Letting go fridays
Title: Letting go fridays
Author: jemnise
Pairings: GTOP
Summary: They looked so wrong together, but they feel right.
A/N: long time no see? Happy New Year everyone :DDDD So yea, I got no luck with my resolution that I will not write crap stuff this year HAHA ayway, enjoy! oh and by the way? This is a HAPPY FIC. swear :p
Friday, August 7, 2009
First night without her in this same spot was difficult. That is actually an understatement.
You didn't want to be here, you didn't want to go to this place just to remind yourself of a not-so distant past. However, maybe out of habit or something else, you found yourself driving to this spot, asking for the same table you have been eating on for the past year or so. You chuckled alone as you scan the menu that you do memorize already, then you ordered Red Curry Beef and a glass of red wine. You aren't hungry, nor full, you just ... want to order, stay in that place for a little longer.
While waiting for your meal, you stare around, trying to find one familiar face. That face who should have been the one who asked you for your order. That little guy who is as fragile as a crystal glass, who glides instead of walking like a guy, who smiles sincerely not forced just like the others. That guy, is he gone too? you asked yourself without letting the world hear you. And then, as soon as you shifted your gaze to the door where you came in, that guy was catching his breath as he holds on to the knob.
Oh, he's late.
You kept a smile to yourself as you figured that the only thing that has changed is ... that empty seat in front of you.
"Sir, here's your ... meal" That guy said as he put down your plate and stare at the empty seat. You watched him, saw his eyes change from those normal cheery eyes to those which are question-filled.
"We .. broke up" You muttered as you pick up your fork and started eating by getting a meat on top of the rice. It tastes the same, you thought. You even did that grin that you always do when you taste your food for the first time. Even when you have tasted almost everything in their menu, it still tastes good. It has that lasting effect on your tongue that would make you beg for more, and eventually will make you go back again and again just so you can have that kind of sensation in your tongue.
Little did you know that the guy remained focused on you as you took the first bite. He was just there, holding the tray, standing on the side watching you. Maybe thinking what the hell is wrong with you, why are you there when the place is showered with memories of you and her.
"You know JiYong ..." You love saying his name, you even call him by his name everytime you can. 'can you call JiYong for me?', 'can you please tell JiYong to bring our meal 5minutes later than the usual?' There's just something in his name, generally with this guy that you find him pleasing. "When you break up with somebody ... the most difficult part is moving on"
The guy just stood there, staring at you still. He wasn't moving, he wasn't speaking, he was just ... watching.
You never went out, like went out as buddies. You never asked him to have a beer or something. You two are both busy for that, however there was this one time when you had dinner in that place, alone because she went home to her parents in the country side. After your dinner, you asked him to sit with you in the bar, bought him a glass or two of whiskey and you just talked. You know that he has a sister, that they are both working, that he aspires to be an engineer, and that's the main reason why he has two jobs in a regular day, almost like four jobs during weekends. You know that he's ambitious, but his feet are very well planted on the ground. You know that he is a good kid, a good brother, a good guy. Kwon Ji Yong is someone you want to be, is someone you always try to be.
"SeungHyun ... I am sorry to hear that" Those were the words he uttered after that deafening silence, that dagger stares.
Friday, August 28, 2009
For the fourth Friday of the month, you spend your night in this restaurant, in the same spot. With an extra chair on your side as the seat in front of you is still empty.
That little round table had been occupied by two men for the past three Fridays, enjoying stories of their highschool, college crushes, dreams and aspirations and whatnot. Those two men?
You and Kwon Ji Yong.
You actually look forward to this day, almost the same when you look forward to that day a month ago. But with a very different reason. You look forward to Fridays now because one soul sits beside you, not getting tired of endless stories and rants about your failed love affair. Before, Fridays are for her ... for someone whom you thought love you so much that she can choose you against whoever.
Mistake. Terrible one.
JiYong always make sure that his shift starts at 3PM so he can stay until closing time. And he also makes sure that his break is between 8pm -9pm, time frame of your visit to their restaurant.
That night, even before you went there you already knew what you want, Fresh Atlantic Grilled Salmon. An all-time favorite, usually shared with her during special nights. Maybe this is a special night, you thought.
