(no subject)
So... yeah.
Saw doctor again today. Although I know he wouldn't do such a thing, I'm sure he's tempted to say "fuck it, you're on your own". Because I am such a whiney bitch.
Been applying for jobs... through e-mail. Which is easy. Of course, if employers go through e-mail applicants like I go through, say... MySpace profiles of girls in my area... then I'm fucked. I mean, not fucked, as far as MySpace goes.
We both agree that the only way to score a really good job is to walk in there and make a good impression. And yet, I chicken out, or find excuses not to bother, time and time again. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of being "judged" on my "merits". I'm afraid of screwing up. I'm afraid of people. I'm probably afraid of you.
Yes, you.
Y'see, my life? It's the only important thing right now. Everyone else has it REAL easy. My life is the conundrum that think tanks should be working on. Everything else has an easy solution. Gay marriage? Pass a law saying that you don't have to marry a gay person if you don't want to. World peace? Stop blowing the shit out of little nations full of brown people who aren't advanced enough to make optimal use of the oil they sit on.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had people around me who understood. That's why you all have to drop everything and be there for me, see?
Am I being subtle enough?
Sarcasm aside, I'm supposed to be an adult. I can sit here and say that the solution is for me to get up, stop whining, and go "jump in the pool", so to speak. But it's so much easier not to bother. I feel so awful because I sit at home while life goes on without me. Hence, I'm too miserable to go out and grab it by the balls like I'm supposed to.
Perhaps I have a fear of failure. What's that called?
To top it all off, I missed Sergeant Major by a hair. Stupid, because I went almost halfway through the week before last, and figured it'd be a shoe-in since I got about 50% more Honor this past week than the week before.
Did anyone see Jon Stewart last night/this afternoon? Where they were talking to the guy who was pissed off because he had to walk extra blocks to get his coffee or get to work, because the way was blocked by walk-a-thons? The interviewer said "it sounds like you've been through Hell", and the guy acted like it was true. I'm just wondering if anyone else saw that.