minute so he guesses that talking will help him sort his thoughts.
He talks about his ex, how she dumped him; he talks about the band, how he’s afraid the fans will never look at them again; he talks about Maru, his best friend, and how much he owes him.
Then he talks about Nishikido. Because now, and maybe for the first time since they met, he won’t be afraid of what the other man will say. Because he fought and succeeded.
-
After two months the doctor tells him he can go home if he wants to.
Tatsuya packs his things, closes his room’s door, walks down the hall.
Stops in front of the stairs.
Goes back to his room.
-
Of course Maru doesn’t give his resignation letter to Johnny-san. He doesn’t even scold him for trying to give up. He just buys bento for both of them and stays silent while they’re eating in the hospital’s garden.
-
Kame comes the next day and throws a fit.
It makes Ueda laugh.
-
Maru doesn’t give the second resignation letter to Johnny-san either.
-
Junno shows up with Maruyama, and somehow it lights up Tatsuya’s world a bit.
-
After two more weeks he finally finds the strength to go out. He’s still scared of facing his boss, the other idols from the Jimusho, his fans and his family, but his faith is strong. He knows that things will go well.
And it case it doesn’t, he can still run to Nakamaru.
-
It’s his first day at work since he went to the hospital and he feels good. His family was happy to see him again, Johnny-san scolded him but also told him that he was glad to see him back, and his band-mates are still acting the same - though Kame growls and stares at Tatsuya for a while without saying anything, but Ueda knows he kind of earned that.
When he takes the elevator at the end of the day, he’s half annoyed that Nishikido is already here. He stares at least as much as Kame did, then smirks.
“Glad to see the princess is back.”
Ueda grins back.
“I can still kick your ass, you know.”
The other man winks. “I wouldn’t like it any other way.”
-
Marking his calendar feels like an achievement. Which it is, considering he just marked his six months drug-free.
It’s not always easy and sometimes the urge to go outside and find a dealer is strong, but Maru calls him every evening and reminds him of what he’s been through. And Tatsuya finds himself dreading to fall back into drugs.
To celebrate, he invites Maru over. They eat pizza in front of the TV and drink tea, but it feels good. It’s like the past years are just ghosts and they dissipate slowly with every new day passing by.
“You know,” Maru says then, “I’m not sorry I’ve been a real pain in your ass. I mean, it was for your own good, yeah?”
Ueda grins.
“Aren’t you mad at me though?” he adds, and Tatsuya chuckles.
“Not really. Thanks to you things are back to normal.”
He turns to face his best friend and winks.
“I can see fairies. Again.”
Life is the same all over again, after all.
Poll Team Future Prompt 7