Prompt 2: Light More Than Lightning - Team Future
Title: Light More Than Lightning
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Pairing: Koichi/Tsuyoshi
Summary: Love is a long silk road: beautiful, expensive, slippery and apt to stain.
Prompt: "Venus"
~~
The photograph on the magazine's cover is nothing special. It doesn't show anything Koichi hasn't seen before, or even done himself if the script calls for it. If he passed it on a conbini shelf he would barely glance over.
Someone, though, thought it important enough to slide a copy through his mail slot at an obscene hour of the morning. Someone made sure he stumbled across it, eyes still cloudy with sleep, before he made any contact with the outside world. Someone wanted him to pay attention to the three tiny details that change it from just another magazine cover to something that can change everything.
One, the photo is much clearer than the usual blurry tabloid captures.
Two, it clearly shows two men kissing like nothing else exists.
Three, it's very clear that one of them is Tsuyoshi.
~~
Kitagawa Julie lacks her uncle's hawk-like gaze but manages to be every bit as intimidating. Koichi imagines those eyebrows perched on the woman's face, and laughter abruptly bubbles up his throat. He pretends to have a spontaneous coughing fit to cover it, but Julie isn't fooled, judging by her glare.
Tsuyoshi doesn't even glance at him, which makes Koichi want to laugh out loud or do something else inappropriate to make him look over.
The incriminating tabloid is on the desk in front of Julie. A manicured nail rests on the ink of Tsuyoshi's cheek.
"As I'm sure you know," she says, mouth twisting at one corner, "we often go to extreme measures to protect our talents." Pause for them to agree. They don't. "Unfortunately, this particular publication gets its funding from overseas. The strings we normally would pull are out of reach. And I'd say - " her eyes look out the window over their heads "that the damage has already been done." Eyes back on Tsuyoshi. "All we can do now is try to keep it from getting worse."
She slides a paper across the desk. "This is a statement our PR staff has prepared." Koichi imagines an assistant in another room blows on smoking fingers. "We're taking the stance that you were intoxicated. You weren't in control of your actions." She leans forward. "You will make it very obvious that you deeply regret disappointing your fans, and that it will never happen again. We've called a press conference for ten o'clock, and you'll read that statement even if it takes every bit of acting skill you have."
Tsuyoshi's voice is quiet but carries to every corner of the room. "I won't."
Julie expects this. "It's not up for debate, Tsuyoshi-kun. This is the only way you can avoid alienating your fan base."
"I don't think our fans are as judgmental as you - " tiny pause " - think they are."
"Do you need me to run a poll? The female audience needs to see their idols as potential boyfriends, and they can't have that image of you if your interests - " equally tiny pause. Two can play that game. " - lie in other areas."
"When we were younger, maybe, but we haven't been that two-dimensional in a long time. We have fans who respect us for our music, and are fond of us as normal people."
Julie has a skeptical look, but Tsuyoshi is on a roll.
"Not to mention, females don't make up our entire fanbase. There are also young men, even Juniors, who could use a role model they can relate to."
"And when they become the major marketing pool, you can pander to them. Until then, this company has standards to maintain - "
"That's news to me. As far as I can tell you're in the business of overworking children as though they're adults, while demeaning them as though they're infants."
"This agency has never had an openly homosexual artist, and I intend to make sure it stays that way. If you insist on continuing like this, Kinki Kids will no longer be a group."
Koichi's foot presses down convulsively. Everything is going faster than he can process.
Tsuyoshi says, "If that's what has to happen."
He and Julie stare at each other, and something she sees convinces her. Her gaze switches to Koichi and he really wishes it wouldn't. "Koichi-kun, since you weren't involved with this incident, you are welcome to remain as a solo artist."
He could really use a brake right now, but there's one thing that's definite.
"If it's not as a member of Kinki Kids," he says, voice much steadier than he feels, "I don't see why I should stay with the agency."
And knows by the sudden warmth like sunlight on his skin that Tsuyoshi is finally looking at him.
~~
They wait in another room while an emergency meeting of the board of directors is called. They sit with a foot of electric air between them, achieving new heights of awkward.
"You… Can I ask - what's his name?" Tsuyoshi's eyes go wide, like that's the last question he expected Koichi to ask. Which is fair since Koichi didn't expect to ask it either. "That guy in the picture with - with you."
"You want to know his name?"
Some conversations are just doomed from the start. "If he's someone you really…"
"Ah!" Tsuyoshi says. Koichi jumps. "You've been watching too many dramas. You're imagining this is me making the ultimate sacrifice for the man I love." Not something Koichi will readily admit to. "I wouldn't have thought you were such a romantic."
"Shut up," Koichi mutters, knows he's going red.
"So sorry to disappoint you, okaasan, but I don't think I'll be bringing him home to meet you." Tsuyoshi's grin makes him look seventeen again, with too many teeth in his mouth.
It says, we're okay.
Even if the rest of the world isn't.
But his moods change like a cat's eyes. "You're the only other person," he says, "who could understand how much Kinki Kids means to me."
"I am," Koichi agrees.
"This time I'm doing it for me, because I don't want to lie anymore." Tsuyoshi's voice is very soft and matter-of-fact. "There is no other person who means that much to me."
Before Koichi can think of an answer the door swings open. Higashiyama Noriyuki stands there silhouetted in the light flooding through the doorway. Floor-to-ceiling windows, and the sun is just rising. He approaches them on silent feet. "What a thing to wake up to," he says, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. "Come on in."
Familiar faces lining a long table are unfamiliar in their solemnity.
Julie says, "At Johnny and Associates we are in the business of building dreams. We can't do that with talents who engage and are proud of questionable moral activities."
They're not quite shoulder to shoulder, but their knuckles brush against each other.
"Domoto Tsuyoshi, you've been offered and refused a reasonable solution to your indiscretion. I'll ask you one more time - will you change your mind?"
"I won't," Tsuyoshi says.
"Domoto Koichi," she continues. "Since you weren't involved with this, we're willing to let you stay with the agency as a solo artist."
"I won't," Koichi says.
"Then we have no choice," Julie says, "Kinki Kids will disband."
Koichi releases the breath he's been holding, just as Tsuyoshi breathes in.
~~
For his first week of freedom, Koichi does as little as is possible for a human to do and not die. He sleeps past noon every day until his internal clock inverts itself. He stays in the bath until the water turns opaque, but doesn't do anything with his hair but finger-comb it. He orders takeout from every shop in the area and lets the boxes grow into a small Mount Fuji. He never puts clothes on. He only hangs a robe near the door because if he traumatizes the delivery people too much they might not come back. He spends hours online, catching up on every race he missed while the world was ending, rewatches some of the classic ones.
When the call comes his voice is creaky from disuse, but Nakai talks enough for two.
"You won't believe the strings I had to pull to get you on the show," he complains. Koichi holds the phone away from his ear. "I'm going to be working around the clock for this."
Koichi asks, "Aren't you already?"
"Still, you owe me."
"I'll cook you dinner sometime." If he can remember how. "Shogayaki okay?"
Brief pause that says, I'm not letting you off that easy. "They only agreed to it after I said I'd make you follow some rules. Not sure what makes them think I can control the two of you when they obviously couldn't."
"Our undying respect for you?"
Brief pause that says, don't make me laugh. "First, you can't say anything bad about the company. You can't say anything about the Thing - not that you probably want to. And Koichi," suddenly serious, "you can't say anything about Kinki Kids."
Koichi wonders if Nakai has started to speak another language. "How can we possibly - "
"You'll just be tonight's guests, Domoto Tsuyoshi and Domoto Koichi. It's nonsense, I know that, but it's the only way they'd agree."
