Let's Play Choice of Broadsides, Chapter Five, Part Two
Previous part of chapter five is here.
The game is HERE. A great review of it is over at Jayisgames, and my "review" is here. If you think this game sounds fun, play it before reading, because there will be massive spoilers after the cut.
Previously, on Let's Play CoB...
Peace was reached between Albion and Gaul. Smythe, deprived of a command, has to find other things to do with her life. She meets Bryce's husband, reaffirms her massive gayness, and goes to the Assembly for a party. Villeneuve appears in a shower of rose petals and accosts the surprised captain. It's the start of a beautiful friendship, as the Smythe is invited to a game of whist with the charming Gaul and her associates.
And now, the thrilling conclusion...
Whist is a hard game to cheat at, but you can still manage to cheat if you can catch glimpses of the other players' cards. If you want to. Do you want to cheat?
We can say, "No, of course not. A gentlewoman would do no such thing, and I'm actually interested in getting to know Villeneuve better[,]" or we can be a complete ass and B) Yes, Albion's honour depends on winning against Villeneuve in a children's silly card game. There is such a thing as being too patriotic, you know. In any case, we're noble of heart and choose (A).
Of course. I apologize for doubting your honor.
See that it doesn't happen again.
You play whist for the rest of the evening, and greatly enjoy yourself. Gilchrist and Christy-Palliere devote most of their attention to the cards, but Villeneuve makes conversation here and there. You respond as best you can. It's awkward at first, but grows easier as the evening progresses, and you find yourself thinking that it's really quite a lot like playing cards with your shipmates.
We're starting to feel very comfortable around her, aren't we?
Villeneuve's style of play tells you something about her, too: she is aggressive and fearless when engrossed in the game, quite different from her carefully-polished manners the rest of the time. You can respect that. It's a shame this woman was born Gaulish, for she would have been an asset to an Albionish ship.
For someone as devoted to the Navy as Smythe, to praise a fine lady in context of being a sailor is akin to writing a sonnet about them. Just sayin'.
You're not a terribly good whist player, and (to Gilchrist's evident irritation) you and she come off very badly indeed. But Villeneuve is a gracious winner, and smoothly cuts off Christy-Palliere's less well-bred boasting. "Well fought," Villeneuve says to you, and then to the other two, "No, no, I have no wish for more time spent at this game. A last drink, instead, before the night is over? Very good! A toast, gentlewomen--to whist and civilization!"
Are you the most wonderful person ever, Villeneuve, or are you just the most wonderful person ever? The woman could charm the pants off a STATUE. Since Smythe is not a statue, directing one's attention toward her would be a far less fruitless endeavor, if you know what I mean.
And now you must see about getting yourself home. It is very late indeed. Bryce poked her head into the card room some time earlier, telling you that she and Mr. Bryce wished to return home, and you said not to worry, you would find your own way back.
Now you need to do that. You stand outside, breathing in the night air. Your head is fuzzy. From the stuffiness of the card room, or did you have too much to drink?
I dunno, how many toasts did we drink? It seems like civilization was very thoroughly praised this evening.
Behind you, you hear Villeneuve's distinctive voice. "No, no, not to worry! It is more important the carriage be put to the young gentleman's use! I can manage very well for myself."
You turn, curious.
"It seems Mr. Gilchrist engaged my cousin and Madam Gilchrist to provide transportation for a youngster who is feeling ill," Villeneuve explains. "It is no matter to me to walk. The night is a very fine one."
It turns out the two of you are headed in the same direction.
Do you want to walk with her?
And we're just going to skip the multiple-choice here, because YES, we do walk together, because NO, it would not be awkward . So we head off together, and Villeneuve makes some light conversation. Yes, I am finally doing descriptions in lieu of the in-game text.
Suddenly, a rustle in the bushes! What shall we do?
Now, we can: A) Ignore it, because it always turns out to be nothing in a story, am I right? B) Get Villeneuve to notice by catching her arm, or C) Draw your sword and engage whoever it is immediately. I go for (B), because that option involves Villeneuve.
Surprise, surprise! Four lady brigands leap out of the bushes. They've got knives, we've got swords. Now if only we could draw ours. We're not too drunk for this, are we?
Villeneuve draws her sword too.
The footpads have surrounded the two of you. You fight back to back against all four of them. Even drunk, you manage to hold your own: these women are not trained, after all, and armed only with knives, and your reflexes know exactly what to do. So do Villeneuve's, it would seem.
So we're Back to Back Badasses, would you say?
You slash at the nearest footpad, and she hastily stumbles backwards. The one beside her lunges in under your guard, knife stabbing for your throat.
