Comments | jenmstar: FIC: Gathering the Pieces- Part Three (SB/OB VM/OB/SB?, PG-13)

jenmstar

FIC: Gathering the Pieces- Part Three (SB/OB VM/OB/SB?, PG-13)

Jul 08, 2004 12:47

Title: Gathering the Pieces- Part Three
Author: jenmstar
E-mail: jenstar2421@yahoo.com
Pairing: SB/OB SB/VM/OB?
Rating: PG-13
Archive:fellow_shippers bean_squee orlandoslash northern_softy
Disclaimer: This is all fiction.
Beta: None. Please tell me if there are any mistakes. angiepen kindly found and told me about my many errors. Much love to her.
Previous Parts: Part One Part Two

( Gathering the Pieces- Part Three )

Comments 22

darknightjess July 8 2004, 14:52:29 UTC

They are too great together, but hoping Vig doesn't mess up the OrliBean love!!
Great Chapter!

jenmstar July 8 2004, 17:26:14 UTC

No, he won't mess it up. Might join them for a little fun, but he won't mess anything up. *g* Thanks for the feedback.

evesharmony July 8 2004, 14:53:14 UTC

"You too," Viggo responded, trying to get the image of Orlando getting bent over the table by Sean out of his head.

Uhhhhhnnn...yeah.

Verrrrry interesting! I love the fact that it's *Viggo* possibly lusting after *them*. In a lot of fanfic, it's the other way around. And I can't get enough BeanOrli!

jenmstar July 8 2004, 17:38:40 UTC

Yeah, I like keeping things a bit different. Glad you like. There's been some great OrliBean at Northern Softy lately. Have been very pleased with all the OrliBean love these days.

moody_girl July 8 2004, 15:05:43 UTC

Yay! I've been waiting for another part to this. So hot and yummy! hehehe I can't wait for the next part!

jenmstar July 8 2004, 17:41:17 UTC

Wow. Am impressed and very pleased that you even remembered this series. Glad you like. Thanks for the feedback. *g*

angiepen July 8 2004, 15:53:08 UTC

Hey, cool, an update! :D

bit the warm water felt so good

"bit" should be "but"

Rather, he had his arms wrapped around a young man, who had pinned against the sink with his body.

I think we're missing a word here. Who's pinned whom? I think it should either be "whom he had pinned" or "who had him pinned" but I can't tell which. :/

The young man was wearing a tight black tank top which showed off well sculpted arms

You know, I don't think I've ever seen Orlando in a tank top. [ponder] Not that I wouldn't love to see him in a tank top.... [glazed smile] I have a thing for shoulders and arms; tank tops rule. :D

His head was shaved except for a strip of dark hair, which was just beginning to curl, which ran down the center of his scalp.

This isn't incorrect, technically, but the two "which" clauses in a row sound awkward. Maybe make it "running down the center" instead? Up to you. (Well, they're all up to you, but you know what I mean. [grin])

Viggo couldn't help but wonder just how much of the boy's skin was the ( ... )

jenmstar July 8 2004, 17:45:08 UTC

Thanks for the corrections. Am so glad that you like this series. Should be more of it some time soon. And as far was what Viggo is thinking about in bed, and what Sean and Orli were doing that night, well, that might be (no promises) be the next couple chapters. *g*

dalehead July 8 2004, 16:00:08 UTC

Can I fangirl you shamelessly! Your domOrli, subSean is or should it be are, so fucking brilliant - l love your stuff, is never less than fabuloso!

On to this, love it, but, always a but or should that be butt *g*, I want Orlibean love to remain at the forefront, it won't do Vig any harm to watch a gnashing his teeth and wishing he could get a piece of the action. Normally he gets all he could want and I would hate for him to get greedy. However witness my icon, Orlibean = my OTP so I am a tad biased and whatever you choose to do I am sure I will adore, just thought I'd put my twopennoth in.

jenmstar July 8 2004, 18:05:37 UTC

I love being fangirled *g* Am so glad that you like my OrliBean (especially the sub/dom stuff).

Yeah, OrliBean is my OTP too, so Vig won't be getting in there and breaking them up or anything. He might get to play with them a bit, but nothing angsty or anything.

dalehead July 9 2004, 02:48:27 UTC

Phew! Now I can really look forward to the next part and if you had the urge to do some more of the truly delish Domorli/subSean that would be perfecto mio.

Oooh I can feel another fangirl attack coming on...

's' just that I really, really love your fics - you are a little STAR!

jenmstar July 9 2004, 10:48:31 UTC

Well, I might be able to come up with some sub/dom stuff in the near future. Right now I want to finish "Keeping it Simple" then this fic. I have been writing a lot of OrliBean drabbles though. Thanks for reading my work. I totally love getting feedback from you.