"How is it going in the office anyway?" JiYong asked as soon as he fixed his own plate, with his home aka sister-cooked food.
"Still sucks, same old same old. Had to deal with those old men for the umpteenth time. You know, one day, when I can ... I will really walk away and make my own stuff" You answered fast as you cut half of the salmon, leaving the half on your plate and transferring the half on JiYong's plate.
JiYong always refused when you want to buy food for him, so this time, you're not buying him food.
Giving it directly is a good excuse.
"SeungHyun ..." The young guy's voice trailed off as you smiled widely and replied;
"Kid, you do more job than I do, you have to eat good food" The other just smiled, didn't have the strength to argue anymore and that made you want to raise your hands for the victory you achieved.
Friday, September 18, 2009
12 Spice Chicken Pasta and some Haut Sarthes Montravel as you watch your friend work the entire night.
JiYong said he cannot have his usual 30minute break that night for there is a function in one of their conference rooms. However, because it is friday and as a habit, you still believe, you sit there, almost finishing the bottle of wine in front of you. There are some minutes where you start to walk back memory lane remembering those days and nights you spent with her. She who told you that everything will be alright, that she loves you so much, that she will do anything and everything for you. Even when that meant one significant thing; Leave her fiancé.
You laughed a little just so people won't notice and think that you're crazy since you already are.
Sitting in that place? Waiting for a guy whom you just met? Drinking this wine until you finish it, going home and drinking more just so you can sleep without crying, yes you are crazy. However, who is to blame? You? You weren't the one who walked away, you were the one who was left behind. You were the one who watch his girl pick a wedding dress for a wedding you are not even invited. You were the one who was slapped thrice and was told that everything meant nothing. That all you were to her is a boy she has sex with. That you are just someone she can throw anytime she wants to.
You meant nothing to her when she meant everything to you, where are you now in her picture?
Where is she in your picture?
Oh she is still right there in the middle.
You emptied your glass, took your wallet, pulled out some cash and left it on the table. You glanced at JiYong who was busy arranging plates and when he wasn't looking, you stormed outside the restaurant, ready to smash anything.
Walking fast to your car, you struggle to find the key in your pockets and when you weren't able to, you just kick the tire and let the unspoken words of pain come out as tears. For the first time since she broke it off with you, you cried.
"SeungHyun!" You heard that faint voice as you felt thin but strong arms around your body, trying to make you stand up but you were to weak to even take a breath.
"I just can't be alone like that ... I'll die thinking of her"
Everything went blank after that, but all you know is that after that night, things changed drastically.
JiYong brought you home in your own car, the next thing you know, you don't want to let go of the kid anymore.
Friday, October 30, 2009
You came unusually early. 7:34 PM in the restaurant's clock and you were already sitting on your spot, with your usual wide smile that wins a lot of girls hearts and even boys
JiYong walks in and as soon as he saw you, he turned his back and walked fast to the kitchen.
You stayed there, puzzled with the way he acted but you waited. Maybe there was something going on, so you waited for him to go out and take your order and as soon as he goes out with it, he's carrying his own plate with his own food.
5minutes passed and some of the waiters were in one place, talking about something, pointing at one another until one showed up beside you. Instead of asking for your order, the girl talked fast, explaining why Ji Yong can't usher to you that night.
"Sir, Jiyong suddenly felt sick. He is still in the bathroom right now, after he will be going home and his sister will take care of him. We don't think he will be here tomorrow either so don't bother call, he will be fine"
There was something wrong. With the way he acted, with the way this girl is talking, with everything.
So you did nothing but stand up and went straight to the kitchen where you found him in the middle of other waiters, eyes worried, pacing here and there.
"What's going on here?" You asked as he did his; 'OH' almost jumping when he saw you.
"JiYong?" You asked as you moved forward while he moved back.
"I'm sick ... Seunghyun, I will go home now" He took his apron out in front of you, went to the left side, to the locker area. With no other thoughts in mind, you followed him even when some tried to stop you.
"Hey, is there something wrong? Sick? Why? What happened?" You fired like a gun, one after another as you took a step and another.
