fast times :: brendon/gabe :: nc-17 :: part 3/3
Brendon doesn't know how it happened, but one minute they're talking about tangent lines, which leads to a few bad math jokes, and the next, they're laughing and arguing playfully about who's the hottest girl on the cheer squad.
"You're insane! Victoria may be hot, yeah, but have you fucking seen Maja's legs? That girl is gold."
Brendon wants to ask him why he turned her down, then, that other weekend, but he bites it back and instead says, "Yeah, but blondes are so plain. Victoria's got class, she's totally hotter than Maja." He's nodding in earnest, and while he'd never personally be attracted to either of them, it's so obvious to him that Victoria's prettier.
"She's cute, dude, but she's kinda boring looking. Actually-" Gabe chuckles to himself and bites his lip, "-I can think of a cuter brunette." He's looking right at Brendon, the message clearly displayed in his eyes, and wow. Brendon doesn't know what to say. He blushes and ducks his head, but he can't stop the smile that breaks across his face.
Gabe scoots closer on the couch and touches his fingers under Brendon's chin. He lifts Brendon's face up and smiles at him playfully, cupping Brendon's face in his warm palm. "I-don’t know what to say," Brendon admits softly. He could still be wrong. Gabe could still be talking about a number of other girls on his team, but any doubt Brendon has in his mind is erased the second Gabe leans forward and touches his lips lightly to Brendon's.
Brendon's heart is jumping, shaky and out of synch with his breathing. His whole body feels off, not on beat, and it's the best feeling in the world. Brendon tries to rein his smile in as Gabe presses his lips harder to Brendon's, swooping the pad of his thumb gently over Brendon's cheekbone. It's a hundred times softer than Brendon ever imagined Gabe might kiss. It's slower and more gentle than Brendon's seen Gabe kiss Maja or anyone else he can get his hands on.
Here, with Gabe kissing him like it matters, Brendon feels special like's he never has before. He lets out a breath against Gabe's mouth, and they stay like that, foreheads pressed together and noses brushing lightly, until Brendon swallows and pushes forward this time.
They kiss slowly and lazily, Brendon learning the feel of another mouth against his and barely able to contain his small gasps every time he feels the wet tip of Gabe's tongue touch lightly at his lips. Gabe pulls back eventually and kisses his cheek, speaks right into his ear. "Is this okay?"
Yes, it's okay. It's more than just okay. Brendon doesn’t know how to properly vocalize how fucking okay it is, so he just nods his head. Gabe can feel it where he's burying his face in Brendon's neck, and he peppers the side of Brendon's neck with small kisses. It's so sweet, and Brendon doesn't know how to react.
Gabe moves back and captures Brendon's lips with his own again, kissing him until Brendon's mouth is raw and bruised. Gabe doesn't stop; instead, he flicks his tongue out and licks into Brendon's mouth, and it completely catches Brendon by surprise. He gasps and opens his eyes, and fuck Gabe is looking at him, face so close, his tongue in Brendon's mouth, and Brendon feels a tremble run through his body.
Brendon pulls back and gasps, keeping his eyes locked on Gabe's. It's intense, having all this attention directed at him, but Brendon loves it. Gabe doesn't look away, and eventually, Brendon has to look somewhere else, the staring making him blush and feel self-conscious.
"How long are your parents gonna be gone?" His voice is low and everything about this moment feels like a secret. Brendon's never had someone to really share a secret with.
He shrugs, says, "A few hours more, maybe," and Gabe's gaze turns darker. His smirk comes back in full and he reaches out and grabs Brendon's wrist tight. Brendon gasps at the slight pain but allows himself to be pulled forcefully off the couch. He's confused now, intrigued yet apprehensive of the scheming look on Gabe's face.
Gabe pulls him away from the couch and towards the stairs. "Is your room upstairs?" Brendon nods and lets Gabe pull him faster. When they get to the top of the stairs, Gabe asks, "Which room is yours?"
It's all happening so fast, and Gabe's pulling him with force and speed, much too fast for Brendon to register what Gabe's planning and much too fast for him to be making any decisions. Gabe gets impatient, starts opening doors when Brendon doesn't answer right away. "Gabe, wait." Brendon tries to pull his wrists away, and after a few tugs, Gabe lets go and stops. He turns to face Brendon, demeanor impatient.
"What?"
"I, um. I don't know what we're doing," he admits quietly. He's looking down at Gabe's knee when he says it, but when he looks up, Gabe's expression has softened considerably.
Gabe lets out a shaky laugh and runs his hand through his hair. He exhales loudly and says, "Fuck, man. I just really want this, okay, and I can get impatient sometimes." He looks Brendon in the eye and gives a little half-smile of apology.
Brendon's stuck on the fact that Gabe wants this, wants something, with Brendon. It's like every stupid, cliché fantasy he's embarrassed to have thought up in the confines in his room, under the disguise of night. He flushes hotly at all the images he's come up with of him and Gabe. All the real memories he has of Gabe touching him, talking to him like he wants him, and the reality of now, Gabe standing in front of his room, wanting to go inside.
Brendon bites his lip and nods to himself before looking back at Gabe. "Okay," he whispers, and when Gabe raises his eyebrow and smiles wider, he repeats it with a smile of his own. "Okay." Gabe smiles at him, and this time, it's darker, more predatory. It shouldn't make Brendon feel his heart jump wildly and his stomach clench pleasantly, but it does, and he points to the door Gabe's standing in front of and watches as Gabe pushes inside.
He walks in behind him and immediately feels embarrassed about showing Gabe his room, no doubt coming off as completely childish to someone like Gabe. Gabe takes a sweeping look around, eyes lingering on Brendon's keyboard against one wall, his guitar and bass propped up in a different corner, and finally Brendon's unmade bed. Gabe looks back at Brendon and Brendon swallows, not knowing what's expected of him next. Should he lie down? Should he kiss Gabe again?
