If you don't have to take time off work to go, and it's important to your BF, I say go ahead and go to the service. I wouldn't go to the family dinner though, since that will probably be paid by someone else and should be limited to immediate family.
Edited to add: Why don't you think you can do one and not the other? We had a family lunch/dinner before my Aunt's funeral last week. It was just her parents, her children, her grandchildren, her siblings, and her sibling's children. There were many other people and distant relatives who attended the service that did not attend the family dinner. If you're not sure whether attending the family dinner is appropriate, then you should probably just go to the service.
yeah, I decided the dinner was more family-grief time and I'll join the funeral tomorrow it would have been fine for me to go, but I wasn't obligated to either
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Edited to add: Why don't you think you can do one and not the other? We had a family lunch/dinner before my Aunt's funeral last week. It was just her parents, her children, her grandchildren, her siblings, and her sibling's children. There were many other people and distant relatives who attended the service that did not attend the family dinner. If you're not sure whether attending the family dinner is appropriate, then you should probably just go to the service.
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it would have been fine for me to go, but I wasn't obligated to either
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