What do you do?
And the first choice is great, because it says, A) "Oh please. I contemptuously parry her little knife with my sword." As if the thief was just completely not worth the effort, which she isn't. The second, B) Sidestepping and taking into account the diminishing effectiveness of the sword at close quarters, is less arrogant and more along the lines of how Smythe would think, while C) Impaling her in the chest, is far too violent to fit.
So we do a little sidestep, and we are just agile enough to manage it, thanks to our combat abilities. We disarm Smythe's attackers and they flee, so we turn around and see how our Gaulish girlfriend's doing.
Not very well, it seems. She lunges toward one footpad--this woman fights the way she plays whist, fearless and aggressive--but that puts her unprotected back to the other, who raises her knife with an evil grin.
OH NO YOU DON'T. We are obviously going to A) Strike the wretch of a thief down, instead of B) Leave Villeneuve to fend for herself, so let's not waste any more time.
Of course you do! How could an Albionish gentlewoman do otherwise?
You strike out at the footpad, and score a cut along her arm. She howls in pain and drops the knife. Not bothering with an attempt to retrieve it, clutching her bleeding arm, she stumbles away from you and takes off into the night.
Her companion follows suit. The footpads had been counting on an easy robbery; you and Villeneuve together are too much trouble to make the fight worth their while.
YOU'D BETTER RUN! If I ever catch you trying to stab Villeneuve again, there'll be hell to pay!
Villeneuve draws a deep, slow breath and sheaths her sword. She turns, meeting your eyes. "Thank you," she says.
You wave it off. "My pleasure, ma'am."
"Dear diary, today I saved Villeneuve's life and she smiled at me lots. It was a good day."
Villeneuve holds out her hand, and you shake it. And then she chuckles, though it sounds just a little strained.
"It is good to be alive, is it not?" she says in explanation.
What now?
Well, we can either: A) Get a drink with Villeneuve in celebration, B) Get a drink to calm our nerves (but it wasn't really that scary, was it?), or C) Go home and sleep instead of spending more time with Villeneuve, for some incomprehensible reason. Let's pick (A).
"I think being alive deserves a drink in celebration," you say to Villeneuve, and she grins.
"As you say, my friend."
The two of you wind up in a nondescript tavern, drinking somewhat forgettable ale and telling stories of the great battles and duels you have each fought. If your stories are somewhat embellished in the telling, you are fairly certain Villeneuve's are, as well. . .
As the evening wears on and the ale continues flowing, Villeneuve becomes more effusive, with broader gestures and excited speech. Her hand brushes against yours, perhaps lingering for just a moment.
Do you think she meant anything by it?
We can answer this very important question in several ways: A) Of course, 'cause I'm a sexy beast, B) Not sure, so let's find out, or C) I'm a fool, so I will just say no and drop it. Smythe seems the type to not be completely sure, so let's go with (B).
So the game asks how we respond. We can: A) Lean over and kiss her in public, B) Invite her back to our place, C) Ignore because I'm somehow not interested in Villeneuve, or D) Decide that because she's a Gaul, we can NEVAR BE TOGETHER *sob*. Now, as much as I'd like to pick (A), it's not very discreet, so we're going to choose (B).
"My rooms are not far from here," you say. "Would you care to accompany me there?"
"I was beginning to fear you were not interested," Villeneuve says with a smile. "I have drunk more than enough ale for the evening, but the night is still young."
The two of you quickly travel back to your rooms. You enjoy a night of intense passion together.
SEXYTIEMS WITH MADAME. And now, our life is complete.
Or... could it be slightly more complete? Because now the game asks us if we pursue a relationship with Villeneuve after this one incredible night. We could just admit that A) Yes, we're in lurrrve, or B) Yes, let's spend some time together before we are torn apart by cruel, cruel fate have to return to our duties. There's also C) There are other fish in the sea, so I'm not going to make an effort (*gasp*), or D) It was a one-night-stand, so I hope she didn't get the wrong message (*choke*).
Option (A), the one we're choosing, fits as something Smythe would think with a mind clouded by love, but (B) also works because it's practical and resigned. I do believe that Smythe is in love with Villeneuve, so let's pick (A) and give her some happy thoughts.
You meet repeatedly, as often as you can arrange without scandal. Your nights together are passionate, and your days stimulating.
Fun times. Isn't this better than getting married, Smythe?
Some of your fellow officers may notice how often the two of you are together, and may even suspect the truth. You are almost certain that Bryce guesses when you repeatedly have no time for the social events to which she invites you. But they have enough discretion to say nothing and to pretend that your friendship with Villeneuve is platonic.