"Don't come anywhere near me. Just don't" His head is still bowed, staring at the things inside his bag.
"JiYong?" You asked, you called. Oh how you love calling his name.
"... I am in no place to ask, and I am in no place to expect. However since we're here and I am on the verge of being busted, Choi Seung Hyun, I am gay." When he uttered the word gay, he stared at you, trying to dig answers from your eyes that all of a sudden shut itself from the world. As if it doesn't want to show the world what it really feels.
"As I expected" JiYong muttered as he pulled the strings of his backpack, tied it and put it on his shoulders; "You choose, go back here next friday or I quit"
With that, he left. Not waiting for your answer, not waiting for you to comprehend, not waiting for anything.
So you run, you run to follow him. You run to ask questions, or maybe answer some. You run to find the truth or tell the truth. You don't know, all you know is that you have to find him.
And maybe, just maybe after you get a hold of him, you will have words to say.
And you did. just outside that same restaurant where your forbidden relationship flourished and ended. You got hold of his elbow, pulled him for he wasn't answering your calls. Oh how you love calling his name
""Are you... crying?" You asked an obvious. Tears flow like rain from his eyes and you did nothing but ask, smart.
"No idiot, I'm laughing" Sarcasm is always a charmer when its from Kwon Ji Yong.
"You're gay, you didn't give me the chance to think. What's wrong with being gay again?" Dumb question, but you have to hear the answer from his lips.
"Nothing. But there is when the gay guy falls in love with the straight guy. Fuck it, you make me gay dumbass. You think I would like screwing guys? I don't, I never thought I will. Maybe I will not, but what the fuck is worng with me? I don't know. I just thought I am in love with you so I thought I am gay and that's my problem. I am in love with you Seunghyun." Dumbfounded was an understatement when he finished talking. However, a sane part of your brain started sending signals to your tongue.
"...I am miserable Ji, how can you fall for someone like me? I practically go to this place because of her, a past I can never bring back. You know that, how can you love someone like me?" You choked on your own words while asking those questions, while asking those known truths.
"Stupidity. Who was wise when they were in love?" He paused as he put his hands on his side pockets and continued talking; "Things are funny. Forget it Seung Hyun. Forget this night. Forget everything about this moment. It never happened. I am still me, Kwon Ji Yong is still Kwon Ji Yong. I'll see you tomorrow? Remember we made a date? Girls from Ehwa?" You stared at him and unconsciously, you claimed your turn in saying;
"JiYong ..."
December 25, 2009
Christmas Eve, a Friday at Charley's. You know he will not be here that day, but you still went. You have to do one last thing. One thing before you do a major move. Before you turn another page, or maybe make another book of yours. One which will be far different from the past ones.
Two Fillet Mignon, a couple of glasses of Ecco Domani. Then you wait. If she will come after you made a call, then so be it. If she will not, you will still do it anyway.
Half an hour later, along with your second glass, she came walking inside that restaurant. Checkered Tshirt dress and a pair of black doll shoes, she looked perfect, as always. She smiled at you the moment your gaze met and as you stood up, you smiled in response.
You pulled out the chair for her and as soon as she sat down, you gracefully went back to your seat. It started out fine, great actually. You were like before, jolly and talkative, making jokes here and there, as if nothing was changed. Until you said;
"This ... would be the last time I will be eating here," You paused, hid a smile and continued; "Thinking about you. The pain you caused was remarkable, I thought I will never be able to stand again. Now that I see you're fine, I am more than okay"
Shewiped her lips with her napkin, gave you a grin and replied;
"I am more than fine, as you can see. Your call made everything more fantastic ... everything is weird SeungHyun, you know weird?" The sudden change in her expression and her voice was too obvious. "You called when I had been missing you the most... and I have been thinking, for days, weeks ... if I did the right decision"
"I have to answer that I guess, You did." If that was a nasty remark, you didn't really care, it was the truth.
"You found another girl, I see" She was staring intently at you as you grinned and answered;
"You can say that ...but its more of, I found myself"
January 01, 2010
New Year, you stand in front of Charley's, the main witness to a forbidden and failed love affair. It was a little past 10 when you came, with no intention of eating, you came for something else.