He's saved from trying to figure it all out when Gabe grabs his wrist gently, only to tug hard and shove Brendon down forcefully onto the bed. Gabe wastes no time climbing on the bed and hovering over Brendon, lips reconnecting with his neck, kissing and biting. Brendon bites his lip through a smile, revisiting the fantasies in his mind where he imagined himself in this exact position, with Gabe above him being rough and demanding.
Gabe pulls back and takes off his shirt in a heartbeat. He stays like that for a moment, kneeling above Brendon and looking down at the younger boy, watching the way Brendon's eyes roam over Gabe's tanned skin and lean muscles showing underneath. Brendon can't believe this is actually happening, that Gabe fucking Saporta is in his room, on Brendon's bed like this, but it's real, and Brendon smiles shyly as he reaches his arms forward to brush his fingertips lightly over Gabe's taut stomach.
His gaze travels back up to Gabe's face, and Gabe's looking at him contemplatively. "How old are you again? I can't remember if you told me."
Brendon bites his lip and says, "Fourteen." His mind briefly acknowledges that Gabe could get into a lot of trouble for whatever it is he's planning on doing here with Brendon. His birthday was in October; Gabe's eighteen.
Gabe nods and closes his eyes, whispers, "fuck," and Brendon gets scared that he's going to leave, abandon Brendon like this because Brendon's too young, too inexperienced. He immediately blurts out, "I'm turning fifteen in April," hoping to convince Gabe to stay.
Brendon waits for Gabe to look at him again, and when he opens his eyes finally, it's for Brendon to find Gabe staring at him with even more burning intensity than before. Gabe leans back down slower this time and licks deliberately at Brendon's lips. Brendon parts them on a breath and closes his eyes at the feeling of Gabe's tongue tracing his lips and then diving between them for a short kiss. He pulls back and whispers, "I really shouldn't find that as hot as I do."
Brendon doesn't know what to say to that. He just lets Gabe kiss him some more until he feels Gabe's fingers touching his stomach under his shirt. Brendon lets out a tiny moan and shuts his eyes tight when Gabe pulls back to remove the shirt from Brendon's body. He's not looking at Gabe, but he can feel the way his hands roam all over his chest, curling over his shoulders, tracing his hips, fingertips passing lightly over his nipples.
He's not expecting it when Gabe's fingers trace gently over his face and Gabe pleads, "Come on, Brendon, open your eyes."
Brendon does, but slowly. He's embarrassed to be exposed like this, even though Gabe's seen him shirtless in the locker room before. Now it's different. Now, Gabe's looking at him and judging him, and what if he decided he really doesn't like what he could see? Brendon doesn't want his eyes open for him to notice any disappointment in Gabe's expression.
He's wary when he looks up at Gabe, but there's nothing in his gaze except pure want. Brendon may not have experience in the area, but there's no denying it. Brendon keeps looking at Gabe's face and tips his neck back, watching for a reaction. Gabe's eyes look surprised for the briefest of moments, and then he's back to smirking. He traces Brendon's jaw, then his neck, finally wrapping his fingers around it in a light grip, just testing.
Brendon knows his eyes must be comically wide, but he doesn't say anything, just swallows. Gabe applies the slightest bit of pressure to his grip, and then he's pulling his hand away and saying, "So, tell me what you want to do."
He's looking at Brendon expectantly, and Brendon can't help the wave of shame and embarrassment that washes over him when he realizes he has no fucking clue how to answer that. Brendon has no fucking clue about any of this. The most stimulation Brendon's ever gotten is from his own hand on his cock. He doesn't even know where to start to tell Gabe what he wants. He closes his eyes and sees his fantasies played out behind his eyelids, but he couldn't possibly ask Gabe for all that. He doesn't know how to.
Brendon turns his face to the side and shakes his head. Gabe lets out a frustrated noise and puts his hands on Brendon's shoulders and shakes them slightly. "Come on, just tell me what you want."
Brendon wishes he could say "everything," but he thinks it'll sound too desperate. He swallows a few times and eventually says softly, "Tell me what to do." He figures it'll give Gabe enough of a clue that Brendon has no idea what he's doing. When he looks back at Gabe there's some surprise on his face, and then he's saying, "Yeah? That's what you want?" Brendon nods and licks his lips. "That's fucking hot, Urie."
Brendon blushes and moves his head a fraction of an inch in affirmation, waiting for instruction. Gabe scoots back and places his hands gently on Brendon's waistband. He opens the button, pulls down the zipper, and tugs on the pants until they're off completely, leaving Brendon lying on his bed in nothing but his underwear. He feels embarrassed again, and Gabe must notice, because he says, "Stop that. Fucking stop that embarrassed act like you have anything to be ashamed of. Christ, have you even seen yourself?"
Brendon just shrugs from where he's lying on the bed and watches with fascination as Gabe undoes his belt and pulls it slowly through the loop. He holds it in his hand for a moment, looking at it and then glancing at Brendon, his gaze going back and forth for a few seconds, eyes contemplative. He eventually tosses the belt to the ground and gets up. Brendon misses his weight on the bed immediately, but gets distracted by Gabe undoing his jeans and pushing them down. He's not wearing any underwear.
He blushes hard and wants to turn his gaze away for modesty's sake, but he can’t stop staring at every inch of tanned flesh that appears as Gabe pushes his pants down to his ankles and then kicks them off. Gabe's hard and big, and Brendon feels so inadequate next to that. He doesn’t want Gabe to take his boxers off and see that Brendon's got nothing to impress him with. He waits for Gabe to get back onto the bed, and he does, but not until he's tugged on his cock a few times, the action making Brendon's face turn hotter and mouth water unexpectedly.