"So Smythe and that Gaulish officer are... very close friends, aren't they. Almost as close as, say, cousins?"
Honestly, though? People can talk. We don't really care, because we're with our Sexy Badass AU!French Historical Naval Officer Girlfriend, who we have tons in common with (soulmates, srsly). We're having the time of our lives. The only thing missing here is a So Happy Together montage.
What's that, you say? A So Happy Together montage is usually followed by clouds on the horizon? How so?
After several months, however, Villeneuve receives a letter from Gaul.
AA'S;SAJF;LDSJALF NO NO NO FORGET I ASKED.
She has been given a new posting and must return to Gaul.
D8 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BAD END! BAD END!
DO YOU HEAR THAT.
THAT IS THE SOUND OF OUR HEART. BREAKING. INTO ITTY BITTY PIECES.
How do you react?
With horror and anguish. Seriously, WORST DAY EVER.
We can waste our time with: A) Try to convince her to resign and stay in Albion, or B) Tell her we'll resign and go with her to Gaul. But we both know why that's impossible.
Plus, if you choose either option, you'll have the added bitterness of "Did I love her more than she loved me," when Villeneuve has to explain it to you. (The only good thing about picking these two is that she calls you "ma cherie." Which doesn't help things, in the end.)
Better to go with C) "She must do her duty, as I must do mine" and have a good cry.
Villeneuve pledges that she will always remember you, and thanks you for not making a hard parting even worse by suggesting the unthinkable. She promises to write when she can, but you know the letters will bring as much sorrow as joy. With great sorrow, you watch her ship sail across the Channel to Gaul.
So ends our great love affair. How are our stats doing?
Name: Madam Anne Smythe
Rank: Post-captain
Seniority: 0 years
Age: 25
Sailing: 85
Gunnery: 76
Leadership: 65
Fighting: 70
Patronage: 40 (-)
Tact: 42 (+)
Likeability: 55
Honor: 77 (+)
Courage: 71 (+)
Bloodthirst: 45
Intelligence: 54 (+)
Wealth: 43
I'm sorry, I've just got some sand in my eye. I'll meet you guys in the next chapter.
TO BE CONTINUED
(P.S. This episode was edited at least once, because it was quite late when I first posted it and I was definitely not entertaining then.)
The game is HERE. A great review of it is over at Jayisgames, and my "review" is here. If you think this game sounds fun, play it before reading, because there will be massive spoilers after the cut.
Previously, on Let's Play CoB...
Peace was reached between Albion and Gaul. Smythe, deprived of a command, has to find other things to do with her life. She meets Bryce's husband, reaffirms her massive gayness, and goes to the Assembly for a party. Villeneuve appears in a shower of rose petals and accosts the surprised captain. It's the start of a beautiful friendship, as the Smythe is invited to a game of whist with the charming Gaul and her associates.
And now, the thrilling conclusion...
Whist is a hard game to cheat at, but you can still manage to cheat if you can catch glimpses of the other players' cards. If you want to. Do you want to cheat?
We can say, "No, of course not. A gentlewoman would do no such thing, and I'm actually interested in getting to know Villeneuve better[,]" or we can be a complete ass and B) Yes, Albion's honour depends on winning against Villeneuve in a children's silly card game. There is such a thing as being too patriotic, you know. In any case, we're noble of heart and choose (A).
Of course. I apologize for doubting your honor.
See that it doesn't happen again.
You play whist for the rest of the evening, and greatly enjoy yourself. Gilchrist and Christy-Palliere devote most of their attention to the cards, but Villeneuve makes conversation here and there. You respond as best you can. It's awkward at first, but grows easier as the evening progresses, and you find yourself thinking that it's really quite a lot like playing cards with your shipmates.
We're starting to feel very comfortable around her, aren't we?
Villeneuve's style of play tells you something about her, too: she is aggressive and fearless when engrossed in the game, quite different from her carefully-polished manners the rest of the time. You can respect that. It's a shame this woman was born Gaulish, for she would have been an asset to an Albionish ship.
For someone as devoted to the Navy as Smythe, to praise a fine lady in context of being a sailor is akin to writing a sonnet about them. Just sayin'.
You're not a terribly good whist player, and (to Gilchrist's evident irritation) you and she come off very badly indeed. But Villeneuve is a gracious winner, and smoothly cuts off Christy-Palliere's less well-bred boasting. "Well fought," Villeneuve says to you, and then to the other two, "No, no, I have no wish for more time spent at this game. A last drink, instead, before the night is over? Very good! A toast, gentlewomen--to whist and civilization!"