And as soon as his thought crossed your mind, he came out with his usual, for-customers-only smile.
"We're about to close, you're not eating?" He asked as soon as he stood in front of you,trying to find his lighter in both of his pockets.
Nah ... I'm full. Besides, I promised not to eat there, thinking about her this year." He managed to find his lighter, lit up his cigarette then stared at you blankly, so you continued; "I guess I have to find a new table, but that would be .. after some time"
"So you're telling me you will not go here anymore?" His voice trailed off, his eyes saddened by the news.
"For some time ...but I have to tell you something first" He just muttered some 'hmmm', took a puff as you say; "I have this fear to hurt you like she did. Its overwhelming, the fear I mean. I am not sure if I love you because I really do, or if I love you because you were there when she wasn't"
You paused as his jaw dropped, his eyes widened with those words. You said it as casual as possible for this is a crazy situation. You falling in love with a man? Define crazy. He didn't say anything so you continued;
"Before, I fear that nobody can love me as much she did. When she told me I was nothing, that we had was nothing, I believed her. Then you came right in time, saving my ass. I don't cry as much as I did, I talk and things went from chaos to little peaceful. I saw a different me in your eyes, a different me when I am with you and I must say I am glad with what I see. Howver ..." He smirked, took a puff-a long one, then looked at you and say:
"You're afraid. Tell you, I am afraid as fuck too. I don't know what we would look like together, I sometimes think about it, hell I daydream of holding your hands. It looks wrong Seunghyun, so fucking wrong .. that I still want to do it. Our fears are different I know, you are unsure of me while I am so sure of you, that's your fear. Mine is ... the changes that we have to make if ever we jump into this insanity. I am a guy Seunghyun, until you happened." You smiled a little, moved to his side as you hold his free hand and utter;
"This would look so wrong for the rest, but it feels right, you think?" You smiled like a kid at him while he moved his fingers, lacing it with yours.
"No matter what decision will have, tell me about it. It will sting, maybe it will make me cry for I cry easily, but tell me. Don't leave me hanging" You just tightened your grip to his hand, contradicting all the uncertainties you said you have.
Author: jemnise
Pairings: GTOP
Summary: They looked so wrong together, but they feel right.
A/N: long time no see? Happy New Year everyone :DDDD So yea, I got no luck with my resolution that I will not write crap stuff this year HAHA ayway, enjoy! oh and by the way? This is a HAPPY FIC. swear :p
Friday, August 7, 2009
First night without her in this same spot was difficult. That is actually an understatement.
You didn't want to be here, you didn't want to go to this place just to remind yourself of a not-so distant past. However, maybe out of habit or something else, you found yourself driving to this spot, asking for the same table you have been eating on for the past year or so. You chuckled alone as you scan the menu that you do memorize already, then you ordered Red Curry Beef and a glass of red wine. You aren't hungry, nor full, you just ... want to order, stay in that place for a little longer.
While waiting for your meal, you stare around, trying to find one familiar face. That face who should have been the one who asked you for your order. That little guy who is as fragile as a crystal glass, who glides instead of walking like a guy, who smiles sincerely not forced just like the others. That guy, is he gone too? you asked yourself without letting the world hear you. And then, as soon as you shifted your gaze to the door where you came in, that guy was catching his breath as he holds on to the knob.
Oh, he's late.
You kept a smile to yourself as you figured that the only thing that has changed is ... that empty seat in front of you.
"Sir, here's your ... meal" That guy said as he put down your plate and stare at the empty seat. You watched him, saw his eyes change from those normal cheery eyes to those which are question-filled.
"We .. broke up" You muttered as you pick up your fork and started eating by getting a meat on top of the rice. It tastes the same, you thought. You even did that grin that you always do when you taste your food for the first time. Even when you have tasted almost everything in their menu, it still tastes good. It has that lasting effect on your tongue that would make you beg for more, and eventually will make you go back again and again just so you can have that kind of sensation in your tongue.
Little did you know that the guy remained focused on you as you took the first bite. He was just there, holding the tray, standing on the side watching you. Maybe thinking what the hell is wrong with you, why are you there when the place is showered with memories of you and her.