It's the first time Koichi thinks, it's really over. As much as they've complained about that name, as much of a joke as it's been all these years, it was theirs. Now it isn't.
~~
But visiting Utaban is the same. Which isn't necessarily a good thing.
"Lucky, you have so much free time now." Nakai says, subtle as ever, "You can see what each other's places look like. You can hang out, you can have... sleepovers!"
"Nakai-san, please don't -"
"That's not really a good..."
"You can go on honeymoon trips!"
"We definitely won't - "
"You're right, it's a little late for the honeymoon stage. Then a golden anniversary trip!"
"... how old do you think we are?"
Sitting next to Tsuyoshi is the same. And the same.
"Well, it's probably best that Koichi-kun retires... while he still has some hair."
"Tsuyoshi-kun has a grandma's fashion sense already so..."
"You'll fit right in," Nakai says with satisfaction. "Send me a postcard."
The questions are the same. More or less.
"Do you like each other?"
"What habit don't you like about each other?"
"What will you do with your life from now on?"
"Sleep," Koichi answers promptly. "No, really, we've been working fairly regular since we were kids, I think it will be nice to just relax for a while. Be a normal guy."
"Koichi," Nakai says, serious as the grave. "I hate to be the one to break it to you but - you can never be normal. Tsuyoshi?"
"I've said this before," Tsuyoshi says. "But I'd like to act as Koichi's manager."
"Wait, wait," Taka-san interrupts. "How can he relax if you're making him work more?"
"We'll figure something out," Tsuyoshi says with utter confidence.
"Good luck with that. Next question - what will you miss most?"
"Being fed expensive food," Koichi says.
"Being dressed in shiny costumes," Tsuyoshi says.
"You don't have enough in your closet?" Taka asks, then notices Nakai's pout is threatening to fill the studio. "Nakai-kun, is something the matter?"
"You're supposed to say each other!" he explodes. "Totally can't read the atmosphere..."
"What's something you'll take away with you?"
"Is that literal, like are you accusing us of stealing from the company?"
"Damn it, Leader said he would never tell I have Hikaru Genji's roller skates."
"Physical, metaphorical, tentacle, whichever."
"Well there is this bust we used in Shock…" Koichi starts.
"Ah, that reminds me! What will happen to Shock now? Like, do the curtains come down forever? Does someone else take your part?"
"That'd be weird," Tsuyoshi says. "It wouldn't be the same if it's not Koichi-san."
"Well, I always could..." Nakai begins, and is drowned out by laughter. "Fine! Tsuyoshi?"
"Probably..." he says slowly, "Love Fighter."
"Who?"
"His j-web, right?" Koichi says. "Writing is very important to Tsuyoshi."
Nakai says, "Oh right, I have one of those too. I write a poem in it every evening." Everyone nods politely. "They're going to be published soon."
"But you can just start an online diary," Taka-san supplies. "There's all sorts of sites."
"But Love Fighter was sent right to the fans, so I knew people were reading it who cared. Maybe there was one person out of them who really needed to hear it just then."
"So start one," Nakai says, and waves at Koichi, "and send him the link!"
The audience claps, and on that approving note, it ends.
Taka-san gives them both a firm handshake. "A lot of groups I'm not surprised to see break up, some I'm glad. The two of you - are neither."
"Let's go out for a drink tomorrow," Nakai says, and he's startled by the novelty of Nakai-as-good-sempai into saying yes.
They walk out of the studio, down the hall, into the elevator, side by side by silent. A situation familiar in its awkwardness and awkward that it’s familiar. Would most long-time partners have this much difficulty just saying thank you and goodbye?
Koichi decides when they reach the ground floor he's going to bolt. Best way to avoid doing something he might regret.
He gets five steps and stops dead when Tsuyoshi says, "Kochan." He doesn't remember the last time he's heard that outside of a fan service situation. Tsuyoshi is holding something out to him, small and shiny. For a horrific moment Koichi imagines his death by stabbing, ringing cries of, "Kinki Kids will be together, even unto death." Then his own cell phone buzzes in his pocket.
"Receiving infrared signal," the screen reads. "Add sender to contact list?"
"Maybe now we don't have to save our conversations for the camera," Tsuyoshi says, "maybe we could have them under other circumstances?"
Koichi presses yes. It's not even a decision.
"It will make it easier," he looks up, determined face on, "to reach you if a job comes up."
"I meant it, Tsuyoshi, I just want to take some time off."
"I understand that," Tsuyoshi says, and it's clear he does. "We've had dozens of lifetimes crammed into the first third of our lives. We're exhausted now but, Koichi, we still have sixty years left. If we don't do something with ourselves for all that time we'll go crazy.
There's a strange lump in Koichi's throat but he manages to say, "Just sixty? Pessimist."
Tsuyoshi's smile is the most hopeful thing he's seen in a long time. "I'll be in touch."
~~
His phone buzzes. The screen reads,
My destiny
Say yes please.
He presses delete. He can definitely not let Nakai see that.
~~
"If I wanted," Nakai says, slurring a bit, "I could have Kimura Takuya's phone number."
"I'm sure you could," Koichi soothes. He wouldn't have thought Nakai would be such a sulky drunk.
Wait. Of course he would.
"I'm not saying I want it, that's what SMAP is, we don't hang out but we get along well enough that if one of us wanted to the other wouldn't mind - well, except Inagaki, I wouldn't hang out with that guy if he paid me -"
"I don't really need to know - "
"You - the two of you - need to learn from your sempai. Every time you say you don't know his number, and you don't visit his place, and you don't talk backstage - you sound so pathetic, I just wanna smoosh your faces together." Nakai drains his glass. "Seriously, Koichi? If I wanted to see someone that bad, there isn't anything in the world that could keep me from them."
Koichi isn't nearly drunk enough for this.
~~
I dreamt about walking with someone's hand in mine.
I couldn't look back or we would be separated.
But I knew they were still there, not by their hand,
But by the light of them,
A glow I could see with my eyes closed,
Warm as sunshine on my skin,
Like a red string tying us together.
Everyone, if you find that person
Please hold tightly to their hand.
Even if you can't see them,
They are always with you.
Even if the road is very long,
They are always with you.
~~
The number stays on Koichi's phone, but he doesn't call. Their farewell was sweet and sad but in the end all they had in common was Kinki Kids. That stage of his life is over, and now Koichi is going to be a normal guy. Normal guys wouldn't have a relationship that involved groping and love songs and awkwardly expressed feelings. Or at least he thinks so - he's not sure if he's ever met one.
Being ordinary, however, isn't all it's cracked up to be. There's so many little things that other people are nice enough to do for you when they’re paid enough. Now he has to do it all himself.
Something like going to a hairdresser, not too different. But first he has to find one, make sure they were the best, make an appointment and remember to keep it. Then he's supposed to explain how he wants his hair cut, since there was no director to say. And apparently, "The way it is but a little shorter," isn't a viable answer.
And then comes shopping for clothes, which can be summed up as hell on earth.
So he misses the convenience factor, but he's okay with the rest. He doesn't miss the music or the dancing or the interviews. He definitely doesn't miss Tsuyoshi.
But sometimes he catches himself dancing in front of the stove, just a little shuffle of his feet and a sway of his hips. And he finds himself singing in the shower. Thinking, I could do better, about the hosts on TV. Giving the mirror deep photo-shoot gazes.
Tsuyoshi's subliminal messages via his cell phone's texting function are not helping.
I'll always be looking for the things I can do for you.
Koichi once dated a girl who thought it'd be romantic to exchange lists of songs that made them think of each other. Naturally she expected his list to be mostly Kinki songs. He broke up with her soon after.