The bed dips when Gabe climbs back on, and Brendon can't seem to get himself to stop staring at Gabe's cock, like he's never seen one before. He's seen pictures in science books, so it confuses him why he's so enthralled by the real thing right in front of him. He suddenly realizes how long he's stared at Gabe's cock, so he turns his gaze up to Gabe's face instead and feels his stomach swoop at the possessive look in Gabe's eyes. Brendon doesn't break eye contact with Gabe when he feels fingers touching his belly then moving down to his hips to linger teasingly at the skin right above the waistband of his boxers. Gabe stays like that, hands still, but then with one quick tug, he's got Brendon's boxers down to his knees. One more pull, and they're off completely.
He watches as Gabe's gaze moves down to his groin and he tries so hard not to tense up and give away how self-conscious he feels. Gabe's fingers sweep down his stomach and touch lightly at Brendon's cock, tracing over his balls and then moving to graze over Brendon's inner thighs. He can't help but let out a small moan at the contact, and he tries to spread his thighs wider, but he's stopped by Gabe's knees on either side of his legs.
Gabe moves his hand away abruptly and commands, "Finger yourself."
Brendon gasps, "What?" and watches the way Gabe's staring at his belly and thighs.
Gabe looks up at Brendon's face and repeats, "Finger yourself. I wanna watch."
Brendon blushes and tries to think of what he's supposed to do. He doesn't really know what Gabe's asking, and he doesn’t have words for all the things he's seen Gabe do to him in his head. He bites his lips and gives Gabe an imploring gaze.
Gabe nods and reaches for Brendon's hand, bringing his fingers up to his lips. Brendon gasps at the feeling of Gabe's tongue swirling around three of his fingers, coating them thickly in his saliva. Gabe pulls them out of his mouth and directs Brendon's hand down between his legs. He bends Brendon's wrist, and Brendon clenches at the sensation of a fingertip brushing over his asshole.
He looks up at Gabe and reads the want and desire in his eyes. He sees what Gabe's asking of him in the back of his mind, and the idea of doing this in front of Gabe, for Gabe, makes him want to both pull away in embarrassment and spread his legs wider for a good show.
Brendon curls his fingertip and gets used to touching himself there, but Gabe's being impatient and squeezing harder at Brendon's wrist. There's really nothing left for Brendon to do but push one of his fingers harder against his hole and gasp as he feels the fingertip sink inside, and then to the first knuckle, until finally he's got an entire finger buried inside himself, looking up at Gabe to see if he's doing it right.
There's no other way to describe the look on Gabe's face besides being completely enthralled. Gabe shuffles around and moves his legs so that he's kneeling between Brendon's thighs instead of on either side of them. It gives Brendon more room to spread his legs, and he can feel all the movement he's making concentrated around his one finger buried inside himself. It feels weird and new and exciting, and Brendon feels impatient waiting for Gabe to tell him what to do next.
It takes a few seconds, but Gabe finally realizes Brendon's staring at him, and he shakes his head a little before saying, "Another. Add another finger, Bren."
Brendon nods and obeys, but it's a little harder to force the second finger alongside the first, and some of the spit has dried, so it hurts this time. The first finger just felt weird; the second one feels like pain. It's burning and stretching, but Brendon doesn’t complain. He just tilts his hips up to adjust himself and the movement makes Gabe groan. "God, you look so-" he doesn’t finish because he's grabbing Brendon's wrist and pulling hard, extracting Brendon's fingers from his own body. Brendon huffs out in annoyance, but then Gabe's sucking harshly at his own fingers and then shoving two of them into Brendon with no preamble.
"Fuck," Brendon breathes, and arches his back at the intrusion. Gabe's fingers are moving, wiggling, it feels like, and Brendon's confused for about ten seconds until he's gasping on a choked moan at the feeling of something amazing inside of him. Gabe wiggles his fingers again, curls them up, and there it is, that spark of pleasure, that burst of sensation that's neither pain nor burn, but completely good. It has Brendon's toes curling and his head tipping back. He can't control the way sounds are escaping his chest with no permission, but it just eggs Gabe on more, every gasp and moan translating to a hard press or nudge of Gabe's fingers against that spot.
Suddenly, Gabe pulls his fingers out as fast as he pushed them in, and Brendon didn't even realize he'd practically arched off the bed in pleasure until he feels his body crashing back down onto his sheets, bed bouncing a little with the movement. He has a moment to blush at that, but the look on Gabe's face tells him there's nothing for him to be embarrassed about.
Gabe's breathing is heavy and labored. He licks his lip and asks, "Do you have any lube or something? Lotion, maybe?" Brendon nods and leans his body over until he brushes his fingertips against his carpet, hand moving under the bed and grabbing the lotion he keeps there for the nights he decides to indulge himself and his fantasies. He thinks about Gabe figuring out why he has the lotion there, and instead of making him more uncomfortable, it gives him a little thrill to let Gabe know.
The scent of clean cotton fills the air when Gabe pops the lid of the lotion open. He looks ready, eyes filled with lust, until his expression drops and he looks utterly disappointed. Brendon thinks he did something wrong along the line and immediately tenses up. Gabe brings a hand to his face and rubs at his forehead in frustration.
"What?" Brendon manages to whisper. He's so fucking hard, and Gabe is too, and Brendon will absolutely die with shame if Gabe leaves him like this again.
"I'm such an idiot." Gabe looks troubled and heavily disappointed in something, and Brendon just wants to get back to the pleasure thing, if that's alright with the universe and every deity that's seemingly out to get him. Gabe huffs out a breath and says, "I didn't bring a fucking condom."
Brendon barely considers that. He's stuck on the part where Gabe apparently came to his home with some intension of ending up like this. It should make Brendon feel upset and possibly used. Instead, it makes him want to smile and clap like a kid. Gabe whispers, "I'm sorry," and starts to move back, like he's going to move off of the bed and leave.