"You know JiYong ..." You love saying his name, you even call him by his name everytime you can. 'can you call JiYong for me?', 'can you please tell JiYong to bring our meal 5minutes later than the usual?' There's just something in his name, generally with this guy that you find him pleasing. "When you break up with somebody ... the most difficult part is moving on"
The guy just stood there, staring at you still. He wasn't moving, he wasn't speaking, he was just ... watching.
You never went out, like went out as buddies. You never asked him to have a beer or something. You two are both busy for that, however there was this one time when you had dinner in that place, alone because she went home to her parents in the country side. After your dinner, you asked him to sit with you in the bar, bought him a glass or two of whiskey and you just talked. You know that he has a sister, that they are both working, that he aspires to be an engineer, and that's the main reason why he has two jobs in a regular day, almost like four jobs during weekends. You know that he's ambitious, but his feet are very well planted on the ground. You know that he is a good kid, a good brother, a good guy. Kwon Ji Yong is someone you want to be, is someone you always try to be.
"SeungHyun ... I am sorry to hear that" Those were the words he uttered after that deafening silence, that dagger stares.
Friday, August 28, 2009
For the fourth Friday of the month, you spend your night in this restaurant, in the same spot. With an extra chair on your side as the seat in front of you is still empty.
That little round table had been occupied by two men for the past three Fridays, enjoying stories of their highschool, college crushes, dreams and aspirations and whatnot. Those two men?
You and Kwon Ji Yong.
You actually look forward to this day, almost the same when you look forward to that day a month ago. But with a very different reason. You look forward to Fridays now because one soul sits beside you, not getting tired of endless stories and rants about your failed love affair. Before, Fridays are for her ... for someone whom you thought love you so much that she can choose you against whoever.
Mistake. Terrible one.
JiYong always make sure that his shift starts at 3PM so he can stay until closing time. And he also makes sure that his break is between 8pm -9pm, time frame of your visit to their restaurant.
That night, even before you went there you already knew what you want, Fresh Atlantic Grilled Salmon. An all-time favorite, usually shared with her during special nights. Maybe this is a special night, you thought.
"How is it going in the office anyway?" JiYong asked as soon as he fixed his own plate, with his home aka sister-cooked food.
"Still sucks, same old same old. Had to deal with those old men for the umpteenth time. You know, one day, when I can ... I will really walk away and make my own stuff" You answered fast as you cut half of the salmon, leaving the half on your plate and transferring the half on JiYong's plate.
JiYong always refused when you want to buy food for him, so this time, you're not buying him food.
Giving it directly is a good excuse.
"SeungHyun ..." The young guy's voice trailed off as you smiled widely and replied;
"Kid, you do more job than I do, you have to eat good food" The other just smiled, didn't have the strength to argue anymore and that made you want to raise your hands for the victory you achieved.
Friday, September 18, 2009
12 Spice Chicken Pasta and some Haut Sarthes Montravel as you watch your friend work the entire night.
JiYong said he cannot have his usual 30minute break that night for there is a function in one of their conference rooms. However, because it is friday and as a habit, you still believe, you sit there, almost finishing the bottle of wine in front of you. There are some minutes where you start to walk back memory lane remembering those days and nights you spent with her. She who told you that everything will be alright, that she loves you so much, that she will do anything and everything for you. Even when that meant one significant thing; Leave her fiancé.
You laughed a little just so people won't notice and think that you're crazy since you already are.
Sitting in that place? Waiting for a guy whom you just met? Drinking this wine until you finish it, going home and drinking more just so you can sleep without crying, yes you are crazy. However, who is to blame? You? You weren't the one who walked away, you were the one who was left behind. You were the one who watch his girl pick a wedding dress for a wedding you are not even invited. You were the one who was slapped thrice and was told that everything meant nothing. That all you were to her is a boy she has sex with. That you are just someone she can throw anytime she wants to.
You meant nothing to her when she meant everything to you, where are you now in her picture?
Where is she in your picture?
Oh she is still right there in the middle.
You emptied your glass, took your wallet, pulled out some cash and left it on the table. You glanced at JiYong who was busy arranging plates and when he wasn't looking, you stormed outside the restaurant, ready to smash anything.