Because it was a stupid idea. Not because every song just made him think of Tsuyoshi.
He really has to find something else to keep him busy.
~~
"I'm thinking of going back to school," Koichi says, and Nagase starts laughing so hard he falls to the floor. Since he's down there, Koichi uses him as a footstool and switches to single-player mode.
~~
Some things are easier said than done. Things like "In this scene you'll fall down a flight of stairs" and "We'll always be around, always be together." "I'm going to continue my education even though I'm closer in age to the professors than the students and don't even remember the last time I opened a textbook" is one of those things.
It's not that Koichi doesn't try. He surprises even himself by how much he puts into it. He reads websites and pamphlets and makes notes and makes lists of schools he likes and why, for both good (high rankings) and bad (cherry blossoms) reasons. He doesn't remember the last time he planned something with no support, with no director or choreographer or partner. It's an exhilarating feeling.
It's also fucking frustrating.
"What you're saying," he says very slowly because the woman on the phone is apparently very stupid, "is that even though your school claims to offer continuing education, that's another way to say continuing until age 25. Because who wants to learn after that."
She also speaks very slowly, which might say something about what she thinks of him. "Studies have shown the presence of much older and theoretically wiser students intimidates our new freshman. I'm sure you can imagine what an eighteen-year-old freshman would feel taking tests with a man of your years."
"A man of my years?" Koichi asks. "How old do you think I am?"
"…I'm afraid it's out of my hands. I can put you through to the complaints department."
"No, it's all right," he says, suddenly very tired. "Sorry for taking so much time."
"I'm very sorry about this, Domoto-san," she says, "I'm a big fan."
~~
The next school on the list make it clear that they aren't fans of any size, and that the likes of a has-been boy band member isn't welcome in their hallowed halls. Koichi wonders if he could persuade various members of Kanjani8 to apply with hidden cameras.
The next school makes it clear that his money is welcome and anything else goes. He hangs up feeling greasy by association and washes his hands several times.
The next person to answer gets the brunt of it, as he takes her "How are you?" quite literally and unloads with the story. Well, starting from "I'm thinking of going back to school." She takes it and responds with, "You didn't do your research, did you?"
Apparently his difficulties lie in that Japan has yet to follow other countries examples in the realm of adult education. "We're stuck in, say, America's eighties. Except with less drugs," she says with far too much cheer. "There are programs for people like you -"
"What do you mean people like me?" he chimes in.
She ignores him. " - but they are few and far between, and you won't find them just by walking into the nearest ivy-covered building. I'll give you some sites, do you have a pen?" Her no-nonsense tone makes him a little nostalgic.
"And before you can apply you'll have to do a standardized test. I'm told this gets harder for every year the person taking it has been outside the school environment. So you really have something to look forward to."
"You're not going to claim you're a fan after all this abuse," he asks pitifully.
She says, "I'm more of an Ohno-kun girl."
He looks at the programs, he looks at the requirements. Basic skills, math and science and kanji. He doesn't remember a thing. Did he even learn this school? All he can remember of junior high is hating the uniform, and becoming really good at paper airplanes. He wouldn't just have a few months of study, he'd have to entirely undergo school again just to get the scores to apply to go to school.
He saves the information, and then closes it. It's not that Koichi doesn't try. He's just honest about his limitations.
~~
It's one of those small-spring days when Kamenashi Kazuya calls to apologize. Koichi knows it's a bad idea to answer the phone while driving but it's a long straight stretch of road and how the hell did he get this number anyways?
"They've changed the title," Kame says, a suppressed quaver in his voice, "but the story is the same, the songs and I'm pretty sure they just altered the costumes and the staircase - "
"It's fine, it's fine, Kamenashi-kun. I'm not angry." And, he's surprised to find, he's not. He won't get to do Shock anymore. On the other hand, he won't have to do Shock anymore.
"I wasn't interested but they…"
"They don't really give you a choice, I know. Don't think of it as my show, it's not. I give it to you, staircase and all. It's a shitty story, but think this. It's as good as you make it."
"It means a lot to have your approval," Kame says with spotless sincerity. "And it's great to talk to you again. What have you been doing lately?"
"I've been looking at going back to school." It's party true, at least.
He doesn't expect Kame's delighted laugh, "That's perfect!"
"Are you saying I could use more education?" Koichi deadpans.
"No, it's just - Koichi-san has always enjoyed learning things, right?"
The angle of the sun is making his eyes water, so he flips the visor down.
"Yeah, I think it'll be a good opportunity."
~~
If you hesitate, I want to forget.
Koichi hopes that flash of emotion is annoyance.
He hits call. "If you're going to quote a song at me, at least make it our song."
"I wasn't aware we had a song."
"We have quite a few, actually."
"But it got you to answer," Tsuyoshi sounds pleased, which is a nice sound.
"Tsuyoshi, I'll do it."
"You - what?" But shocked is funnier.
"You can be my manager. I'll do any show you want."
Tsuyoshi has the sort of happiness that pulls you in and says, be happy with me.
"I'm looking forward to working with you."
~~
Koichi has been in production meetings before, of course. Contrary to popular opinion, he has also been on dinner dates.
He didn't realize before how similar the two could be.
"Is this really necessary," he asks, and tries to discreetly blow out the candle. A hovering waiter immediately relights it, apologizing for the wind tonight.
"Only the best for my first talent," Tsuyoshi says. "Now, what would you like to do?"
"Since we're here… eat dinner?"
"That of course, but I meant with your resurrected career. What path would you like to take? Stage plays, movies, comedy? Ice-skating, body building, cross-dressing?
"A stage play would be nice? Maybe start with something easy and fun. See if I can still pull in an audience. Something like Shock - except with a plot and a decent script. No fake blood. Characters with their own names."
Tsuyoshi is taking notes. "In other words, something entirely unlike Shock."
"A real Broadway worthy musical. But that's probably impossible."
"Why?"
"Because actors in those are supposed to be, what do they call them. Triple threats. Sing, dance and act, and I'm an ex-Johnny's."
"Nothing is impossible for Domoto Agency," Tsuyoshi says, and beckons the waiter. "How do you feel about foie gras?"
~~
"Do you have a spare key to your apartment," Tsuyoshi says as they leave, and Koichi finds he's dug it out and handed it over before he's thought to ask why. That might be a dangerous habit. "A manager should be able to wake up their talent, check if they're ill, and make sure they aren't dead."
"They aren't - I really hope you're joking."
"If I have to tie your corpse up like a puppet to make you dance, I will."
Koichi walks on top of the curb so Tsuyoshi is shorter than him, with his face upturned.
"Come for a drive with me," Koichi says, suddenly. "I want to show you something."
Tsuyoshi sits with his back straight and seatbelt properly buckled.
"If you wanted to kidnap me, you could have asked," he says. "It's not like I'd say no."
Koichi ignores him in favor of finding the right turn. There. It's one of the few straight stretches of road in the city. He rolls down the window and Tsuyoshi protests as his hair goes limp, mist beaded his eyelashes.
Koichi flicks off the headlights, and in the glow of the deck sees Tsuyoshi's foot press down convulsively on a nonexistent brake pedal.
"Don't worry, we won't crash."
"Does the phrase 'famous last words' mean anything to you?" but his voice is empty of upset as he looks out the window.
It's been evening all day. It's been raining and going to rain. The moon just peering out makes the street glow brighter than stage lights, white and every color within it. They aren't going very fast so everything is sharp-edged, and the car hums low. The road goes on forever, the moon goes on forever, and it's one of those moments where any question can be asked, and no matter what you do you won't regret it.
"Tsuyoshi," he asks finally, "why are you so determined to keep me performing?"
