Never Leave by Jean Geanie (sam/gene) Blue Cortina
Title: Never Leave
Rating: Blue Cortina
Word Count: 2100 words
Pairings: Sam/Gene
Warnings: Might contain spoilers for A2A 1.01 but only something you would pick up on if you’d seen the episode.
Summary: Gene is terrified of losing Sam so he makes sure he won’t.
AN: this actually came about from me wanting to give candesgirl another prompt for the wonderful drabbles she’s been writing and then deciding that I might have a go at it myself.
Gene has always remembered the moment that he realized he loved Sam. It was the night after he’d discovered Haslam dead and a warrant had been put out for his arrest. Gene had just been to see Pete Wilkes and not knowing where else to go had decided to wait for Sam at his flat. Gene had trusted Sam, not because he expected Sam to believe him or to return his trust, but because he had believed Sam would fight for him until either Gene’s innocence or guilt had been proved beyond a doubt. Knowing his D.I, Gene expected Sam to send him back to a cell while he figured things out and while it was the last thing Gene had wanted he would have done it - if Sam had really insisted. But even though he suggested it, picked up the phone even, Sam never insisted on it, instead he sat there and listened quietly while Gene told his side of the story. Interrupting occasionally, but mostly just studying Gene with a pensive expression. When his story was finished, when Gene finally had the balls to look at Sam's face, he found no traces of the revulsion or detached sense of duty he had been expecting. Instead Gene saw only trust and gritty determination in those brown eyes. At that moment Gene knew what he felt for Sam was something more than gratitude.
At first, the revelation had horrified Gene as, in his experience, those he loved were never around for too long. His Mother, Stuart and even his Father (who had left for good after he was imprisoned for killing his wife) were all gone. Losing his Mother had been hard and losing Stuart had been devastating. Yet for some reason Gene couldn't even begin to fathom losing Sam. Even when he found out that Sam had joined his team with the intention of bringing it down from the inside Gene couldn't bring himself to care. Because at the end of the day Sam had come back to him and not Morgan, and that was the only thing that mattered. Sam staying.
And if that meant Gene never revealed his feelings for fear of Sam not reciprocating them it was a sacrifice willingly made.
So Gene had kept his distance in an attempt to ensure their working relationship remained the same as it had ever been. And if his eyes would occasionally linger in Sam's direction, if he would fantasise about having the taunt body underneath his while it twitched in throes of passion and if he grew more jealous of Cartwright each day, it was nothing that he couldn't handle within the privacy of his office. It took time, but eventually Gene taught himself to be satisfied with the easy friendship the two of them shared.
Gene was almost content with just friendship when (a year after the Morgan fiasco) Sam confided in Gene that while he loved Annie he was starting to think that he wasn’t in love with her, that he still thought of her as a friend more than anything else. While the shamed admission caused Gene's insides to flip he told Sam callously that he was an gutless bastard for stringing her along and if he couldn't stand the thought of fucking her he should leave her available for men that would. Sam had paled at the words and left the room. The next morning Cartwright turned up to work in tears and Sam slunk in an hour later with a nasty purple bruise adorning his cheekbone. Far from feeling guilty Gene allowed himself to hope.
Then, during an armed robbery in seventy-six, Sam had thrown himself in front of a bullet intended for Gene. As a result Sam was in hospital for a month and on desk duty for two months after that. Sam never mentioned regretting the move and, when Gene brought it up with him, Sam had just shrugged and replied that Gene would do the same for him. It was a sign of how far gone he was that Gene wasn't able to contradict him. Still, even weeks after Sam had recovered fully; just the recollection of Sam lying in a pool of his blood was enough to cause Gene to be violently sick.
A year after that when Gene's wife finally left him for a very gorgeous, very female florist, Gene hadn’t known whether to reach for the whiskey or champagne. Assuming Gene would be in need of a friend, and something he had laughingly called "TLC", Sam had arrived on his doorstep with alcohol and a substantial supply of food. As the man strode into Gene's kitchen and arranged casseroles and lasagna (and various other reheat-able dishes) in the fridge and freezer, Gene had wondered if Sam felt as comfortable in his house as Gene felt having him there.