Brendon panics and reaches forward, grabbing Gabe's hand. "No!" Gabe looks at him in surprise and Brendon clears his throat, says in a pleading voice, "I don't care, I don't fucking care, just please don't go. Please."
Gabe looks torn, biting at his bottom lip and brow furrowed. Eventually he stops trying to pull away and says, "Do you trust me enough for this, Brendon?" Brendon nods vigorously, barely hearing the question, and Gabe reaches forward and grabs Brendon's face aggressively in his hand. "I'm clean, okay? I swear to you that I am."
Brendon gasps, says, "Okay, yeah, I trust you," and that's all it takes for Gabe to grab at the lotion bottle again, squeezing some of it out onto his fingers and pushing three at once into Brendon. Brendon keens and lifts his hips off the bed, pushes them against Gabe's hand, and it makes Gabe groan loudly.
It's barely a few seconds before the fingers are gone and Gabe's pouring more lotion into his hand and rubbing it vigorously over his cock. Brendon's fascinated with the way Gabe hunches in on himself by his own touch. He can't tear his gaze away from Gabe's hand flying lightening fast over his shaft. It's so wet now, shiny and slippery and Brendon just wants to touch. He reaches his fingers forward and grips lightly at Gabe's cock, feeling it pulse hotly in his hand.
Brendon whines at that and moves away again, lying back and spreading his legs, eyes on Gabe and ready for more instruction. Fuck modesty, Brendon's past caring what he must look like or what he sounds like. He just wants Gabe to touch him again and finally get him off.
Gabe looks inexplicably hot, kneeling between Brendon's spread legs, fist closed over his wet cock, chest heaving with his breathing, covered in a light layer of sweat. Brendon barely knows what to look at, because it's all so new to him, and all so sexy, so undeniably male, and Brendon wants to run his hands up and down Gabe's biceps, wants to feel Gabe's abs under his hands. He wants to wrap his arms around Gabe's back again and feel the way Gabe's muscles move under his skin. Brendon moans, whispers, "Gabe," and then Gabe's instructing him, saying, "Spread your legs wider, yeah," and watching while Brendon obeys.
At that first touch of the head of Gabe's cock to his hole, Brendon tenses up immediately. Gabe lets go of his cock and grips Brendon's hips, lifting them off the bed and sliding Brendon forward until his thighs are resting just above Gabe's knees. He grabs at his cock again and rubs the head over Brendon's hole, watching Brendon, telling him to relax. "It's gonna hurt if you don't just relax."
Brendon nods and hears Gabe say, "Open your eyes." He does, and then it's pressure, so much pressure. Gabe's holding tightly to the base of his cock and pushing forward, sinking slowly into Brendon. It takes every ounce of effort in Brendon's body to keep his eyes open like Gabe asked and to stifle the groans dying to escape his chest at the intrusion. It's painful, and Brendon can't help the way his body clenches reflexively against Gabe's cock.
Gabe lets go of his cock and grips Brendon's hips, holding on tightly as he continues to push inside. There's no way it's all going to fit, Brendon thinks wildly to himself, and the next thing he knows, he feels Gabe's hips touching the backs of his thighs. Gabe digs his thumbs harder into Brendon's hipbones and pants, "Fuck, you're so tight, holy shit." Brendon gasps and chokes against the fullness of it, so much pressure inside his body, so much heat. Against his best efforts, Brendon hears himself whine and whimper, and Gabe whispers, "I wanna hear you, Brendon."
It's such a relief, and Brendon moans loudly, gasping and panting, head tipping back and body arching. Gabe's been still for a few minutes, but he starts to move again. The first few thrusts are uncomfortable. Gabe barely pulls out before he pushes back in, and Brendon can't stop clamping down against Gabe's cock.
Eventually, though, Brendon feels himself start to loosen. Gabe pulls out more before thrusting back in, and it goes from feeling nothing but burning pressure to feeling an achy kind of pain that Brendon arches into, whimpers for, welcomes.
Gabe starts to fuck him harder and faster, snapping his hips forward and grunting every time Brendon moans or his body jerks. Gabe doesn't move his hands from their vice grip on Brendon's hips, and on a particularly well-angled thrust, Brendon can't help but lift his legs a little more. Gabe goes with it, moving one of his hands to the back of Brendon's thigh and sliding it up to grasp at Brendon's knee. He pushes Brendon's leg up and leans over him, thrusting deeper, making Brendon cry out more.
With every snap of Gabe's hips, Brendon feels his world getting smaller and smaller, consisting only of this moment, of the feeling of Gabe inside of him, on top of him, all around him until it all becomes overwhelming, all-encompassing. Brendon turns his head to the side, brushing his hair along Gabe's face where he's panting against Brendon's neck. Gabe doesn't stop thrusting, but he moves his head and rests his forehead against Brendon's, panting into Brendon's mouth, staring straight into his eyes.
Brendon's legs start to tremble, especially the one Gabe doesn't let go of, his knee almost level with Gabe's shoulder as he thrusts in deeper. Brendon turns his face and sees Gabe's hand by his head, clutching tightly to Brendon's sheets. He leans his neck over just barely and plants a soft kiss there, right between Gabe's thumb and pointer finger. Gabe makes a noise at that, high and throaty, and he immediately licks at Brendon's face until he's turned back straight so Gabe can kiss him wetly. He shoves his tongue into Brendon's mouth with no rhythm or pattern, just kissing desperately and snapping his hips forward, moving towards something bigger.
He's right there, so fucking close it's unimaginable. He barely whimpers, "Gabe, please. Fuck, please," before Gabe's understanding Brendon's desire and hooking Brendon's calf over his shoulder so he can reach down between them and grab Brendon's dick. Brendon digs his nails into Gabe's back at the added sensation of pleasure, and it's hardly two tugs of Gabe's fist before he's coming apart, clenching down on Gabe and spilling over his hand while he moans loudly and curses.
