Niiiice. I like that it's in sections. Very excellent last line, as well. Your images are so vivid. Of course there are little things: unneeded words, repeated phrases, punctuation stuff, but un-beta'd it's quite strong and packs punches with lines like "Eddy and Harry needed her. Claire didn’t have time to go mad right now." That's just so Claire and an insight into her motives we usually don't get.
thank you for taking the time to comment, I know what you mean about the beta stuff (smacks self upside the head) this was written this afternoon in about twenty minutes and probably (definitely) would have been better if I had left it and edited more.
But unfortunately my brain was eaten by a sudden attack of plot bunny and so this was written and posted 'cause that was the mood I was in, thanks for the kind words ;)
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Keep writing, you're quite good at it.
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But unfortunately my brain was eaten by a sudden attack of plot bunny and so this was written and posted 'cause that was the mood I was in, thanks for the kind words ;)
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