It took three more years and a long night of heavy drinking (concluding with a nightcap in Gene's lounge) before Sam finally kissed Gene, moaning passionately as Gene responded, before collapsing at his feet. Stunned, Gene lifted Sam on to the couch and (showing great restraint) made his way upstairs to his own bedroom, telling himself that Sam was blind drunk, lonely and horny and that he would have kissed any warm body in exactly the same way.
When he woke the next morning and found Sam's sleeping form cuddled against him Gene pulled him in closer and lay firm kisses down upon his neck and shoulders until the man awoke.
Gene had never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Later, when the team had relocated to the Met, Gene bought a new apartment and Sam moved in with him. If anyone in C.I.D had an opinion, they kept it to themselves.
Then, in nineteen eighty-one, Sam told Gene everything. How he was from the future, how he committed suicide to get back and how he was scared that one day he might just disappear. As the whole story tumbled out of him he clung to Gene, begging the man to believe him - repeating over and over that he wasn't insane. Holding him close, Gene whispered reassurances while inside his heart broke with the knowledge that Sam was ill.
After that it became obvious; Gene had to protect Sam. From those that would discover his madness and those who would use it to ruin him, even if that included Sam himself. He couldn't let Sam be taken from him. Not when it had taken so long to get him in the first place.
It was disgustingly easy to arrange. A faked death and a new house in an isolated area not more than an hours’ drive from London. All to keep Sam safe.
The house had been filled with everything Gene thought Sam might need, books, records, food and the lot. The only thing Gene knew Sam wouldn't like was the barred windows and the security door only Gene knew the key code for. It was expensive but all paid in full with the money Gene had saved from when he had been on the take.
As for Sam, Gene drugged him. Just long enough to leave him in their new home while he took Sam's car and (removing the handbrake) allowed it to roll into the river.
That night when Sam woke up Gene confessed everything. Told him how he knew Sam was unwell but that it was going to work out alright because he was going to look after him so the bastards in white coats wouldn’t get him instead.
To say that Sam was unenthusiastic would have been more than a slight understatement. The man had tried everything at his disposal to get Gene to let him out of the house. Yelling, cursing, crying and fighting even seduction and guilt. Sam tried it all but Gene wouldn't budge. He left Sam and the flat each morning and returned each night, always ensuring the door was locked. For the first month after Sam’s efforts at escape had failed he had refused to speak to Gene, refused to touch him or even to look at him. It hurt, but Gene never let it change his mind. He remembered how Stuart had hated him when he had tried to get him off the drugs, and how Gene had let that hate push him away until he no longer had any contact with his brother (save that last visit to the morgue). Gene wouldn't repeat his mistakes. So, when Sam had refused to talk to him Gene had done the talking, telling the man he loved him and then preparing to sleep on the sofa when Sam flinched away from his hand.
It had all changed when Gene had been involved in a car accident that had written off the Cortina and left Gene with several broken ribs and a sprained wrist. As a result he'd been in hospital for a week and because he’d not left Sam with a phone he had no way of contacting him to let him know why he hadn’t been back to the house.
When he finally returned Sam had thrown himself into his arms, sobbing and clutching at his shirt. He wouldn’t stop repeating the words "you left me you bastard" over and over, muffled as they were in Gene’s chest. That entire night Sam had demanded to be in his arms and wouldn't stop touching him, needing to convince himself that Gene was there and was real.
Since then Gene and Sam have fallen into a rhythm almost reminiscent of a normal life. Gene leaves only for his work and the odd night at the pub and every other moment is reserved for Sam. He’d even started bringing home cases a while back. Just occasionally at first, but then more often when he saw the delight in Sam’s eyes as he would mull over them. When Sam began to resemble himself (as opposed to some caged animal) Gene couldn’t stop smiling.