Gabe never stops thrusting or pumping his fist, even when Brendon finally comes down and he feels more than over-stimulated. He just whimpers softly into Gabe's ear, and Gabe lets go of his cock in favor of leaning back so Brendon's leg drops from his shoulder, gripping both hands on Brendon's hips again. He looks down, watches where he's thrusting into Brendon and doesn't stop pumping his cock in and out of Brendon until Gabe's groaning and thrusting uncontrollably as he comes, filling Brendon with his seed and making the slide even slicker.
Brendon's cock tries to jump at the feeling of Gabe spilling inside of him, but he's so spent, lying back with an arm thrown over his forehead and a hand resting lightly on his stomach. He can only let Gabe finish thrusting in his body until he's finally done, finishing on one last moan. He lets go of Brendon's hips and collapses forward on top of him, cock still inside Brendon but not as full, softening with every puff of breath Gabe lets out onto Brendon's neck.
They lay like that for a few minutes until Brendon lets out a sound of discomfort at Gabe's weight pressing down on him. Gabe pulls back and Brendon feels his cock slip out of him, but Gabe doesn't pull away completely. He grabs at Brendon's comforter piled in a heap at the foot of Brendon's bed and pulls it up over their warm and tired bodies. Brendon's too exhausted to even say anything, but he lets out a happy sigh and leans his head on Gabe's chest. He feels Gabe chuckle lightly and wrap his arm over Brendon's back, holding him close, and burying his nose in Brendon's hair.
Brendon falls asleep like that, warm and completely worn-out, but never happier in his life.
-
When Brendon wakes up the next day, he's alone in his bed. He feels a rush of disappointment pool in his belly and he touches the side of the bed that Gabe slept on. It's still warm. He moves his hand and brushes over a piece of paper. Brendon furrows his brow and clutches at the paper, bringing it close to his face. He wore his contacts yesterday, and his eyes are stinging because he didn't take out them out last night, so it takes him a few moments before Brendon can properly read the messy scrawl: Let me be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves. The joke is so unexpected, and Brendon actually barks out a laugh, folding the paper and holding it over his chest. Gabe didn't ditch him with the intent of forgetting about last night. Gabe doesn't regret it.
Brendon smiles and throws the comforter off of his naked body. He shivers as he's met with the cool air of his room, and he wrinkles his nose at the state of his bed sheets. He'll have to do the laundry himself unless he wants his mom to analyze the stains on his sheets.
He spends the day being lazy, lounging around the house with a textbook, slowly accomplishing all his homework and choosing to sit on the couch in his living room, the exact place Gabe sat yesterday. He spends a lot of time looking out into space and remembering Gabe's words, his breathing, the way he touched and instructed Brendon, the way he held him tight to his body just before Brendon fell asleep. Every slight movement Brendon makes reminds him of the feeling of Gabe full and hard inside of him, and he actually smiles at the soreness instead of wishing it would go away.
They got really far into the math project before they left for Brendon's room, and he spends the last bit of Sunday evening finishing it up so they're ready to turn it in next week.
When Brendon goes to sleep that night, it's with the same bed sheets from the night before, surrounded in the scent of Gabe and lulled to sleep by the memories.
-
"Seriously, Brendon?"
Brendon shuts his locker and looks at Spencer's confused face. Did he miss something? "What?"
"I just asked you what you're planning to do for winter formal, like, three times and you didn't answer. You alright?"
"Oh, sorry. I guess I didn't hear you." Brendon turns and starts to walk toward his math class. Spencer follows behind him.
"You seem kinda strange this morning, like you're distracted or something." Brendon doesn’t say anything as they continue walking, but suddenly Spencer stops in his tracks and grabs onto Brendon's backpack, stilling him as well.
Brendon lets out a frustrated sigh and says, "What, Spencer?"
Spencer's staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. "Did you--? Did you already get a date?"
Brendon shakes his head. "Why would you ask that? You know I'd tell you if I ended up asking someone. Which I won't, for the record."
"I don't know, but you're acting kinda like Ryan does when he actually manages to get laid once in a while." Spencer's head is cocked and he's analyzing Brendon's face intently.
Brendon does his best to keep his blush at bay, but he can’t help the way he swallows and his eyes shift at Spencer's remark. Spencer thumps Brendon on the back and his look of contemplation is replaced by the biggest shit-eating grin Brendon's ever seen. "You totally did, man! You fucking got some this weekend, and you didn't even tell me!"
Spencer's voice is really loud, and Brendon turns around to see if anyone heard him talking excitedly. "Shh! Seriously, Spence, can you just shut the fuck up? I'm late for math class." With that, Brendon turns and leaves quickly.
He hears Spencer call his name and laugh as he walks away, and Brendon shakes his head at the ground when he walks inside of his classroom.
He walks to his usual seat and is admittedly disappointed that Gabe isn't already here. Brendon waits patiently, tapping his foot against the floor, clicking and un-clicking his pen, and finally he spots Gabe coming near the door. Brendon's about to smile, but the motion is stopped when he sees that Gabe's holding Maja's hand. They stop at the door, and Maja throws her arms around his neck and kisses him quickly on the mouth. Brendon can't tear his haze away from Gabe's hands resting firmly on her waist. He's reminded of how those same hands gripped his hips with no mercy, leaving bruises that constantly sting with every movement of Brendon's legs and with the way they're being rubbed sore by the waistband of Brendon's pants.
Brendon grits his teeth and finally looks down at his desk. He hears Gabe walk over to the desk next to Brendon and he sits down noisily, dropping his bag onto the floor. The teacher starts class right away, getting up and talking about the projects being due in a few days. Brendon doesn't take in any of it, too upset to really be paying attention and too irked by Gabe's presence right next to him.