Walking fast to your car, you struggle to find the key in your pockets and when you weren't able to, you just kick the tire and let the unspoken words of pain come out as tears. For the first time since she broke it off with you, you cried.
"SeungHyun!" You heard that faint voice as you felt thin but strong arms around your body, trying to make you stand up but you were to weak to even take a breath.
"I just can't be alone like that ... I'll die thinking of her"
Everything went blank after that, but all you know is that after that night, things changed drastically.
JiYong brought you home in your own car, the next thing you know, you don't want to let go of the kid anymore.
Friday, October 30, 2009
You came unusually early. 7:34 PM in the restaurant's clock and you were already sitting on your spot, with your usual wide smile that wins a lot of girls hearts and even boys
JiYong walks in and as soon as he saw you, he turned his back and walked fast to the kitchen.
You stayed there, puzzled with the way he acted but you waited. Maybe there was something going on, so you waited for him to go out and take your order and as soon as he goes out with it, he's carrying his own plate with his own food.
5minutes passed and some of the waiters were in one place, talking about something, pointing at one another until one showed up beside you. Instead of asking for your order, the girl talked fast, explaining why Ji Yong can't usher to you that night.
"Sir, Jiyong suddenly felt sick. He is still in the bathroom right now, after he will be going home and his sister will take care of him. We don't think he will be here tomorrow either so don't bother call, he will be fine"
There was something wrong. With the way he acted, with the way this girl is talking, with everything.
So you did nothing but stand up and went straight to the kitchen where you found him in the middle of other waiters, eyes worried, pacing here and there.
"What's going on here?" You asked as he did his; 'OH' almost jumping when he saw you.
"JiYong?" You asked as you moved forward while he moved back.
"I'm sick ... Seunghyun, I will go home now" He took his apron out in front of you, went to the left side, to the locker area. With no other thoughts in mind, you followed him even when some tried to stop you.
"Hey, is there something wrong? Sick? Why? What happened?" You fired like a gun, one after another as you took a step and another.
"Don't come anywhere near me. Just don't" His head is still bowed, staring at the things inside his bag.
"JiYong?" You asked, you called. Oh how you love calling his name.
"... I am in no place to ask, and I am in no place to expect. However since we're here and I am on the verge of being busted, Choi Seung Hyun, I am gay." When he uttered the word gay, he stared at you, trying to dig answers from your eyes that all of a sudden shut itself from the world. As if it doesn't want to show the world what it really feels.
"As I expected" JiYong muttered as he pulled the strings of his backpack, tied it and put it on his shoulders; "You choose, go back here next friday or I quit"
With that, he left. Not waiting for your answer, not waiting for you to comprehend, not waiting for anything.
So you run, you run to follow him. You run to ask questions, or maybe answer some. You run to find the truth or tell the truth. You don't know, all you know is that you have to find him.
And maybe, just maybe after you get a hold of him, you will have words to say.
And you did. just outside that same restaurant where your forbidden relationship flourished and ended. You got hold of his elbow, pulled him for he wasn't answering your calls. Oh how you love calling his name
""Are you... crying?" You asked an obvious. Tears flow like rain from his eyes and you did nothing but ask, smart.
"No idiot, I'm laughing" Sarcasm is always a charmer when its from Kwon Ji Yong.
"You're gay, you didn't give me the chance to think. What's wrong with being gay again?" Dumb question, but you have to hear the answer from his lips.
"Nothing. But there is when the gay guy falls in love with the straight guy. Fuck it, you make me gay dumbass. You think I would like screwing guys? I don't, I never thought I will. Maybe I will not, but what the fuck is worng with me? I don't know. I just thought I am in love with you so I thought I am gay and that's my problem. I am in love with you Seunghyun." Dumbfounded was an understatement when he finished talking. However, a sane part of your brain started sending signals to your tongue.
"...I am miserable Ji, how can you fall for someone like me? I practically go to this place because of her, a past I can never bring back. You know that, how can you love someone like me?" You choked on your own words while asking those questions, while asking those known truths.