Yet (although few and far between) there are still bad days. Days that remind Gene why all his precautions were necessary. Days where Gene stands outside the bathroom door and hears Sam arguing with figments of his imagination. Mostly a little girl he‘s petrified of, and sometimes a mother he's convinced he betrayed (but who Gene knows had died when Sam was only twelve). On those days Sam confides in Gene about how scared he is that he made the wrong choice, that he had been selfish and thoughtless when he jumped. He huddles in close and allows Gene to envelope his shaking body in his arms.
Other days, when the two of them are lying down on the couch, Sam’s head resting against Gene’s chest, Sam turns around and asks if he could go outside (“Jus’ for a day”). The look on his face when Gene won’t meet his eyes is heartbreaking.
Gene still remembers the night he had returned to find the door unlocked. He had sprinted in, fully prepared to search each room for Sam and then all of London if he had to. In under a minute he had found Sam curled up with a book on the couch. Gene had just stood there panting and waiting for his pulse to calm down and Sam had looked up at him.
"You forgot to lock it today didn't you?" It was a question but Gene knew Sam knew the answer. He didn’t say that though. Instead he pointed to Sam and then the door.
"You're still ‘ere."
Sam smiled.
"Where else would I go?"
Later that night when Sam slept Gene snuck out of bed to find the book Sam had left lying on the couch. He stayed up for hours staring at the cover, turning it over in his hands, trying to remember if it had been one of the novels he had bought.
After that Gene never forgot to lock the door. He did however start bringing home catalogues and asking Sam to tell him when any books, magazines, cassettes or Vinyls grabbed his fancy.
But sometimes, when Gene's working late and his eyes wander to the tribute article pinned on the office wall (the one Jackie Queen had written with unusual warmth and sent to him all the way from Manchester) he thinks of how much of the old Sam he has lost. Those are the times when he feels the cold pin pricks of guilt.
But it's nothing that can’t be soothed by the glass of whiskey in his hand and the certainty of Sam being there when he gets home.
Edit: There is now a companion piece to this from Sam's point of view: Accepting what you have
Rating: Blue Cortina
Word Count: 2100 words
Pairings: Sam/Gene
Warnings: Might contain spoilers for A2A 1.01 but only something you would pick up on if you’d seen the episode.
Summary: Gene is terrified of losing Sam so he makes sure he won’t.
AN: this actually came about from me wanting to give candesgirl another prompt for the wonderful drabbles she’s been writing and then deciding that I might have a go at it myself.
Gene has always remembered the moment that he realized he loved Sam. It was the night after he’d discovered Haslam dead and a warrant had been put out for his arrest. Gene had just been to see Pete Wilkes and not knowing where else to go had decided to wait for Sam at his flat. Gene had trusted Sam, not because he expected Sam to believe him or to return his trust, but because he had believed Sam would fight for him until either Gene’s innocence or guilt had been proved beyond a doubt. Knowing his D.I, Gene expected Sam to send him back to a cell while he figured things out and while it was the last thing Gene had wanted he would have done it - if Sam had really insisted. But even though he suggested it, picked up the phone even, Sam never insisted on it, instead he sat there and listened quietly while Gene told his side of the story. Interrupting occasionally, but mostly just studying Gene with a pensive expression. When his story was finished, when Gene finally had the balls to look at Sam's face, he found no traces of the revulsion or detached sense of duty he had been expecting. Instead Gene saw only trust and gritty determination in those brown eyes. At that moment Gene knew what he felt for Sam was something more than gratitude.
At first, the revelation had horrified Gene as, in his experience, those he loved were never around for too long. His Mother, Stuart and even his Father (who had left for good after he was imprisoned for killing his wife) were all gone. Losing his Mother had been hard and losing Stuart had been devastating. Yet for some reason Gene couldn't even begin to fathom losing Sam. Even when he found out that Sam had joined his team with the intention of bringing it down from the inside Gene couldn't bring himself to care. Because at the end of the day Sam had come back to him and not Morgan, and that was the only thing that mattered. Sam staying.
