Conceptual Quandry

[jeneralist]

I was listening to Patrick Stewart read A Christmas Carol a few nights ago. (It's a holiday tradition here at The Asylum.) It struck me, more than most years, that Dickens may have considered a personality trait that I already know is undervalued and "abnormal" to the US majority so malign that he mixed it in with all of the others as if it were

Comments

[vgnwtch]

Why make it a big deal? Because you were expected to a) be hospitable, and b) visit people often. It was fundamental to being part of the community, especially for someone of his class. You could hole yourself up somewhere and be admired for it if it was justified by religious vows. Otherwise, you were an object of suspicion unless you were also very friendly when you did meet people, so that then you were just a harmless eccentric. How many books talk about the strange person who lives alone and holds him/herself aloof from the community, and then turn out to be either Living With A Dreadful Emotional Trauma or Horribly Evil. I think that the idea of solitude and privacy as part of normal life is as new as the nuclear family. I really wasn't used to the idea of social overload until I came here and realised that quite a few people, including T, who can be very sociable can suffer from it. In my family, it's called being anti-social, as we love having people around on a regular basis, and it's sort of equated with selfishness

[onyxtwilight]

All that vgnwitch says is true, but I also think that part of the point was to illustrate how dreadfully lonely he was. It's not like he was at peace in his solitude.

is it possible to be an extroverted misanthrope

Of course. For an easily accessible example, I point you at any fraternity house in the country. Not every frat boy, true, but I'll bet there's not a house anywhere that doesn't contain at least one good example.

Paris Hilton might well qualify, if you'd rather have a celebrity example.

[vgnwtch]

but I also think that part of the point was to illustrate how dreadfully lonely he was

Oh, good point - his awful behaviour is the result of fear, and the worse he behaves the more frightened and lonely he becomes. You need to allow yourself to be vulnerable in order to experience joy.

[jeneralist]

Interesting comments.

The reason I bring it up is that while I very much enjoy the company of small groups of friends, I don't do well in crowds -- even crowds of friends. This gets to be tricky, given that many of my friends enjoy gathering in really large groups that feel like crowds to me -- SF conventions, etc.

Having recently had a discussion with one of my friends about why I don't like to go to The Big Gathering to see Everyone At Once, the comments on being alone ("solitary as an oyster") struck close-to-home.

I know, I'm projecting.

[hypatia42]

Oysters live in beds. They are simply autonomous inside theier shells. They can get what they need from the community around them and not be overwhelmed by everyone being in THEIR space. I think that's a good thing.

[dr_pretentious]

Actually, I have plenty of misanthropic moments, extroverted as I am. It's not my base state, as it was Scrooge's, but there are times when I love all humankind, even though all humankind is Really Pissing Me Off. "People are just no damn good," I say on those days. "Maybe if I watch closely enough for long enough, I'll figure out why."