Are you the most wonderful person ever, Villeneuve, or are you just the most wonderful person ever? The woman could charm the pants off a STATUE. Since Smythe is not a statue, directing one's attention toward her would be a far less fruitless endeavor, if you know what I mean.
And now you must see about getting yourself home. It is very late indeed. Bryce poked her head into the card room some time earlier, telling you that she and Mr. Bryce wished to return home, and you said not to worry, you would find your own way back.
Now you need to do that. You stand outside, breathing in the night air. Your head is fuzzy. From the stuffiness of the card room, or did you have too much to drink?
I dunno, how many toasts did we drink? It seems like civilization was very thoroughly praised this evening.
Behind you, you hear Villeneuve's distinctive voice. "No, no, not to worry! It is more important the carriage be put to the young gentleman's use! I can manage very well for myself."
You turn, curious.
"It seems Mr. Gilchrist engaged my cousin and Madam Gilchrist to provide transportation for a youngster who is feeling ill," Villeneuve explains. "It is no matter to me to walk. The night is a very fine one."
It turns out the two of you are headed in the same direction.
Do you want to walk with her?
And we're just going to skip the multiple-choice here, because YES, we do walk together, because NO, it would not be awkward . So we head off together, and Villeneuve makes some light conversation. Yes, I am finally doing descriptions in lieu of the in-game text.
Suddenly, a rustle in the bushes! What shall we do?
Now, we can: A) Ignore it, because it always turns out to be nothing in a story, am I right? B) Get Villeneuve to notice by catching her arm, or C) Draw your sword and engage whoever it is immediately. I go for (B), because that option involves Villeneuve.
Surprise, surprise! Four lady brigands leap out of the bushes. They've got knives, we've got swords. Now if only we could draw ours. We're not too drunk for this, are we?
Villeneuve draws her sword too.
The footpads have surrounded the two of you. You fight back to back against all four of them. Even drunk, you manage to hold your own: these women are not trained, after all, and armed only with knives, and your reflexes know exactly what to do. So do Villeneuve's, it would seem.
So we're Back to Back Badasses, would you say?
You slash at the nearest footpad, and she hastily stumbles backwards. The one beside her lunges in under your guard, knife stabbing for your throat.
What do you do?
And the first choice is great, because it says, A) "Oh please. I contemptuously parry her little knife with my sword." As if the thief was just completely not worth the effort, which she isn't. The second, B) Sidestepping and taking into account the diminishing effectiveness of the sword at close quarters, is less arrogant and more along the lines of how Smythe would think, while C) Impaling her in the chest, is far too violent to fit.
So we do a little sidestep, and we are just agile enough to manage it, thanks to our combat abilities. We disarm Smythe's attackers and they flee, so we turn around and see how our Gaulish girlfriend's doing.
Not very well, it seems. She lunges toward one footpad--this woman fights the way she plays whist, fearless and aggressive--but that puts her unprotected back to the other, who raises her knife with an evil grin.
OH NO YOU DON'T. We are obviously going to A) Strike the wretch of a thief down, instead of B) Leave Villeneuve to fend for herself, so let's not waste any more time.
Of course you do! How could an Albionish gentlewoman do otherwise?
You strike out at the footpad, and score a cut along her arm. She howls in pain and drops the knife. Not bothering with an attempt to retrieve it, clutching her bleeding arm, she stumbles away from you and takes off into the night.
Her companion follows suit. The footpads had been counting on an easy robbery; you and Villeneuve together are too much trouble to make the fight worth their while.
YOU'D BETTER RUN! If I ever catch you trying to stab Villeneuve again, there'll be hell to pay!
Villeneuve draws a deep, slow breath and sheaths her sword. She turns, meeting your eyes. "Thank you," she says.
You wave it off. "My pleasure, ma'am."
"Dear diary, today I saved Villeneuve's life and she smiled at me lots. It was a good day."
Villeneuve holds out her hand, and you shake it. And then she chuckles, though it sounds just a little strained.
"It is good to be alive, is it not?" she says in explanation.
What now?
Well, we can either: A) Get a drink with Villeneuve in celebration, B) Get a drink to calm our nerves (but it wasn't really that scary, was it?), or C) Go home and sleep instead of spending more time with Villeneuve, for some incomprehensible reason. Let's pick (A).
"I think being alive deserves a drink in celebration," you say to Villeneuve, and she grins.
"As you say, my friend."