"Stupidity. Who was wise when they were in love?" He paused as he put his hands on his side pockets and continued talking; "Things are funny. Forget it Seung Hyun. Forget this night. Forget everything about this moment. It never happened. I am still me, Kwon Ji Yong is still Kwon Ji Yong. I'll see you tomorrow? Remember we made a date? Girls from Ehwa?" You stared at him and unconsciously, you claimed your turn in saying;
"JiYong ..."
December 25, 2009
Christmas Eve, a Friday at Charley's. You know he will not be here that day, but you still went. You have to do one last thing. One thing before you do a major move. Before you turn another page, or maybe make another book of yours. One which will be far different from the past ones.
Two Fillet Mignon, a couple of glasses of Ecco Domani. Then you wait. If she will come after you made a call, then so be it. If she will not, you will still do it anyway.
Half an hour later, along with your second glass, she came walking inside that restaurant. Checkered Tshirt dress and a pair of black doll shoes, she looked perfect, as always. She smiled at you the moment your gaze met and as you stood up, you smiled in response.
You pulled out the chair for her and as soon as she sat down, you gracefully went back to your seat. It started out fine, great actually. You were like before, jolly and talkative, making jokes here and there, as if nothing was changed. Until you said;
"This ... would be the last time I will be eating here," You paused, hid a smile and continued; "Thinking about you. The pain you caused was remarkable, I thought I will never be able to stand again. Now that I see you're fine, I am more than okay"
Shewiped her lips with her napkin, gave you a grin and replied;
"I am more than fine, as you can see. Your call made everything more fantastic ... everything is weird SeungHyun, you know weird?" The sudden change in her expression and her voice was too obvious. "You called when I had been missing you the most... and I have been thinking, for days, weeks ... if I did the right decision"
"I have to answer that I guess, You did." If that was a nasty remark, you didn't really care, it was the truth.
"You found another girl, I see" She was staring intently at you as you grinned and answered;
"You can say that ...but its more of, I found myself"
January 01, 2010
New Year, you stand in front of Charley's, the main witness to a forbidden and failed love affair. It was a little past 10 when you came, with no intention of eating, you came for something else.
And as soon as his thought crossed your mind, he came out with his usual, for-customers-only smile.
"We're about to close, you're not eating?" He asked as soon as he stood in front of you,trying to find his lighter in both of his pockets.
Nah ... I'm full. Besides, I promised not to eat there, thinking about her this year." He managed to find his lighter, lit up his cigarette then stared at you blankly, so you continued; "I guess I have to find a new table, but that would be .. after some time"
"So you're telling me you will not go here anymore?" His voice trailed off, his eyes saddened by the news.
"For some time ...but I have to tell you something first" He just muttered some 'hmmm', took a puff as you say; "I have this fear to hurt you like she did. Its overwhelming, the fear I mean. I am not sure if I love you because I really do, or if I love you because you were there when she wasn't"
You paused as his jaw dropped, his eyes widened with those words. You said it as casual as possible for this is a crazy situation. You falling in love with a man? Define crazy. He didn't say anything so you continued;
"Before, I fear that nobody can love me as much she did. When she told me I was nothing, that we had was nothing, I believed her. Then you came right in time, saving my ass. I don't cry as much as I did, I talk and things went from chaos to little peaceful. I saw a different me in your eyes, a different me when I am with you and I must say I am glad with what I see. Howver ..." He smirked, took a puff-a long one, then looked at you and say:
"You're afraid. Tell you, I am afraid as fuck too. I don't know what we would look like together, I sometimes think about it, hell I daydream of holding your hands. It looks wrong Seunghyun, so fucking wrong .. that I still want to do it. Our fears are different I know, you are unsure of me while I am so sure of you, that's your fear. Mine is ... the changes that we have to make if ever we jump into this insanity. I am a guy Seunghyun, until you happened." You smiled a little, moved to his side as you hold his free hand and utter;
"This would look so wrong for the rest, but it feels right, you think?" You smiled like a kid at him while he moved his fingers, lacing it with yours.
"No matter what decision will have, tell me about it. It will sting, maybe it will make me cry for I cry easily, but tell me. Don't leave me hanging" You just tightened your grip to his hand, contradicting all the uncertainties you said you have.