(no subject)
Another night of mental struggle after a terribly stressful weekend.
I should thank my blessings now. Who knows what the future holds at this point. I'm mourning the loss of it all. Dreams of being married. Becoming a mother to more babies. Building a home and life together. Why can't he just leave his job and focus on himself and his family for awhile? Find an easy going job that doesn't drain him to the point of becoming a single father (again). Hard for me to say single father. When I think back to my dad being single I also remember him always having a roof over his head, a bed for us to sleep in, a car to pick us up, and family being there for support. There's no way in hell I'd put Lydia in harms way. I'd expect all of those things to be in line before she ever spends a night away from me. Justin makes it very hard for me to love him. The man that used to be fun, spontaneous, kind, and hard working had been wilted down to a bitter workaholic. He thinks I don't respect or care about him when I have built everything around him for him, for us. I don't respect him? I tell him constantly how much I appreciate his hard work. I am too tired for this.