The two of you wind up in a nondescript tavern, drinking somewhat forgettable ale and telling stories of the great battles and duels you have each fought. If your stories are somewhat embellished in the telling, you are fairly certain Villeneuve's are, as well. . .
As the evening wears on and the ale continues flowing, Villeneuve becomes more effusive, with broader gestures and excited speech. Her hand brushes against yours, perhaps lingering for just a moment.
Do you think she meant anything by it?
We can answer this very important question in several ways: A) Of course, 'cause I'm a sexy beast, B) Not sure, so let's find out, or C) I'm a fool, so I will just say no and drop it. Smythe seems the type to not be completely sure, so let's go with (B).
So the game asks how we respond. We can: A) Lean over and kiss her in public, B) Invite her back to our place, C) Ignore because I'm somehow not interested in Villeneuve, or D) Decide that because she's a Gaul, we can NEVAR BE TOGETHER *sob*. Now, as much as I'd like to pick (A), it's not very discreet, so we're going to choose (B).
"My rooms are not far from here," you say. "Would you care to accompany me there?"
"I was beginning to fear you were not interested," Villeneuve says with a smile. "I have drunk more than enough ale for the evening, but the night is still young."
The two of you quickly travel back to your rooms. You enjoy a night of intense passion together.
SEXYTIEMS WITH MADAME. And now, our life is complete.
Or... could it be slightly more complete? Because now the game asks us if we pursue a relationship with Villeneuve after this one incredible night. We could just admit that A) Yes, we're in lurrrve, or B) Yes, let's spend some time together before we are torn apart by cruel, cruel fate have to return to our duties. There's also C) There are other fish in the sea, so I'm not going to make an effort (*gasp*), or D) It was a one-night-stand, so I hope she didn't get the wrong message (*choke*).
Option (A), the one we're choosing, fits as something Smythe would think with a mind clouded by love, but (B) also works because it's practical and resigned. I do believe that Smythe is in love with Villeneuve, so let's pick (A) and give her some happy thoughts.
You meet repeatedly, as often as you can arrange without scandal. Your nights together are passionate, and your days stimulating.
Fun times. Isn't this better than getting married, Smythe?
Some of your fellow officers may notice how often the two of you are together, and may even suspect the truth. You are almost certain that Bryce guesses when you repeatedly have no time for the social events to which she invites you. But they have enough discretion to say nothing and to pretend that your friendship with Villeneuve is platonic.
"So Smythe and that Gaulish officer are... very close friends, aren't they. Almost as close as, say, cousins?"
Honestly, though? People can talk. We don't really care, because we're with our Sexy Badass AU!French Historical Naval Officer Girlfriend, who we have tons in common with (soulmates, srsly). We're having the time of our lives. The only thing missing here is a So Happy Together montage.
What's that, you say? A So Happy Together montage is usually followed by clouds on the horizon? How so?
After several months, however, Villeneuve receives a letter from Gaul.
AA'S;SAJF;LDSJALF NO NO NO FORGET I ASKED.
She has been given a new posting and must return to Gaul.
D8 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BAD END! BAD END!
DO YOU HEAR THAT.
THAT IS THE SOUND OF OUR HEART. BREAKING. INTO ITTY BITTY PIECES.
How do you react?
With horror and anguish. Seriously, WORST DAY EVER.
We can waste our time with: A) Try to convince her to resign and stay in Albion, or B) Tell her we'll resign and go with her to Gaul. But we both know why that's impossible.
Plus, if you choose either option, you'll have the added bitterness of "Did I love her more than she loved me," when Villeneuve has to explain it to you. (The only good thing about picking these two is that she calls you "ma cherie." Which doesn't help things, in the end.)
Better to go with C) "She must do her duty, as I must do mine" and have a good cry.
Villeneuve pledges that she will always remember you, and thanks you for not making a hard parting even worse by suggesting the unthinkable. She promises to write when she can, but you know the letters will bring as much sorrow as joy. With great sorrow, you watch her ship sail across the Channel to Gaul.
So ends our great love affair. How are our stats doing?
Name: Madam Anne Smythe
Rank: Post-captain
Seniority: 0 years
Age: 25
Sailing: 85
Gunnery: 76
Leadership: 65
Fighting: 70
Patronage: 40 (-)
Tact: 42 (+)
Likeability: 55
Honor: 77 (+)
Courage: 71 (+)
Bloodthirst: 45
Intelligence: 54 (+)
Wealth: 43
I'm sorry, I've just got some sand in my eye. I'll meet you guys in the next chapter.
TO BE CONTINUED
(P.S. This episode was edited at least once, because it was quite late when I first posted it and I was definitely not entertaining then.)