He doesn't even notice the way Gabe's leaning toward him and tossing a note onto his desk like he'd done before. It isn't until the note obstructs his staring contest with the wood of his desk that he realizes how Gabe's trying to catch his attention. Brendon opens the note and reads Hey, baby. Nice asymptote. Gabe drew a wink smiley, and normally it would have made Brendon blush and laugh, but now it just makes him angrier at Gabe's stupid games.
Why did he bother with Brendon when he's just going to parade Maja around like that? Brendon doesn't even look at Gabe after he reads the note. He just folds it back up and leaves it at the corner of his desk, opting to doodle in his notebook and take notes from the teacher. He can sense Gabe trying to get his attention throughout the class. He even hears Gabe whisper his name a few times, but he ignores all attempts at communication and makes sure he's packed and ready to go when the bell rings so that he's the first one out.
The note sitting at the corner of his desk flutters and falls to the floor when Brendon gets out of his seat and walks to the door and out into the hallway.
-
Brendon's quiet in band class, and he ignores all of Spencer's attempts at conversation. He even ignores Ian, who's been nothing but friendly to Brendon. He feels bad about it, but if everyone else is allowed to sulk about their problems every once in a while, why can't Brendon?
At lunch, he doesn't sit with Spencer or Ian, preferring the quiet of a bathroom stall to any more questions about his well-being. He doesn't even eat his lunch, and he sits back on the toilet with his feet propped against the door in front of him, so no one sees his bright shoes and knows he's in here.
For the first time in a while, Brendon wishes he were invisible again.
-
The first thing Victoria says to him when he walks into the gym that afternoon is, "What's wrong?"
Brendon rolls his eyes and groans, because the last fucking thing he needs is to be surrounded by a bunch of girls trying to find out why Brendon's upset and trying to sympathize with his problems. The sad thing is, most of his teammates have been hurt by Gabe at one point or another, and Brendon doesn't understand why he thought he could be any different, that Gabe would be different for him.
He jogs in place a few times then bends his arm behind his head and holds his elbow. "It's nothing," he mutters, and there's some bite to his tone. Victoria doesn't ask him anything for the rest of practice.
For the next two hours, Brendon works harder than he ever has on the routine, and at least his anger can be directed to something productive-Keltie tells him she's never seen him do a better job with his groundwork.
Brendon does his best after practice to linger around as long as possible, taking forever to pack his bag and re-tie his shoes. He doesn’t want to get back to the locker room while any of the football guys or Gabe is still there. He realizes there's no one left in the gym besides him and Victoria when he finally stops fiddling with his laces and straightens up. She walks over to him and says, "Wanna talk?"
Brendon considers getting angry again and telling her to fuck off, but he deflates, shoulders slumping and head drooping. "Yes," he whispers.
Victoria sits down on the floor and looks up at Brendon. She tugs gently on his pants and he complies, lowering himself to sit down next to her. There's silence for several minutes until Brendon takes a breath and tells her everything. He tells her about feeling like a nobody, about wanting to be liked, about apparently wishing for things he couldn't handle. He tells her about the football guys, the locker room incidents. Brendon talks about Gabe and about math projects and first times. Victoria never says a word, just lets Brendon talk and talk until he talks about broken hearts. She leans over and hugs him. Brendon doesn't cry, but he feels like he could get close to that point any minute now.
He stays on the floor with Victoria for a long time, and when Brendon finally walks home, he's feeling a tiny bit better.
-
The next couple of weeks pass by in a haze. Brendon's never felt this down on life before, and he spends a lot of time being quiet and keeping to himself where he normally would have tried talking to Spencer or telling jokes to anyone who would listen. He triples his dedication to cheer and school, managing to raise his grades from above average to super above average.
He talks to Spencer and Ian when they talk to him first, but he spends a lot of time confiding in Victoria when he can. She calls him and texts him, and they talk together after practice every day. Brendon's never had anyone he could just talk to about whatever, and his friendship with Victoria pretty much makes all the bad things that came along with joining cheer worth it.
Brendon ignores Gabe when he tries to talk to him, and eventually Gabe stops trying and opts to sit in a different seat than the one next to Brendon. It just makes it easier for Brendon to stop caring about Gabe fucking Saporta and his stupid smile and stupid dark eyes and stupid hot body.
-
"Brendon, your date's here!" The sound of his mother calling him from her place by the front door startles Brendon. His fingers shake as he combs them through his hair and then pulls on his tux jacket, checking his reflection in the mirror.
It's his first high school dance, and Brendon's excited but nervous. He leaves his room and walks down the stairs and sees Victoria talking to his mom, both of them smiling warmly. She looks beautiful, wearing a silky red dress cut above her knees and hair tied in an elegant knot at the back of her head. Victoria's way fucking prettier than Maja can ever hope to be.
Brendon and Victoria pose for obligatory photos courtesy of his mother, but they're both laughing and poking fun at the whole thing. Going into high school, Brendon never would have thought he'd go to his first dance with a junior girl who's on the cheer team, but goals change and circumstances change, and, Brendon realizes with a smile, he's changed.
As soon as his mom finishes embarrassing him with pictures and hugs goodbye, they walk to Victoria's car. "Okay, Brendon, so we're heading to Ritter's place to meet up with everyone, then we'll take a party bus to the dance and come back to his place for the after party. You down with everything?"
Brendon nods and smiles at her as he buckles his seatbelt. Victoria was sad when Tyson asked Hayley to the dance instead of her. Incidentally, so was Ryan, but he'll never admit it. Brendon was ready to suggest Victoria might try talking to Ryan when she proposed they go the dance together as friends. It took a huge weight off of his shoulders to know that he was actually going with a date, even as just friends, and not even the prospect of Gabe and Maja being in their group could put a damper on Brendon's evening.