There is silence for what seems like half an hour. When he looks over Tsuyoshi is slumped down in his seat, eyes closed. Koichi closes the windows and turns the car around.
~~
How is everyone now the rainy season has started?
The lightning yesterday, did you see it?
Incredible thing, lightning. So much more powerful, it terrifies you.
You want to cower under the bed.
But then you think, I am human and I am an adult.
I am reasonable and shouldn't be scared of nature.
Daytime storms are my favorite.
Black as night until the clouds fold back
And the light comes through,
Greater than any flash of lightning.
More powerful, more moving
Like the brightest light ever seen in the world.
A promise.
I want to see that light more than anything.
Even when my eyes are closed I want to have it warm against my skin.
Ah, I've written a lot today.
Everyone, please take care of yourself.
~~
He finally searches "kinki kids" + scandal and braces himself. As far as he can tell amid the incoherence, people are mostly just disappointed. They want their group back.
There are some people angry with Tsuyoshi but they're the people who are always angry with Tsuyoshi for no apparent reason. More are angry at Johnny's.
A lot of them say, "We just want him to be true to himself, to be happy with the person he loves."
Some add, "Though we'd be happier if that person is Tsuyoshi."
~~
A solo tour by Imai Tsubasa is on the news, and Koichi calls to congratulate him before remembering that it's no longer his place. But the phone is already ringing, and Tsubasa sounds so delighted when he picks up that it's not as awkward as it could be.
"You'll come see, right? I'll get you tickets."
"I'm not sure I can, my schedule is pretty full."
Tsubasa giggles. He kind of missed that. "You can't fool me, I talk to your manager."
"Ah, he told you?"
"I'm really glad the two of you are still working together. If you weren't, what would that mean for us?
"You do realize you're different people than us."
"Obviously, you sing better than Takki-kun.
"But don't you think it's weird, that he wants to manage me? Shouldn't he be off doing…"
"You do know Johnny's owns the rights to Endlicheri. He probably misses it."
"I hadn't really thought about that," Koichi admits.
"But he's still being creative, as expected, he writes every day -"
"Writes where? We don't have j-web anymore."
"He has a different one, just on a normal website."
Where's a pen when you need one? "What's the address?"
"I'm not sure I should tell you, Koichi-kun. If he wants you to read it…"
"Imai Tsubasa, if you don't tell me I swear I'll tell Takizawa - "
He hits Enter. When the page loads he stares at it for a second before laughing. "Tsuyoshi…" he whispers, "What a stupid title."
~~
LOVE VETERAN
~~
Koichi has never done a cattle-call audition, and looking around at the jittery, humming, contorting men spread around the waiting room it’s not an experience he would have minded missing. Next time he sees Tsuyoshi he’s going to say, "About the managing thing? You’re doing it wrong." And add, "and could you go clothes shopping for me?"
A small man even more jittery enters, holding a clipboard in front of him like a shield. "Excuse me. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the audition for the lead character is cancelled. You may return this afternoon if you would like to be in the ensemble. We're very sorry for the inconvenience."
Rather than being inconvenienced, the room clears as though it's the best news they've heard. He stands. The small man approaches. "Domoto Koichi-san? Could you follow me please?"
Koichi has never done a cattle-call audition, and it looks like he won’t start now. He picks up his gym bag and follows the man into the audition room.
Twenty-eight minutes later he walks out again.
~~
Tsuyoshi finds him in the garden between two tall buildings. It’s tiny and sparse, and he's feeding the birds senbei crumbs.
"I’m sure you have a good reason for walking out," Tsuyoshi says. Surprisingly, he isn’t sarcastic. His tone says, I'm sure that you have a good reason for pretty much everything."
It's a level of trust that Koichi doesn't quite know how to handle.
"They didn't want me, Tsuyoshi. They just wanted Kinki and I don't think I can be that."
"Then we'll find you a different show," Tsuyoshi says, and there's a thread beneath the calm. "Just give it another chance, we'll work it out."
Koichi stands, brushes himself off. He says, "I don't want you to be my manager."
Tsuyoshi looks down. "I understand. I shouldn't have forced you into - "
"No!" Koichi blurts. "I said that wrong. I mean, if you were my manager - it wouldn't be appropriate to do this." And takes two steps forward.
The cold weather has made Tsuyoshi's lips chapped and Koichi probably still tastes like senbei. It's nothing like the dramas, not at all that sort of kiss where nothing else exists. Because everything else exists for a moment, and that's what makes it perfect. Many other things exist, decades and stadiums and melodies, every thing leading to this moment.
Every audience and staff, sempai and kouhai, friends and strangers - everyone has always been cheering them on, which is sweet if creepy. And even though it's just a little public no one can see, and Koichi wants to do it again in the middle of Shinjuku Station. Wants to change every image they have of Kinki Kids to this one, older and wiser and still together.
"I'm not saying I don't want to do any of it," Koichi says later when they're sitting on the bench. "I just want to work for someone who wants me for me. Find me someone like that and I'll do any job you want - within reason."
"I think," Tsuyoshi says, smiling at a bird pecking his shoelace, "that I know just the man."
~~
There are some things Koichi misses about being a Johnny's. Being stalked isn't one of them. The car following him a careful block behind is sleek and ominous and now parked across from his apartment. Maybe if he makes a mad dash he can get there -
"You're a hard man to get a hold of," says his would-be murderer, mere feet away.
Koichi turns to face the music, and it turns out to be Midnight Shuffle. "… Matchy-san?"
"You'd think being out of work you'd be hanging around at home, waiting for someone to come drop a gig in your life, but no," he might be seriously annoyed or he might be sarcastic - it's hard to tell.
"Why are you stalking me?" Koichi's mouth asks without permission from his brain.
Matchy-san just snorts at him. "Kids these days. Now, I have a proposition for you and I'm in a hurry. My wife wants me to spend more time at home and less at the racetrack. I'm looking for a partner to co-own the team. Want to?"
"I," Koichi says fervently, "can't imagine a job I would like more. I could worship at your feet."
"Save it for someone who likes that kind of thing. I'll send you the contract, look it over with your - manager. But be aware, we're not going to make it easy on you just because you're pretty. There'll be a lot for you to learn and fast."
"That's perfect."
"Check your mail," Matchy says, and getting in his car drives away into the sunset.
Koichi stands in the middle of the street with an open mouth.
~~
Tsuyoshi is there when he gets home. He considers going out and coming back in a few times just to experience that again. But it's been a long day and he's exhausted and tomorrow he gets to do it all over again.
Tsuyoshi sits cross-legged on the floor, computer on his lap. Apparently things like the chairs and couches are for mere mortals. Though he says "welcome home" it's in that "give me a minute to finish this" voice. Since Koichi doesn't mind acting like a mere mortal he stretches out on the couch. The soft click of typing lulls him to sleep, filling his dreams with white horses on cobblestones and tiny crabs with glittering shells.
When he wakes up, disoriented, the sun has gone down and the room is lit only by the glow of the screen. Tsuyoshi has stopped typing to watch Koichi wake up. He sets the laptop aside and makes a "come here" hand gesture.
Koichi rolls off the couch, not trusting himself to stand yet. He carefully puts one hand in front of the other until he reaches Tsuyoshi. Doesn't protest being stroked like a big cat since he curls up and puts his head on one thigh.
He protests when his pillow shakes. "What are you laughing about?"
"Just thinking, how I was planning to be your manager, and you were planning to go back to school, and yet here we are."
"Yeah," Koichi mumbles, drifting back to sleep to the rhythm of fingers threading through his hair. "Too bad neither of us got what we wanted."
Finished reading? Rate this fic!