And if that meant Gene never revealed his feelings for fear of Sam not reciprocating them it was a sacrifice willingly made.
So Gene had kept his distance in an attempt to ensure their working relationship remained the same as it had ever been. And if his eyes would occasionally linger in Sam's direction, if he would fantasise about having the taunt body underneath his while it twitched in throes of passion and if he grew more jealous of Cartwright each day, it was nothing that he couldn't handle within the privacy of his office. It took time, but eventually Gene taught himself to be satisfied with the easy friendship the two of them shared.
Gene was almost content with just friendship when (a year after the Morgan fiasco) Sam confided in Gene that while he loved Annie he was starting to think that he wasn’t in love with her, that he still thought of her as a friend more than anything else. While the shamed admission caused Gene's insides to flip he told Sam callously that he was an gutless bastard for stringing her along and if he couldn't stand the thought of fucking her he should leave her available for men that would. Sam had paled at the words and left the room. The next morning Cartwright turned up to work in tears and Sam slunk in an hour later with a nasty purple bruise adorning his cheekbone. Far from feeling guilty Gene allowed himself to hope.
Then, during an armed robbery in seventy-six, Sam had thrown himself in front of a bullet intended for Gene. As a result Sam was in hospital for a month and on desk duty for two months after that. Sam never mentioned regretting the move and, when Gene brought it up with him, Sam had just shrugged and replied that Gene would do the same for him. It was a sign of how far gone he was that Gene wasn't able to contradict him. Still, even weeks after Sam had recovered fully; just the recollection of Sam lying in a pool of his blood was enough to cause Gene to be violently sick.
A year after that when Gene's wife finally left him for a very gorgeous, very female florist, Gene hadn’t known whether to reach for the whiskey or champagne. Assuming Gene would be in need of a friend, and something he had laughingly called "TLC", Sam had arrived on his doorstep with alcohol and a substantial supply of food. As the man strode into Gene's kitchen and arranged casseroles and lasagna (and various other reheat-able dishes) in the fridge and freezer, Gene had wondered if Sam felt as comfortable in his house as Gene felt having him there.
It took three more years and a long night of heavy drinking (concluding with a nightcap in Gene's lounge) before Sam finally kissed Gene, moaning passionately as Gene responded, before collapsing at his feet. Stunned, Gene lifted Sam on to the couch and (showing great restraint) made his way upstairs to his own bedroom, telling himself that Sam was blind drunk, lonely and horny and that he would have kissed any warm body in exactly the same way.
When he woke the next morning and found Sam's sleeping form cuddled against him Gene pulled him in closer and lay firm kisses down upon his neck and shoulders until the man awoke.
Gene had never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Later, when the team had relocated to the Met, Gene bought a new apartment and Sam moved in with him. If anyone in C.I.D had an opinion, they kept it to themselves.
Then, in nineteen eighty-one, Sam told Gene everything. How he was from the future, how he committed suicide to get back and how he was scared that one day he might just disappear. As the whole story tumbled out of him he clung to Gene, begging the man to believe him - repeating over and over that he wasn't insane. Holding him close, Gene whispered reassurances while inside his heart broke with the knowledge that Sam was ill.
After that it became obvious; Gene had to protect Sam. From those that would discover his madness and those who would use it to ruin him, even if that included Sam himself. He couldn't let Sam be taken from him. Not when it had taken so long to get him in the first place.
It was disgustingly easy to arrange. A faked death and a new house in an isolated area not more than an hours’ drive from London. All to keep Sam safe.
The house had been filled with everything Gene thought Sam might need, books, records, food and the lot. The only thing Gene knew Sam wouldn't like was the barred windows and the security door only Gene knew the key code for. It was expensive but all paid in full with the money Gene had saved from when he had been on the take.
As for Sam, Gene drugged him. Just long enough to leave him in their new home while he took Sam's car and (removing the handbrake) allowed it to roll into the river.