Taking pictures at Tyson's house is absolutely intimidating. It's mostly entertaining to see everybody paired off, cheerleader and football jock, but everyone is older and looks so tall and beautiful and Brendon knows he could never compare. It's absolutely no surprise that Gabe would rather stand tall and pose proudly with a beautiful woman at his side than with tiny, young, inexperienced Brendon.
At least the ride to the dance is fun. Brendon laughs with Victoria and Greta and some of his other favorite girls from the squad. Someone dares Brendon to try a back flip in the bus, and with enough encouragement from Victoria, Brendon feels brave enough to do it. He has a shaky landing, but everyone claps and cheers and it's nice being the center of attention for a little while. Brendon's smiling, and he looks over and accidentally catches Gabe's eyes. Gabe is giving him this look, and Brendon doesn't know if it's approval or distaste or something else entirely. Well, at least Gabe got to finally see the back flip. Brendon raises an eyebrow at him and goes back to sit next to Victoria.
When the bus pulls up at their school, everyone piles out onto the pavement and walks into the building, heading for the gym. When they arrive, Brendon thinks it's totally unimpressive. Even he could do a better job hanging streamers and banners than whatever club it is that decorates and plans the dances. The gym looks like it always does, only the lights are mostly off and there's music. Victoria giggles and grabs Brendon's hand, pulling him to the floor. "Come on, Bren, let's dance," she says happily, and Brendon doesn't let his self-consciousness and lack of dancing skills get in the way of Victoria having a good time. He follows her lead to the mass of students moving and bumping to the music and dances.
-
"You should have just asked her ahead of time like all the normal kids who care about who they go to the dances with." Spencer's teasing Ryan again, and Brendon chuckles into his cup of punch, happy to stand at the side and watch Victoria dance with some of her other friends.
Ryan answers with, "I can't fucking believe you, me, and Jon end up coming to this shithole dateless, and the nerd freshman shows up with his junior cheerleader date. It's disgusting." Brendon laughs as Jon nods his head vigorously in agreement.
Brendon grabs a cookie off the food table and takes a bite. "You know what they say, brains dates beauty." He smiles and Spencer punches his arm. "I could give you guys some excellent advice, you know. It'll help boost your appeal to the ladies." Brendon waggles his eyebrows and Spencer just punches him again.
Jon scoffs and says, "The day I take dating advice from you will be a sad, sad day for dudes hoping to get laid everywhere."
Ryan's nodding but Spencer says, "Actually, I'm totally thinking Urie got laid not too long ago and doesn't want to talk about it."
Brendon's face heats up and he wants to spit up the bite of cookie he just took. So far, Spencer hasn't asked anything more about that morning at school, and Brendon had hoped he forgot the whole conversation ever happened.
Jon looks incredulous. "No way, dude. Did you fuck Victoria or something? Holy shit, you're fucking Victoria!"
Ryan's darting his eyes back and forth between Jon and Brendon and he looks like he's about to sob in frustration. Brendon shakes his head and says emphatically, "I am not fucking Victoria, okay. I never touched her and I don't like her that way, so just drop it."
Spencer shrugs. "Alright, fair enough, but we know you hooked up with someone, and sooner or later you're gonna have to spill details."
Brendon puts some serious effort into not saying something about how Spencer probably would be really disgusted with the details. Victoria saves him from having to say anything more. She runs up to him, red-faced and sweaty, but smile so big it stretches her entire face.
She's breathless when she says, "Brendon. Dude, I want to show Greta the photoshopped picture of Bob making out with that Faller guy. Do you still have it?"
The picture was passed around at his last practice, and Greta wasn't there to see it. Seeing as she's obsessed with all things Bob, she's probably dying to get her hands on it. Brendon knows he was the last to have it, and he thinks about where he left it. He rubs at his forehead and says, "Yeah, yeah. I left it in the locker room, though. Do you think it's still open? I can run and get it." He'll do anything at this point to avoid any more awkward questions from Ryan, Spencer, and Jon.
Victoria nods. "That'll be good, yeah."
"Kay, tell Greta I'm going to get it." With that, he turns and leaves the gym, heading for the locker rooms. He can still hear the music in the hallways and when he opens the door to the locker room. It's mostly just the pounding bass but it makes Brendon bob his head nonetheless. He remembers using one of the lockers, and he goes to find it, opening it up and seeing the picture inside. Just as he's about to shut the locker door, he hears someone clear their throat.
Brendon startles and turns around. Gabe's leaning against a wall of lockers, ankles crossed and hands buried in the pockets of his pants. Brendon notices his suit jacked lying rumpled on one of the benches, like Gabe just tossed it there without any care. Brendon fiddles with a corner of the picture and tries to quiet the anger that he feels trying to well up inside him, but he can't help it when he says, "What, you followed me here, too?"
Gabe doesn't answer that. He doesn’t say anything, actually, just continues to stare at Brendon with somewhat of a sad expression on his face. It takes Brendon off guard and he's frozen to the spot, staring back at Gabe. Eventually, Brendon says, "Does Maja know you're here? She's probably waiting for you."
Still, Gabe says nothing and continues to look at Brendon. It's unnerving, and Brendon's about to leave when Gabe finally talks. "It's not the same, Brendon," he mutters. The words are familiar, and it brings Brendon back to that room at the party.
Brendon brings himself to ask again, "What do you want?" thinking maybe this time he'll get an answer.
Gabe scuffs the toe of his shoe against the ground and admits, "To be free. I just wanna be free from this school, this life I'm supposed to live, this fucking reputation and image everyone has of me." He looks up, straight at Brendon, and continues. "I used to like it, having everyone look at me as some it-guy. Girls wanting me, guys wanting to be me… it's supposed to be heaven." He sighs heavily and uncrosses his ankles. He pushes away from the wall and sits on the bench, next to his discarded jacket.