Poll Team Future: Light More Than Lightning
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Pairing: Koichi/Tsuyoshi
Summary: Love is a long silk road: beautiful, expensive, slippery and apt to stain.
Prompt: "Venus"
~~
The photograph on the magazine's cover is nothing special. It doesn't show anything Koichi hasn't seen before, or even done himself if the script calls for it. If he passed it on a conbini shelf he would barely glance over.
Someone, though, thought it important enough to slide a copy through his mail slot at an obscene hour of the morning. Someone made sure he stumbled across it, eyes still cloudy with sleep, before he made any contact with the outside world. Someone wanted him to pay attention to the three tiny details that change it from just another magazine cover to something that can change everything.
One, the photo is much clearer than the usual blurry tabloid captures.
Two, it clearly shows two men kissing like nothing else exists.
Three, it's very clear that one of them is Tsuyoshi.
~~
Kitagawa Julie lacks her uncle's hawk-like gaze but manages to be every bit as intimidating. Koichi imagines those eyebrows perched on the woman's face, and laughter abruptly bubbles up his throat. He pretends to have a spontaneous coughing fit to cover it, but Julie isn't fooled, judging by her glare.
Tsuyoshi doesn't even glance at him, which makes Koichi want to laugh out loud or do something else inappropriate to make him look over.
The incriminating tabloid is on the desk in front of Julie. A manicured nail rests on the ink of Tsuyoshi's cheek.
"As I'm sure you know," she says, mouth twisting at one corner, "we often go to extreme measures to protect our talents." Pause for them to agree. They don't. "Unfortunately, this particular publication gets its funding from overseas. The strings we normally would pull are out of reach. And I'd say - " her eyes look out the window over their heads "that the damage has already been done." Eyes back on Tsuyoshi. "All we can do now is try to keep it from getting worse."
She slides a paper across the desk. "This is a statement our PR staff has prepared." Koichi imagines an assistant in another room blows on smoking fingers. "We're taking the stance that you were intoxicated. You weren't in control of your actions." She leans forward. "You will make it very obvious that you deeply regret disappointing your fans, and that it will never happen again. We've called a press conference for ten o'clock, and you'll read that statement even if it takes every bit of acting skill you have."
Tsuyoshi's voice is quiet but carries to every corner of the room. "I won't."
Julie expects this. "It's not up for debate, Tsuyoshi-kun. This is the only way you can avoid alienating your fan base."
"I don't think our fans are as judgmental as you - " tiny pause " - think they are."
"Do you need me to run a poll? The female audience needs to see their idols as potential boyfriends, and they can't have that image of you if your interests - " equally tiny pause. Two can play that game. " - lie in other areas."
"When we were younger, maybe, but we haven't been that two-dimensional in a long time. We have fans who respect us for our music, and are fond of us as normal people."
Julie has a skeptical look, but Tsuyoshi is on a roll.
"Not to mention, females don't make up our entire fanbase. There are also young men, even Juniors, who could use a role model they can relate to."
"And when they become the major marketing pool, you can pander to them. Until then, this company has standards to maintain - "
"That's news to me. As far as I can tell you're in the business of overworking children as though they're adults, while demeaning them as though they're infants."
"This agency has never had an openly homosexual artist, and I intend to make sure it stays that way. If you insist on continuing like this, Kinki Kids will no longer be a group."
Koichi's foot presses down convulsively. Everything is going faster than he can process.
Tsuyoshi says, "If that's what has to happen."
He and Julie stare at each other, and something she sees convinces her. Her gaze switches to Koichi and he really wishes it wouldn't. "Koichi-kun, since you weren't involved with this incident, you are welcome to remain as a solo artist."
He could really use a brake right now, but there's one thing that's definite.
"If it's not as a member of Kinki Kids," he says, voice much steadier than he feels, "I don't see why I should stay with the agency."
And knows by the sudden warmth like sunlight on his skin that Tsuyoshi is finally looking at him.
~~
They wait in another room while an emergency meeting of the board of directors is called. They sit with a foot of electric air between them, achieving new heights of awkward.
"You… Can I ask - what's his name?" Tsuyoshi's eyes go wide, like that's the last question he expected Koichi to ask. Which is fair since Koichi didn't expect to ask it either. "That guy in the picture with - with you."
"You want to know his name?"
Some conversations are just doomed from the start. "If he's someone you really…"
"Ah!" Tsuyoshi says. Koichi jumps. "You've been watching too many dramas. You're imagining this is me making the ultimate sacrifice for the man I love." Not something Koichi will readily admit to. "I wouldn't have thought you were such a romantic."
"Shut up," Koichi mutters, knows he's going red.
"So sorry to disappoint you, okaasan, but I don't think I'll be bringing him home to meet you." Tsuyoshi's grin makes him look seventeen again, with too many teeth in his mouth.
It says, we're okay.
Even if the rest of the world isn't.
But his moods change like a cat's eyes. "You're the only other person," he says, "who could understand how much Kinki Kids means to me."
"I am," Koichi agrees.
"This time I'm doing it for me, because I don't want to lie anymore." Tsuyoshi's voice is very soft and matter-of-fact. "There is no other person who means that much to me."
Before Koichi can think of an answer the door swings open. Higashiyama Noriyuki stands there silhouetted in the light flooding through the doorway. Floor-to-ceiling windows, and the sun is just rising. He approaches them on silent feet. "What a thing to wake up to," he says, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. "Come on in."
Familiar faces lining a long table are unfamiliar in their solemnity.
Julie says, "At Johnny and Associates we are in the business of building dreams. We can't do that with talents who engage and are proud of questionable moral activities."
They're not quite shoulder to shoulder, but their knuckles brush against each other.
"Domoto Tsuyoshi, you've been offered and refused a reasonable solution to your indiscretion. I'll ask you one more time - will you change your mind?"
"I won't," Tsuyoshi says.
"Domoto Koichi," she continues. "Since you weren't involved with this, we're willing to let you stay with the agency as a solo artist."
"I won't," Koichi says.
"Then we have no choice," Julie says, "Kinki Kids will disband."
Koichi releases the breath he's been holding, just as Tsuyoshi breathes in.
~~
For his first week of freedom, Koichi does as little as is possible for a human to do and not die. He sleeps past noon every day until his internal clock inverts itself. He stays in the bath until the water turns opaque, but doesn't do anything with his hair but finger-comb it. He orders takeout from every shop in the area and lets the boxes grow into a small Mount Fuji. He never puts clothes on. He only hangs a robe near the door because if he traumatizes the delivery people too much they might not come back. He spends hours online, catching up on every race he missed while the world was ending, rewatches some of the classic ones.
When the call comes his voice is creaky from disuse, but Nakai talks enough for two.
"You won't believe the strings I had to pull to get you on the show," he complains. Koichi holds the phone away from his ear. "I'm going to be working around the clock for this."
Koichi asks, "Aren't you already?"
"Still, you owe me."
"I'll cook you dinner sometime." If he can remember how. "Shogayaki okay?"
Brief pause that says, I'm not letting you off that easy. "They only agreed to it after I said I'd make you follow some rules. Not sure what makes them think I can control the two of you when they obviously couldn't."
"Our undying respect for you?"
Brief pause that says, don't make me laugh. "First, you can't say anything bad about the company. You can't say anything about the Thing - not that you probably want to. And Koichi," suddenly serious, "you can't say anything about Kinki Kids."
Koichi wonders if Nakai has started to speak another language. "How can we possibly - "
"You'll just be tonight's guests, Domoto Tsuyoshi and Domoto Koichi. It's nonsense, I know that, but it's the only way they'd agree."