That night when Sam woke up Gene confessed everything. Told him how he knew Sam was unwell but that it was going to work out alright because he was going to look after him so the bastards in white coats wouldn’t get him instead.
To say that Sam was unenthusiastic would have been more than a slight understatement. The man had tried everything at his disposal to get Gene to let him out of the house. Yelling, cursing, crying and fighting even seduction and guilt. Sam tried it all but Gene wouldn't budge. He left Sam and the flat each morning and returned each night, always ensuring the door was locked. For the first month after Sam’s efforts at escape had failed he had refused to speak to Gene, refused to touch him or even to look at him. It hurt, but Gene never let it change his mind. He remembered how Stuart had hated him when he had tried to get him off the drugs, and how Gene had let that hate push him away until he no longer had any contact with his brother (save that last visit to the morgue). Gene wouldn't repeat his mistakes. So, when Sam had refused to talk to him Gene had done the talking, telling the man he loved him and then preparing to sleep on the sofa when Sam flinched away from his hand.
It had all changed when Gene had been involved in a car accident that had written off the Cortina and left Gene with several broken ribs and a sprained wrist. As a result he'd been in hospital for a week and because he’d not left Sam with a phone he had no way of contacting him to let him know why he hadn’t been back to the house.
When he finally returned Sam had thrown himself into his arms, sobbing and clutching at his shirt. He wouldn’t stop repeating the words "you left me you bastard" over and over, muffled as they were in Gene’s chest. That entire night Sam had demanded to be in his arms and wouldn't stop touching him, needing to convince himself that Gene was there and was real.
Since then Gene and Sam have fallen into a rhythm almost reminiscent of a normal life. Gene leaves only for his work and the odd night at the pub and every other moment is reserved for Sam. He’d even started bringing home cases a while back. Just occasionally at first, but then more often when he saw the delight in Sam’s eyes as he would mull over them. When Sam began to resemble himself (as opposed to some caged animal) Gene couldn’t stop smiling.
Yet (although few and far between) there are still bad days. Days that remind Gene why all his precautions were necessary. Days where Gene stands outside the bathroom door and hears Sam arguing with figments of his imagination. Mostly a little girl he‘s petrified of, and sometimes a mother he's convinced he betrayed (but who Gene knows had died when Sam was only twelve). On those days Sam confides in Gene about how scared he is that he made the wrong choice, that he had been selfish and thoughtless when he jumped. He huddles in close and allows Gene to envelope his shaking body in his arms.
Other days, when the two of them are lying down on the couch, Sam’s head resting against Gene’s chest, Sam turns around and asks if he could go outside (“Jus’ for a day”). The look on his face when Gene won’t meet his eyes is heartbreaking.
Gene still remembers the night he had returned to find the door unlocked. He had sprinted in, fully prepared to search each room for Sam and then all of London if he had to. In under a minute he had found Sam curled up with a book on the couch. Gene had just stood there panting and waiting for his pulse to calm down and Sam had looked up at him.
"You forgot to lock it today didn't you?" It was a question but Gene knew Sam knew the answer. He didn’t say that though. Instead he pointed to Sam and then the door.
"You're still ‘ere."
Sam smiled.
"Where else would I go?"
Later that night when Sam slept Gene snuck out of bed to find the book Sam had left lying on the couch. He stayed up for hours staring at the cover, turning it over in his hands, trying to remember if it had been one of the novels he had bought.
After that Gene never forgot to lock the door. He did however start bringing home catalogues and asking Sam to tell him when any books, magazines, cassettes or Vinyls grabbed his fancy.
But sometimes, when Gene's working late and his eyes wander to the tribute article pinned on the office wall (the one Jackie Queen had written with unusual warmth and sent to him all the way from Manchester) he thinks of how much of the old Sam he has lost. Those are the times when he feels the cold pin pricks of guilt.
But it's nothing that can’t be soothed by the glass of whiskey in his hand and the certainty of Sam being there when he gets home.
Edit: There is now a companion piece to this from Sam's point of view: Accepting what you have