Brendon doesn't even hesitate for a moment. He goes to sit by Gabe and hear him finish. Gabe folds his hands in his lap and stares at them for a long time. Brendon's never seen Gabe look this contemplative about anything before. Finally, he looks up at Brendon and says, "You know what? It's my senior year, I'm everyone's favorite guy, I supposedly have all things in life going for me, and I've never felt weaker or more pathetic."
The admission hangs heavy in the air between them. Everything Gabe's said is ringing loudly in his ears and bouncing off the walls of his mind, open for interpretation, dissected while Brendon analyzes them. He's so confused, though, at how anyone in Gabe's position could feel pathetic. "I don't understand," he whispers.
Gabe leans over, forehead resting in his palms and eye canvassing the floor. "I know, Bren, I know. I don't exactly make it easy for people to know what I'm feeling." He makes a face and shakes his head. "I don’t even know why the hell I'm saying any of this to you. I just look at you and want to open up, and that's fucking weird for me, okay."
"Okay," Brendon says softly.
"I want to try things," Gabe whispers. "I just want to be able to try the thing I feel like doing and not have to be afraid of what everyone else is gonna think or how the guys are gonna react." Brendon nods even though Gabe's not looking at him. Suddenly, Gabe sits up straight and faces Brendon, grabbing Brendon's wrists and looking at his face with wide, imploring eyes. "Do you know what would've happened if I walked into that dance tonight with anyone else as my date instead of Maja? With you as my date instead of her?"
It's a strange thing for Gabe to mention, but Brendon does know what would happen. It would be the obvious teasing and ignorant remarks from Gabe's teammates, and the girls wouldn't look at him with invitation written all over their faces, something that Gabe's surely not used to. Gabe sighs and pulls his hands off of Brendon's wrists and back into his lap. "I like you, okay?" He says it gently, like Brendon might yell at him for admitting it out loud, and Brendon realizes with a pang that that's exactly what would happen if he said it to any of his friends. Gabe doesn't have a Victoria he can talk to.
But his words, his admission, catch up with Brendon, and his heart starts to beat a little faster, throat starting to feel dryer. Gabe continues, says, "You were that nerd freshman who actually had the balls to take a class with juniors and seniors and kick our asses on every fucking test and set the curve for every quiz." Gabe chuckles and bites his lip. "You do this thing where you adjust your glasses sometimes by scrunching up your nose, and it's cute. You're not afraid to ask questions and crack a joke, even if it's dumb. You're not afraid to join the cheer team and do something completely unconventional, because it's something you want to do. You're not afraid of anything, and of course I'd end up falling for the person I wish I could be like."
Brendon has no idea how to process anything Gabe's just admitted. Gabe just told him he admires him, and how ironic is that? Brendon's chewing his lip to a mess trying to replay everything Gabe's just said in his head over and over again so he can be sure he heard it all right and isn't missing anything. Gabe's fallen for him, holy shit. Gabe actually likes him back. And while Brendon might have indulged himself in allowing the fantasies of Gabe touching him and kissing him to play out behind his eyelids when he's lying awake in bed, he's never allowed himself to entertain thoughts of Gabe actually liking him back, because that would be beyond impossible.
Apparently, though, apparently it's more likely than Brendon thought. Gabe's eyes are hesitant when he turns to look at Brendon, and he leans forward slightly, moving slow enough that Brendon has enough time to process what's happening in case he wants to move away. Brendon stays completely still and lets Gabe lean forward and kiss him small and innocent on the lips.
Their noses brush together and Brendon does his best to control his breathing and not pant in Gabe's face. He feels Gabe's hand come up, his fingers tickling lightly at the back of his neck, twisting his hair between them and pushing Brendon's head forward for another kiss. This time, Brendon can't stop the small moan that escapes his lips, and Gabe takes advantage to lick inside.
They stay like that, entangled in each other's arms on a bench in the boys' locker room, kissing each other sweetly while their dates wait for them in the gym, hearing the pounding bass from the music and feeling it in their chests. Gabe finally pulls away and kisses Brendon on the forehead. He says, "I think someone might be waiting for you."
Brendon nods and feels how the grip Gabe has on the back of his neck begins to loosen. He pulls back to lean down and pick up the picture that fell to the floor, a photo of two boys kissing. It makes him laugh and he shows it to Gabe, who smiles big and wide. He looks back at Brendon and says, "I'll be brave, too. I'm just gonna need some time, and then I can be brave with you."
Brendon smiles, whispers, "'Kay," and hugs Gabe one last time before getting off the bench and walking out of the room. He leaves Gabe in the locker room, but he'll come out on his own eventually. He'll come out when he's ready. Brendon gives the door to the locker room a half-smile and then heads for the gym.
-
He doesn't see Gabe at the dance and he doesn't see him join Maja in the bus ride to the after-party. Brendon keeps an eye out during the party, in between making sure Victoria doesn't make an idiot out of herself and paying attention to what everyone else is doing, and he doesn't see Gabe anywhere.
He spends the night on the floor of Ritter's garage, sleeping soundly amongst Victoria and other passed-out cheerleaders and jocks. He jerks awake not long after he falls asleep by the feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket. He makes sure no one else woke up when he did, and he opens the phone and brings it close to his face to make out what's on the screen.
It's one text message: i hope u know set theory, cuz I wanna intersect and union u <3.
Brendon smiles and shakes his head, a happy balloon of joy expanding in his chest, making it almost hard to breathe. He lies back down onto the floor and clutches his phone tightly in his hand. Brendon falls asleep with a smile on his face, lulled to slumber by memories of arms encircling him and a warm chest under his head.