It's the first time Koichi thinks, it's really over. As much as they've complained about that name, as much of a joke as it's been all these years, it was theirs. Now it isn't.
~~
But visiting Utaban is the same. Which isn't necessarily a good thing.
"Lucky, you have so much free time now." Nakai says, subtle as ever, "You can see what each other's places look like. You can hang out, you can have... sleepovers!"
"Nakai-san, please don't -"
"That's not really a good..."
"You can go on honeymoon trips!"
"We definitely won't - "
"You're right, it's a little late for the honeymoon stage. Then a golden anniversary trip!"
"... how old do you think we are?"
Sitting next to Tsuyoshi is the same. And the same.
"Well, it's probably best that Koichi-kun retires... while he still has some hair."
"Tsuyoshi-kun has a grandma's fashion sense already so..."
"You'll fit right in," Nakai says with satisfaction. "Send me a postcard."
The questions are the same. More or less.
"Do you like each other?"
"What habit don't you like about each other?"
"What will you do with your life from now on?"
"Sleep," Koichi answers promptly. "No, really, we've been working fairly regular since we were kids, I think it will be nice to just relax for a while. Be a normal guy."
"Koichi," Nakai says, serious as the grave. "I hate to be the one to break it to you but - you can never be normal. Tsuyoshi?"
"I've said this before," Tsuyoshi says. "But I'd like to act as Koichi's manager."
"Wait, wait," Taka-san interrupts. "How can he relax if you're making him work more?"
"We'll figure something out," Tsuyoshi says with utter confidence.
"Good luck with that. Next question - what will you miss most?"
"Being fed expensive food," Koichi says.
"Being dressed in shiny costumes," Tsuyoshi says.
"You don't have enough in your closet?" Taka asks, then notices Nakai's pout is threatening to fill the studio. "Nakai-kun, is something the matter?"
"You're supposed to say each other!" he explodes. "Totally can't read the atmosphere..."
"What's something you'll take away with you?"
"Is that literal, like are you accusing us of stealing from the company?"
"Damn it, Leader said he would never tell I have Hikaru Genji's roller skates."
"Physical, metaphorical, tentacle, whichever."
"Well there is this bust we used in Shock…" Koichi starts.
"Ah, that reminds me! What will happen to Shock now? Like, do the curtains come down forever? Does someone else take your part?"
"That'd be weird," Tsuyoshi says. "It wouldn't be the same if it's not Koichi-san."
"Well, I always could..." Nakai begins, and is drowned out by laughter. "Fine! Tsuyoshi?"
"Probably..." he says slowly, "Love Fighter."
"Who?"
"His j-web, right?" Koichi says. "Writing is very important to Tsuyoshi."
Nakai says, "Oh right, I have one of those too. I write a poem in it every evening." Everyone nods politely. "They're going to be published soon."
"But you can just start an online diary," Taka-san supplies. "There's all sorts of sites."
"But Love Fighter was sent right to the fans, so I knew people were reading it who cared. Maybe there was one person out of them who really needed to hear it just then."
"So start one," Nakai says, and waves at Koichi, "and send him the link!"
The audience claps, and on that approving note, it ends.
Taka-san gives them both a firm handshake. "A lot of groups I'm not surprised to see break up, some I'm glad. The two of you - are neither."
"Let's go out for a drink tomorrow," Nakai says, and he's startled by the novelty of Nakai-as-good-sempai into saying yes.
They walk out of the studio, down the hall, into the elevator, side by side by silent. A situation familiar in its awkwardness and awkward that it’s familiar. Would most long-time partners have this much difficulty just saying thank you and goodbye?
Koichi decides when they reach the ground floor he's going to bolt. Best way to avoid doing something he might regret.
He gets five steps and stops dead when Tsuyoshi says, "Kochan." He doesn't remember the last time he's heard that outside of a fan service situation. Tsuyoshi is holding something out to him, small and shiny. For a horrific moment Koichi imagines his death by stabbing, ringing cries of, "Kinki Kids will be together, even unto death." Then his own cell phone buzzes in his pocket.
"Receiving infrared signal," the screen reads. "Add sender to contact list?"
"Maybe now we don't have to save our conversations for the camera," Tsuyoshi says, "maybe we could have them under other circumstances?"
Koichi presses yes. It's not even a decision.
"It will make it easier," he looks up, determined face on, "to reach you if a job comes up."
"I meant it, Tsuyoshi, I just want to take some time off."
"I understand that," Tsuyoshi says, and it's clear he does. "We've had dozens of lifetimes crammed into the first third of our lives. We're exhausted now but, Koichi, we still have sixty years left. If we don't do something with ourselves for all that time we'll go crazy.
There's a strange lump in Koichi's throat but he manages to say, "Just sixty? Pessimist."
Tsuyoshi's smile is the most hopeful thing he's seen in a long time. "I'll be in touch."
~~
His phone buzzes. The screen reads,
My destiny
Say yes please.
He presses delete. He can definitely not let Nakai see that.
~~
"If I wanted," Nakai says, slurring a bit, "I could have Kimura Takuya's phone number."
"I'm sure you could," Koichi soothes. He wouldn't have thought Nakai would be such a sulky drunk.
Wait. Of course he would.
"I'm not saying I want it, that's what SMAP is, we don't hang out but we get along well enough that if one of us wanted to the other wouldn't mind - well, except Inagaki, I wouldn't hang out with that guy if he paid me -"
"I don't really need to know - "
"You - the two of you - need to learn from your sempai. Every time you say you don't know his number, and you don't visit his place, and you don't talk backstage - you sound so pathetic, I just wanna smoosh your faces together." Nakai drains his glass. "Seriously, Koichi? If I wanted to see someone that bad, there isn't anything in the world that could keep me from them."
Koichi isn't nearly drunk enough for this.
~~
I dreamt about walking with someone's hand in mine.
I couldn't look back or we would be separated.
But I knew they were still there, not by their hand,
But by the light of them,
A glow I could see with my eyes closed,
Warm as sunshine on my skin,
Like a red string tying us together.
Everyone, if you find that person
Please hold tightly to their hand.
Even if you can't see them,
They are always with you.
Even if the road is very long,
They are always with you.
~~
The number stays on Koichi's phone, but he doesn't call. Their farewell was sweet and sad but in the end all they had in common was Kinki Kids. That stage of his life is over, and now Koichi is going to be a normal guy. Normal guys wouldn't have a relationship that involved groping and love songs and awkwardly expressed feelings. Or at least he thinks so - he's not sure if he's ever met one.
Being ordinary, however, isn't all it's cracked up to be. There's so many little things that other people are nice enough to do for you when they’re paid enough. Now he has to do it all himself.
Something like going to a hairdresser, not too different. But first he has to find one, make sure they were the best, make an appointment and remember to keep it. Then he's supposed to explain how he wants his hair cut, since there was no director to say. And apparently, "The way it is but a little shorter," isn't a viable answer.
And then comes shopping for clothes, which can be summed up as hell on earth.
So he misses the convenience factor, but he's okay with the rest. He doesn't miss the music or the dancing or the interviews. He definitely doesn't miss Tsuyoshi.
But sometimes he catches himself dancing in front of the stove, just a little shuffle of his feet and a sway of his hips. And he finds himself singing in the shower. Thinking, I could do better, about the hosts on TV. Giving the mirror deep photo-shoot gazes.
Tsuyoshi's subliminal messages via his cell phone's texting function are not helping.
I'll always be looking for the things I can do for you.
Koichi once dated a girl who thought it'd be romantic to exchange lists of songs that made them think of each other. Naturally she expected his list to be mostly Kinki songs. He broke up with her soon after.
Because it was a stupid idea. Not because every song just made him think of Tsuyoshi.
He really has to find something else to keep him busy.
~~
"I'm thinking of going back to school," Koichi says, and Nagase starts laughing so hard he falls to the floor. Since he's down there, Koichi uses him as a footstool and switches to single-player mode.
~~
Some things are easier said than done. Things like "In this scene you'll fall down a flight of stairs" and "We'll always be around, always be together." "I'm going to continue my education even though I'm closer in age to the professors than the students and don't even remember the last time I opened a textbook" is one of those things.
It's not that Koichi doesn't try. He surprises even himself by how much he puts into it. He reads websites and pamphlets and makes notes and makes lists of schools he likes and why, for both good (high rankings) and bad (cherry blossoms) reasons. He doesn't remember the last time he planned something with no support, with no director or choreographer or partner. It's an exhilarating feeling.
It's also fucking frustrating.
"What you're saying," he says very slowly because the woman on the phone is apparently very stupid, "is that even though your school claims to offer continuing education, that's another way to say continuing until age 25. Because who wants to learn after that."
She also speaks very slowly, which might say something about what she thinks of him. "Studies have shown the presence of much older and theoretically wiser students intimidates our new freshman. I'm sure you can imagine what an eighteen-year-old freshman would feel taking tests with a man of your years."
"A man of my years?" Koichi asks. "How old do you think I am?"
"…I'm afraid it's out of my hands. I can put you through to the complaints department."
"No, it's all right," he says, suddenly very tired. "Sorry for taking so much time."
"I'm very sorry about this, Domoto-san," she says, "I'm a big fan."
~~
The next school on the list make it clear that they aren't fans of any size, and that the likes of a has-been boy band member isn't welcome in their hallowed halls. Koichi wonders if he could persuade various members of Kanjani8 to apply with hidden cameras.
The next school makes it clear that his money is welcome and anything else goes. He hangs up feeling greasy by association and washes his hands several times.
The next person to answer gets the brunt of it, as he takes her "How are you?" quite literally and unloads with the story. Well, starting from "I'm thinking of going back to school." She takes it and responds with, "You didn't do your research, did you?"
Apparently his difficulties lie in that Japan has yet to follow other countries examples in the realm of adult education. "We're stuck in, say, America's eighties. Except with less drugs," she says with far too much cheer. "There are programs for people like you -"
"What do you mean people like me?" he chimes in.
She ignores him. " - but they are few and far between, and you won't find them just by walking into the nearest ivy-covered building. I'll give you some sites, do you have a pen?" Her no-nonsense tone makes him a little nostalgic.
"And before you can apply you'll have to do a standardized test. I'm told this gets harder for every year the person taking it has been outside the school environment. So you really have something to look forward to."
"You're not going to claim you're a fan after all this abuse," he asks pitifully.
She says, "I'm more of an Ohno-kun girl."
He looks at the programs, he looks at the requirements. Basic skills, math and science and kanji. He doesn't remember a thing. Did he even learn this school? All he can remember of junior high is hating the uniform, and becoming really good at paper airplanes. He wouldn't just have a few months of study, he'd have to entirely undergo school again just to get the scores to apply to go to school.
He saves the information, and then closes it. It's not that Koichi doesn't try. He's just honest about his limitations.
~~
It's one of those small-spring days when Kamenashi Kazuya calls to apologize. Koichi knows it's a bad idea to answer the phone while driving but it's a long straight stretch of road and how the hell did he get this number anyways?
"They've changed the title," Kame says, a suppressed quaver in his voice, "but the story is the same, the songs and I'm pretty sure they just altered the costumes and the staircase - "
"It's fine, it's fine, Kamenashi-kun. I'm not angry." And, he's surprised to find, he's not. He won't get to do Shock anymore. On the other hand, he won't have to do Shock anymore.
"I wasn't interested but they…"
"They don't really give you a choice, I know. Don't think of it as my show, it's not. I give it to you, staircase and all. It's a shitty story, but think this. It's as good as you make it."
"It means a lot to have your approval," Kame says with spotless sincerity. "And it's great to talk to you again. What have you been doing lately?"
"I've been looking at going back to school." It's party true, at least.
He doesn't expect Kame's delighted laugh, "That's perfect!"
"Are you saying I could use more education?" Koichi deadpans.
"No, it's just - Koichi-san has always enjoyed learning things, right?"
The angle of the sun is making his eyes water, so he flips the visor down.
"Yeah, I think it'll be a good opportunity."
~~
If you hesitate, I want to forget.
Koichi hopes that flash of emotion is annoyance.
He hits call. "If you're going to quote a song at me, at least make it our song."
"I wasn't aware we had a song."
"We have quite a few, actually."
"But it got you to answer," Tsuyoshi sounds pleased, which is a nice sound.
"Tsuyoshi, I'll do it."
"You - what?" But shocked is funnier.
"You can be my manager. I'll do any show you want."
Tsuyoshi has the sort of happiness that pulls you in and says, be happy with me.
"I'm looking forward to working with you."
~~
Koichi has been in production meetings before, of course. Contrary to popular opinion, he has also been on dinner dates.
He didn't realize before how similar the two could be.
"Is this really necessary," he asks, and tries to discreetly blow out the candle. A hovering waiter immediately relights it, apologizing for the wind tonight.
"Only the best for my first talent," Tsuyoshi says. "Now, what would you like to do?"
"Since we're here… eat dinner?"
"That of course, but I meant with your resurrected career. What path would you like to take? Stage plays, movies, comedy? Ice-skating, body building, cross-dressing?
"A stage play would be nice? Maybe start with something easy and fun. See if I can still pull in an audience. Something like Shock - except with a plot and a decent script. No fake blood. Characters with their own names."
Tsuyoshi is taking notes. "In other words, something entirely unlike Shock."
"A real Broadway worthy musical. But that's probably impossible."
"Why?"
"Because actors in those are supposed to be, what do they call them. Triple threats. Sing, dance and act, and I'm an ex-Johnny's."
"Nothing is impossible for Domoto Agency," Tsuyoshi says, and beckons the waiter. "How do you feel about foie gras?"
~~
"Do you have a spare key to your apartment," Tsuyoshi says as they leave, and Koichi finds he's dug it out and handed it over before he's thought to ask why. That might be a dangerous habit. "A manager should be able to wake up their talent, check if they're ill, and make sure they aren't dead."
"They aren't - I really hope you're joking."
"If I have to tie your corpse up like a puppet to make you dance, I will."
Koichi walks on top of the curb so Tsuyoshi is shorter than him, with his face upturned.
"Come for a drive with me," Koichi says, suddenly. "I want to show you something."
Tsuyoshi sits with his back straight and seatbelt properly buckled.
"If you wanted to kidnap me, you could have asked," he says. "It's not like I'd say no."
Koichi ignores him in favor of finding the right turn. There. It's one of the few straight stretches of road in the city. He rolls down the window and Tsuyoshi protests as his hair goes limp, mist beaded his eyelashes.
Koichi flicks off the headlights, and in the glow of the deck sees Tsuyoshi's foot press down convulsively on a nonexistent brake pedal.
"Don't worry, we won't crash."
"Does the phrase 'famous last words' mean anything to you?" but his voice is empty of upset as he looks out the window.
It's been evening all day. It's been raining and going to rain. The moon just peering out makes the street glow brighter than stage lights, white and every color within it. They aren't going very fast so everything is sharp-edged, and the car hums low. The road goes on forever, the moon goes on forever, and it's one of those moments where any question can be asked, and no matter what you do you won't regret it.
"Tsuyoshi," he asks finally, "why are you so determined to keep me performing?"
There is silence for what seems like half an hour. When he looks over Tsuyoshi is slumped down in his seat, eyes closed. Koichi closes the windows and turns the car around.
~~
How is everyone now the rainy season has started?
The lightning yesterday, did you see it?
Incredible thing, lightning. So much more powerful, it terrifies you.
You want to cower under the bed.
But then you think, I am human and I am an adult.
I am reasonable and shouldn't be scared of nature.
Daytime storms are my favorite.
Black as night until the clouds fold back
And the light comes through,
Greater than any flash of lightning.
More powerful, more moving
Like the brightest light ever seen in the world.
A promise.
I want to see that light more than anything.
Even when my eyes are closed I want to have it warm against my skin.
Ah, I've written a lot today.
Everyone, please take care of yourself.
~~
He finally searches "kinki kids" + scandal and braces himself. As far as he can tell amid the incoherence, people are mostly just disappointed. They want their group back.
There are some people angry with Tsuyoshi but they're the people who are always angry with Tsuyoshi for no apparent reason. More are angry at Johnny's.
A lot of them say, "We just want him to be true to himself, to be happy with the person he loves."
Some add, "Though we'd be happier if that person is Tsuyoshi."
~~
A solo tour by Imai Tsubasa is on the news, and Koichi calls to congratulate him before remembering that it's no longer his place. But the phone is already ringing, and Tsubasa sounds so delighted when he picks up that it's not as awkward as it could be.
"You'll come see, right? I'll get you tickets."
"I'm not sure I can, my schedule is pretty full."
Tsubasa giggles. He kind of missed that. "You can't fool me, I talk to your manager."
"Ah, he told you?"
"I'm really glad the two of you are still working together. If you weren't, what would that mean for us?
"You do realize you're different people than us."
"Obviously, you sing better than Takki-kun.
"But don't you think it's weird, that he wants to manage me? Shouldn't he be off doing…"
"You do know Johnny's owns the rights to Endlicheri. He probably misses it."
"I hadn't really thought about that," Koichi admits.
"But he's still being creative, as expected, he writes every day -"
"Writes where? We don't have j-web anymore."
"He has a different one, just on a normal website."
Where's a pen when you need one? "What's the address?"
"I'm not sure I should tell you, Koichi-kun. If he wants you to read it…"
"Imai Tsubasa, if you don't tell me I swear I'll tell Takizawa - "
He hits Enter. When the page loads he stares at it for a second before laughing. "Tsuyoshi…" he whispers, "What a stupid title."
~~
LOVE VETERAN
~~
Koichi has never done a cattle-call audition, and looking around at the jittery, humming, contorting men spread around the waiting room it’s not an experience he would have minded missing. Next time he sees Tsuyoshi he’s going to say, "About the managing thing? You’re doing it wrong." And add, "and could you go clothes shopping for me?"
A small man even more jittery enters, holding a clipboard in front of him like a shield. "Excuse me. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the audition for the lead character is cancelled. You may return this afternoon if you would like to be in the ensemble. We're very sorry for the inconvenience."
Rather than being inconvenienced, the room clears as though it's the best news they've heard. He stands. The small man approaches. "Domoto Koichi-san? Could you follow me please?"
Koichi has never done a cattle-call audition, and it looks like he won’t start now. He picks up his gym bag and follows the man into the audition room.
Twenty-eight minutes later he walks out again.
~~
Tsuyoshi finds him in the garden between two tall buildings. It’s tiny and sparse, and he's feeding the birds senbei crumbs.
"I’m sure you have a good reason for walking out," Tsuyoshi says. Surprisingly, he isn’t sarcastic. His tone says, I'm sure that you have a good reason for pretty much everything."
It's a level of trust that Koichi doesn't quite know how to handle.
"They didn't want me, Tsuyoshi. They just wanted Kinki and I don't think I can be that."
"Then we'll find you a different show," Tsuyoshi says, and there's a thread beneath the calm. "Just give it another chance, we'll work it out."
Koichi stands, brushes himself off. He says, "I don't want you to be my manager."
Tsuyoshi looks down. "I understand. I shouldn't have forced you into - "
"No!" Koichi blurts. "I said that wrong. I mean, if you were my manager - it wouldn't be appropriate to do this." And takes two steps forward.
The cold weather has made Tsuyoshi's lips chapped and Koichi probably still tastes like senbei. It's nothing like the dramas, not at all that sort of kiss where nothing else exists. Because everything else exists for a moment, and that's what makes it perfect. Many other things exist, decades and stadiums and melodies, every thing leading to this moment.
Every audience and staff, sempai and kouhai, friends and strangers - everyone has always been cheering them on, which is sweet if creepy. And even though it's just a little public no one can see, and Koichi wants to do it again in the middle of Shinjuku Station. Wants to change every image they have of Kinki Kids to this one, older and wiser and still together.
"I'm not saying I don't want to do any of it," Koichi says later when they're sitting on the bench. "I just want to work for someone who wants me for me. Find me someone like that and I'll do any job you want - within reason."
"I think," Tsuyoshi says, smiling at a bird pecking his shoelace, "that I know just the man."
~~
There are some things Koichi misses about being a Johnny's. Being stalked isn't one of them. The car following him a careful block behind is sleek and ominous and now parked across from his apartment. Maybe if he makes a mad dash he can get there -
"You're a hard man to get a hold of," says his would-be murderer, mere feet away.
Koichi turns to face the music, and it turns out to be Midnight Shuffle. "… Matchy-san?"
"You'd think being out of work you'd be hanging around at home, waiting for someone to come drop a gig in your life, but no," he might be seriously annoyed or he might be sarcastic - it's hard to tell.
"Why are you stalking me?" Koichi's mouth asks without permission from his brain.
Matchy-san just snorts at him. "Kids these days. Now, I have a proposition for you and I'm in a hurry. My wife wants me to spend more time at home and less at the racetrack. I'm looking for a partner to co-own the team. Want to?"
"I," Koichi says fervently, "can't imagine a job I would like more. I could worship at your feet."
"Save it for someone who likes that kind of thing. I'll send you the contract, look it over with your - manager. But be aware, we're not going to make it easy on you just because you're pretty. There'll be a lot for you to learn and fast."
"That's perfect."
"Check your mail," Matchy says, and getting in his car drives away into the sunset.
Koichi stands in the middle of the street with an open mouth.
~~
Tsuyoshi is there when he gets home. He considers going out and coming back in a few times just to experience that again. But it's been a long day and he's exhausted and tomorrow he gets to do it all over again.
Tsuyoshi sits cross-legged on the floor, computer on his lap. Apparently things like the chairs and couches are for mere mortals. Though he says "welcome home" it's in that "give me a minute to finish this" voice. Since Koichi doesn't mind acting like a mere mortal he stretches out on the couch. The soft click of typing lulls him to sleep, filling his dreams with white horses on cobblestones and tiny crabs with glittering shells.
When he wakes up, disoriented, the sun has gone down and the room is lit only by the glow of the screen. Tsuyoshi has stopped typing to watch Koichi wake up. He sets the laptop aside and makes a "come here" hand gesture.
Koichi rolls off the couch, not trusting himself to stand yet. He carefully puts one hand in front of the other until he reaches Tsuyoshi. Doesn't protest being stroked like a big cat since he curls up and puts his head on one thigh.
He protests when his pillow shakes. "What are you laughing about?"
"Just thinking, how I was planning to be your manager, and you were planning to go back to school, and yet here we are."
"Yeah," Koichi mumbles, drifting back to sleep to the rhythm of fingers threading through his hair. "Too bad neither of us got what we wanted."
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Poll Team Future: Light More Than Lightning